I am a 50 year old woman married for 10 years to a 53 year old man who has been taking Vicodine since I married him. At first I thought it was just a prescription he needed for back pain. Never did I think he needed it all the time, till two years ago I realized how much he was addicted to them. I broke my ankle and was prescribed pain meds, he took them when I wasn't looking and told me I must have. He becomes very abusive mentally when he runs out of pills, we have sex maybe once a year, and he denies being addicted to the medication. I AM at witts end, I am tired of coming second to his addiction and every time I mention anything about his pills he blames me for him not having any pills for me not calling the doctor and making appointments for him. He blames me and says I don't care that he is in pain. I have threatened to leave him., he has lost many jobs, good ones, for his attitude and addiction. I cannot take it anymore. I am in the prime of my life, I have needs, and he is not trying to change for us. I LOVE HIM but cannot live like this anymore...any advice? I have begged him to get help, but he denys he has a problem. He went as far as pretending to hurt himself at work and going to the ER just to get pills. He lies a lot all the time. I don't beleave a word he tells me anymore. PLEASE HELP, what can I DO leagally to help him...
This sounds exactly like my husband and I although I was the addict. He always told me my pills came first and I always told him he was wrong. Lying, losing jobs, faking pain and going to doctors and er's for pills....I did it all. It just got to the point that his attitude of trying to help turned to I don't care what you do but I'm out of here. That really shocked me that he was serious this time...I thought I had him wrapped around my finger...I clearly didn't anymore he was fed up. This terrified me and after he told me I needed rehab or he's taking my kids and leaving I took him seriously and got help. I do have to say though that I was ready myself...I had enough of that life and mentally abusing my family with my terrible mood swings. He has to be ready and willing to accept help if he's not no treatment will ever work. You have to really show him how serious your situation is as a couple...and mean it. Don't make empty threats to leave...take action. Hopefully he will be terrified to lose you and that will wake him up. Remember you have to look out for yourself as well...if he keeps going this route you need to decide what to do for YOU...don't let his addiction ruin the prime of your life...that's yours and yours to take control of. Good luck..,.
Thank you. I at first felt obligated to do more for him and his pain. I cry at night thinking he just doesn't love me. He makes all kinds of excuses not to work, he calls me names and says he would rather be dead. He lies to everyone. I feel helpless.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Being an addict, I can tell you that its not about loving you or not, it is about him being sick. Unfortunately, if he does not want to get well, there is little one can do until the person is ready.
Have you talked to him and offered to help him go into detox/rehab? I know for me admitting my problem was a huge step in trying to fight this.
I am sure more members will have some great advice.
I feel for you. And I feel bad that you are suffering and that as an addict we don't see what pain we are causing during addictive addiction. We don't want to look at ourselves and the destruction we are causing to others. We really do believe we aren't hurting anyone else but ourselves. And we really do love the people in our lives. We don't WANT to put our drugs or alcohol first, but our primal behavior has taken over to use to get through the days without being physically ill. And even when we get over being physically ill, it takes quite a while to feel better emotionally. We've been numbing ourselves so long to the pain we created that now we have to face it. That causes us more shame and guilt and back to the drugs or alcohol we go. The hardest part for an addict is admitting we have lost control and our lives are no longer manageable. Everyone's bottom is different. His may or may not be losing you. Even if you do leave, he still has to want to be clean for himself first. Not for you, not for anyone. Otherwise it won't work. In the meantime, you can get support from Al Anon with other people who are living with an addict/alcoholic. I highly recommend you check it out. It will help you understand the disease of addiction and what is going on with your husband. If he really wants to quit, you can be his biggest cheerleader. Good Luck!
Your husband is Sick, Please remember that. the person you're living with is I am assuming is not the man you Married. addiction is in the Brain. If you can talk to his doctors about weening him off slowly and getting him some help and you some help as well. I will pray for you. Best of luck
I talked to him about rehab and his answer was he did not have a problem. I gave him an ultimatum, that he either get help and get off the pills or I was going to leave by JULY this year. (WHY JULY I don't know) but, he told me he needed the pills. That tells me he is choosing the pills over me. I have decided to move on in my life, he is not going to change, he now acts like everything I say to him it's in a bitchy tone, he is trying to manipulate me again and I am not having it. I THINK moving away from him sooner will save my sanity. THE only problem is he will bother me at work I know he will. DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO..????
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