potentially situation

Thanksgiving will be a potentially dangerous situation. my brother was a major abuser growing up and a factor in why i was in foster care. i cut him out of my life, and i am not ready to face him. my other family are trying to force me to see him. i dont wanna be around him yet and i am not ready emotionally, i still have a lot of rage built up over him. how can i get them to understand how dificult this is for me without them thinking i dont want them to see them. he is a violent man. i found a place to be for tha holiday but everyone is holding it against me. what do i do or say?

[RockRose]

This seems to be sort of common in abusive families - that the abuser is forgiven and the abused are expected to move on.

I'm glad you found somewhere else to go for the holiday,  and I hope it's somewhere fun.

I think here's what you say "There is to long a history of abuse from him,  and I've moved on with life but he's not a part of my life.  I hope we can get together soon - I'd love to see you -  how about next weekend?"  

There must be some in your family who do understand. Hang with them.  

[margypops]

I would say the same as RockRose..her first sentence is in my opinion alltoo true ..Be strong and hold to your self .the holidays are hard at times .and memories abound .go with your gut .

[AuntyK24]

Thanks! But the thing with my family there is no one to hang by or feel Safe with. But i have very few but close friends. I will be camping with a friend this weekend. So I get a break from my life and family.

[RockRose]

It's interesting you call yourself AuntyK,  which in my mind means you are connected with SOMEONE,  SOMEWHERE,   in extended family,  hopefully. You are calling yourself an Aunt, which is connected,  in my mind.  

But maybe not.  

If you see things differently from literally every single person in your entire extended birth family,   it's very hard to tell what's going on there but you might still want to separate from them.  

Best wishes,  and I hope you have a happy camping trip with your friend.

[allmymarbles]

Interesting that your family is trying to force you to do something that will harm you, at least emotionally. Seems to me that that is a subtle form of abuse.

Do what is best for you. If that upsets some people - so be it.

[AuntyK24]

I call myself AuntyK because I am close to some, but they are children my neices and nephews from another brother. They mean the world to me. It's just they do not understand all this mess yet they are too young. I will miss seeing them but I have to do what's best for my safety.

[HelpMe305]

Protect yourself right now. My older brother used to treat me badly, although it wasn't as severe as your case, it did leave a scar. My brother and I now are closer than ever, he realized how wrong he was when we were growing up. I hope one day your brother will do the same, unroll then be happy with the people Around you! Happy Thanksgiving!!!

[AuntyK24]

Happy thanksgiving to you as well.