Heroin addict

Just discovered my 20 year old daughter has been shooting Heroin for the past 3 months. How bad is detox going to be? Should I send her to a place in the city? Doesnt seem like a smart idea? Hanging with other addicts just seems foolish. I am so blown away. I have no idea what to do for her or what to say to her at this point. I am so angry that she was so stupid. Now my life and our family has to be all about her addiction. I knew as a teen that she was experimenting with alcohol and 2 years ago her boyfriend and her were snorting percs becuz it got so bad she had to move back home a year ago. I feel so betrayed that I trusted her and she lied and stole. From all the forums I have read this seems like an ongoing thing. people say they have detoxed and rehabbed for the 3rd, 4th, 7th time. Thats insanity. I cannot deal with that since I also have a 17 year old who is an honor student and only addicted to video games. Should we send her somewhere to get better or should we be wardens?
Thanks for any insight on this insanity.

[avisg]

I WOULD strongly suggest she get into a rehab program asap.herion is one of if not the hardest drug to get off of . She is going to need long term intensive care .
She also is going to need a long term recovery care when she comes out .
As for here being around other addicts she needs to know she is not the only one that is going threw this .
I know you are hurt and angry and you have every right to be . It will take her a long time to earn back your trust but the best chance you can give her is getting her in rehab,

[ravenisls]

I feel like she should take care of this problem herself. My brother died 2yrs ago from methadone overdose. My younger sister has been battling addiction for the past 5 years. My other 2 sisters never touched anything. Her school friend just overdosed last month. She so knew better than to even be tempted. So now I just want her to go away and fix her problem. I also cannot see spending money and time when I am pretty sure she will relapse.

[avisg]

Seen as addiction runs in her family that's all of the more reason to get her help if you can .
My child turns 20 tommrow . There is nothing I would not do to get her help if it was in my power  but that just me .
You have to make your own choices she also has to be will to get help.

[Fides_et_Spes]

I know it's hard for you and I'm not familiar with your relationship with your daughter but you may be the only person she can really turn to right now. It seems as if she is keeping company with people that are only fueling the problem.  She should definitely go to rehab but try and let her know that you want her to get better. Obviously she may have some serious underlying issues that are feeding her addiction and as much as you seem to be angry with her I don't see using that anger towards her as a way to improve things. I also don't see treating her as a problem that needs to go away as helping her either. With addiction running in your family this could turn into a very serious, possibly deadly, situation and saving her should be a priority. I wish you luck and I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this but things can improve for the both of you with help.

[avisg]

Fides,makes some very good points .I don't think she sat there and decided to become addicted its a disease that runs in your family . I can assure u this is hurting her too she just numbs they pain and trys to forget . Getting her help now when she has only been using for 3 months is the best time to do it .

[nurseinstead12]

   These are some of the affects due to consumption of heroine. Infection of the heart lining and valves, normally due to lack of sterile technique.

    Liver disease - approximately 70-80% of new hepatitis C infections in the U.S. each year are the result of injection drug use, and even sharing snorting straws has been linked to hepatitis transmission.

    Kidney disease.

    Pulmonary complications, which are often infection related

    Skin infections and abscesses, especially among chronic injectors who suffer scarred or collapsed veins

[ravenisls]

Thank you all for your suggestions. First of all, I thought we had a very honest and open relationship but now I think she was just playing me. I tend to fix everything for my children and family. It is frustrating not to be able to fix this with a phone call, letter or meeting. Second, Our whole family has addiction issues and she has been aware of that since forever and we have definitely had many discussions and pointed out family members with addiction problems and look how they live and why. I have another daughter who just turned 17 and this affects her too and its not fair. Always needing to be the center of attention, this is pushing it too far.
I think it took me so long to catch her because I was distracted. Usually I monitor my childrens spending habits and who they hang with and where they are almost all the time. She turned 20 sept 1st and wanted a little space now that she wasnt a teen anymore. Hah, that will teach me. She told me she started shooting Heroin at the end of Sept. But she was sniffing it before then. I let her go to the city to be with a friend while she cleans up. She has been in touch most of the time and I make her call so I can hear her words. Sorry just trying to give more background. she is telling me she can handle this alone. So I think she only confessed because I caught her lying about money too many times.

