This is day 3 of being clean from a 8 month run of pain killer addiction. I have hid this from my family and friends until this past friday. This is a secret that we cannot talk about to family and friends due to our positions in our local community. We own a business that could possibly be hurt if this secret were to be exposed. My wife is going through different staged of anger and then sadness that I have done this to our family. It will take years for the trust that I betrayed to be restored. I relinquished the keys to the practice we started 15 years ago that I play a very vital role in its operation. My supply to Lortab cough medicine was unlimited and was increasing rapidly. If you have not heard of Hydromet, please never try it. Doctors prescribe this to lessen cough due to drainage in the rear of the throat. It is no better that popping lortabs because it is much more potent. one ounce containes about the equivalent of 8 -10 mg lortabs. I was becoming more withdrawn from my family. Every fight was an excuse to go use more as a lashing out at my wife. I finally came clean to my wife but no one else.
Last night, night 3, was the worst. the tremmors and chills still exist today and appear to get worse each day. I want to believe that I am strong but am wondering if I really am. I am trying all the herbal remedies which help some, I have no cravings which is supprising. I hope that I hurt enough that I will remember the pain each time I want to use again. I cant go to rehab. If the community were to know my secret, we would loose our license to practice. I am going to get through this , today I just feel the most vunerable since my wife and support system went to work today and I am alone looking at four walls I feel very weak. I cannot use because I gave up all my "stash" last friday, I just hope I can make it through the day without anyone to talk too.
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