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Any parents of heroin addicts here?
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Any parents of heroin addicts here?

Hello,
   I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
   She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
   We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
   Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
   We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
   I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
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I can certainly share your feelings and frustrations.  It is hard to believe that a child, whom you probably remember as being honest and truthful pre-drug, is an accomplished liar.  You have to bear in mind that the drug (opiate of any description) actually changes the physical and mental makeup, as part of its takeover, and the drug will do anything necessary to replenish its supply, so it's the drug and not your daughter who is lying to you.  She has to want to quit very badly, or all the rehab in the world won't do any good, but at some point she probably will come to that point, maybe after seeing a friend go under.

Recovery can present problems, apart from the withdrawals.  If you stay clean for a while, your tolerance goes down, and a relapse can result in an overdose.  It's important for the person to have some kind of support system other than parents, in NA or AA or whatever is available, people who know what she is going through and who she can be honest with, to help insure against a relapse and/or an overdose.  
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I truly feel for your pain, my father, mother, and step-father are all in the same exact boat as you and it kills me day in day out to think of that. Knowing that you are betraying everything you told your parents, doing things you never imagined you would ever do for a stupid little bag of powder. It is completely and utterly pathetic and dont think we dont feel it 24/7. As hard as it is especially after realizing being lied to time and time again, the best thing you can do for is be there for her and support her, but only in positive ways. Obviously you won't stand for her using in your home, hanging around users that may be friends, or you wouldn't let her have a phone to set up deals and meetings, so its a little hard to explain exactly, but the best thing you can do for her is tough love with honest undying love and support. If she is detox support her in her sobriety and recovery as much as possible, think of positive and remind her of the negatives of relapsing. Not that she isn't thinking of these things at all times it cant hurt to show that you not only understand but that you will stand by her as long as she is doing the right thing headed in the correct path, staying sober.
Opiate addiction is the most destructive force on earth. No one person is capable of beating this disease with willpower or from only support from others. It takes alot of work and an honest effort from not just her, but everyone in her life. Meetings are crucial, it doesn't matter whether she is religious, having a sponsor to talk to 24/7 is crucial, having a therapist that specializes in addiction treatment and of course Narcotics Anonymous meetings. And on top of her doing the work staying clean you as a family have to get help as well. Believe me when I tried to explain that one to my parents that didn't exactly go over to well. And its hard to explain it to someone that will not understand and has no intentions of doing so. The problem with doing that is that it only makes the recovery process that much harder for her/him. The parents and close siblings to the person addicted needs to go to meetings and therapy as well to get unaddicted to their child. It ***** to believe that something (and often in a parents eyes-something your child did that was so selfish and stupid) now YOU of all people need to get treatment. You feel like your losing your mind and just giving up all hope, but that is the last thing you can do as parents, friends, as anyone. The therapy and meetings offered to parents of addicted children are completely created for your exact situation, it will give you the ability to vent out your frustrations, to explain what you think could make her better or make her believe in herself that she can and will stay clean. The best part about that is that you have someone who specializes or other family members that have been in the exact same shoes as you guys and they are there to help you guys through it. They will tell you if what you are thinking of doing or what you think is the causes of your daughters addiction is plain crazy or on the right path. Your child has an addiction to opiates, you as parents have the addiction to her and to how she is. It is unfair, but dwelling on that only hurts the situation and turns it negative. I have never seen parents or family members go into therapy for this exact reason and not say afterwards that it hurt them in anyway, in fact I have only heard the opposite that without going to this weekly therapy and a few Al-Anon meetings per week they wouldn't even begin to understand how to properly handle situations that may arise. With having your child being truly addicted to opiates there leaves plenty of room for the unexpected and problems to arise out of nowhere, so its absolutely priceless to already know the best way to handle the exact situation with a calm and knowing plan.
Just by you guys being members of this forum shows that you not only love and care endlessly for your daughter, but that you are willing to do whatever it takes on your side to get her better and to beat this addiction. Unfortunately there is no exact way to beat this disease, but they are capable of being clean and sober and able to live normal lives in sobriety with the right help and motivation. Sometimes someone addicted will take 30 times, go to detox 30 times before something clicks in their head, some go once and they stay sober for the rest of their lives. It depends on the person, their personality, and honestly what treatment,care, and how the people surrounding her and in her life handle the situations. Its so absolutely crucial.
Not only after going to al-anon meetings and seeing an addiction therapist did my father and mom get a completely different approach on how to deal with my addiction, but they were actually able to help me stay sober. You guys are not expected to just know exactly what to do for a child that gets addicted to one of the most destructive drugs known to man, but educated yourselves and working towards her sobriety will help in so many ways its unexplainable. She will have to give it her all to beat the daily struggle that is addiction, but with the right support and treatment she will have less work and problems encountered making it an easier path to sobriety and keeping on the path.
My father is a regular member of this forum and I will elt him know your guys situation, he may have some great input on helping. Honestly use this forum to gain knowledge about addiction, about the drug she was addicted too, and ways to be helpful to her. This forum has been a family to me and everyone I have met has been absolutely nothing but great and helpful. I really honestly hope so so much that your daughter gets that click in the head after detox, but her and yourselves may realize if she still continues to relapse that a different treatment such as suboxone or methadone is necessary. I went to detox and after 3 days started suboxone treatment. I was on suboxone for 9 months, never relapsing,  but after an accident I was taken off and put back on opiates, so that right there was a turning point because I could see the same addictive patterns return when taking my daily meds, so I stopped seeing the doctor, and started going to a methadone clinic. I only recommend a methadone clinic as a last resort because of the severity of dependence involved, its something that will be long term and is not easy to just up and get off of. Suboxone is alot more reasonable and has a very record for really helping addicts that have a hard time quitting after detox.
I wish you both the best and your daughter as well, please message me anytime ever if you have any questions about anything anything at all, I would be proud to help you guys out in any way. One of the best things you can do is stay members on this forum and not be afraid to ask questions all the time, the more you learn and know the more you can help her and yourselves. And it cannot hurt to go to meetings of your own and get therapy, it will only be a great benefit to you all. I do believe your daughter can beat this disease, she must take it one day at a time, but it is doable, and with your support in the right way and her dedication to staying free from opiates it will honestly happen. Best wishes, Christos
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So sorry that you are going through this along with your daughter. I have a son who's story began the same as your daughters. He was shooting heroin for 3 years and has just been clean a little over 4 years. In the beginning I tried everything. I tried reasoning, threatening, making arrangements for him to get better, arranging rehab.  None of that worked and we had many frustrating failed attempts at rehab, NA, sponcer, addiction specialist. the thing is he had to want to get clean. Saying he did and really meaning it were definitly not the same thing. I eventually just had to let go of my son and wait until he was ready. He pretty much had to hit rock bottom before he got clean for good. I learned not to enable him but also let him know that I loved him and would do anything for him if it was involved with getting clean. I learned to trust that gut feeling where you know that they're lying through their teeth but you want so desperatly to believe them that you say you do. I learned to tell him I don't believe you. I know your still using and this got him really angry but you have to hold your ground. It's what they need. Heroin addicts can make a dog believe he's a cat. It's a very long and difficult road. Do not let yourself get caught up in how could she do this. This addiction is powerful and there is no logic to it. She has to want this...she will need alot of support then as it is still very difficult to stay clean. Feel free to send a message if you ever need to talk. God bless, Corey
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My son is also a heroin addict. He has recently relapsed and the devastation is almost unbearable.   I have a blog and hope it is helpful.  I attend Al-anon and try to take the focus off of him and back on me.  I work on being grateful for what I do have. And although this journey with my son is so hard I try to believe that there is a higher purpose to it all and I try to stay in the here and now.

