Advice

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years, and we've been living together since August. A couple months after we started dating he came to terms with the fact that he has a problem with drinking. We also discovered he is dealing with mental dissorders that don't have a name to them yet. Since we started dating he's had two mental breakdowns and has been on and off pot and alcohol. A little over a year ago he seeked treatment after getting into legal trouble, and he really turned things around. But now he's getting back into his depression and back into drinking and thinking about starting to smoke pot again. He says he's thinking about seeking help with the depression, but he never comitts because he hasn't found anyone who can help and he doesn't want to be medicated. His mom is telling is telling me that I need to step up and prevent this from happening. I need to make him not drink, seek help, and find him non user friends. This is overwhelming especially since I'm 19.
So if anyone has any advice I would love some guidence.

[atthebeach]

hello and welcome.
you are right you are only 19. his mother is trying to put alot on your shoulders.
it is not your responsibility to get your boyfriend help with his depression or his alcohol or pot use.
it is your boyfriends job to seek out his own recovery and medical advice.
he has a mental disorder that can't be named? who did he see that can't diagnose him? what happened when he had the breakdowns? did he seek medical attention?
he is self-medicating to try to make himself feel better.
he can attend na or aa. the meetings are free and there is alot of support there for substance abuse.
he already got help because of his legal issues? what kind of help did he get? if it worked then why doesnt he continue with the help he already received?
hugs
debbie

[CherryBlossome]

He spent over a week in a metal ward. Then after the legal issues he spent a month in MECCA. He's gone to a few difftent local NA and AA meetings but felt that they weren't addressing his specific issues. We're at the point where he's realized that the drinking and pot isn't helping, he's just extremely down on himself.

[atthebeach]

did they put him on medication in the mental ward? did they give him medication to take when he left?
MECCA is substance abuse and behavioral health services in iowa?
did he feel he received any help there?
he should see a therapist so he can talk about his feelings. many times low self-esteem can make a person abuse drugs. did he suffer any specific emotional pain as a child?

he should not hang around with people who use alcohol or drugs. he will be tempted to use. it is best to find friends who dont use.

[tdk451]

He doesn't want to be medicated?  He is self medicating!

His mother is trying to bully you into taking responsibility for her son.  It's her son and she has to help with finding a strategy to deal with his mental health issues.