see my Sub doc today, while using meth...WTH?

Hi~
I'm a long time junkie, and have been on both methadone, and currently (last 4 yrs), Suboxone. Not one single prob/desire/use/etc, with any opiates. However, as it states above: I'm using meth!! Small amounts, but regardless it isn't right(if even logical!?) and it makes no sense to me. I ask myself to be honest..why am I using this drug? To feel "high"?
Has something happened or changed recently? I have no real, solid answers. I do know that it can't/won't continue. I gave my Dr. my first ever dirty UA last month, as I'd just begun to fool with the meth. I'm really stressing giving him another dirty in a few hrs., and I'm so embarrassed about this sudden weight-loss. How depressing! You know what he asked me last visit? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? WOW! Wake-up call, plus, I'm a really sensitive person naturally, so yes it hurt my feelings but I understood and still do.
Thank you to the person/people who have read this post to this point, because I really have no one else to talk to about it, no, not even at a meeting. Just can't yet. Sooo disgusted, embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling guilty. I'll post how this visit goes, if anyone writes and asks me to, okay?
  Peace & Love,
Christopher

[WithdrawalDeath]

It's 6 AM and I MUST get to bed! Lolol,. But I wanted to drop a line before I go into detail of MY past experiance by verifying something that you are stating here.

You mean methadone,. not crystal, right?

I'm sorry if I am misunderstanding you but a few things that you stated could lead me to believe either way. Either way,. I have been there and I have found out something about myself that I would like to share with you,. and see if it could help you..
I have a feeling your talking about crystal meth from the weight loss, etc. But you mention taking methadone also
Drop me a line,. I'm going to bed FINally,. and I'll be back on around 2 or 3 for the rest of the day tomorrow.