Any Hope?

My wife has been an addict for over two years. I just found this site about a week ago and was hoping to get some insight and advice from others who have been in a similar situation. She is addicted to opiate pain pills. She takes morphine and oxycontin. The thing that makes this so complicated is that the pills that she takes (steals) are my pills from legitimate scripts. Due to battles with cancer i have been left in severe chronic and acute pain. The damage that I have suffered is permanent in nature so there is not much hope of ever being pain/pill free. By the way, I do not abuse my pills at all. Leaving her is not a choice because we have two young children who I will NOT abandon or leave alone with their mother! She has refused to leave and the deed is in both of our names, so I do not know how; or even if I can make her leave. I do not want to call the police and have her arrested because I feel this would be more damaging/traumatic for my kids than for her. I do not know what else to do, I have tried being nice, mean, loving, or cold and I've asked and begged her to quit. She will promise to quit or get help, but has never once followed through. I have tried being supportive, helping her wean down, yelling, screaming, and crying but nothing seems to get through. I have asked her to quit for herself, our kids, or me, but she cannot or will not. My biggest fear is that even if she were to go to rehab and get clean, the first day she came home she would be walking back into a house with many available pain pills. Right now she will not even agree to go and get help or go to rehab. I guess I am just looking for support or ideas and suggestions on what to try next. Thanks in advance to anybody who takes the time to help/respond!!

[atthebeach]

Hello and welcome. Have you thought of getting a safe or lock box for the pills?

[sik_of_it32]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, she found the safe combo, then had a key made for a seperate room which I kept locked and had the only keys for. When I found out and made her get rid of the key she was able to use small screw-drivers and remove the entire lock mechanism. I now sleep in clothes with the pills on me, but I am a heavy sleeper and she is usually able to remove them without waking me. She now sleeps in a seperate room, but I won't sleep with my door locked because my kiddos frequently wake up and are very upset if they can't get in my room.

[atthebeach]

Oh boy she is determined. The drugs take over all sense of reason. How old are your children? When my husband was abusing drugs and after many years of the yelling, begging, crying, threatening, silent treatment, separate bedrooms, I told him to leave. I wouldn't leave and take the 4 children. He resisted for awhile but finally did leave. We were separated for one year then he went to rehab and has been clean for 3 years. Please check into alanon meetings which are support for the loved ones of addicts.
Do you work? Can you leave the pills at your job and only bring home what you need?
Sending hope, encouragement and prayers,
Debbie

[atthebeach]

Yes there is always hope...........

[sik_of_it32]

Thanks again, I actually feel better just getting some of this out, even though the situation has not improved at all. I am glad (and encouraged) that your husband got help and you two are doing better! Determined is an understatement! Many of the same qualities that I found so appealing in her now seem to haunt us, but I think that person is still in there somewhere. I did look into alanon meetings but I live in a very rural area and the closest meetings for family members are 50 miles away. I would go anyhow but due to my meds I am not allowed to drive.I am not sure if I can handle going to regular meetings and hearing all the excuses etc. as most of the people are there because of mandatory sentencing and I've already heard most of the excuses/lies firsthand. Maybe I am just not strong enough to do this. Because of the surgeries and resulting injuries and pain, I was not able to keep my job as it requires physical abilities that I am no longer capable of doing. I haven't been able to work for over three years. I have a six yr. old daughter and an almost four yr. old son. I cannot imagine going through this with four kids, kudos to you! Thanks so much for the thoughts, suggestions, and kind words of encouragement; they are much appreciated, helpful and comforting.  

[Life360]

Hi and really sorry what your going through. Im also a cancer survivor and can relate.
If you not abusing and are set on a dosage, what happens when you run out early? What does your doctor say about this. This might be your best angle for her to stop taking yours. If she knows that you will run out and the doctor will not prescribe more till a set date, her loving you and not wanting you to go though your pain might make her think twice.
Maybe take some out of the bottles and hide them so she will think your getting low and might have her start on a taper till she can stop all together. Tapering can work if there are angles like you running out and not being able to renew the script before the correct time.

[sik_of_it32]

Thanks for your post, glad to hear you are a SURVIVOR of cancer and hope you are currently in good health. The answer to your question is one of the things that makes me the saddest. She has shorted me too many times to count and I actually have run out a few times. It seems that when it comes to her being sick or me being in pain the choice is easy for her to make. After she takes them she says "sorry" and feels bad, but when she starts to feel pill-sick it's like she can't help herself. I have a PCP, neurologist, pain specialist, urologist, and several oncologists, but even if you can get a script your insurance won't pay for it so I don't really have any choice other than take less than prescribed or go without and be sick and in pain. Now when I fill scripts I immediately remove some pills as a back-up and hide them, but sometimes she finds those also. As I stated above, unfortunately she is very resourceful when it comes to this issue. I am forced to count my pills nearly every day so that I can monitor if and how much I am going to come up short at the end of the month and adjust my dosage schedule accordingly. It is a vicious cycle, but I don't know how to stop her. As for tapering we've tried that many times and she never sticks it out more than a few days, but thanks for the ideas. Hope you continue to have good health and good days going forward!  

[sik_of_it32]

My wife told me that tomorrow she is going to try to quit again..........fingers crossed. Any advice or suggestions for us to try? Anyone know of any home remedies to ease withdrawal symptoms that work? Do you guys think tapering or cold turkey is a better, or more effective, approach to quitting?

[atthebeach]

That is good news. Tapering takes a lot of discipline and could takes weeks or even months to do it properly. There are still withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms but they are less severe but prolonged. The w/d with cold turkey are more severe and the physical acute symptoms last for about one week.
Look on the bottom right of this page for the Thomas recipe under the health pages. Treat the symptoms. Immodium for stomach issues, lot of liquids to prevent dehydration, stay nourished, small amounts of light foods, hot bath with Epsom salts for aches and pains.
She should attend counseling and/ or support groups. I know you said you live in a small town but she will relapse without help. Do you have a pastor she can speak to? Attend church, find a new hobby. Does she work?
Be strong ....... Remember there is always hope.....

[sik_of_it32]

Thanks for the great suggestions. I feel so stupid......yet again. I woke up this morning, counted my pills, and I am missing a couple oxycontins. I think she just tells me what I want to hear so I will let my guard down and she will have an easier time getting her drugs. It is not like she could even get away with it as she is supposed to be sick today. I guess this is where the "addict brain" takes over. There are plenty of AA and NA meetings locally just not the meetings specifically for family members. I cut the weekly list of meetings out of the paper and put it on her dresser, and it sits there until I throw it away and replace it with the new current list every Saturday. I feel like every day is the same and short of leaving, I don't know how else to break the cycle. Thanks again for your encouragement and  support! At least I can watch the college bb tournament for 4 days straight, this is my favorite time of year!