[Fides_et_Spes]

Well it sounds to me that it could become a complicated situation and if history proves itself, in general, people can't get sober on their own. Most likely because she is in the grip of addiction she will probably continue using and find ways to continue lying to you. I'm not sure who the friend is she's staying with but I doubt her friend will be able to contol the situation. I sincerely think rehab is the best option for her so she can at least see what it takes to recover and hear from recovered addicts who have changed their lives for the better. She is going to have to want this on her own and hopefully she is at that point. If she only confessed for reasons of getting caught she may not be ready yet but that's not for me to say. As upsetting as it is try not to take the lying too personal she probably did it out of extreme shame and guilt. I think it's hard for parents sometimes to gauge the amount of suffering that's going on because their kids tend to hide it as best they can until certain red flags start to pop up. Unfortunately, by that time it is usually already pretty serious. I wish you the best and I hope she is able to get the help she needs and finds recovery. You take care ravenisls.

[lululuv995]

I really feel for you, I love my parents dearly, they gave me a wonderful childhood/life, sent me to a brilliant boarding school, bought me horses etc. yet I got terrible depression and ended up self medicating with opiates.
The more guilt/shame I felt for my family, or if they expressed their feelings of disappointment/anger towards me, the MORE i used to block out the pain and extreme guilt i felt for bringing this on them. Yes she needs to face up to this BUT...I would wait until she is in recovery and strong enough to deal with uncomfortable emotions, or blaming her, getting upset with her will achieve nothing at this point in time, it will only fuel her addiction.
Addiction is a very selfish disease, as you no doubt are discovering.
Please take the good advice offered here it comes from people who have all been through it, and also seen it soooo many times. If I could go back in time and tell my mum, I would say to her (and strongly urge you) to have an intervention, strait into rehab, primary treatment 3-6 months, strait into secondary rehab upto 6 months, then 3rd stage/sober living, followed up with regular intensive outpatient aftercare/NA fellowship meetings at least daily for first 90 days (or as many as possible) and these are free and provide tools for healthy drug free living. I feel if this is done soon you may nip it in the bud before her using escalates, done at such an early stage in her addiction makes it much more likely to stick, increasing her chances of long term sobriety.
To keep yourself sane during this time, you can go to Al-anon/Coda meetings if you google this you can choose and decide which is more appropiate for you, also you will meet others going through the same who will support you.
While she is away, you will be able to focus on your other children, secure in the knowledge everything possible is being done to try and get her better, or as they say 'restored to sanity'  Yes this disease is total insanity, specially when u wake up and decide u no longer want to use drugs, knowing how they are destroying you, but you are forced to continue against your own will, thats how powerful addiction is.
One last point worth mentioning, an addict 'fixing themselves', is practically unheard of, if they exist at all! It is virtually impossible to do this alone, please accept that. And being in the company of recovering addicts is a good and helpful thing and totally different to being with actively using addicts.

I hope she finds recovery soon, and that you find some peace.

[avisg]

luv,great post

[ravenisls]

Thank you. That was so well said. You've given me alot to think about and insight I would never have realized on my own. I'm so angry right now that I cannot think rationally and having my husband suggest anything just makes me feel like I failed. So again, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I appreciate it immensely.

[darlenedaisy]

I was a heroin addict for 8 years, I came from a very good family and I started dating a guy in rehab for heroin addiction, bad choice !!!

Anyhow, to answere your question, I have detoxed off heroin MANY times throughout the 8 years.  It takes most people 7 to 10 days to get the heroin out of their systems.

