Daughter is in Detox!!

I posted this a couple days ago, but it was at the end of a very LONG old thread so I figured most people didn't see it.  Well, finally, progress!!!!  My daughter is in detox and has been there 4 days!  She is in REALLY bad shape, both physically and mentally.  Turns out the guy she was with was physically abusive and would not LET her leave.  He just kept giving her more and more drugs to keep her there.  Now that the drugs are leaving her system she is getting really emotional and reliving the horror she's been through.  Thank goodness she has counselors there who are talking her through it.  This guy and his brother have been calling the detox and harassing the nurses calling them idiots and trying to get to her.  They had to disconnect her phone and threatened to have them arrested, so I haven't been able to speak to her since I admitted her but its ok because the counselors have been talking to me and keeping me updated.  They have very high security there, visiting hours are one hour per day and everyone gets a background check and gets frisked by real police officers, not security guards, when entering the floor.

She could not get her car away from those guys and all her clothing, etc. is still at his place.  Yesterday I reported her car stolen and the brother was arrested last night driving it!  Too bad they both weren't in it!  The other one's time is coming too...  Brother is out on $25,000 bond for selling LSD already so I guess he won't be out for a LONG time.  The whole time I was trying to get her to detox (2 weeks) this guy was texting me trying to play mind games with me, but he's an idiot so they didn't work, lol.  I told him that if it cost me every dime I have I will track him down and he will pay and it will be well worth it.  While this dirtbag was sitting in the police car after being arrested, he texted me 3 times with threats and horrible vile messages.  HAHA, that hurt, LOLOLOL.  I immediately forwarded the messages to the detective who was arresting him.  They stopped pretty quick after that!  It feels so good that as he was getting hauled away he was thinking of me :-)  That was SWEET.  I hope he enjoys HIS detox, the free kind, IN JAIL.

My daughter has maybe 2-3 more days in detox cause she's in such bad shape and methodone was one of the things she was on and then will be transferred to rehab for at LEAST a month, hopefully more.  I am home now and planning another trip to visit her in the middle of her rehab stay.  I realize it isn't over yet, but at this point I can't imagine how she could ever go back to that life.  Fingers crossed.

I understand this story isn't over yet, but finally things are moving in the right direction.  I will keep you updated.

Jane

[sadmom999]

How we got to detox... Persistence.  I kept trying and trying to call her, went to her work and found out she was fired the day before.  I started tracing her steps, going to every place she's used her credit/debit card before she maxed out, I drove 1,000 miles in a week and a half!  Just so happened, SHE called ME and I told her I was there.  She came to see me but only for an hour and then said she had to leave for an hour or so and would come back.  I didn't see her for 2 days.  This happened 2 more times.  In between when she disappeared I was calling police and trying to track her down.  This guy had a real hold on her.  She was so brainwashed she didn't even realize he was evil, she just absentmindedly kept going back for drugs.  He kept her from me and even told me on the phone that he wasn't allowing her to leave until she finished cleaning his apartment because he was moving out, he estimated she would be able to see me for an HOUR in TWO DAYS.  I totally freaked out and called the police who didn't have any idea where to find her either.

She has told me several times she wanted and needs rehab.  She picked a place and called and did her pre-interview all by herself, then disappeared again.  He was stopping her.  Finally I'd called the police so many times, hunted down his family, and put so much pressure on him through different means that he let her WALK away but kept her car and possessions.  When she got to detox for the first 2 days she kept calling him!  I was so scared he would show up and be allowed to order her to leave.  Then, the counselor noticed that her hair was really knotted underneath, she had a huge dreadlock like knot under there and she asked her how her hair got like that.  My daughter broke down and explained that he threw away all the hairbrushes because he thought it was funny she had tangles and the bigger they got the more he loved it.  It was so bad it was hurting and had to be cut out at detox.  They put an entire bottle of conditioner on the rest of her head and wrapped it in a plastic bag and a few hours later, worked on getting the rest of the tangles out.  This detox is the best place we could have chosen, it was recommended by the rehab.  I am so impressed how caring they are.  This is the kind of sadistic stuff he was doing to her...  I'm sure there's much, much worse to come out.  That was the beginning of her waking up.  By then the drugs were starting to lessen in her body and her emotions were coming around, she realized she had been tortured and decided to have her phone disconnected and no visitors.  It hurts so bad to know that she has been treated this way.  I'm waiting for a call hopefully soon telling me this guy has been arrested too. I have been promised it will be very soon, warrants are already issued, address is known.  Its just a matter of gathering enough evidence on him to put him away for as long as possible.

