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Going to need support
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Drug or alcohol addiction can be a difficult thing to recover from as your body becomes physically dependant on these substances. Discuss topics including alcohol/drug rehab centers or programs, share rehab stories and offer support, and long term recovery post-rehab.

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Going to need support

Hello everyone. I'm new to posting here but I've been visiting this website for several of months and reading the questions and responses, they have been very helpful to me and provided much needed support. I thank each and every one of you for taking your time to share your personal experiences and advice on behalf of everyone here, it can be rather scary to feel alone in recovery, so thank you. I don't really have a question at this time but I would like to chat with some of you and have somewhere to come when I need someone to talk to. My fiancee and I have been going through detox together at home for the past 26 days for him and 14 for me. It has been quite the experience! Lol its certainly bought us much closer. I was addicted to xanax and have taken them all of my adult life 15+ yrs and he was addicted to opiates 10+ yrs and both of us were cocaine users, adderall (adderrall), and alcohol. I was prescribed my xanaxs so I always tried to justify my use that mine was ok because they were prescribed verses his addiction was not ok because his was expensive and time consuming due to the fact that when he did try to quit taking pills off the street he would go to the methadone clinic. He also had to lie in his addiction to get what he wanted, I just had to get mine out of a bottle out of my purse. Long story short I finally accepted his addiction wasn't any worse than mine I just had available access and it wasn't expensive like his. So long story short after all of the warnings against quiting benzos cold turkey I quit cold turkey 14 days ago and again I was taking 3-4 mgs daily for the past 15+ yrs and I'm very excited and thankful to say I feel great considering. I can't sleep for nothing despite my eyed burning from being so tired and I constantly feel very disoriented and just can't focus but other than that my mood is so much better than it was all of these years gone by, my patience is actually better, I'm not as jumpy as I was in between doses, I've got plenty more energy and I just feel overall happier and very hopeful about my life now. My fiancee enrolled in a rehab program at the beginning of his recovery and there was a 4-6 week waiting list, he will be leaving in the next couple of weeks hopefully and I'm very worried about what I'm going to do when he leaves. For the past 26 days we have been joined at the hip and we have ate together, watched, tv, took baths together, been everywhere together and the rehab program is for 10 weeks and I know he needs to go and I'm not sharing this with him because I font want to discourage him from going but I felt that I needed to make some contacts so that I would have some people to talk to when he's gone, its not going to be easy on me and I'm scared. I just wanted to share my story and meet you all and get to know you and hopefully be able to help some of you and help myself in return. Thank you for reading all of this and I look forward to getting to know you all:) be blessed.
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Avatar_m_tn
Sorry to hear you're having to explore that option for your son. I've dealt with a drug addicted family member in the past myself and it can be really tough for the person involved as well as the family around them. Glad to hear your fiancee's been seeking out rehab - it definitely works but you have to be strong enough and willing enough to seek it out and stick with it. I wish you and your fiancee all the best in your recovery.

I don't know where you're located - I had the aforementioned family member go to a really nice rehab clinic in Santa Monica. They've been sober for 9 months now and counting, so I'm hoping it sticks with them. Don't give up hope!

If you're at all curious about the rehab process this place put my family member through - the website's here: http://www.****.com/drug-rehab-treatment-centers.aspx
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954005_tn?1304630205
Hi:) I just wanted to let you know that I saw your post, and awesome for both of you!!! So great that you both are detoxed, and you are so supportive to your fiancee! I know that it is really hard to think of him going, but you have us here, and I am new-ish to MH, I used to post on the pain management forum, but now I'm posting on a few others too...I'll make this short because it's late, but I am a chronic pain patient for almost 5 yrs, and have been on every imaginable narcotic painkiller medication, and I know how you felt...it's easy to turn a blind eye to your problem when they are coming from a doctor, and with me, I have real severe permanent pain.  So I can tell you more later, but yes...that was my feeling...it wasn;t bad if i was not ever getting it on the street, never snorting or shooting up, and it always came from my one dr.......BUT... I was taking a bunch too many at a time, and it needed to stop.  So I am on suboxone...for pain, and because I can't do regular pain meds....i just can't.  i know that now...and i'm still learning...and i still have work to do....and you too...some other type of aftercare is important for you too....
and i know suboxone is controversial, but I am with a dr that is both an addiction specialist, and a pain management dr, so I am being helped in both ways.  I will be here with you when your fiancee is gone...I need to be on here more, and that is why I started posting again.  So, message me whatever, whenever, or I'll see you posting in the forums....just a quick thing...the "addiction:  substance abuse" forum is much busier...it's a mix of recovering, detoxing, looking for help, support, great amazing people....so take a look over there and you'll get to know some people through the posts...I still haven't met very many there yet, though you sort of get to know people through their posts:) Just want to say again Great job for making the decision to quit...both of you.  You guys will both be so much better off, healthier, happier, and you can start your marriage off the right way! And then comes babies maybe? Do you want kids? I'm sort of rambling....talk to you soon:) it's late and i'm loopy tired!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you:) I realized after I posted this that I posted it here and shouldn't have. I'm still trying to learn this website. I haven't even figured out how to friend someone yet lol I will definitely go check that forum out. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. It's so amazing how numb the sedatives had my body. The first week was a nightmare for me!! All of my five senses were magnified 10 times!! Everything hurt on me, even my gums...my ears, I was amazed at how everything became louder and brighter to me. All of these years I've been halfway experiencing life!! Thank you for your encouragement. I know we will be much healthier and happier, we are already. I love him more now than I ever thought was possible. I tell him now that I'm addicted to him lol he is so very precious to me and this is a dream come true for us both. I'm 36 and have two children already that are 11 and 13 and he has a 7 yr old and a 13 yr old. So no more children for us but we will have a wonderful and complete family. I look forward to talking with you more. Thank you, be blessed.
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3971547_tn?1348856092
hi candy.  dont know if that is your real name or a username, but hello anyways.  i support you and all of the other people on this forum.  i read candy-s message and would also like to find support and give support. i don't know how to friend someone either but would like to do that.   good job candy.  sounds like you have a great deal to be thankful for in your life.  i am not glad your boyfriend/partner or husband is addicted but i am glad you are both on the road to recovery.  my boyfriend is not an addict but he does know i am taking pills.  he is not happy about this.  that is good of course but i can't use him for support.  it does not bring us closer.  