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Two sons are addicts.  Have been for about 3 years.  One on suboxone now, other isn't.  One on suboxone takes ? and gets ****** up a little, the other takes ? and is the same.  Right now, God only knows, both have jobs, but both have lost jobs before due to this.  Both live with husband and I.  I want to kill myself and husband wants to run away.  Have done therapy, meetings etc.  Same ole, same ole.  Before WE act on our feelings, any suggestions?
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Wow! It's incredible that I found this forum and read your stories. My son is a herion addict and has been for quite awhile now. He's 28 and has a 10 years history of drug addiction with herion being his lastest craze. About a year ago he went to jail which was the same time I found out about his addiction. When he went to jail his wife left him and he was incarcerated for 5 months. I keep him there so he could get clean and think straight no getting out from me. Of course, when he did get out of jail with 2 years probation he had nothing and nowhere to go so I brought him home to live a "new" life with my husband and me. 5 months in jail brought my son back to me in a condition that I hadn't see in 10 years. He was clean and thinking straight thankful to have his family and regretful in his past doings. He was soooo on the right track part of the "rules" were random home testing, court ordered counseling and of course facing his probation officer once a month w/the possibility of a urine test. Life was good ..... he was happy working steady with my husband and I felt like I had my family back again. We were all working so hard for him. Then whhhaaaaooommmoooo his behavior started to change about 3 weeks ago. Needless to say I had my suspicions then he faked an ER trip for pain pills (been there before quite a few times) for what he said was a horrible stomach pain. After 10 years of his addiction I was not blindsided this time. When he came home with his pain meds I hid them to see what reaction I would get planning on putting them back if I was wrong. I wasn't wrong I never am and I hate being right. My husband took the liberty of "helping him look for them" by going through his room only to find his needles and spoons. This was Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I refuse to have this in my home. He broke a huge cardinal rule and I went bananas and made him leave. I have put away all the spoons in my home as they now have a totally different meaning to me and I'm finding it sooo very difficult to deal with this this time. I have been through it for sooo many years and for once in my life I had my child back, happy, healthy & loving. He took that away from me again. I can't see him right now as I'm still extremely hurt by all this. I try not to talk too much to my husband because he has to work with my son and you can only imagine how it is in his position. Having to deal with my fallout at home amd then go to work and have to deal with my son on a work basis. My question is when is it supposed to end. When is enough enough. Am I supposed to continue to go through this pain for the rest of my life. I'm not a quitter but I have to be realistic my son had the perfect support situation we actually were getting to know each other again, doing family things and laughing and loving each other and we're back to square 1. My son needs to WANT to get better I can't do it for him I have tried for the last 10 years. I feel horrible about throwing him out it wasn't the relapse that I reacted to it was using in my house. I can't have that especially after the wonderful 6 months I had with him. This drug scares me to death. I'm soo afraid for the future and sooo want him to take the steps necessary to get clean but this time he has to take those steps on his own before I will trust and believe in him again. It's sooo much harder for me this time since I had my wonderful 6 months. Before he was an addict who never became unaddicted so it was just life. But to have gone through what I went through this time after having him clean for the first time in 10 years and have him snatch the rug right out from under me. It's killing me more than it ever did. How does a parent handle it, when is a parent supposed to say I've had enough?
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I must recommend that everybody here research a gentleman by the name DR. TOM CHALKO who resides in austrailia.  He is about the only person on this planet that will be able to get rid of this horrible addiction for good.  Please do not rely on western medicine for such cures!  
Good luck,
the concerned
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I have a 23 year old son on herion.  He just completed a 28 day rehab program, but has not started out patient therapy yet.  I just want someone to talk with -- I don't know what to believe and not -- he says he's not using anymore, but the first night home he took my debit card and took $120!  How do I help him and myself -- I don't want to be addicted to drugs!  I've never entered a chat room before -- heck this is my first laptop!  I hope someone out there hears me.  Mom Hart
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My husband just found out his 19 yr old son is addicted to heroin. I don't know what to do. His son lives out of state so it's hard to be a strong support network for him and I worry that we won't be able to help him.  I don't think he has the strength to leave the state and seek treatment where we are, although I think that might be the best thing for him...  And though it pains and shames me to admit, part of me doesn't want him to come up here b/c I know how difficult and complicated it's going to make our lives.  Is that wrong?  
I'm worried about my husband because he doesn't seem equipped to handle this.  He's been in the military for over 20 years, if that gives you a general idea on how his personality is, and it is nearly impossible for him to express his feelings.  I worry because I know that it's important that he reach out for help too. I know it's going to be  a long uphill battle, and I fear what this will do to him, because I know we have to wait until his son is ready to get clean and I am scared because I'm aware that it might take a very long, if ever... I feel helpless.  My heart aches for the pain I know he's not expressing but I can't force him to do anything to help himself.  Any suggestions?  
Any suggestions for us, as this is the beginning of our battle?
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To Concerned~ Welcome to the forum.  This post is a bit old so if you scroll back to forum then post, you'll get a lot more responses.

I will say this if I may:  I don't have a child in this situation but I do have 19 yr old daughter.  I consider her still as a child although she's,of course,a young woman.
My point is,this is so very young. Kids this age are ill equipped and need intervention. He's young and that's in his favor. Sometimes a geographical change is a good thing for an addict.  I understand about your husband. I know a lot of this will fall on you. It's part of life,sadly.
My opinion is that you should get that boy and help him.
All the best~
Vicki
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Thanks, will do! I'm not so good with this computer stuff...
And thank you for your advice, and non-judgment.  
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This is my experience with a son that was doing heroin. His mother and I were doing every thing we could to try to get him off this stuff taking him to treatment centers and paying for cars and trips to get him out of town well he finally overdosed and as they were putting him in ambulance.
I remember thinking I might be burying this kid and just said a prayer and let go.
The amazing part of this story is he started going to NA meetings on his own and cleaned up his act on his own with the help of Narcotics Anonymous.
That was 10 years ago.  He has graduated from 2 different universities and now is getting his doctors degree at UCLA. We have to do it our selves I found my self down that path and believe me its not an easy path back to recovery just don’t buy into the games addicts play, we get clean and sober when were ready nobody can do for us.  
Mikchez
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Thank you so much for your words of hope. I pray that we may be so lucky.  God bless your family with continued success.
- concerned stepmom
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My brother has been a heroin addict, on and off, for over 20 years. he is now 41 years old. He has a beautiful 12 year old child, but is a tourist in his child's life, from time to time.  I spent many years trying to help him overcome his addiction, having him in my own home to live, with the intention of helping him to get himself together, as have other members of my family more recently.  He has been through a number of rehab programmes, all of which had temporary benefit to his life, but no long term effect.  
Unfortunately I feel that after so many years of essentially uncommitted recovery attempts, the drug has affected his personality extremely, and he will never resemble the person he was pre-heroin days, nor fulfill his potential as a grown man.
Most recently I have tried to make a new friendship with him, after he was in prison and came out clean and with a positive attitude.  However when faced with life's awkward decisions etc. he flunked and revealed himself to be selfish and unable to act in a manner remotely close to the maturity of his years.  As this incident involved his child, who was stunned by his father's inability to be mature, I have made the painful decision to exclude him from my life, and concentrate on my nephew's (his child's) life without his involvement.
I would like to be offering a more positive note to this forum, but I think my message is this: Be prepared for the worst. Heroin addicts, whether they are using or not, are very hard to integrate into your life, when your life is one of openness and honesty.. Even when, like me, you overlook all the taboos, and view the individual as one experiencing an uncontrollable addiction to a drug which has an overpowering attraction, and changes their personality to a greater degree over time, you must accept that the drug is more powerful than the person in all respects, and some personalities will never dominate over heroin.
Having said all that, the one programme my brother WILL NOT attempt is the Narcotics Anonymous 12 steps. I believe that this is because he is truly afraid of really facing up to his addiction and really letting it go forever.  The NA, in my experience, is THE ONLY way that persistent heroin addicts ever recover, I have seen it over and over again and it works.
My advice is to all family members of heroin addicts is to help them to choose NA as their route to recovery.  If they refuse, it is probably because, deep down, they do not want to be clean.
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my son as been an heroin addict on and off for 15yrs nearly half of his life..i have never stopped loving my son...but sometime i really dont like him..we live in fear that every fix can be the last...but i have learnt that i cant change him, he has to do that himself..he as devasted the family but the drug is so powerful he as no morals when using..my heart goes out to all families with a user in the midst but we are the forgotten ones  i have started a charity only a few weeks ago for the families of users.... www.y-us.org.uk  please feel free to take a look and would love any fedback at all....
angie
england
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This is so sad.  I can't believe there are so many of you . . . of us.  I can't believe I am parent of an addict.  My daughter was the happiest child growning up.  Every picture until high school had her with a mouth open laugh-out-loud cheek-splitting smile. In junior high cross-country she actually blew us kisses as she ran past her loving parents.  

Today she lies, steals from us, from stores, her friends are frightening, and her grades plummeted from being a class smarty-pants to failing classes outright.

She was caught 3 weeks ago after we found needles in her bedroom.  She tried to lie but in a weak moment broke down and confessed to heroin use to the point that she wanted to quit but couldn't.  We placed her into a juvenile detox for a week.  She tried everything to convince us it was not working, that they didn't know what they were doing, that she was being abused.

