First and foremost, knowing what I know now I should have never been on suboxone. I took it as an easy way out because I didn't want to withdrawal. As I describe in my profile, I was on pain medication during my cancer treatment, once the pain subsided during my treatment I stopped taking the pain meds. However, I did not take into account how long I'd been on them. I took them as the doctor prescribed for 4-5 months, which in itself is a very short time from what I've read on these boards. Anyway, I stopped the pain meds could turkey because I felt no pain, next thing I know I'm in an ambulance speeding towards the hosptial. The doctor's believed it to be small blood clots in my lungs, but I knew differently, I was withdrawaling. The doctor's prescribed anti-clotting and pain medication while I was in the hospital, I instantly felt back to normal. Before my cancer, I'd only been on pain meds for wisdom teeth and a kidney stone. I've never bought it off the street nor borrowed any from friends, I simply followed the doctors orders. Hell, I don't even put caffeine in my body.
Getting back, once I figured out what was going on I began to read online and learned of suboxone to help eliminate withdrawals. After getting out of the hospital, I maintained for a few days then went to see a subox doctor. After an intense psychological profiling, they assessed me and determined I was not the usual candidate. They started me on 8 mg and I tapered relatively easily down to about a 1/4 of 2mg strip per day. Today was my last 1/4 strip with my doctor appt being tomorrow. What I failed to realize it that the receptionist scheduled me out three weeks instead of two, as I must go back every two weeks. So, now I'm on the fence. Do I call to get a strip until next Friday or do I just get to it. I've read successes and the horrors,which I understand is in the ego (not literally but figuratively) of the person writing their story- meaning we all handle things differently.
When, I began this treatment I didn't realize what I was getting into and for that I am too blame. This stuff was created for the heavy user, a person with addictive tendencies. I am fortunate that I do not have an addictive nature. I don't fiend for pain pills, you could set a pill bottle of 60 10mg oxycodones next to me and I wouldn't even think of taking it cause I don't need it. That being said, I'm worried that something has changed in my brain chemistry since I started this treatment and I can honestly say I'm afraid of returning to the hospital if I stop at .5mg and begin to lose it. The physical I can take, the mental well I'm pretty beat up over everything through out the last year. So, I just don't know. Looking back at everything, I realized the doctor may have been right and it was blood clots. I never really had a bad withdrawal, it was the clots. Instead of staying the course, I altered my course and began the subooxone. Now my body may be chemically addicted to this medication and who knows maybe I am now as well. It's all so surreal and from where I sit today, I created a problem that was never there and treated it with something that may have altered who I am for a lifetime. I've gone through all this alone, even the cancer treatment. I wish I would've had someone there to talk me out of it because I wasn't thinking clearly with the rigorous chemo treatment I was going through- when I say rigorous, I mean 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Me and Lance Armstrong had a lot in common, I just had something a bit more rare.
Anyway, I apologize for the backstory and babbling. I just need a little advice on if I should call the doctor tomorrow and ask for another strip to continue to ween down even further or just get off completely. This may be a moot point entirely because the doc may just say enough is enough, time to take off the training wheels. I've listened to my body and I've listened to my mind, both are in agreement-- need wins over want, I need to be healthy and I need not go to the hopital. I appreciate any thoughts, as I say I'm pretty much alone in this whole thing.
Wean off dont go cold turkey suboxone is a bread treatment but it sounds like maybe your doctors shouldn't have went that route with you I'm on it now and it's working great for me but everyone is different talk to your doctor you don't want to make things worse good luck
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