what should i do

[jessiplus3]

I'm 32 weeks and 19 years old this is my third child yes I know what causes this but my husband became very controlling and abusive to me even during my pregnancy and my oldest son I left him a month ago I'm staeting to get really tired and exhasted in my pregnancy and taking care of two others any advice on how to cope

[overopiates]

I hope jesseplus3 does come back&let us know whats going on.I do notice that its been3months since she posted and sadly n this&the drug addiction forum people come,post then often dont return to let us know what happens.jesseplus3 is n my thoughts and prayers.honestly if she doesnt come back she will sadly have gone back to the abusive loser who doesnt deserve her&she&her children will b n danger.She is only19w/3kids thats tough enough(really crazy2think of19w/3kids n the best of curcumstances)but these r the worst curcumstances.Hope she comes back w/great news of freedom.

[Nighthawk61]

Hey Girl, what's happening with you and the kids?

[allmymarbles]

Until I read Nighthawk's entry I had no idea your husband was homicidal. It is so important to give a full background when seeking help on this forum, especially since the terms "abusive" and "controlling" can mean little or much.

Well you have to get away from him, but you have to do that safely. Were it me I would pick out a battered women's shelter in another state, gather the necessary money (beg, borrow, steal) to travel there, taking all the kids with me. If you can get someone to drive you, so much the better. But if that person would give away your location under pressure, then I would fade into the night and not tell anyone where I was.

I guess this sounds pretty dramatic, but your life and the lives of innocent children are at stake.

[margypops]

You say he was abusive to you so my opinion is that you stay away from him for the sake of the children ... you will get through it, you just cope see if your mom can help more have you told her you are very tired ?

[Nighthawk61]

This is a new thread, and you did not mention just how "controlling" and abusive you're husband is, so the answers that you have here do no necessarily have all of the facts to give the proper advice. Your husband threatens your life with a gun and physically abuses your son. I didn't put these two together until now. I think that your husband should have an order to stay away from you until he proves himself with an extensive anger management course and proves to you and a legal aid lawyer that he is worthy of any more attention given to him. Let him fight and do what is necessary for him to EVER go near your children again. It should be up to you to make the decision about his seeing his kids for visitation only after you have gotten extensive counselling, have an excellent support system for yourself and your kids. Sorry i wasn't able to put the two threads together, try to let people know in each of your questions the full extent of the "controlling abuse" so that the advice your given reflects the full extent of the problems he is causing you and your kids. I'd hate for you to get any advice and take that advice based on your husband's "controlling" nature. He is not just "controlling" he is an animal with a gun who threatens your life and your kids lives. Be ever so careful not to allow him back in your life until he proves to the courts that he is capable of making a positive difference in your lives. Don't let him pull you down and destroy your resolve to do the right thing for your kids. Please ask you mother for more support so that you can reach out in the community for self help. Best wishes on your journey Jessi. I'm going to send you a friend request just in case you want to talk. Hugs Liz

[Nighthawk61]

Such good advice allmymarbles, it is most important to concentrate on this new baby and to figure out the best way to parent together with the baby's father with the aid of professionals.  Good call.  Also Jessieplus3, try your hardest to look into furthering your education. If you have a computer at home there are many course that you can take on line, you may have to save for the courses, and ask your family to help you put together enough money to study. But , it is worth saving for ,if only a little bit at a time. Go to the food bank and put away the money you are saving from the food you receive. Get stronger and try to take in a child for daycare. Maybe just a babysitting gig. Congratulations on having your husband step back in order that you both can reset your goals as per your children's needs. You've got three kids soon, you're not going to be lonely. You need to put yourself in the position of care and control with your three kids to put yourself in the position to find a "good" man to spend your life with. It's not going to happen overnight, so don't expect too much too soon. Now that your out from under the thumb of a controlling man, try to find groups that you can become involved, single parent's groups , mommy and me groups, some sort of education that you continue to move forward with, church groups, and don't worry if you're not used to attending or going to church or church groups, you will be accepted. I wish you the very very best, i feel for you, it is so hard to raise three kids on your own, but, you can do it., just raise the bar and do it well, to the very best of your ability. We will be praying for you to find opportunities to help yourself. God Bless x 4.

[allmymarbles]

This is not an uncommon plight for a teen-age wife and mother. Your problem in setting yourself free is lack of money. But just as you are under a strain, so is your husband. He also has too many responsibilities at too young an age. Maybe the best solution for you both is therapy, jointly, that is.

[Nighthawk61]

Maybe you can go to a single parent's group and your mom could look after your kids once a week or so?  

[jessiplus3]

I live w my mom but she don't really help and I moved away from all mu friends I'm putting my oldest in preschool but I dnt really have the money for it but ima ask my dad for some but I'm 8 months pregnant and no one is gonna hire me for a job yet

[Nighthawk61]

Thank goodness you had the strength to leave your abusive husband, when you're feeling tired and exhausted take comfort in the knowledge that you are **** right by your children to be on your own, and like margypops has said, do not go back to him. You should be so proud of yourself right now!! You must find someone to take the kid's and give you a break. Are you in a shelter, or living with friends? Do you belong to a church, maybe the kids can go to Sunday school?  Maybe you could find someone in the neighbourhood that you could look after each other's kids on a play date once or twice a week. Stay with it Mom, you are being a good mother, and that is the most important thing to be in life. Please keep posting. God Bless You and you're children!!

[margypops]

Have you any family members may help you out with the other 2 children , if not what about a daycare a couple of times a week to give you a break .Do not go back to him if you are thinking about it, he wont change and seeing abuse is not good for children .good luck