cant control coke cravings

[gizmo101]

im using cocaine nearly everyday from anything from one gram to four grams
i want to be able to wake up in the morning free from any cravings and no pain in my nose.
i have used today after a very long day at work, im a beauty thearpist and i have even used at work.
i can fuction normally whilst using at work as i control it but at home i cant seem to be able to even have a conversation as i just want to do more and its effecting my brain fuction i cant seem to carry out normal tasks.
i had one gram today, yesterday i had 4 grams , i hardly slept then had to go to work this morning. i promise myself every morning thats the last time, i tell myself how stupid i am but then during the day the same routine happens of calling my contacts, i can get it at any time and on tick which is why im out of control
i have been getting tight sharp pains in my heart  and i had my first nose bleed last nite but i still went on to do more
i want to be free of coke, i look back on how i used to be and i wish i could just be a normal mum
i have to wonderful boys they r my world but i know if i carry on i wont be here much longer
i want to seek help but dont want to go to my doctor
i would appreciate any advice

[gizmo101]

thank u for replying. im sorry about ur daughter, must of bin so heartbreaking, really touched by ur honesty. feel really moved people are showing their support.
so great to hear you've bin clean for 1 and half years, well done very pleased 4 u.
i so want to go 2 rehab but my ex  the farther of my children is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, he was attending AA which has progressed 2 him now counceling other addicts and alcoholics as hes studying this profession. im terrified if i go he wil b there. he was an abusive violent partner ,he made my life hell and he can still intimidate me just by looking at me.
but this should not stop me from seeking help, i know this has 2 stop
thank u 4 ur support
may our angels watch over us

[sungirl1260]

Addiction is very hard to cope with alone.  Have you thought about going to meetings like NA. I also was addicted to crack cocaine for 7 years.  I have not used in over 1 and half years.  It was very hard to stop and I also lost my daughter over it.  Every day I would say it was the last time but then I would use again.  You sound like a very good mother and you do love your boys so try to get some help.  Maybe you could go see an addictions counselor.  If you can not stop with outpatient help you may have to go to a detox and then a rehab.  I wish you well and it is possible to stop but it will not be easy but if you truly want to you can with help.