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Married to an addict in recovery?

My husband checked himself in to rehab in December for Alcohol and Adderall (adderrall) abuse. I was well aware of his adderall (adderrall) addiction, bc he would be up for days, jittery, and out of his monthly prescription in 2 weeks.  

Now he has been prescribed Concerta, which i distributed daily for a while, then progressed to laying out a week at a time in the weekly pill box, and then eventually stopped and trusted him to take as prescribed. Mostly bc i am under the impression it is not addictive like adderall (adderrall).

Recently i noticed him staying up later and later, so i asked "how many Concerta do you have left?" He calmly told me "6". I asked if i could count, and then he started down a path of defensive/panic mode with tons of excuses .... "they are in my car and i dont want to go get them right now" ..I said i could... he eventually got mad and said "FINE, here" and proceeded to give me the prescription bottle, which was in his pocket the entire time.

Bottom line, he had 2 left. I am obviously back to ground zero, in regards to trust issues and the lying habits of an addict. My question is.... should i also be concerned about him taking more and more concerta and going down the path we did before?
7 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
An addict is an addict. As long as he has an addictive substance there is a possibility of him abusing it. Administrting the pills weekly as you were may be something your husband needs to keep him accountable and so you may have some peace of mind. If you give an addict a drug of any kind (even if its not they're drug of choice) they are likely to abuse it. I too am an addict alcoholic. There is no excuse for the things we do but if an addict gets a craving they can be very strong and make the addict irritable and extremely discontent.  Your husband likely wants to stay clean but needs a little extra help.
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Avatar_m_tn
Dear Married-
Tbreneman has it just about right. As an alcoholic and addict, the best advice I could give you is to follow your well informed heart to lead you for every decision regarding life with the addicted.
I say this because in the end, no matter whether your husband can get to the point where he remains clean or not, you will struggle and beat yourself up trying to figure out the mind something that (fortunately) you cant. If in the end, you have done a thorough job in educating yourself with all aspects of living with, or trying to help, the addicted, AND you have followed your heart, you will be able to take solace in your efforts. It is a crying shame that we place the unaffected in positions where they are required to give so much of themselves for our addictions. Fortuanetly, most are worth saving and are extremely blessed to have the love of people like yourself.
I am aware that this doesn't answer your specific question but after hearing the concern in your writing, I felt compelled to say my piece. Hopefully I've not intruded. I wish you both the very best. Just remember, follow your EDUCATED heart in dealing with him. Regardless of the outcome, you can be assured you did all you could.
D.
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3060903_tn?1398568723
You did good by asking to count his Concerta; and finding that you were back at ground zero. So, that being the case, I would start giving them to him daily again.  It's just too early to expect him not to try and get a buzz by over medicating. Best of luck to both of you.
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Avatar_f_tn
The Concerta is a sleeping medication and if he is taking more than the prescribed amount it shouldn't cause him to stay up later, if anything it should be making him sleep if he's taking more than the prescribed dose. Just a few things to consider because as a addict myself I know what lengths we will go to in order to satisfy our desires, does he have access to adderall (adderrall) anymore? Maybe a friend or someone is swapping the Concerta out for adderall (adderrall) to him...its just a thought of what I've experienced personally in addiction but I hope that's not the case. I was on Concerta several of years ago and found that it worked really well in the first couple of months then my body became tolerant of it and it no longer worked. He may just be trying to go to sleep. It is very frustrating not getting a good nights sleep. I hope he will be open and honest with you about what is going on either way. I know the pain of being lied to and feeling like you don't deserve the truth. I will be praying for you and your husband.
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Avatar_f_tn
**Correction to my original post** I am so very sorry for having a complete moment of stupidity. As you know Concerta isn't sleeping medicine. Lol I was looking through a junk drawer tonight for something and I came across an old prescription bottle of Concerta that was my stepsons and I thought about this post and said to myself "you were thinking about lunesta candy" I guess I needed some sleeping medicine when I posted that comment. I am so very sorry that I had a moment there and said that. Concerta is a medication prescribed for add/adhd which I'm sure you already knew that lol again I'm very sorry for being so careless and commenting invalid information...I hope nobody read my comment and was confused by it. I'm sorry again. I wish you and your husband the best. God bless.
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Avatar_m_tn
do you want a husband or a child that you have to dole pills out to and then check and count them? Answer that question and the path you have to take is obvious, you can be his mommy, or you can leave and have a life of your own where you are free to explore and do the things that interest you. Addicts will suck the life out of you, and they insist you join these other programs that suck up your time. Screw that.
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3197167_tn?1348972206
Have you ever checked into Al-Anon or read any of their literature?  I'm an addict, but also have worked the 12 steps thru Al-Anon as my extended family is FULL of alcoholics and/or addicts!  I bought the little blue book titled "One Day At A Time" many yrs ago.  Has meditations for each day, emotions and feelings index in the back so you can look up a helpful reading for a particular emotion going on that day, and I read it daily for over 15 yrs.  It literally saved me......many times!  Even if you have to carry it around in your purse, or read it in the bathroom.......it is quick but powerful!
It helped to re-train my thinking; put my focus on me and getting/keeping me well; helped me know others who love addicts are "singing the very same song".  It may seem strange for an addict to NEED Al-anon, but I did believe you me!  You need some support for you!  Only then can you make the decisions you are trying to make......"am I enabling or helping?  how important is this in relationship to the rest of my life?"  I found when I was so co-dependenty sick, all my sentences would start with "He" or "but, He's".
As for holdiing and doling out the pills.......it didn't work for me to have someone dole them out.  I just hunted for them, took them when I could be alone, stashed them.....whatever.  The sickness drives addicts to that!  It isn't a pre-planned thought to hurt YOU or be difficult.....the addiction always wins in the addict's head.......you will never win that one!  I dearly love my hubby, but my addiction took over ALL things!

Here's the serenity prayer that was altered a little to get a point across to me when I was soooo angry......and it helped me.  Maybe it will help you, too!  
"God grant me the serenity to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change, the courage to change the PERSON I can, and the wisdom to know it is ME"

Also, if you have the wherewithall to do this......allow some time and space between you two......then you can choose to ACT rather than REACT.
Makes a ton of difference!
Blessings to you))))
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