We have admitted her to an out of state residential care facility for other girls with addictions.  We are in a thirty day period in which we are to have not contact.  Somehow she got a phone and called us begging to be let out and accusing the staff of all sorts of things.  She was sincerely afraid, but it was the drugs.  She's been there 10 days and I called and the staff says she is cooperative and is doing well, but she has not opened up whatsoever.  I believe her iron like will to continue in the drug culture is keeping her obedient so that she can get a clean report and be dismissed.  Her 18th birthday is coming up and she cannont be held there against her will.  I can't bear to think of what will happen to her upon her release.  I pray for her and sob, and worry, and oscillate between being down right mad to just wanting to hold her.  She used to be quite the affectionate one, a cuddler.  She now cannot stand to be touched by her parents.  I am so distraught I can hardly face life.   HELP
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My daughter is not a heroin addict but she is an opiate addict and uses the needle. It is very fustratin to say the least. You hit a point where you can no longer trust your child, and know when they are coming for a visit to hide all money and valuables. It is someplace I never visualized I would be. We want to do something to help/fix them but honestly unless they are ready for a clean drug free life it won't happen. They tell us what we want to hear yet deep down it is just words. I feel for the parents that are living with their child during their addiction, my daughter has her own apartment. I can feel your pain when you have to say enough is enough. And Tough love is your only resort.Just remember you didn't cause their addiction and you must take care of yourself that way if they actually want to get clean you will be able to help. Like I have seen on here several times help the recovery not the addiction. Good luck and God Bless.
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Hi.  I am a mother of a 22 year old heroin addict girl.  As I read the stories of your experiences with your own heroin addicted children, I had the chills and a deep pain about knowing how many of us are out there.  I experience my daughter as a very cruel person who like someone said before in the forum "is totally taken by the drug", and I feel a monster took over her body.  She is presently living with three roommates and is working but I fear every day that her boss or the people she shares the apartment with, will be victims of her stealing and her abuse.  Clearly she is worse with us the parents.  I am in therapy myself and that helps a lot, because I can express the deep hatred I have for her, the pain she causes her brother and father and all the bad things she did in the last three years.  I expect the worst and hope for the best, but I feel I need to be ready in case that horrible phone call comes in. I know I did not cause her addiction but I wonder how could I have possibly contributed to this outcome.  And I ask, if heroin is that powerful how is it that someone would want to quit?  Thank you all for being out there and for all your sharing.  My best, Clarita
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Cory411 said it so well and this has just jump out at me.  "Heroin addicts can make a dog believe he's a cat" my gosh isn't this the truth!  As a parent you want to trust in your child but this disease absolutely makes amazing liars out of children who were never that way before.  I hate this disease.
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I also, am a mother of a 23 yr old daughter addicted to heroin. It hurts just to say it.. and the tears roll for I've been searching and seeking help. THANK YOU ALL. My daughter started also with oxycontin, well over a yr now. Heroin for at least 9 months, shooting it. The saddest thing is she is also a mother of a 5yr old. (I thank God everyday my grandchild has an excellent family on her fathers side). This drug Heroin is so addictive she chooses it over her daughter. Something "she" would never do. She has been in rehab 28 days once and detox twice only. Only to use shortly after she left each time. Some just go to detox to cleanse themselves for better highs?
I've learned that she is rarely herself; mostly she is someone else who i can't believe anything she says. It's so hard not to trust when you want to trust them. I've never heard more lies in my life and, there coming from someone who's been raised to always be truthfull.
My biggest fear is she'll get a bad bag or O.D. before she hits rock bottom.
Please parents don't let them tell you it's your fault, don't enable them with pity and especially don't let them talk you into any money. I'm in fear and tears everyday. I need to get to NA meetings. It really has helped reading others stories... I'm not alone. I've also found other parents of her friends are in same situation....epidemic/plague seriously?
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I seemed to be comforted at the fact I am not the only parent of a herion addict. My daughter,age 33 has been addicted to herion since she was about 19. She of course had a brief time of recovery, but untreated and returned to herion. Herion has taken her away from her children and me about 5 years ago. I got to see her twice in five years, the children have not seen her nor heard from her.
I believe she suffers from depression as well untreated. She gave birth to three children, the first was born premature and did not survive. This birth haunted her for years and left a huge hole in her heart. I was powerless to help, but to just listen. After her third child was born, a girl, I thought she was going to pull out of it, she adored the baby girl. I was so proud and believed  the family would be okay.
But it wasn't. Heather's legs are so absessed she has to cover them. Dispite doctors telling her that if she continues, she could loose the use of her legs. It scared her for awhile, but the ever elusive romance of herion keeps her a prisoner.
I have no hope, I pray to a Power Greater than myself, but the void is still there. It's like I hold my breath and never really fully enjoy life.
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http://www.jambands.com/news/2011/02/18/investigation-underway-into-death-of-widespread-panic-crew-member

Wide Spread Panic is where my daughters manic evil began.
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i too have 2 addicts started same way ages are 18 and 20 girls its a tough road sometimes i feel like iam going crazy the lies and diseet its horrible i completely understand how you feel
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My son was one of the most popular kids in school, from Kindergarten through Middle School.  He played soccer, baseball and football, the first two at the All Star/Club level.  He got (almost perfect) grades, all the girls had crushes on him, and had a billion friends.

Then he tore his ACL in the Fall of 9th grade,  and his passion for sports was crushed.  He just now has been approved for surgery because his growth plates have finally closed.  However, right after his injury, he stopped caring about school, avoided all his old friends, and switched to the "alternative" school in the district, which has a very high population of drug users.  He continued to get good grades, though only one class at a time.  Then, he started taking opiates in pill form, supposedly to help him deal with pain in his knee.  The  night after I had had surgery, he called me, incoherent, but I was so medicated myself, I told him to call his Dad, who had custody of him that weekend.  The next morning I found out he had almost ODed, that my ex-husband and my husband were getting him admitted to a detox facility.  We then got him admitted to a local rehab, and I could not move through my disbelief, I continued to visit him at least once a week at the rehab, take him out to lunch, take him shopping, give him extra spending money.  What an idiot...but I had no idea what was to come. I thought this was a "one and done" thing.....

Flash forward......he is now 18 years old and out of state attending junior college part time.  Between 9th grade and now he has graduated from pills to shooting up heroin.  He has been in 3 inpatient rehabs, 2 outpatient rehabs, juvenile hall several times.  The longest stretch was 6 months, and he came out totally clean, a high school graduate with a 3.8.  But he relapsed while he was living with me during the summer.  We got him clean again, and thought getting him away from this environment was the best thing for him.  Everyone agreed.  We started him on Suboxone and he is now up there, rooming with one of his oldest friends, a high school All State wrestler, who was never involved in the dark world my son had been inhabited.  All was fine, until my son came back for Winter Break, one of his old dealers called him, and..... can anyone guess?  My husband put him to work, tested him every several days, and by the time he left again for school, we were convinced we'd won him back over.  Two nights after he got back to school, he called me and told me he'd spent the previous night in the ER because he'd gotten a staph infection in an injection site.  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention he'd already had that happen in both arms simultaneously years before, and the doctors talked about the infection getting into his blood stream and killing him, or the possibility of having  to amputate both forearms.  Of course, my son was so medicated he doesn't remember any of it.  At least this time, he is actually feeling the physical consequences of his stupidity.  For month's he's been feeling the social implications, as very few people will return his messages.

Enough with the narrative.  What I really want you to know after dragging you through our backstory, is that I sometimes find myself wishing he would have just passed away before, because I can't imagine living through this as long as many of you have.  Conversely, I also feel the impulse to run away and hide, enter the Cuckoos Nest, or develop amnesia, 'cause I just can't handle the reality anymore.  My psychiatrist has me on suicide watch at times, and my husband can no longer see the woman he married 7 years ago.  He has basically taken over my role in raising my 15 1/2 year old.

Some of you who posted years ago, what has happened with you and your addicts?   I hope all the endings are happy, and I think everyone who has written here could use some good news....

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hi this is an old post. you most likely found this thread on a search engine.
please vist our forum. living with an addict. here is the link:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Living-with-an-Addict/show/1176?controller=forums&action=show&id=1176&camp=msc

it is a very supportive forum. hun please dont think like that. that you wished your son had died or that you want to end your life.
as long as there is breathe there is hope.
there is recovery for addiction. it takes some people many attempts at rehab. to finally stay on the road to recovery.
you are living in his addiction. it is making you sick, mentally. you didnt cause his addiction, you cant stop his addiction and you cant control his addiction. you can live outside of his addiction. this is called a healthy detachment it is an alanon recovery tool. please check out alanon. it is for those of us who live with someones elses addiction.
i look forward to seeing you on the living with an addict forum.
sending hope,encouragement,hugs and prayers
debbie
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Debbie,

Thanks for the update.  Truly appreciated.  I will join that forum tomorrow.  Husband and son (the unaddict) just got home, and I since I wallow in my pain when they are gone, I try to give them my full attention when they are here.

By the way, do you know of any instant messaging type chats on this subject?  Sometimes you really need to talk to someone, have a real conversation.   Have you heard of anything like this?

