I'm married to my husband for one and half year. We met 3 years ago. during the past 3 years, when he is calm, he is a very loving and humorous person and taking good care of me. but we had many many arguments, and some of them often end up with him losing his temper and to bring up breakup or divource for like 20 times: before we got married, after we got married, when I was pregnant, when I was breastfeeding my baby...
to cut the long story short, our baby was born in May. my parents come to stay with us in the same house to take care of me and my baby for about 3 months. Itis not easy to get along with in-laws, especially my parents and my husband have quite differnet lifestyle. My husband always complaint to me that my parents didn't keep the house hygiene enough and after the baby born, he never felt being helped and feel very tired and stressed as he had to clean the house and cooked more than he used to while doing a full-time job and taking care of baby duirng night.
in a word, after our baby born, loads of problems poped out, and some problems triggered my husband's anger for 4 times in 2 months, towards me and towards my parents. it was getting worse and worse. The fourth time, in an evening there happend the most serious one, he got angry, grab my forearms firmly and threathened"do you aware that I could kill you", my parents heard the argument and come upstairs, my husband shouted at them "do you aware that I could kill you all". we were very scared, and my parents and i took our baby downstair. He lost his temper, broke a doorknob and hit a hole into wall. The next day, my health visitor come to see me and my baby And I told her what has happened in the evening. She saw the hole in the wall and the broken doorknob and was worried about me and my baby’s safety, though I told her that my husband didn’t physically hurt me and never hurt our baby. She insisted that I should call the police because she saw the damage to the house and she told me that my husband needs to learn a lesson. I rang the police and they come to have a look at the house and listen to my statement. They arrested my husband later for domestic violence when he was working but released him in the evening. My husband didn’t spend time in prison but the police give him a criminal record.
My parents, I and my baby moved out of the house the day he was arrested. After my husband was released, we speak on phone for the next 2 days. He was upset and regretful of what he has done and shouted. He asked us to move back and he knew that we are very scared of him, he moved out the day we moved back in the house.
after my parents left, I stayed with my husband and his father for about a month and things went well and he didn't lose his temper or shout at me again.Now I came back to new Zealand again to do my study and my husband is in the uk taking care of my baby with his father. My parents has been traumatised by what my husband’s behaviour and very worried about my safety if I go back to the UK again. After the incident, my husband seriously told me that he learned a lesson and promised me he wouldn’t do it again. I want to trust him, but I’m as traumatised as my parents. My husband and I love each other for sure. I don’t know whether I should trust him and give him a chance. He did lose his temper in the past and shouted at me, but this time is the worst because of the threatening. sometimes i feel that I tiptoe on the eggshell just to avoid to trigger his anger. what shall I do, my baby is just 4 month old, shall i stay in marriage or leave? will he change?