i have been using norco or any pain killer i can get daily now for 9 months.  it must stop as we all know.  i am planning on detox.  it may be cold turkey if i cant find more.  i do have a friend who is detoxing by weaning off.  i give her the daily dose.  she is going to do the same for me shortly.  tonite we go to an NA mtg together.  

aside from the obvious of withdrawal,  i am so worried about my depression returning once i am off the pills.  the pills mean death for sure,  but i am not depressed at all when abusing them.  my relationship and my life has been so difficult with the depression problem.  i do take meds and am under the care of a psychiatrist for 10 years.  i do believe he is a great doctor.  my depression is very bad and i have had it since childhood.  so,  with the pills,  i am so happy and my realtionship is such a pleasure.  we are very active and do lots of fun outdoor stuff.  basically,  life is wonderful.  but, the pills are not the answer.  it feels like a nasty trick that they work so well compared to anti-depressants.  i have tried many many different anti-depressants.  i do believe though in my heart that i can get clean and eventually lead a healthy life with sleep, exercise, and diet.  i may need to take a break in the relationship to do this.  

in short,  i am looking for friends here to both give and get support.  thanks to all.  good luck to all... your new friend.   not sure about using my real name.  advice on that is also needed....i am haftahussle for now!  
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello haftahusslle:) yes Candy is my real name. Thank you for posting and for sharing your story. There are so many different reasons that bring us all together as addicts and I wish I had all of the answers to help everyone. I don't know how severe your depression is or what causes it but I am a very hopeful and faithful person and I do believe our thinking and our mindset can eventually change our lives. When we are in active addiction it causes our thinking to be clouded and not clear. Pills alter our judgement, our attitudes, our moods and the happiness that we think we have is in fact not real happiness at all. By definition the pills that I was addicted to for 16 years were nerve pills, meant to calm your nerves and make anyone a happier person but in reality they made me have mood swings, they numbed my feelings and by numbing my fears, sadness and stress they also robbed me of smiles, laughter, joy and real happiness. I honestly can tell you that during my addiction I would drink a couple times a month and almost every week I would cry at the least little thing and in my mind I would turn that little thing into something much larger. I was ultimately making myself depressed. Just in being clean and sober now for 19 days, I haven't cried one time out of sadness, depression or just feeling like I couldn't handle something. Things finally feel like I can control them now. I no longer feel like I'm in a bad dream and people and things no longer seem fake to me but I see things clearly and I realize now I was making myself feel like that with the drugs. I was killing myself by taking very large doses of benzos to go to sleep and then large doses of any kind of upper when I woke up and I was literally an emotional rollercoaster going up and down with my feelings and my heart! I was never normal, I was never thinking clearly. I don't know you or your reasons for feeling depressed but I believe that anyone can and deserves to live a happy, sober life. We all go through bad times and we can choose to allow those bad times to make our entire lives bad or we can learn how to let those bad times teach us something that will be positive for our lives and move on from the bad and trust and believe in something much bigger than a pill, take a step of faith and never look back, you wil be so thankful that you did. It is great to know that your boyfriend doesn't use. That is a huge positive and I'm sure he will support you and be there for you if you quit with the pills and it will bring you two closer. I wish you the best of luck, you can definitely do this as long as you want to. Keep going to the meetings and coming here. You're not alone and you can be happier than you've ever been in life and you can live to remember your happiness and when you're sober you feel and see things that you never did while using. It's hard to explain many things, all I can do is ask you to trust me when I say you won't regret it. Stay in touch here!! Keep your head up and stay strong!! Be blessed:)
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