J
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Debbie,

When I clicked on the link you sent me, it seemed to send me right back to where I was..... Just with the header being "Any Parents of Heroin Addicts Here?"  When I went to the link you sent me, that was just one of many forums listed on the side..... Did I end up in the right place?  I think this is a very valuable tool for me, want to make sure I'm not out there talking to no one......
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yes that is the right forum. you originally answered on an old one.  the dates are under the thread name. click on the top left where it says go back to forum and it will bring you to the current threads. the top 6 or 7 are threads that are very active now.
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Or right under the last post on  this thread says go back to forum.
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Hi,
I just joined this site, hopefully this will work.  I too am the mother of a 19 yr old heroin addict.  He started with crack, every pill possible, to ending with the needle. (Along with comvbinations of all the above)  It kills me, I am always depressed, we have a beautiful 17 yr old daughter who has just completely shut down over this.  He has been is rehab twice for only 3 days when he checked himself out.  He currently stays with his girlfriend, also probably a drug addict although Im not sure it is as bad as his.  I  had to get a restraining order, not because he was physically violent but he would verbally assault us, slam doors, steal from us, and get very aggressive with us.  I finally had it and went to family court to get restraining order. I live in New YOrk and the law here says we are responsible for this kid till he is 21, even though he is a high school dropout, no license or car, never had a job and a drug addict.  I mean seriously... if he were to try and get welfare they could actually sue us because he is under 21.  I heard i from a judge.  He has been hospitalized twice, has the most addictive scariest personality that I have ever seen.  I didn't even realize he was doing all these hard drugs, I mean I thought he might be smoking pot, heck, I grew up in the 1970s in California, but in reality he was smoking crack, taking opiates and using the needle in the last year or so.  I am both amazed and horrified at how he lies to us and steals from us and the scariest part is he seems to believe his lies.  I believe there are some serious mental issues besides the addiction.  When I do see him he cries and wants to show me his "track marks" and tell me I have wrecked his life and he will die soonl  Then his girlfriend starts in on me saying when he dies if will be my fault for not letting him back home and be "his mom" and take care of him. etc etc. No one except my husband and my Alanon group know how I grieve and sob nonstop over this. Everytime we let him back home it quickly explodes in a few hours because of his anger and being high.  We just cannot let him destroy us and our daughter, it is bad enough to think about what this is doing to her.  He was and still is a beautiful boy to me and once in awhile I see traces of who he is in him.
I'm scared, my husband is sober for 66 days for the first time in his life and we deserve a quiet and peaceful life.  No one knows how this feels except for someone who has gone through it,,, I grieve constantly for him,, heroin is addictive and surprisingly cheap and I am amazed how rampant it is around this affluent suberb,  very scary,,, stay strong and thank you for listening to me.
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What a sad story, but then every story of addiction is sad.  It's such a waste of a life.  I'm so glad you've connected with Al-Anon.  Are you working the steps with a sponsor?  

Guilt trips are just one way that addicts try to manipulate us into doing what they want us to do.  In your son's case, he wants you to take him back into your home so he has a safe place to use and won't have to deal with things like rent and food.  Stick to your guns!  Right now, your son's behavior is toxic to you and the rest of your family. It's a healthy choice on your part to detach from him.

I'm sure you also know through Al-Anon that he has to fully experience the consequences of his addiction before he will be willing to change.  He has to be the one to recognize that his life using is completely unmanageable and miserable.  

You said he's been hospitalized twice.  Was that for health problems related to his addiction or an inpatient rehab facility?  If you truly believe that he is headed for death, you might hire an interventionist and try to get him into rehab.  You never know.  He may refuse; he may walk right back out the door, or he maysurprise himself and everyone else and grab hold of the lifeline.  One thing is sure - he's deep enough into his addiction that he can't crawl out of it by himself.

Your son's addiction is NOT your fault.  You did not cause it and I'm sure you know you can't cure it.  You've done the right thing to detach and try to get some peace and sanity back in your life.  I've gone through this with my husband.  That was hard enough.  I can't imagine how painful it must be to watch a child slowly kill himself through his addiction.  
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I feel your pain.. My sister who is 24 has been an addict for 8 years.. she was shootinng up as well and was sent to jail for trouble.. she was just relaesed and is back on drugs... Ill pray for you.. hang in there!
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Hi, I can totally understand what you have been through.  My oldest daughter at about 20 became a heroin addict and hid it for months, kept telling her 3 month baby was making her tired.  Eventually she was arrested and that is how I found out.  From that point on she lost everything including her kids.  She went downhill fast and was on the streets.  She would call me for help, I would take her to a detox center and she would check herself out the morning after.  I was able to get her accepted to a 7 month residential program but she would hear nothing of it.  So all I could do was tell her I would help her if she was willing to get clean, she said no she didn't want to be sick.  It was so difficult and eventually she was arrested again and this time had to do some time.  Since then she has changed her attitude and has turned her life around.   2 years later I find myself yet again in this position with my step son who is 21.  We have detoxed him at home over 14 times just for him to go back out and use.  Finally my husband gave in and let him move back home about 4 weeks ago.  It's been hell.  He's been lying, stealing, violent and just overall a bad attitude..I found a program through the salvation army for a 6 months residential treatment program that is free.  it is a working program and they work for all their needs and receive counseling, group therapy etc.. He agreed to go but could not pass the 1st or 2nd drug test to be admitted and when he did, they refused him.  We then took him to another location of the salvation army about 2 1/2 hours away and he was accepted.  Only to check himself out the next morning.  My husband bought him a bus ticket back to our area and found yet another program that last 16 days, then a halfway house setting for 3-6 months.  He is checking himself out as we speak just 1 1/2 days later.  I am at my wits end.  I will not allow him back home. He does not one thing to better himself, disrespects us, is verbally and physically abusive.  Problem  is I cannot get my husband to stop enabling him.
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My daughter is 23 and a heroin addict, I've been wanting her to go to treatment, I've been making all the appointments, phone calls etc... She recently went into the local DSHS and was approved for medical and treatment. She keeps telling me she is only going for me and her dad....I don't want her to go if she is just get out and use again, which she has said several times that it doesn't do her any good to go to treatment, near where she lives, that everyone who goes back to where they were using will use again. Question is this: Should I tell her if you don't want help, don't go for me and her dad? or have her go, and then I'm worried, she will fail and tell us i told you soooo, and hate us? I'm also very afraid, that she will get out and use again and overdose because she is use to doing a higher dose? ....I'm so confused..I just want to fix this situation!
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My son is just utrned 24 and probably for the lasy that I know of he has been into drugs for 6 or more years. He has lost so much over heroin been in rehab, jail, found his best friend dead beside of him from over dose, and lost a few more in a years span., but he seemed to get worse. He is now on three years probabtion, and today my husband went into his room abd found used needles , foil. I guess I just asking what do I do at this point trun him in to his PO officer? His father past away in 1997 when he was 9 and I met my husband now abotuya year later. The stress on me is just killing me and my husband wants toi throw him out but I worry so much about him, he has no job can't seem to hold one, but I feel I maybe saving his life if we turn him in. He won't go to rehab though I have asked him too said he wouildn't.
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My father was always addicted to drugs... He was never in my life when i was a young girl. When i was in high school, I found out my mom had been addicted to opiates. She was taking Oxycontin, vicodin and other prescription drugs. She lost everything, her job, her house and was even sent to jail for 3 months. I had no parents, but other loving family members to care for me. My father still to this day uses drugs everyday. He does everything out there! you name it, he does it. Three days ago, I found out my 26 year old sister is addicted to heroin. Its really hard to cope with this becaue she has two little boys. I am really hurt because i feel like its a never ending cycle. After seeing our parents go through all of that why on earth would she want to do something like that?! It blows my mind.. She is using everyday and no place to live. She checked herself into rehab at a local hospital. I hope she stays and gets the help she needs. I thank god everyday i have the strength to deal with all of this drug abuse in my family. It really hurts to look at her knowing she is on heroin. Its so deadly and hope that my sisters life nor my parents' life ever gets taken away by these deadly substances...
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I read your post and it sounded so much like me that I was wondering how things are going for you now?
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my son has been addicted to herion for 3 years he just turned 21. we have put him in medical rehab 4 times put him on metodone suboxion i called the police put him in jail kicked him out his dr said he will die from this addiction i cant breath im so scared he lives in our home stole everything we own i still cant stop tring to make him well he has overdosed 3 times what can i do im so scared i just prey i die before him
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I just came home from spending a couple of days in the hospital with my son who is 32 years old & has been addicted to heroine for almost 10 years. I have done all I can do and do not know how to cope with the fact that there's absolutely nothing I can do. How do we continue our regular life and accept the fact that we will soon receive a call saying our child is dead? He is committing suicide right in front of me and there's nothing I can do. People say to leave it in God's hands. Well, why doesn't God fix this and save my son's tortured soul & help him to heal then?
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Dear Christos24,
I am the mother of a drug addict and I don't know what to do.  I found out this summer that my 29 year old son is an addict (oxicodin and prozac) and a seller.  I have been in denial for a while (his siblings were trying to get me to see the truth) and now I am trying to recognize the truth instead of closing my eyes to it.  Right now he is upstairs "taking a nap", but I think he is high.  He adamantly denies that he is high.  (He is also a gambler and has stolen money and property from me.)  He recently went into detox, but they let him out after only 5 days.  He stayed clean for 3 weeks, but now I think he is using again. He missed his outpatient session, and never rescheduled.  (He doesn't have a car since he smashed it up weeks ago.  ) Last night at 3:30 in the morning, he and my husband had a screaming match and my husband tried to throw him out.  He lost his wallet, which had money he won from gambling,  so he freaked out about that.  He ended up going to bed and my husband let him stay.  I feel like I am on the verge of a mental break down (I don't drink, do drugs, or gamble).  My son is destroying my life, his 5 year old daughter's, and our whole families'.  I am full of resentment.  I have heart palpitations and I cry consistently.  I am hiding all this horrible stuff from my family.  I am living and breathing a nightmare.  I know I should kick him out,,,,, but I haven't yet.  What do you think about my situation?

