parents

I couldn't even figure out what topic category it goes under because it is all just a mess. I absolutely hate my father: he is abusive, in every manner including physical. After being beaten about 3 years ago my mother is finally letting me see a doctor since they are going through a divorce. He still says the extremely mean things i wish u were never born, ur the biggest mistake, fat, ugly, the list just continues. My mother just takes my younger sisters side(15): she can hit me, yell at me, insult me and that is just fine in my mothers head. My mother is just getting worse as the years go on. She yells that i am a waste of life, and I work multiple jobs and go to school. I never am good enough, never am right and they just insult me, hit me or scream at me.

I always want to scream and cry and just run away but none of it is worth it cause I have nothing in life. I am trying my make myself a life but I dont know how much more I can take.

I do not know what to do anymore.

[jml1986]

Since I do not know your age I will not tell you that you need to get out, but I will tell you that noone has a right to treat you like that. so, if you are old enough you may want to stay away from them. If not, you have no choice but to remain there. I think you would be wise to be totally open with your therapist. Maybe she can help you out with this.

[Lve3118]

I do not have a therapist because I am absolutely ashamed by the mess my life is. I am 20 and I go to college. I am away from home most of the year, like 18hrs away and they still get to me because why not make her miserable I guess.

I pay for college through saved funds through the years. I work multiple jobs. No matter what I am never good enough.

[treazzure007]

im sorry for your pain.  as an adult now, however, you are free of them.  I agree that you should have a therapist to talk to regularly to begin a healing process.  i also wanted to add that you are responsible for yourself now.  since your family didnt turn out to be the best of friends for you, i suggest joining a group of some kind, even right there on campus.  people in similar situations as yours (shy, lonely, seeking friendships, etc..) join groups where they share common interests and have fun.  in know that being accepted socially is a big pick up for self esteem issues.  please do try to make a little time for that

[RockRose]

Lve,  if you are totally self-sufficient and living 18 hours away,  I don't understand your statement that your mother is finally "letting" you see a doctor.  There's no letting to this - you're a grown adult and can make your own decisions.

I think you need to get "Bad Childhood,  Good Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and try to get on the path of putting your past way,  way behind you and reach forward to a blessed,  joyful future.  

Best wishes.  The ties that bind . .. and choke . . .

[Lve3118]

Insurance.... They wouldn't let me use it and I couldn't afford it without the assistance.

[Jen813]

now that you are in college, you can see a counselor for free.  almost every college has someone you can talk to and if you are a student they will see you for very little, if any charge at all.  you will feel so much better once you can be out and open with someone.  you will be able to get advice on how to begin the healing process.  it's hard to leave family behind, but you do need to do what is right for you.  this is your time to get your life on track and get to where you want to be.  you are a strong woman for coming this far.  you will do fine.  you just need to find someone to help you along the way.  please keep us posted.  Good luck!  If you ever need to talk message me.

Jen

[momagain59]

Your Mom and Dad are both very sick people. My neice was one of 3 children in her family and she was the one that was always abused such as you were. It was always verbal and emotional abuse, which leaves huge scars on the inside. She is 30 and she is still trying to get approval from her parents. Therapy has really helped her as I bet it would help you. There is no reason that any parent shouldn't be proud of you. Please seek positive relationships outside of your biological family. Do not ever let anyone treat you like this again. You deserve Better.

[Lve3118]

I thought about getting help but i am so ashamed by all of this. It took me a few weeks to even come here. I for come dumb reason wanted approval, I dont care to much anymore, yet i am just so bitter for the past.

[momagain59]

You have no reason to be ashamed. Your parents should be ashamed if anyone should. Of course you wanted approval, everyone does, it is only natural and you should've received it. This was and is not your fault so put the blame where it goes. You have every reason to be bitter but don't let your past predict your future. I myself, have only been able to forgive others by reading my bible and praying. Hold your head up when you walk into therapy. You are not going there because of what you have done, you are going there because of what was done to you.

[jo929]

I do feel that you were treated bad, but you are a woman now, also why do you feel ashamed to get help, everyone goes to the dr, this is no different, You need to try and put the past behind you. move forward with confidence. maybe build your self esteem up, and think more of yourself, if you like yourself then others will also,do not go around  feeling sorry for yourself, but move on with a positive attitude,.You have your life in your hands, and do not have to ans  to anyone now, also if you dont want to talk with your family dont) It is your decision Remember This is your life now  Lots luck  jo

[AnnaE]

You are a step ahead of me at 20. I did not then want to remember what my parents had done, I did not know how to get help. I just knew that I had to get away. I needed some acceptance and love. Since I truly believed that MY family was the only one who was messed up, I married into another dyfunctional family. I had a child because "I wanted to love someone." I honestly thought my child's life would be perfect. I had lived a very sheltered life.

When I married I thought all sadness/abuse was in the past.. We were even millionaires--my husband's family was wealthy and I helped my ex makes a lot more.

I was abused by my ex AND his family. They knew how to recogfize a victim--every one I had asked for help when younger either condemned me or walked away.

I have had a very difficult life. I did not get therapy until 20. I did not really talk about my abuse until 34.

My daughter and I are OK now, but she treats me badly often, because she blames me for everything. She lived in the middle of a lot of dysfunction, with all the wacky relatives, especially her father--he married 7 times.

But my daughter is really OK. I am OK, even though I still work hard all the time--I'm tired and stressed.

I wish I could have given my daughter more, and I will in the future.

Her father and his family embezzled the money that I put in trust for my daughter.

Getting married or deeply involved will not solve your problems. Be careful.Get therapy that suits you. Not every therapist is good, or right for you. Think of yourself just like anyone else--that you have great potential to realize personal and other triumphs. You are on a journey to health, so do not expect everything to come over night.

Others will try to victimize you. If you experience depression--get help. See a psychiatrist for meds, if necessary. Take care of yourself when your depressed. Think of it as being sick. Treat yourself with love, so that you will get well.

Value yourself. Do not put up with people who do not value you.

Your life is ahead of you, and there is not reason why you cannot make it be good. Others will help you. Just be careful for youself.
Group is a fabulous idea.

Stay away from negative people.

Take care of yourself and write back, if you want. You can write more privately by clicking on someone's name and then "send a message."

Best,
Anna