My wife's daughter is 27 years old, and was recently thrown out of our house for stealing pain meds ( in a safe under lock and key, she tore up the house and found extra key). This has happened before. Her mother has had breat cancer and other illness and is on medication. Her mother, my wife is a enabler. She plays a big role in this classic enabler seniero. My point is that my wife is having the most horrific time of her life. She feels guilty, angry, sad, and just emotionally wore out. I think it's harder on her then on her drug addicated daughter. Her daughter has wrecked 10 cars in 11 years of driving!!!! Her mother always helps her get another car, and believes her stories that the accidents were never her fault. The daughter can not keep a job, and has no place to live. So ( against my will and divorce court) she lives with us. Against my advice. This causes a riff between her mother and myself always.
After this last episode of stealing her mothers drugs she through her out of the house. Her father lives in same city got involved. He took her to a rehab shelter. There she was detoxed off a 3 year methdone addition. She was evaluated by a state Psychriatrist as having many social dis-orders. Declared a indegent, and is now in a half way house. She did spend a short time ( days ) in the state psych-ward.
My wife says that she is seeking help. Has not done so yet, and is very angry and upset, partly with me. I feel that if I wasn't in the picture she would let her daughter continue on this drug addicted life, and all I do is get in the way. She is torn between her daughter and her husban (I am not the daughters father).
This has been going on for 13 years. This is the first real action taken by my wife and er ex-husban to show tough love. I have tried to be very constant in this chronic problem. I have recommend and gone to consuling with my wife.
This addiction is as much my wife's inability to remain strong in her convections, as it is her daughters, to try and get clean. If and when she gets clean she would be able to live a full and productive life. The daughter is very smart.
Any thoughts, comments would be greatly appreciated. This is a very tough time for all involved. Our marriage and relationship is 20 years ongoing.
Really looking for a way to guide my wife into a stronger place. Looking for a way to get her to trust what experts tell her. Not good now :(
You are really stuck in the middle of this but you have a good head on your shoulders and you can see thru all the bs. Your wifes daughter is addicted to the drugs and your wife is addicted to her daughter. This is really common. As a mother we want to always protect our children and in doing so in this situation we actually cause more harm than good. I would highly recommend Alanon. Those people are going thru or have gone thru the same thing and your wife would find some really wonderful people to talk to and she would learn about how enabling harms us. I hope her daughter will take the help she is getting and get better. She is a good person who has made some real poor decisions. I know that world as i am a recovering addict/alcoholic. Please keep us posted on how things are going~
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