Tori
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i need help i have a 24yr old son who has been addicted to herion for 3yrs this drug is killing the both of us use to be a great youn man never been in trouble before this drug, now he is a felony he cant get in any treatment cause we dont have health insurance
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i FEEL YOU PAIN AND I AM SO VERY SORRY, MY BEAUTIFUL 22 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS ALSO A HORRIBLE HEROIN ADDICT AND IS IN DEEP WITH THE LAW....WE ALSO HAVE A 10 YEAR OLD AUTISTIC SON THAT WORSHIP THE GROUND SHE WALKS ON!!!! I TOO AM LOOKING FOR ANSWERS... I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO SHAKE THE GUILT I FEEL.  MY HUSBAND AND I ARE HIGH SHCOOL SWEETHEARTS AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 22 YEARS....I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY!!!! SHE IS NOW ON THE RUN FROM ANOTHER COURT ORDERED REHAB AND MY HUSBAND IS MORE THAT FED UP...WE LOVE HER MORE THAN LIFE BUT JUST DO NOT LIKE HER RIGHT NOW ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO COPE EVERY DAY WHEN I OPEN MY EYES I JUST PRAY TO GOD SHE IS ALIVE!!!
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My best mate for 30 years is addicted to herion, has been for 7 years. He has had the treatments and been clean, maximum of 6 weeks at a time. How many times does an addict fall off the wagon before he needs a seat belt? Its as if his family are giving up.
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I am so sorry you have to join us here on this forum.  This board is a godsend to all of us and the best place to be, its just sad there are so many families that need this type of support.  

You have posted on a thread that is very old and very few people are going to see your posts because of that... Would you mind, going up to the top and clicking on "Post a Question" and then writing again?  That way you will start your own, new, thread and EVERYONE will see it and help you.  Don't be shy, we want to help.  You could even copy and paste what you have written on this thread if you don't want to write a whole new post...

I look forward to seeing your posts :-)  

Jane
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Just found out my beautiful young nephew is addicted to heroin. I'm still in shock! I work in alcohol/substance abuse and still can't believe I didn't know. According to him mom (my sister) he's been to rehab twice. She kicked him out of the house after he lost his job due to theft. I know she did the right thing...tough love, etc.....but it's killing me! I want to help, I know there's help out there (whether you have insurance or not....FYI). I'm just so close to this that I can't seem to bring my knowlledge in and use it in the right way......If I can help someone else, please let me know...I know (personally now) what your're going through! I'm so very worried about him, as well as his mother!!! Please pray for them! Thanks!
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My heart pours out to you. I wish I could give you a magic answer.  Wish, I had one for myself.  This is the first time I've seen this web-site.  I just returned home from a pleasant family holiday to have my addicted son tell me its all MY fault that he is were he it at in life. I know that is not the truth, but..... Sitting here hurt angry and lost, I searched for guidance on google  and found your post. I hope it helps you to know that reading your story brought me peace of mind. Not that I find peace in knowing that someone is suffering too. But knowing that I am not alone does give me strength. Thank you.
  I too have a 24 yr. old son in the same situation. I also lost a brother to a herion over-dose 11 years ago.  He started using when I was 10-11 years old.  So my life has been affected by this drug for over 35 years.   I am by no  means a professional, and can only voice my opinions.   It appears that the answers to this problem are not easy ones. From what little I have learned you can only fix yourself.  
Please don't ever believe that you have done something wrong or could have done something different. It is not your fault, and  trust me, I know, it really really hurts, but you can't fix it.
Also please don't believe that your daughter is a bad person either. Most of what I have seen from the herion addicts in my life is that they really, truly want to stop using. The drug is very unforgiving, and often it is not a choice for them, the drug somehow has control.
   My Heart pours out to you and all of the others facing this problem.


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I am the mother of a 22 yrs addict an i walked in on him and his girl with my young brother using an became so anrgy but didn't really know what to say. Do you have any thing that would help me handle this? They say do be angry or mad but how is it that you are not supposed to be. Please advice But take in affect that all my siblings are user I am not I choice to leave that world but can't get him away. I have 2 brothers 1 sister and they are all users i speak with them but don't go around them much because it kills to see them they way they are and who they haave become and now they are taking my son with them I am just lost
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I am a mother of a 20 year old beautiful son. The son I knew is gone to the rein of HEROin. I don't get... Why would you name such a demon of a drug to start with the letters HERO! For the past 3 to 4 years my husband and I have been dealing with this addiction right along with our son.. I use to go to Naranon meetings and I would start out my introduction as.. "Hi. My name is Joyce and I am a addict." In saying that, that is how I felt. Although I wasn't nor had I ever been a addict I felt I was. I  WAS LIVING THE LIFE OF A ADDICT!!!! I have been through so much pain from this addiction that I myself would try to get MY Fix through counceling............ This is my story... My son's Senior year of high school I noticed a change in him. He would call me from school from his cell phone in the bathroom. Begging me to come get him because (as he stated it) had **** himself and just felt sick. This went on for many weeks. Then it got to the point that the nurse would call saying he was sick but was sleeping it off. Some time later.. I said to my husband (his dad) that something wasn't right with him. As we were talking I heard a spoon drop from the bathroom where he was. I said, "did you hear that!". His responce was, (Oh Joyce he's taking a bath and took a bowl of cereal with him).. I knew then. I told my husband I thought he was shooting up something and he thought I was nuts! I asked him to get the ladder and look in the bathroom window.. Before I knew it he came busting in the house running down the hall to the basthroom and kicked in the door.. There he was... A needle in his arm with his head hanging back and eyes rolling. It was then that my life did a complete turn around. We tried treatment centers. Outpateint and inpatient. Nothing seemed to work. Then the stealing started. Many of my personal things came up missing along with my husbands many tools, ladders, saws... you name it. Anything of any value was coming up missing or should I say STOLLEN. My husband and I would go to the pawn shops and buy back as much of our valueables as possible. Some we never did get back. Months went on and all we were doing was thinking that we could help him get better some how.. Well nothing was working. I decided to have a "intervention" at our house. My son was "Shopping" so I called all family members to the house. When he came home... hours later.. We were all there with letters in hand.He agreeed to go to recovery and inpatient rehab. He had a childhood freind (who was like a son to us) that he called and said "hey bud let's do this together". The freind agreed and they went their seperate was to rehabilation. Our son went to a place called "Rosecrance" the best around here and the other freind went to one locally here. We took out a loan on my husbands retirement to pay for his VERY expensive treatment center. Our son had been there for two months when we received a call from hte freinds parents. Rodger had finished his treatment, used and overdose. He was on life support knowing there was nothing that could be done for him. We went to Rosecrance to tell our son and see if the center would let us bring him home to say his goodbyes. They did. When we got to the hospital our son rn to his room as lie there lifeless, eyes wide open with head tilted to the window. My son instantly lost it. Shaking him saying, "we were gonna get clean together!" We only had so much time before our son had to get back to rehab so we left as his freind lay there lifeless. On our way to the rehab our son said Rodger wrote to God everyday. When we returned home I went to the hospital and stayed til the day they turned off life support. My last conversation with Rodger was that I promised him I would write that last letter to God for him and  for the first time a response from him... A tear fell to the side of his face.. OMG I can't get that vision out of my mind! I know he heard me so I did what I said I would do.. We went and got our son for the funeral. I wrote a poem (letter) from Rodger to God. My son went with me in front of all those at the funeral to read the poem but before I started to read, my son started telling their story to everyone.. I see this lost as a life given up to save others who suffer addiction. One month after my son succefully completed treatment he relapsed. This was almost two years ago and today my son is in jail for the third time since his relaps. This time we are blessed he is in there... He used too much HEROIN and overdose. The police found him in the parked car, needle in arm and foaming at hte mouth. He has been givin a second chance at life but how many chances will he get? I seen him the other day on a visit in jail and his attitude is worse then ever..... My name is Joyce. This is my life. My sons life. His name is Nyle and I love him unconditionaly. I will never give up on him but can't live his life anymore.. I love him enough to let him figure this out. I will never leave him but can't watch him kill himself. I am looking for a freind that understands what I'm going through so we can be there to hold one another up.............. P.S.   Signs of a heroin addict that I have live with..Please spread the word to help others know before they lose someone they love............
       * hot baths freaquently and through the night
       * leaving the house in the middle of the night or all hours of the day.
       * items missing from house or relatives home
       * sickness (vomiting, sweats,shakey (shaky),diahreha, ect)
       * finger prints on bathroom mirror (picking at face)
       * forever freinds not around anymore
       * lies!! Lot's of lies
       * The list goes on and on.

  If your child gets sick befor they use then they need the heroin. If your child gets sick after they use, their body is fighting it because it's not use to it.. That's when you can get a head start on helping them before it gets a hold on them!
    God Bless Everyone and remember... You are not alone.