The symptoms are throwing up, chills, then you are too hot,  leg cramps, insomnia, diarhea (diarrhea), fatigue. Sometimes it is coming out both ends. I had to be honest.
In detox, they give a person a med to keep the blood pressure stable.  I took hot baths with epsom salts help with the cramps and chills. Warm liquid jello helped me with nausea, sleepy time tea or warm milk helped me get a little sleep.
If finding a detox is an issue it is possible to detox at home, with a docs advice.

But it is not fun, it is 7 to 10 days of brutal discomfort, much worse than any flu.

To be very honest, it is the mental obsession and cravings that I found the hard part.

I am now 5 years clean, i went to rehab for 6 months, then to Narcotics Anonymous for 5 years.
There is no quick fix for this, so beware, because the demon you are up against is very powerful.

My heart goes out to your family and your daughter, I truly hope she will get clean.
I can understand your anger, you definitely have a right to be angry.  She is in extreme danger and needs help, it is not an attention thing, she is in way over her head, and can easily die from OD, she needs compassion, she is sick, not bad. Believe me, people on heroin suffer horribly, it is not a fun thing, they keep needing more so they wont get sick. It is a trap, and a very painful one.  

In my opinion, being a warden will not do any good whatsoever, except perhaps if she detoxes at home.  Even then it is really not going to do much if she decides to use, nothing will stop her.
I would suggest sending her to a detox or rehab, if u can, but be wary, as addicts rarely get clean on the first try. In these places there are staff who deal with this all the time, and there may be a counsellor to help her through,

[beth7819]

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[beth7819]

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[dingo28]

hi my names dan, im from australia, 31 days off opiats! whent to hospital to detox, my mum was in the same boat as u, depending on how much she uses hospital is definately an option, i took suboxone for 7 days in hosp and *** out cold turkey, docs wantd me to go on methadone program but i feel im strong enough to  remain cleen, be carefull with her valium use wile detoxing as benzos can be more adictive than opiats and r much harder to *** off as thers no relief from withdrawls, i smoked pot for the first 2weeks instead of vals and sleepers cause i no myself to well and a new adiction (addiction) would of happend for sure, pot is ezy to stop! benzos ARNT, there are opiat implants that she could get if her will power is not so good after detox. dont let her go on sub or methadone programe, moitor benzo use and just be there for her, heeps of vitamin 3 times a day ,,, multi vitamin, thiamine, vitamin c and b and magnesium, dont take anything unless doc says ok, my friend was trying to help me through withdrawls and gave me  catapress wich was supose to help with leg cramps but i overdosed and nearly died that was on my second day out of hospital, lesson learnt ,,, dont take anything!!! u dont get from doc, hot showers r good for pain, its gunna be tuff but it is possible, im doin  it!!! 31 days clean!!! ps there is a coma detox for extreme users , they put u into a coma through withdrawls, has workd for my friends, dont no if they do in nz  but  they do in ozz, good luck!

[dempseysgirl]

Hi ravenisls,

I understand that you are angry, but I have to tell you.. She cannot take care of the "problem" herself. In fact, if she does not get help from the only people who truly care for her - her family - and keeps shooting heroin, she is most probably going die at some point.. I am sure you do not want her to die. I know that you think that at 20, she is an adult and should be adult enough to deal with it herself, but at 20, she is still not able to.. I was a heroin addict shooting heroin, living on the street, when I was 17.. Just year before this happened, I was a straight As kid who played violin.. this can happen to anyone.. My mom did not give up on me, got me into rehab and that saved me.. I am now 32, I have a great carrier, education, and yes.. I did slip few months ago after 15 years of opiate abstinence.. I got addicted to oxycoton for three months.. but now I am a "real adult" and I was able to deal with it myself and get myself clean.. At 20, she needs you.. don't let her down :-). Thank you

[diabeticgirl89]

