So yesterday I was happy..my daughter talked to a therapist and agreed to continue seeing one. Today is another day. another lie being caught in. Another night of not knowing where she is, who she's with and if she's safe. This is becoming more and more real today and scary to me every day. Part of me wants to just close my eyes and pretend it's not happening..my daughter is not an addict, this is just one big mistake or she'll get over it soon.
But doing that would be yet one more lie...one to myself.
it is a very scary place. the realization that our child has become an addict.they become a totally different person. the need for the drug controls every thought,word and action. it becomes a sick,vicious cycle,lies,manipulation,yes stealing and the promises. they tell so many lies, they forget which one they told. they tell us what we want to hear, hence the promises that arent being fulfilled. they are unable at this time to fulfill them. the promises just get us off their back for a time.
my daughter told me i made her lie. when she is somewhere she shouldnt be or doing something she shouldnt be and i ask, she lies. i told her if she wasnt in the (darkness) wrong place or doing the wrong thing, she wouldnt have to lie.
if our love could keep them clean........the problem would be solved......
very sadly it doesnt work that way.
we have to hope and pray they are drawn to the light, that they get sick and tired of the chase for the high....and the sickness it brings to them and those around them.
it is insanity.....
dont lose hope.... there is always hope.... thats all i have left.....
Umm, it's going:) Went to my first Alanon meeting on Thursday, I'm going to give it the 6 times and see how it goes. I met another mom there who's son is in the hospital addicted to pills and a suicide attempt. I cried when she was talking. I seriously wanted to be anywhere but there, but I stayed.
My daughter missed her doctors appointment this week, lied and said she cancelled but didnt.
Comes home looking like she's high and says she's not, just tired. She still insists that she quit over a month ago, I told her that because she lies to me, that right now I can't believe her. How sad.
She is my youngest, my baby, my friend, my child. She's starting to fade away from me, even more so now that she knows that I know.
My son is getting married next weekend and I'm finding it harder and harder to just let myself enjoy the upcoming happiness.
I guess just taking it day by day right now....still in therapy, still planning on going to meetings, still smiling at her and loving her and letting her know I'm here if she needs me.
What more can I do?
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