      
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Your story has touched my heart in so many ways, my son is 24 his addiction started when he was 16. We have lost at least 20 children to heroin in our very small town, most of them kid's I had watch grow up. My battle goes on and on. It takes all my strength just to get through each day. My son made straight A's and never brought a book home, he was a star athlete with a giant heart. He would help anyone in need from and elderly lady with her bags to a mother with her hands full. I seen all of this goodness go away with the use of heroin. I have helped him go through detox then on to rehab and he has relapsed once, as far as I know. Right now he is in a lot of trouble with the law and i am in no position to help him. I feel so very helpless and can not even endure the thought of him in prison. I very much want to have control of my life back, not just for myself but for my other child and husband. Thank's for listening
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Thank you for the respomce to my letter. Oh how I needed a freind like you. I don't know how we will EVER be able to help our sons. There does come a point when we realize it isn't what we can do for them but what they can do for themseves.. But how do you let go? Tuesday, March 5th my son goes to court. He has been in jail for a short two weeks(at least I know he has been free of heroin for that short time. He was arrested on a warrsnt for revolk of his probation due to 3 drug tests that came back dirty.At this point I have been free of worries for his life but that could all come crashing down Tuesday. I have been to see him just the one time and didn't go back due to his attitude. I'm hoping that the "tough love" from me has givin him chance to think. Some say that the tough love begins when you kick them out. How can I do this knowing it may be my last time to see him alive? What's even more pressure on me is that I came from a history of law enforcement. My father retired as a sherriff of 29 years. My brother is a investagator and nephew is a K9 officer. We all live within 10 miles of each other so you can imagine that they have been involved in the arrests and investagation on him. My nephew (Nyles Godfather) was the  one on the sceen of his overdose and Nyle was involved on some of the investagations my brother performed that Nyle was involved in. Theft.It has been a rough and rocky road for them also. My son watches them from the jail cell window come to work daily. They haven't had any contact whatsoever for months. This has caused hardship on our relationships. We were ALL so very close. I am a firm believer in the law. Always have been and stil am. What I don't get is I have been to MEG Agents twice with names, addresses and plate numbers of heroin drug dealers that I know for a fact that sell to my son but they ( just can"t seem to take them down) for whatever reason. My belief in all this is they can take down the week who need help getting clean but CAN'T take down the big guys who sell! Very discouaging to me and frustrating.. I will post the outcome of the court and just hope they keep him longer. My thoughts will be with you karie68 and to all those who are lost in this disease. Praying for all of us that someday they will find their way back home to us.. God Bless.....
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corey411
i am in the same boat , i just can not bare to kick him out and let him go how did you get to that point. he has stolen , hawk , lied. i am so lost and feel like all my time is babysitting him and i have other children that are losing out
any advice would help
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I know it is an old post but your blog was the only one that I can relate to. I am NOT a mother. I want to be but it scares me to death. I have a brother and though he does not live with me; I know he is using. Lier like no other and I just know in my heart this is not a good road. Have you been able to cope with this? How do I start? I feel like maybe not caring anymore may be the answer so the pain is not back again. I have tried to convince him to get help in a treatment again but he is an adult and I know he will not listen to me. Specially because his girlfriend just doesn't seem to think it's a bug deal? Any hope is helpful. Thanks
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I not only have one child addicted to this awful drug, I have two. My 25 yr old son and my 21 yr old daughter. It really does break a parents heart to have their children lost to drugs. I have dealt with this for many years, trying to tell and show them what it will do to their lives. Nothing helps. My daughter went through a treatment center and within one week of coming home she went back to the boy she was dating and has relapsed. I still have the lying of her telling me she's clean, knowing that it's not true. They both have stolen from me. My son has been in jail. I feel like I have failed as a mother. I tell myself all the time that I can't help them any more and I need to pretty much cut them out of my life. But then I feel guilty at the same time, because they are my children and I should never turn my back on them. It is very scary because I know what this drug does and I just never know what day may be their last. The one thing that keeps me from losing it is my 19 yr old son.  He still lives at home and is a wonderful boy. He works 7 days a week at two jobs.
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my name is Philip. I have made a face book page to help with information on how to quit and to have others put up there stories on how they quit! its called THE FIRST STEP TO STOPPING. if you can find and like this page to help get the info out to those that need it i would greatly appreciate it. feel free to share stories about the ones you love, yourself, or people you my know on how they quit using. you never know who or how many people you could be helping!

thank you for helping
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I am the mother of a heroin addict. My daughter is 20 yrs. old and just took off from the 6th inpatient treatment center that she's been in. She is in a very big city and I have no idea where she is and her phone is off. I don't even know if she just left with the clothes on her back or if she planned it. The treatment center will not give me any information because she did not sign a release for me. I am scared. I wonder if I will ever see or talk to her again. I desperately want to tell her I love her. I don't want to lose her. I am afraid of what her rock bottom will be. She has already been to jail for possession and is on parole. She has lost two friends to overdose, one of which she found dead. If these haven't been bottom, then what will??? I am scared. I pray all the time and I know that she is in God's hands. What do I do if she calls out of the blue and wants to come home? I don't know if I'm strong enough to say no. Doing nothing feels like giving up. I have two other children (toddlers) to think about. But she is my baby. I have guilt. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I know I didn't cause her addiction and I know I cannot enable her. My heart is just aching. I'm praying for a word or sign to let me know she is okay and by that I mean alive. Not knowing is torture.
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I was reading the posts and I realize that not everyone is aware that there is help even if you don't have insurance. My daughter has no job, no money and no insurance. There are state funded treatment centers that offer treatment at sliding fee scales or even full grants for patients. I think it is SAMSHA (Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration) that you can contact to help direct you where you can find help. (samsha.gov) You have to do a lot of calling, searching and asking but I have found places for my daughter to go. There are even recovery homes that will allow for time for the person to find work to pay for their stay. My daughter has been to on of those also. Unfortunately she has not made the choice to stop using. I hope this helps to those who want help. God bless.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you and all of us have to endure this pain, but your story was a comfort to me knowing that I am not alone. I too sent my daughter to Rosecrance. It was the first treatment center she went to at 15. It was the first time my eyes were opened. I cried all through the family weekend. I thought surely this will help. It was only the beginning of a long and painful journey to which I can see no end. At that time she was not using heroin yet. She quickly progressed in her drug use. It is so hard to realize that forcing them to go to treatment won't make any difference if they haven't made the decision to get clean themselves. I still haven't heard a word from her. She is in Chicago and I am scared. There's no way for me to find her. She is a needle in a haystack. My only hope now is that she'll get caught and arrested for another possession. I feel like if I cry a little harder or worry a little more that it will make a difference. I am trying to keep it together for my other children but this is surely taking me over. She too has lost two friends to this drug and it hasn't stopped her. She needs a Miracle! and I do believe miracles happen. I remind myself of the times she has overdosed (4 that I know of) and has been found on the floor in a hallway of a hotel at 4:00 am dying from an overdose and an ambulance was called and she was saved. She has been to Chicago before and has taken off from a different center with a warrant out for her arrest and was caught because the car she was in got pulled over. These are miracles! I have to believe they are and I can only hope and pray for another miracle like these.
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My dear sweet Gayle, this is your mom and the grandmother of such a bright and intelligent young lady who continues "chasing the dragon" . I pray everyday for my grandaughter to have the lightbulb to come on and she begin to make positive life choices which will lead her to a spiritual path of normalcy and serenity. I can empathize with your intense pain and the love you have for her.
And after reading the above blogs, you are obviously not alone. Miracles will happen.  I believe the situation may seem helpless for you but I believe the situation is not hopeless..Sometimes, Doing the Right Thing may not seem Right at the time or does not feel good....Saying NO to her regarding her calling today and asking for money to be wired to her...and you can stop rescuing her....i pray for her to  return to the Rehab.  yOU HAVE GIVEN OPTIONS ,,,I.E. POLICE DPT, CHURCHES, CATHOLIC CHARITIES SALVATION ARMY. I believe you are teaching and modeling how to respect you as Her Mother...LIke saying to her "I love you and she has to make Herself SAFE.  The Real Miralcle has to be within your daughter/my grandaughter!!  And thats what"s we pray for. Stay Strong and tough.  And I support  you in all that you are doing.   You no longer have to be "the LONE RANGER"!  Lovingly and affectionaltely, you mom.    
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Im also a mom of a heroin addict. she is 19. I have been to hell and back. omg! this is not a life for anyone! not the addicts or the parents or family. its the worst thing ever. my life has changed and now i have pts and severe anxiety after the horrific things i had to see. Im forever changed. traumatized. not only ruining her life and health but getting in trouble with the law instead of doing positive stuff. I'd rather be making car payments for her than hospital payments.. its so sad.. im so depressed.. i wonder if things would change if i died.. maybe it would make her realize stuff. who knows.. she has a family that loves her shes super talented and intelligent and now shes ruining her brain too. after trying outpatient.. failed  then hospitals for pain meds.. lies.. then detox for 5 days.. then i said just go stay with family in europe. so shes there now. 30 days sober but still freakin out.. i dunno what to do.. at least shes not using over there.. at least she doesnt have all her junkie friends she was using with. my husband is also traumatized.. it not her dad.. but he's still here.. we might break up due to this because its way difficult to handle. he wants to go back to europe.. so do i.. but the daughter wants to come back already! she says she wants to go to rehab.. yea right! i cant believe anything anymore... i dont even have a life!  it seems like my life is dictated by her every move or decision and i cant do ANYTHING for myself. or even her! so if i move to europe i wont have a job but i will be there with her complaining anf trying to get her hands on any pills to relax she keeps asking for seroquil or suboxone. im just afraid she'll melt those and inject that! dear God whyyyyyyyyyyy??????? she is so beautiful... whyyyyy? she used for about 2 1/2 years how long until herbrain and mood swings and restlessness goes away? i keep telling her to hang on and keep up the great work of staying sober.. i tell her she needs time for her neurons to heal... she thinks she had add.. all she does is think of meds pills and thas it! yes spoons have a different meaning to me too.. it use to be yummy soup and now it give me anxiety to look at spoons.. i had to buy plastic spoons!!! WHO CAN LIVE LIKE THIS??? I HAD TO WATCH HER TO SEE IF SHE WAS BREATHING!!! IF SHE WAS STILL ALIVE!! GER VEINS ARE ALL DESTROYED.. IM DESTROYED AFTER WHAT I BEEN THREW..  but at least shes far away from the bad friends and this damn drug that ruined our children and families... did you know the US military in Afghanistan are guarding poppy fields so they can ship them over here in the US so all our children now are addicts. wonderful isnt it? helpppp any advice? Should i pack up and move so she wont come back alone? or should i stay here in the usa and pray she doesnt have a major tantrum and want to come back?  help!!!! desperate mom
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I am shocked to see how many people are experiencing this. My son started with oxy - first snorting - then shooting it in his veins - then went to rehab.. got  kicked out of rehab for shooting heroin!!! I have been through hell as well. Checking on him to see if he is breathing... He spent some time in county jail - is on house arrest now until July - We have tried everything to help him. He states he loves to get high!! He wont accept responsibility for his actions - always someone else fault he got caught or in trouble. He has done so much damage to our family. I dont know how to help him. It makes me sick. I thank God each day I have him alive.. but I fear the worst. It is so scary ...... I feel hopeless... Everyone says he has to want to do it.. but he could kill himself first. .....
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I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Believe me when I say that I have been there. All we can do as parents is love our children, pray for them and enable recovery. I used to let myself get swallowed up by the drama, deceit, and worry and it did not help my daughter one bit, in fact it made it easier for her to manipulate me and harder for me to cope. Really the only thing you can do (because you cannot control this awful addiction!) is get control over YOUR life...that doesn't mean that you love your child less...you are showing them strength...giving them an example of hope and peace in the middle of a tornado. I read something someone said and It really helped me gain perspective..."We do not give up on our children...We need to be a lighthouse for them as they look back to us (and they definitely do) while they're in the midst of the stormy sea"
I have started going to a parents al-anon meeting and it has helped me get stronger. I would encourage you to do the same. I will pray for both of you. God loves you and your children
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IT REALLY IS TORTURE AND I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, WISHING MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT SHE WOULD JUST WALK THRU THE DOOR, OR CALL. WE CAN ONLY LOVE THEM AND TRY TO FIX WHAT IS HURTING SO THAT THEY CAN START HEALING WITH OTHER MEANS OTHER THAN HEROIN.
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IT REALLY IS TORTURE AND I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, WISHING MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT SHE WOULD JUST WALK THRU THE DOOR, OR CALL. WE CAN ONLY LOVE THEM AND TRY TO FIX WHAT IS HURTING SO THAT THEY CAN START HEALING WITH OTHER MEANS OTHER THAN HEROIN.
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I read your blog .. it brought tears to my eyes.. these stores of heroin addiction are so painfully heart-wrenching. And now I have just found out that my 21 yr old granddaughter is addicted to heroin..Her parents (my daughter) have suspected but have also believed her lies that she had stopped..Unfortunately, I have no advice for you because I don't know what to do either..this is an evil that i have not had to deal with...My prayers are going out for all of you.
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I understand the feelings of guilt.  I play tough love constantly with my daughter who is a heroin addict.  It kills me every time I have to say no, but I keep saying no.  I cry all the time but have to keep telling myself I am doing the right thing.  I don't want to be the parent who enables the behavior.
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I am 22 years old, and I have been addicted to heroin since I was 18. I just wanted to give you guys (parents of heroin addicts) a little perspective of how it is for me, and possibly for your children. The first time I did heroin was the first time I had ever tried a drug, other than occasional marijuana use. I was tricked into using, as a (now) ex-boyfriend told me it was cocaine. I wanted to seem cool, so I snorted the line. A few minutes later, I was very sick, vomiting, and alternating from awake to asleep. I was confused, and asked what was wrong with me. He replied, quote, "Sorry babe, that wasn't cocaine, it was heroin." I was shocked, but I figured it was a one-time deal, and I would never do it again.

