my unborn son's dad is threatening me.

Question

We were never in a relationship though at the time I really cared about him, him being arab he never took me seriously. I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant in April of this year so I back tracked of who could possibly be the dad. I never planned on getting pregnant but I was dating someone but we broke things off in February, soon after I started messing with the other guy (the arab) which we have before him. In March he told me he was getting married (which I found out later he was lying) so I never planned on seeing him again after so till I found out I was pregnant. I thought about it for awhile to try and think who might be the dad with my lamp and everything started and ended with him. So I told him because I thought he work with me till we figured things out but he moved two hours away and I had to track him down through Facebook. I told him a lot of information, more than needed but basically why I believed he was more likely to be the dad. At first he was handling it fine but now he's flipping out on me. I got tired of his nonsense so I told his uncle which wasn't easy. I don't know if he believes me or not since I don't have the greatest reputation but I am not as bad as he's making it out to be. I told him I'm not a saint but I know my own body and he was the last person I was seeing after that. Now he's threatening to hurt me and claiming he's not the dad which I told him just to wait and we will see together, that if I'm wrong then it's my fault but he really is getting violent with his words and I know he has a problem with anger. I don't want to put a restraining order on him since me and my daughter's dad are going through custody and if they see that my life is in danger she it might be endangering her which I don't want to put her in harm's way but ive been battling my ex husband for a year over this and I don't want him to get her to himself. I tried reasoning with my potentially unborn babies dad but he won't stop. I feel stuck? *tried explaining this to the best of my knowledge, sorry if there's any typos.

L29911764 · Answer

I am happy, I came on here not to be judge. I'm not the most fertile girl out there either because I know there are claims out there where girls got pregnant during their period. That's not me, I was thinking of my son. He will be half Arabic, how do you think others will react to that? Where I'm from some people aren't fond of Arabs and are very ignorant. The Arabs in this town mainly stay to themselves. He won't know his language or his culture, I wanted to give that to him by knowing his dad and his family. I was thinking of my son, not doing this to torture his dad. I was a bit sceptical on who the dad might have been but I'm certain now, he would have to be a month older than what he is now to be the guy I was dating dad. The ultrasound would have picked that up so don't sit there behind your screen and compare to some kind of miserable hood rat who doesn't know who my "baby's daddy" is.

L29911764 · Answer

I don't have a dream he will come running into my life so we could be a family, I never mentioned that. The past I've had with relationships, I've grown cold to the idea of them. I don't need a man to be there for me, I'm not that typical kind of girl. He was just a fling to me, I cared once but those feelings faded when he told me he was suppose to be married. He's lied to me from the day I met him, even about his name. I've made it clear that he's dead to me, and when he finally realizes what he's done it will be too late.

L29911764 · Answer

I told him if it wasn't his he wouldn't ever hear from me again, he's put multiple doubts in my head which makes me wonder but hearing from professionals, doing my research, everything adds up with him not to mention the guy I saw right on Valentine's day never came, but with the arab guy we saw each other almost everyday having sex more than once in a day around the time I should have been ovulating. Too much information, I know but the chances are high with him. I explain all of this to him, even though he doesn't want to hear it. I only told him because I didn't know where he would be by the time I had him, if he would go back to the middle east. I wanted him to stay around until we both knew, but it's too late for that now. I want nothing to do with him.

L29911764 · Answer

I told him if my wrong then I would apologize and I'd be the one humiliated. I've thought of this multiple times in my head, I already know of the consequences but I have a very regular cycle, having my period once every month around the same time. I don't know if it's the perfect 28 cycle but it would be very unlikely for someone with a normal cycle to get pregnant after their period. Ovulation only happens for 24 hours while a egg is released, during this time I exclusively only saw him, I wasn't with multiple guys within one week or within a day. I'm not one of those crazy girls, and I told him to wait before taking off until the baby was born. I've talked to multiple doctors and nurses, this baby isn't a month older or younger then what they came out with. Even though ultrasounds aren't always correct it lines up exactly with my last lmp, right on the dot. It doesn't matter if he's the dad however, which I'm positive he is. He has already made it clear he wants nothing to do with him, or have his family involved. I don't want child support from him any longer, it would give him rights and I don't want my son around someone like him.