She is continuing to improve, still very tired and weepy but sitting up in bed now and eating a little.  She was told last night about the brother's arrest and them driving her car and she is now more sure than ever she does not want to see them again.  We told her a little white lie that they both had been arrested, she doesn't need the stress of knowing one is still out there and she is very well protected right now, so hopefully by the time she's transferred, he will be behind bars too.

Thank you so much, friends.  I know it isn't over but we never would have gotten this far without you...

Jane

[Addicted2long]

Wow what a story thats great though. I am glad that you got her the help she needed. Those guys sound like real dirt bags if it was my daughter I would beat the living you know what out of them. I cant imagine being threatened by them either. Thats crossing the line. U should come to the substance abuse forum and post your story there. Just copy and paste it. Theres more people that will see it and can give you advice on your daughters situation. Just a thought. Well glad to hear things are happening. Good luck! God bless

[GA_need_help]

I love the way you are fighting for your daughter.  You are an awesome woman.  I am praying at this moment that the arrest will happen speedily and your daughter (and you) will experience amazing healing.  You are my inspiration.
Big Hug,
Marie

[sadmom999]

Well, detox released her when she's still in pretty bad shape.  She can NOT be alone and her boyfriend has to work, so I went to her again.  She didn't go through a week of hell at detox to be by herself when she's most vulnerable.  She has a prescription for xanax and ambien to do her through the weekend since she's medically stable but not over things yet.  We will check her in to rehab on monday.  

She is really weepy, crying all the time pretty much.  When I told her yesterday that I am getting on a plane in 2 hours and I will protect and help her till rehab she started crying really hard... I asked if its because she didn't want me to come or if she's happy...  they were happy tears.  She realizes now that she was abused and is so full of regrets for the choices she made, not to mention terrified that those guys will get to her.  We are spending time at my hotel so they can't track her down.  Basically everything she didn't feel because she was on drugs is surfacing now.  I feel really hopeful...

Thanks for everything...
Jane

[atthebeach]

Jane, of course she wants you there. You are her mother. She knows you will protect her. Well you told her you would support her recovery and not her rehab and that is what you are doing. Yes in withdrawal they are very weepy and are coming to terms with what they have done and how far they have sunk into addiction. When my daughter was in jail for 3 days and when we picked her up she was so scared and crying so hard. She was afraid to sleep and shower for fear of what could happen to her in there. She has been clean for 3 weeks,is attending meetings,church,got a job, she looks so much healthier,she has gained about 10 lbs. The LORD hears and answers our prayers. Let's continue to believe for complete healing and for the chains and bondage of addiction to be gone.
Hugs
Debbie

[atthebeach]

Didn't proofread. Support her recovery not her addiction.

[sadmom999]

Debbie,

I'm so happy to hear about your daughter!  We both have something to be encouraged about :-)  Heaven knows you have been through the ringer enough.  she has really made progress...a job? church? meetings?  OMG it really sounds like she is pulling out all the stops.  I'm praying for you and your family.  

Yesterday my daughter spent the entire day with me, we got her a coat, its 7 degrees here and she didn't have one anymore.  Heaven knows where it went...  Also, we got her some stuff for rehab, toiletries, underwear, etc. and the biggest thing is that we had her hair done!  Her hair is so damaged from all the drugs and not taking care of it that it was one huge mess.  I've never seen anything like it, you can get the tangles out and as soon as you let the hair go it immediately latches onto itself and tangles again!  She got the best conditioning treatment and the stylist showed her how to braid it and tie it back to hide the bald spot in the back where the dread had to be cut out.  After that she seemed to perk up.  She said she was starting to feel human again. :-)

Today hopefully she will be admitted to rehab.  She called them yesterday and they said that there is supposed to be someone checking out today and "if they do" she will get their bed.  I'm a little nervous about the bed not being there but what can i do.  Just wait and see.  

