25 yo son in trouble

such a simple question with no answer??? my son got involved with a women who lives a different type of lifestyle then my family does though that is not what bothered me. i mean by different they party and are a little wild and redneck and we have some beers and that's about it. i do not feel judgement to them, they just live a different way. my son had never used drugs until they met. he drank that's for sure. but never drugs even his friends said so. then he met his girl, who i like an enjoy her company and her little 3 yo boy. my son fell in love. we are all so happy. i notice he is loosing weight. stops coming around. talking with slur.... really start to get scared... we confront him said he is snorted percocet. he agrees to get help lasted 2 weeks. came back walked away from company business and went to a different job. just found out he is using again. and now stealing. i am dying. my husband is dying. our son never lied to us before. never he would be the one to call and say i drank too much can you pick me up. our family was great. now he steals. I am most scared to sleep cause i am affraid he will die. i'm scared to go anywhere cause i am afraid he will die. i am just afraid he will die. the moment i saw tears in my husbands eyes it was too much for me to handle. i am now at a complete loose. how do we leave him alone which i know is what i need to do when i am scared he is going to diE???? please help me i am so scared. and i am a christian. i should rely on God but i can't help being scared

[Jaybay]

Relying on God is great, but remember: God helps those who help themselves.  Right now your son has no control over his addiction and neither do you or anyone else.  Yes, any kind of addiction whether to alcohol or any other mind-altering substance carries with it the risk of death.  It's sad but all too true.  The important thing to remember is that any harm your son does to himself or others is NOT your fault.

If you haven't tried a few Al-Anon meetings now is the time to do it.  There is so much for you to learn about addiction and how to protect yourself while avoiding enabling behavior.  If you seriously work the program I think you'll find the anxiety you feel now will lessen.

A great resource for learning about addiction is the "Big Book" from Alcoholics Anonymous.  You should be able to purchase it from any AA meeting or online.  Whether it's alcohol or drugs, the information and program are the same.  Knowledge is power my friend, so empower yourself!

[littlebit667]

I know you want to help, but he has to want to quit.  Otherwise you are powerless.  Alanon is a good start.  I went when my husband was drinking himself to death and found it very helpful.  Yes, you will cry and yes you will worry.  He has all the control you have none at this point.  All the talking in the world will not help.  You can try to force him into rehab, but unless he ready to hear and be a part of the plan...he will not work.

I know that is very hard to hear, but he is an adult...making bad choices.  If he takes you down with worry, you will not be there to help him when he is ready.  He has to be ready and that is on his timetable and not yours.  I know you want him better TODAY and he may not be there for a long time.  You can tell him you love him and want the best for him and will be there when HE is ready.  Here is the link for finding a group if you want.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

I hope you are able to find some peace.  You are in a tough situation.  You love your son and want him well.  I hope the best for your family.

[diane6300]

thank you both very much. i am going to go to find a meeting and go. your advice is def taken to my heart.