However, I still wanted this boy to like me, and I continued to hang out with him. Every time we were together, though, the heroin was there. I continued to do it with him, out of sheer naïviete. I had no idea that the drug was so powerful, no idea that it would take hold of my life and turn it upside down... no idea that in a few short months I would have a needle in my arm.

I didn't realize that I was hooked at first. The first time I experienced withdrawal, I was on a family vacation overseas. I thought I was just sick - that I had eaten something bad... I suffered through my sickness, and continued on my vacation. When I returned home, however, I was off to the races, only this time, the needle was there.

I did everything I never ever wanted to do, and more. I stole from my friends and family. I stole from stores. I lied and cheated. I made up continuous stories. I lost jobs, got into numerous car accidents. I was arrested and cost my family thousands in legal fees. I never meant to hurt my family the way I did, and I believe that no addict intentionally sets out to hurt people. Most addicts get hooked by accident. They don't realize how powerful heroin and opiates really are.

My family did everything for me. They enabled me to the fullest. Gave me money for drugs, both knowingly and unknowingly. Paid my lawyers. Fixed wrecked cars and bought new ones. Paid for rehab, outpatient, suboxone doctors, vivitrol doctors, and methadone clinics. They loved me endlessly and enabled me to the fullest. All their love couldn't get me clean. I had to do it for me. All my forced stints in rehab didn't do the trick... I only went to get my family off my back. I finally got clean when I wanted it. A family's love can only go so far. Sometimes too much love can kill an addict. A family will keep enabling an addict to death. Sometimes it's better to love from afar.
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Thank you so much for writing in this blog.  You just brought tears of relief.  I do not enable my daughter when it comes to money, housing, food, etc...  But when she wanted to go to rehab, I was there with her for the couple of days it took to get in.  I tell her I love her whenever I get an opportunity just to hear her voice.  Again, thank you and congratulations to you for realizing this and finding a way to help yourself when you were ready.
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My daughter is 22 now she started off doing cheese at age 14 and I didn't know she was doing anything until two Christmas's ago, they all told me it was bars she was on for her anxiety. ( A prescription doctors regularly prescribed for my child)

June 29th 2013 at 2:00 am I got that call I had been preparing myself for years for. It was her friend telling me my daughter had died and been raped by two men while she was over dosing. I was frantic and yet this horrible feeling of relief swept over me because I have been literally tortured for months wondering if and when my daughter would die and this sickness and torture would end for both of us.

Then something went off in me and I got mad, Called 911 to find out where to claim my poor child's lifeless body and to ask if it was really true. I was told the call the hospital and actually found my daughter was ALIVE!!!!

Someone had given her ice and coke on top of the heroin and xanax that was in her system. They had put my daughter in a tub of water and all argued about calling 911 to save her life. My daughter died that day and was brought back to life and news upon her waking of the rape sent her over the edge.

See when my daughter died she went to a dark place some people call the void. She was very scared when I first saw her. she just wanted to know that she was loved. I told her over and over again that I did. All she kept saying was that she was scared.

Later The dark room has made her think there is no God or maybe it's hell but it didn't stop her because hours after being out of the hospital and surviving death she was back to shooting up that poison again!

I have had to postpone my heart surgery that is much needed and change my entire life. Most nights I just stay up crying and trying to spend as much sober time with her that I can not knowing when she will leave this earth and trying to savor every minute.

I have done some crazy things, calling all her dope connections, threatening her with hell and jail for selling it and doing it. Texing all her connections and turning all texts and numbers into the police. Leaving horrible messages on Facebook telling all her low life pos friends that if my daughter actually dies and doesn't come back that I will hold a private funeral and none of them will know where and when! Telling her dope connects to never contact her again.

I am at my whits end. She will never go to treatment and never has, she still says she doesn't have a problem. So at night I put my hand on her head and I pray for her until I fall asleep and she gets up and runs off usually in the morning while I sit wondering if today is the day she's gonna die for good or worse.

I wouldn't wish this hell on my worse enemy. It's the most horrible terrifying torturing thing on Earth. No one has any answers for me. All I can do is NOT ENABLE HER and pray to God that he will help us and let me keep my child on this earth and have that sweet beautiful child back.  

If anyone has any suggestions other than church please let me know because I am helpless, and the worse feeling in the world is being helpless to being able to help your child.