I'm praying for you and your daughter, Debbie, that's wonderful news!

Jane

[AlanaBanana21]

I want to write a a reassurance to you, I know I am young but from the age of 15 to 18 I was in the same situation as your daughter. Not methadone or heroine, but cocaine. for almost 3 years I was scared for my life because the boyfriend I had was physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive. I wanted to leave so bad, however he would load me up and from there I became numb to my situation. my mom had me put in rehab against my will, however by the end I was willingly grateful. the first week is very hard, and extremely emotional. not to mention the "D" bag that was also fighting for me back harassing everybody involved in trying to help me. everything he had of mine, which was everything my cloths my furniture EVERYTHING I took as a loss, to me it wasn't even worth facing him to go back and get,I was still weak and  the risk was there. I have turned my entire life around I am now 24 with a great job and am almost done with my degree. i've never touched a drug since. this will be a scary roller-coaster ride and long but the outcome is extremely rewarding. I hope this gives you a peace of mind. your story really hits home for me.

[sadmom999]

OMG, I'm so sorry for what you've been through.  Really, on top of the drugs, the abuse just makes everything a million times worse.  I'm so worried again, every time we make a little progress in getting her away from this guy, he shows up again, usually because SHE contacts him!  He was calling detox cussing the nurses out and telling them what to do, then we took her phone.  She went to a rehab he didn't know about because the first one turned her down at the last minute and I thought she would finally be where he couldn't get to her, now I see on her phone bill that she's texting a Cricket phone I don't recognize the number to.  I'm so afraid its him again and he might know where she is!  She's only been in rehab for 3 days so she hasn't had time to really be helped significantly and I'm so scared she has been self destructive enough to contact him again... I spoke to her counselor yesterday at rehab and told her what this guy is like and how she keeps contacting him but didn't know about these messages yesterday...
  
Please advise me what to do.  Having been in the same situation you might have some insight.  She's totally brainwashed!  All of a sudden I feel like she's playing me and after rehab will probably go right back to him and get in the same position again!  I'm so disgusted and worried, AGAIN I'm ready to jump out of my skin!

[atthebeach]

jane, is there a reason why she isnt coming back to your home state to rehab??

[IBKleen]

It's been a long time since I have been in rehab but I don't think the general principles have changed. The treatment center should NOT allow her to have access to a cell phone and the ability to text only 3 days in. She is in an emotionally fragile position right now and my guess is she is ready to run for ANY reason. They should have her on privilege restriction for at least the first two weeks. She needs to concentrate on herself and only herself.

Please speak with her counselor and see what they are willing to do about this.

[sadmom999]

She isn't coming back to our state for rehab because she has a court case coming up out there she cannot miss or postpone.  I am going out there again on Monday to take her to court and also to spend a couple days attending counseling and meetings with her at the rehab.  

About the cell phone, I was very surprised they allow them at all, especially from the beginning.  When we were there checking her in, other clients were coming up and talking to her offering to let her use their cells until she gets hers so we figured at least we can watch the online bill and see who she contacts if she uses her own.  Come to find out she has not contacted these people.  Her ex-boyfriend who is getting back together with her has been visiting her every day and he checked her cell phone and read her texts.  They matched the bill, weren't deleted, they were all still there and harmless sent to someone else.  Thank goodness.  This rehab is the only one that would accept her because she was so sick and also the methadone (80 mg. at the time of detox) made a lot of rehabs turn her down.  The others said she was too much of a risk of seizure, etc. even after a week of detox in a hospital!  The premise of this place is that everyone there wants to be there and if they don't follow the program they can leave.

She is being put on suboxone to help her "normalize" her emotions without the severe symptoms and cravings of heroin/methadone withdrawal.  They have a plan to wean her down slowly.  They will set her up with appointments with an outside doctor with a strict plan of weaning.  She should be off the suboxone within 5-6 months.  She has been on heroin and/or painkillers and methadone for 6 years, using heavily, so she needs this "step" to help her adjust.  She told me that I have no idea how much heroin she was using but it was beyond excessive, basically unlimited.  Its a wonder she's still around at all.