Jinx_777 · Answer

i think you were way too premature to tell this guy and his uncle.  it sounds as if you are not 100% sure so you should not be telling this guy at this time.
after the baby is born and can be tested then you can tell him if you choose.

you have to realize that so many girls tell a guy they are the father and they are not. have you ever watched Maury talk show???????

how would you feel when the baby is tested and it is not this guy's kid??  very humiliated.  and you told his family???  

i think you need to forget about who may be the dad at this time and focus on the baby.  the 'dream' that a guy will run into your arms and be so happy about having a baby is just that.... a dream.  not reality.  

i strongly suggest backing off this guy and concentrating on how YOU are going to support a baby and know that you will be raising it on your own.
this should be a happy time for you

remar · Answer

If you go after this guy for child support he will have rights to your baby. He will be able to have visitation. Do you really want your child around this man? It will mean that you may have to be around him too when he comes to pick your child up for visitation. You may have to give up child support to get this guy out of your life. If it were me, I would do just that. You should not have to worry about your safety or the safety of your child. Many women are single mothers and can make it on their own. It can be much harder, there is no doubt about that. This guy does not want to be a father and you can't force him to. Yes, you can try to make him pay child support. If he refuses he can go to jail but some guys don't care about that and still refuse to pay. 
It really sounds like you should walk away from this whole situation and just try your best to take care of your baby on your own.

Godisfaithful · Answer

I am sorry for what you are going through. I pray for your safety. I understand your concerns about custody with your daughter; but you may have to put a restraining order out on him. Is it possible for you to move to another city? Or get some help from family? That threat shows his mind frame. He's not someone you should be involved with for anything. Again, praying for your safety. Maybe go to the police and speak to them about it.

L29911764 · Answer

T.v. actually mean fb account. Facebook not t.v.

L29911764 · Answer

At first I wanted him to just believe me and we would find out later if it is his so we can figure everything out afterwards. At first he handle it well, til I sent him pictures of the ultra sound and things just got out of hand. He heard some of my past that I'm not proud of, but he's saying he can't possibly be the dad and is telling me to "f" off. I let this frustration get to me and I told his uncle which comes into my place of work every evening to drink coffee with his friends and family. I told his uncle that I just needed to hand someone the child support papers when he's born and we will get that DNA done if needed. I listed all the facts why I certain he's the dad, with my last period and everything ended with him and I wouldn't be going through all this trouble if I wasn't for sure. I've done a lot of research on it with everything pointing to him but I told him at first if the test came back negative it would only be between us and I would apologize greatly. I wanted my son to have a dad in his life but knowing who he truly is I can't allow him to come near him when he realizes it's he's the father. I've already gone to far by telling his uncle and dealing with Arabs isn't easy when in their eyes I'm female and I have a bit of a reputation from years ago. I don't know what else to do, he's talked about putting a gun to my head and of course he knows where I work, it's seems only a matter of time till he acts on his threats. I deactivate my t.v. account seeing as he would only continue to harass me, I could have blocked him but I only made the t.v. account again to try and reason with him but I felt like I just dug myself a grave. I'm scared for my daughter's safety but mainly my unborn son's life since he will still be inside me for the next four months.

Godisfaithful · Answer

Ask yourself? Even if he is the dad, would you want him around your child. I had a similar situation over 20 years ago and the guy was not the best for my daughter. I kept him out of the picture, which I feel was the best decision because later I found out he kidnapped and raped my sister. My sister got help to escape because they would have killed her. But this guys had problems I didn't know was that severe until later. I was glad I didn't keep him involved with the baby. If that guy is threatening you, that's dangerous. It may be best for him to not be involved. I'm not saying he may rape or potential kill someone like in my case. But he's not the type of person to help raise a child; even if he's biologically connected.

L29911764 · Answer

I still have until November, I'm certain it's him and I offered a DNA test that could be done before he's born  but it's too expensive for me. I still have four months of waiting.