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Relapse and sadness
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Relapse and sadness

I was clean from pain medicine for several months.  Stopped going to therapy and NA, and a month later took pills from my friend.  She figured it out and confronted me.  I apologized and swore I was OK and begged her not to tell my husband.  That was in June.  This week, I did it again and again she confronted me.  I don't deserve a friend this caring.  She is worried about me and I am worried about my self.  I think I have lost this friend forever and am so sad.  I told my husband.  He is very upset and thinks I am so weak.  He thinks therapy and NA are "garbage" as they didn't fix the problem.  I have used off and on for 12 years.  I never really thought it was a problem until last year, since I went for long stretches in between.  Now, and in the past I have stolen from friernds.  How in the hell have I become this person?  I feel so awful, so sad.  I don't trust myself not to do it again and that is so scary.  I left my therapist a message today and am going back to NA on Tuesday.  I am praying so hard for God to help me through.  I am so discouraged and feel like I will never, ever, be able to get rid of this addiciton.  
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1508698_tn?1360219310
First don't feel bad about yourself because you are not doing this your disease of addiction is making you do this. When I was not sober I was stealing from my family and friends and taking money from them to get pills.  I am not that kind of person sober.  If your husband is not a addict he will not understand how well NA and couseling does work.  In the past I did the same thing you did.  I would go to NA and counseling for a little while then I would quit going because I thought I was cured.  I found out the hard way that the disease of addiction never goes away.  You will get stronger and stronger everyday but it will never go away.  I have been three months clean and have been going to 3 meetings a week and don't plan to ever stop going to meetings because they help so much.  You will be able to get rid of this addiction but you will always be a recovering addict which is what NA helps you with.  I wish you the best of luck.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you so much.  I guess I am at a new level of reality that this will be a life-long process.  I didn't want to believe it in the past, but here I am again.  I feel so badly for how I hurt and betrayed this friend.  It is so selfish.  It is hard to explain to someone how it is YOU doing it, but not YOU.  You know what I mean?  It sounds like a cop-out and I understand why it sounds that way.  My words have no meaning at this point.  Only time, work, and getting better.  I never saw this road for myself.  I don't drink, do anything else, straight A student, went to grad school.  I guess the chase for perfection.  It's hard in my own mind to gel these two sides of me.  Addict, but good person.  It's so confusing to me when I am sober, but somehow makes perfect sense when I am stealing and taking someone's meds.  Thanks for listening and for your words of encouragement and advice.  
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Avatar_f_tn
The good thing is you have the strength to realize the events that lead to your relapse and you've brought it out to the open to deal with it. Days sober don't mean that much because they have already passed. The most days do for you is make your body feel better but mentally we are all subject to relapse every waking hour. Don't beat yourself up move on with the present and be thankful you weren't dragged back to hopelessness.
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Avatar_f_tn
First of all please don't under estimate yourself that you are not able to get rid of it.. You are realizing your mistake so definitely you can make up your mind and develop a strong will power to recover soon.. If you and your husband feel your therapist and NA meetings are waste then go to rehab centers which is available across the your city... Search for residential programs conducting rehab centers so that your husband might be there to help you out in recovery..
All The Best
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