I will keep you all updated.  Wonder what today will bring, I never know anymore.

Jane

[sadmom999]

Would you please do something for me?  Give your parents a huge hug :-)  they must be soooo proud of you!

When you called him a "D" bag, I laughed soooo hard.  We had this guy's brother arrested for stealing her car and the cop texted her real boyfriend saying this guy is a d.....bag.  HAHA.  He also said these two are two of the "dumbest I've ever dealt with".  LOL  That helped tremendously.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it DID make me feel better to hear you made it out of this situation and have a good life.  My daughter told me that she doesn't want the rest of her life ruined because of what she's done and I told her sticking with the program and following through will make her a stronger, better person in the long run.  

Jane

[sadmom999]

Yesterday I went to visit her at rehab.  Her counselor said she wanted to talk to me about a "situation".  She has been "discharged" for breaking the rules.  Someone offered her a sleeping pill (Ambien) and she took it.  This rehab was entirely too permissive, like people here have told me.  We wouldn't have gone there except they were the only ones who would accept her in the state she was in after detox.  

Otherwise, she is doing really really well.  She looks like herself again and is speaking in clear concise language.  We have calls in to 3 more rehabs that have more rules and restrictions.  Should find out something today.  She is adamant she is not going to  use and has been through too much to go back now...  The challenge is to get her into another rehab that is right for her before the treatment she has had to this point starts wearing off...  One week of detox and one week of rehab is a start, ONLY a start.

[sadmom999]

The suboxone is helping so much with cravings etc. but now that she's back in her apartment with her boyfriend, she wants intensive outpatient instead of inpatient.  She said she's missed out on months of her life and now that she's back "in reality" she doesn't want to go away for a month.  I understand that, I really do, but I just don't think outpatient is enough.  I'm telling her that one month out of her life will help her for the REST of her life.  If she doesn't do everything she can now, later when she goes off the suboxone it might not go as smooth as it would have.  I believe that now is the time she should work on underlying issues, the things that made her turn to drugs in the first place.  Addicition is a symptom, the underlying problem needs to be addressed too...  I KNOW she can do this but don't want her to pass up the opportunity for inpatient rehab.  Its a gift from us, to help her get a foundation under her recovery...

She said she's a little overwhelmed right now.  Its like she's been sleeping for months, the world went on without her and now she's taking it all in.  We were driving to court (case dismissed!) a couple days ago and she noticed all the road construction and said that must have taken months to happen and she didn't even notice before.  Food tastes so good, she can't believe she existed on junk for so many months, sugar, fast food, etc.  Things like that...  

What are your opinions of intensive outpatient?  Am I wrong? Can it work for some people with VERY strong addiction?  By the way, the D-BAGS have been in jail, both of them since Valentines Day <3

Jane

[GA_need_help]

Jane,
I would continue to push for inpatient rehab.  I think it would be so much better for her, and give her a strong foundation.  I am wrapping up a 4 month taper THIS week (that is my goal), then I am going to Florida Detox and Wellness for 2 weeks to get IVs that will help restore my brain back to functioning well, and get to the route of underlying problems.  Look it up.  If I haven't finished my taper, I will do a medical detox, then do the restorative work.  I go to 5 AA meetings a week.  And I know it is CRITICAL for my recovery.  The other program I am impressed with is "The Treatment Place" that advertises on this site.  But there are many wonderful programs.    I know you know that, but getting her to go is the issue.  I send you all my love and prayers.  Marie
PS  Please push the recovery meetings (AA or NA). I don't know how anyone does it without having a community such as this, and I am a strong Christian.  There is just SO MUCH GOOD about AA and NA.  Plus Al-Anon for you.  It helps!

[sadmom999]

Marie~

Congratulations on doing what you need to do to get your life and health back :-)  You have a lot to be proud of!  I am still pushing for inpatient but at this point I just don't see it happening.  She's sticking with the intensive outpatient route.  She had a therapist tell her at the rehab she was "discharged" from after a week that if she's motivated, either one will work.  If not, neither will.  So we are hoping for the best.  Thanks for your response!

Jane

[dparker5514]

God bless you for all you have done to help your daughter.