When u was her age I was smoking heroin and my mother sent me to az to get help and I have never smoked it since but as I got older now that I'm almost 23 about a year ago I started to use again with oxy 80mg wich u know is heroin in a pill form I guess the only advice I could give u since I'm still using and trying to get clean is don't be a warden it will make her hate and rebel against you be her support team tell her how much u love her and how much it is tearing your family apart and tht your family doesn't revolving around her addiction send her somewhere far it will be the best thing for her I had everything when I got clean a modeling career signed contract a apt at the beach money and lost it all AGAIN so such a stupid addiction hopefully if she does get clean she won't go back to it in the future like I did bc getting clean for the first time is hard but letting years go by and then having to do it again will be even harder I am a type 1 diabetic and I'm scared if I try to get clean this time o won't make it to see my recovery or feel sober again its just not worth it. As far as withdraws it is going to be the worst thing she goes through it was horrible but she just needs a good family support team. I hope this helped a lil I will pray for your daughter and your family good luck and god bless keep me posted.

[jaxxmarie]

I'm 20 and struggling with addiction, first off don't think that your family will have to surround her addiction...addicts don't want that attention of being the bad person my mother told my family n I thought id freak try to be reasonable with her but yet have that mother instinct. Don't force her to go cuz when she comes out most likley relapse.

[ved12]

Drug addiction is always better to cure in early stages after that it will become very hard to cure. Video game addiction is also like a drug addiction which affects on the mental health of the people. Most os the teenagers are get addicted to video game. Proper counseling will help to decrease the risk of addiction.

[chuper696]

Raven,
I can certianlly appreciate how upset you are. Ican only imagine the disappointment as well. But there is one other thing that might even be tougher for you to have to swallow. Thats is the fact that you too may need councilling to help you get your emotions under control if there is any hope of helping your daughter. I realize that we all use these forums to vent at times but I encourage you to go back and reread your original post. Then, if you can, imagine yourself in a place where you have absolutly no control of your life. If you can imagin that, then try to imagine your parent saying those things. Don't you think your daughter understands how deeply she has affected you and your families lives? She is going to need some heavy support during and after her detox and recovery. Onve you re-read your original post, see if you can count how many times you spoke about how her addiction has affected YOU, or YOUR life, and YOUR family. I know it seems very unfair (and it really is) that we have to give the addict so much from our lives to help them. But you as a parent really don't have an option if you truly love her, which I'm sure you do.
I don't meant to sound harsh but the one thing that is vitally important for both sides of addiction is the truth. You have every right to feel angry and maybe even betrayed. But unfortunately those who have to give so much to help the addicted can't allow themselves that luxary of being the victum too. Otherwise it just won't work out for either of you.
My suggestion would be to try attending some AA and or NA meetings designed for the parents. This will provide some help for you in dealing with this horrible problem your daughter has put you and your family in. Besides that, there is no such thing as worthless information. Maybe you'll learn somethings about yourself that will be helpful to all of your family.
I wish your whole family the very best.
D.

[d63lop]

Hello I have a son who is 23 has been doing it for about a year now he began doing 20 and has gone up to like 80 to 100.00 a day I have almost lost him 3-4 times now it is the most horrible thing to see I have tried to get him help no one is taking new people i have tried to take him to a methadone clinic 3 times and has walked out the last time there was a lady in the lobby telling us it was the worst thing to get him into so we left now its been weeks where he calls me begging me to get him help he cant do this anymore they get abusive demand money and even ask people for money on the streets my son used to be a diffrent person had lots of girl friends played basket ball worked out at the gym and since he did this as every day goes bye it gets worse and worse I pray to god that he get off this horrible drug I dont mean to scare you but it has scared me keep an eye out that she doesnt over do it if they take to much they over dose and some how have to revive them I only wish there were some kind of Help for these kids I dont know what turns them to such horrible drugs

[d63lop]

also try to get her help ASAP before it gets worse i cant even tell you how much I go thru my son has gotton so depressed , try to do all that you can
now that she is in the early stages of this i think she has better chances of
getting off that others .
God Bless You I will keep you in my prayers