Addicted???

Hi all I am really worried about my husband he has been out of work for a shoulder injury and has not been prescribed anything for the pain therefore he is "self medicating" by getting percosets oxycontin etc on the street. He has always had a liking for pain pills but I think now I may have let it go too far. He will run around to

[colorado2012]

Sorry my typing was much to quick. He will run around to get them and he is super irritable I don't know when he takes them or whatever but he seems to never eat and he just looks worn down and tired. I need help on what to do!!!

[atthebeach]

Hello and welcome. Yes definitely sounds like an addiction. When was his shoulder injury? Did he initially

[atthebeach]

Sorry. Get a script from a doctor? Buying pills from the street and self medicating is addict behavior. You didn't let it go to far he has. You can't stop him or control his addiction he has do that. He should be trying alternate things for pain management such as physical therapy.has he ever gone to any support groups such as na or aa or counseling to work on his addiction issues?  Irritability,lack of appetite,worn down all classical symptoms .  Have you tried to discuss these things with him? Does he react with anger?

[colorado2012]

His shoulder injury was in the beginning of November and he has seen 2 different doctors and neither have felt it necessary to prescribe anything. He is doing physically therapy and now they have decided to do surgery. He really hasn't tried to help his recovery along he never does his exercises at home. Like I said before he has always had a liking for pain killers for whatever he can.  I do try to talk to him and yes sometimes he does react with anger or attributes his weight loss to stress etc. If I mention anything about his irratibilty it turns into me having an attitude not him. He hasn't and probably will never attend an aa or na group in his mind he has no problem he thinks he is just doing what the doctors wont

[atthebeach]

He is in denial. Admitting he is an addict and needs help is the first step towards recovery. I know the hurt,worry,frustration and fear that you are feeling.I have been there. My husband has been in recovery for 2 years. He used for 14 years of our marriage. We can easily get caught up and live in their addiction. The addiction seems to consume all. We have to worry what we say,when we say it,how we say it for fear of a return response in anger,hostility or irritability. We do get blamed for being the one with the problem. Addicts are very good at manipulating and taking the focus off them. I would strongly suggest that you attend alanon meetings. I only started 6 months ago and I have had such a healing. I also have a son 26 who is in recovery and a daughter 20 who is recently clean. We who live with and care for addicts take a lot of abuse. We many times do things that we think are helping and in fact we are enabling them to continue to use.please look into alanon. Learn all you can about addiction. Read some books. Reead other threads on this forum and also on the substance abuse forum. Just know you are not alone. There is hope for recovery for you and your husband? Do you have children?

[Jaybay]

You know what alarms me the most about your post?  The fact that you have unwittingly assumed responsibility for your husband's addiction.  It wasn't you who let his drug abuse go too far, it was (and still is) him, and only him.  It isn't your fault this happened and it isn't your responsibility to fix him.  You can't.  Only he can do that and right now he isn't ready to admit he has a problem.

Addicts do some things really well and one of those things is manipulation.  They commonly use anger and aggressive behavior to get the rest of us off their backs and at arm's length.  They will do anything and say anything to protect their addiction.  I also suspect your husband isn't pursuing physical therapy because he knows if he gets better there certainly won't be any excuse for taking narcotics.  As for the surgery - wow!  He can get even more, and maybe even a "legal" supply!

Please consider what atthebeach said about Al-Anon.  You have a great deal to learn about addiction and you're going to need the support.  As long as he's using, life is going to get nothing but more chaotic and insane.  Al-Anon can help you learn how to better cope with an addict and protect your health and your wealth.  What do you have to lose but a little time?

[colorado2012]

I think I will look into that.  We have a program throught our church and I luckily have seeked support from our Pastor which has helped. Its just super hard because I feel like this is just one of so many problems in our marriage.  But I don't know if the other problems are there because of this one!  Thanks all for your support I have given up on trying to talk to him about it for now, as it leads to me crying and him angry.  But I will just seek oustide help and hopefully come across a time I feel strong enough to tell him how to get help himself.. hopefully it just doesn't get any worse before then.

[atthebeach]

that is wonderful that you looked to your pastor for counsel.. i had many counseling sessions with my pastor alone and  my husband and i also counseled with him. we tried when he was using but like you said we too had many problems in our marriage and most stemmed from my husbands addiction.lack of communication, lack of sex,lies,deceit,financial issues, his anger,harsh tone, constant fighting. once he was clean many of the problems were gone. we still did and do counsel with him. there are many consequences to the addiction and sin.so there are still issues to work out.  we attend church every week  even during my husband addiction. my husband is a licensed minister ( he doesnt have a church). he was the director of a christian drug and alcohol rehab when i met him.  he was in recovery when i met and married him 23 years ago. many people would say he was a hyprocrite because he attended church during his addiction.if we waited to go to church when we were perfect the churches would be empty. the church is a hospital.
many of the years he used i didnt even know he was using. he was very functional. it wasnt until the last few years of his addiction that he got sloppy and as addiction goes it is progressive and at some point it becomes exposed.
i know of 2 great christian based programs. celebrate recovery and overcomers outreach. is it one of those programs that you have at your church? i attend celebrate recovery with my daughter and we also go to alanon. they are both based on the 12 step program. at the faith based ones we acknowledge JESUS as our higher power.    
look to the LORD for comfort,pray and ask the LORD to release the chains and bondage of addiction that have your husband bound.
sending hope,hugs,encouragement and prayers
debbie

[colorado2012]

Yes the church has been a stable place for me to find comfort. He hasn't been attending as often as I have but i figure maybe ill lead the way if not I'm still doing it for me! Yes alot of our problems i think are stemming from his drug problem. I know I'm not always the best support because I have this welled up anger and almost a resentment I hope I can work through. Yea I would never go to church if I had to go "perfect".  Thanks for all your wonderful advice it has truly been amazing

[Jaybay]

My church home was the one oasis of calm I had during the storm of my husband's active addiction, so I'm very happy you've found that for yourself.  I also understand your feelings of anger, frustration and resentment.  We've all been there!  The trick is getting to understand that even if your husband were to quit using today, the same fractures in your relationship will still be there and it will take time and support for both of you to work through those.  Detox is only the first step in addiction recovery but we family members don't have to wait.  We can get started on our recovery at any time.

One of the things you'll learn in Al-Anon is to not engage in arguments with an intoxicated person.  It does no good and can lead to something a whole lot worse including physical violence.  What you can do is set boundaries and establish consequences for your husband if he crosses those boundaries.  It's extremely important that whatever boundaries you decide on are ones that you know you can enforce.  One thing addicts recognize easily is an empty threat.

I know it's hard to look at the man you married and not have a clue who he is now.  Awful as his behavior is, he's a very sick man and I don't mean his shoulder injury.  That sickness wraps its tentacles around every member of the family before we know it.  Great news that you have a program at your church - work it!  :-)