I am a 23 year old wife of a 24 year old alcoholic. We have been together a little over 7 years, married for 2. I have known about his problem for the last 4 years. When we first got together he hid his drinking extremely well so I never knew it was a problem. About 2 years into us dating he got a DUI at that point i didnt think anything of it and just thought it was a stupid mistake thanking no one got hurt and he would learn from it. A couple months later he started to fall back into drinking every once in a while even on probabtion. When we talked about getting married he always said it would be the end of alcohol the end of stupid mistakes, i believed him! Now two years into our marriage he is drinking every night some weeks. he will drink weekends and then usually 2 or 3 nights during the week. like 5 nights drinking 2 nights off 4 nights drinking 1 night off. I am so tired or turning into a babysitter of a 5 year old hwne he drinks, all i do is worry about him hurting himself or leaving the stove on. We are consitentlly fighting about his alcohol all the time. I feel he knows he has a problem just dosnt want to do anything about it. What should I do? suggestions or ways to talk to him would help.
hello and welcome. i am so sorry you are in this situation. living with an addict can be very exhausting,worrisome and frightening. it can down right su ck the life out of you. you have to try not to live in his addiction.
unfortunately until he admits he has a problem and is ready to do something about it your hands are tied. he already suffered some consequences from his addiction, dui and probation. did he have to attend aa as part of his probation?
recovery is a marathon not a sprint. it needs to be worked on a daily basis. begging,pleading,crying,threatening,fighting doesnt work. we get just as sick as them. we feel as if we are going insane and begin to believe their lies and manipulative behavior. the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting diffferent results.
i would definitely suggest that you go to alanon. it is a 12 step program for the loved ones of addicts. here is the link. please check out some meetings in your area. you will be supported by others who are in your situation or have been.
should you leave your husband? that is a question only you can answer. do you have a clergymem you can speak with? i would suggest some counseling for you. is your husband willing to go to marriage counseling?
there you could address the situation in front of a therapist.
sending prayers and encouragement
He did have to go to AA with his DUI but it all seemed to be a temporary fix for him. I have told him countless times that he needs to get help but he wont. I will definantly look into the Alanon meetings as well. We have talked about counseling for him anf for us, but he has a huge problem of telling others everything is fine. I am afraid it would be a waste of money and he would get nothing out of it.
I appreciate the support,
I am sad for you because I know exactly how you feel! I have been in a similar situation now for @15 years. My husband is addicted too. I can not give advice, but can only say I understand what you are going through. I wish the best for you both.
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