When dying and coming back to life isn't enough to quit then I don't know what is. And if it's not the heroin it's xanax so I just can't win.
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Jaymello,
   Your story sounds so familiar to me. My daughter is also 22 yrs old and was addicted to heroin like you. She came from a very loving home, loving parents who were not divorced, the typical suburan home...she pretty much got what what she needed and wanted without being overly spoiled. She always had rules and boundries set and followed them.
       I joined this group in 2009 when my life was a mess. I'm here now to tell you and everyone else my daughter has gotten her life together, she is clean, and healthy, and wonderful. Like you said, SHE had to be ready!! We put her in probably 4 rehabs...outpatient, inpatient...nothing helped...and it cost us a forgoing...and that was with GOOD insurance!!...they only cover 80% for rehabs, so we had to pay the rest! Then, she would come right out of a rehab, and be using within a couple of weeks sometimes.
      I'm getting off topic here...my point is this...you can stand on your head trying to help, you can offer all the love in the world...my BEST ADVICE...and this is what my daughter says is what saved her life...it's hard, it's the most difficult thing I've EVER HAD TO DO IN MY LIFE...I had to become a tough love parent and kick my daughter out!...YES...that's right!...it sounds horrible, but when I found her overdosed in her bedroom closet with a needle in her arm, I pulled the needle out, had to begin CPR while my younger daughter called 911, and it took me 4 rounds of CPR to save my daughters life (thank God I used to be a nurse and remembered how to do CPR!). The paramedics came, took her to the hospital, and by that time, she was awake, alert, and doing better! I looked at her and told her I wasn't going to go with her. She was shocked! I told her I loved her too much to continue to watch her kill herself. I'm not sure she was alert enough to understand...she called from the E.R. A couple of hours later asking why I wasn't there and I told her again...and that's when I told her she had to have a friend come pick her up...because her father and I were NOT ALLOWING HER TO LIVE AT OUR HOME ANY LONGER. My husband went to the E.R. With a suitcase packed with some clothes and belongings, and she never slept home again! It was a VERY RISKY MOVE on my part! She could have been on the street...but I HAD to do it! She stayed with her boyfriend (at that time) but soon moved in with another boy who thank God was the boy that was the one who got her clean! ...well...she got herself clean, but, HE had a LOT to do with it! They are still together, and she has never had a relapse. She holds down a full time job, pays her bills, and has nice car that she bought herself. I am very proud of her, and love her very much. I am not so stupid to think this can never return...I know addiction is a lifelong battle. But, I'll take this good time for now. I wanted everyone who is going through the horrible times to know there IS a light at the end of that dark tunnel...but you MUST BE STRONG AND YOU MUST BE A TOUGH LOVE PARENT!!...IT IS ...WELL...IT'S TOUGH!! But in the end, you'll have your baby back, clean and healthy.
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Thank you for your story. A few days ago, I kicked my heroin addicted son out. I've been dealing with his drug problem (of one drug or another) for over 11 years. He is a 27 year old triplet.........he has a brother and a sister the same age. They are not addicted to drugs. I have a 29 year old daughter that is not a drug user either. Why or how can you raise all your children the same and have one have so much trouble?? It's killing me. But I know I have done the right thing. I will not stand aside and watch him kill himself. I've tried to love him and understand him and now I don't even want to see him. I DO love him..........but I'm at the end of my rope. Helping him with rehabs and supporting him has put me in a financial mess. He has borrowed money and stolen from his family. It's just heartbreaking to read all these posts from people having the same issues with a heroin user that I have. I pray for everyone out there to find some peace and get their children back. That's all I want........I want my son back. I hope I am doing the right thing.......but what I have been doing has not helped him one bit. My oldest daughter told me he was digging his own grave ....and I was holding the shovel. I keep thinking that and the fact that my 4 year old granddaughter comes to visit me and since I'd found needles around my house (stuck in a plant outside....in between the couch cusions.....etc) I will not risk her safety. I'm just sick over this drug.......I'm angry and I wish there was something I could do to stop it from being around.....our children are addicted and dying!!!!
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Thank you for your story. A few days ago, I kicked my heroin addicted son out. I've been dealing with his drug problem (of one drug or another) for over 11 years. He is a 27 year old triplet.........he has a brother and a sister the same age. They are not addicted to drugs. I have a 29 year old daughter that is not a drug user either. Why or how can you raise all your children the same and have one have so much trouble?? It's killing me. But I know I have done the right thing. I will not stand aside and watch him kill himself. I've tried to love him and understand him and now I don't even want to see him. I DO love him..........but I'm at the end of my rope. Helping him with rehabs and supporting him has put me in a financial mess. He has borrowed money and stolen from his family. It's just heartbreaking to read all these posts from people having the same issues with a heroin user that I have. I pray for everyone out there to find some peace and get their children back. That's all I want........I want my son back. I hope I am doing the right thing.......but what I have been doing has not helped him one bit. My oldest daughter told me he was digging his own grave ....and I was holding the shovel. I keep thinking that and the fact that my 4 year old granddaughter comes to visit me and since I'd found needles around my house (stuck in a plant outside....in between the couch cusions.....etc) I will not risk her safety. I'm just sick over this drug.......I'm angry and I wish there was something I could do to stop it from being around.....our children are addicted and dying!!!!
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Whisper3,
   I am SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!! I believe you have done the RIGHT THING!! I pray you have saved his life. When I read how you found needles in sofa cushions, and on plant containers, OH, DEAR! GOD!!! You CAN NOT have this near your grand babies!!! For one thing, those needles could POSSIBLY be infected with either hepatitis C or possibly worse...HIV!...my daughter had Hep C from sharing needles!,,,UGH!!! That is another fine saga of drug addiction we had to go through...thank goodness she was still under our insurance, because the meds for THAT are a a FORTUNE, and treatment is LONG! Thank God, and a great liver specialist, she is cured now. You know...these kids just DON'T think about all of THIS crap when they go on heroin, do they??
...but I got off topic...sorry...as I was saying, you absolutely did the right thing for your grandchild too! That baby can NOT be around that kind of life! Please do a complete sweep for needles around the house and be VERY careful not to stick your hands into anything! Look in ALL your son's old coat pockets, his closet, under his mattress, small containers in his room, etc. I hate to tell you, I even had the police do a search of my daughters room after she went to the emergency room. They asked me if I wanted them to, and after I just brought her back to life and I was exhausted, I figured, SURE! Go right ahead! It will save me the trouble! Do you know she had it hidden SO well they never even found where she had it? When I threw her out, she called me and told me where she had needles hidden. Of course there were no drugs...she had used all of those!
   I know how you are feeling...I know you are going through a LOT of doubt and wondring if you did the wrong thing...believe me...as a mom...you will ALWAYS wonder...but just look at your grand baby and picture him/her finding one of those needles and Godforbid sticking themselves with it!...then you will know you did the right thing! Again...I am PROUD OF YOU for being a Tough Love Mom!
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Hello
I am the mother of a 23yr heroin addict.I can't believe how many parents are out there living in the same hell as us.
Your message is truly inspirational, honest and so true. I have no idea how many years my son is addicted to heroin, all I see is that he has come to a point where he is ready to overdose.
When he is coherent , he begs for help and swears he will do to Detox.Since we can't afford a good rehab here in the states, he agreed to go to Greece at Kethea for 9 months. The outcome of this trip was an arrest when he tried to stab one of his friends over money.
I only have one question.......how effective and/or dangerous is locking an addict in a room lets say to go through the pains and all the withdrawal symptoms with no pain killers etc?? He might not talk to me for the rest of his life but I rather have an alive sober son that hates me than a coffin.
Please have in mind before you answer me that we have tried every method available to get him to go in rehab. Thank you for yr time
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only have one question.......how effective and/or dangerous is locking an addict in a room lets say to go through the pains and all the withdrawal symptoms with no pain killers etc?? He might not talk to me for the rest of his life but I rather have an alive sober son that hates me than a coffin.

You can't do that.  One, it's illegal to hold someone against their will.  That's the REALLY big thing, and the other thing is that YOU cannot MAKE him get clean or stay clean.  It HAS to be something he does for himself.  ALL you can do is support him and make bottom lines that you will stick to.

Your son has displayed violent and dangerous behavior.  You need to let him go and let him be accountable for what happens.  You can't love him clean, you cannot rescue him.  There are plenty of rehab facilities that don't cost a penny.  Let him do his homework and find them.

I would strongly recommend that you seek some help for yourself and your other family members, in the form of either private therapy, or alanon/naranon.  You need to learn about enabling and codependency.  Basically what happens is that the whole family becomes sick.  HE is addicted to his drug, and YOU are addicted to him.  Happens all the time, and you need to learn how to change those behaviors.  Enabling and being codependent will only help him to keep using, not to get clean.  I would bet you're very codependent, that seems obvious just in how you write about his addiction.  You say "WE have been through every method."  This has to be  "he" thing.  You need to tell him you will ONLY support him in his recovery, not his active addiction.  Tough love.  THAT is what works.

Sadly, the harsh truth is, addicts often have to run out of options and hit a serious bottom before they become ready.  If you keep giving him options and don't give him consequences, he will continue to use.

It sounds like he is at a critical point.  II pray he gets himself some help.  Is he living with you?  Do you give him money?  How does he afford his habit?  Does he work?

Please keep posting, you're among people here who understand, both from the perspective of the loved one of an addict, and also from the addict's view as well.  Take care!
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Thank you for your response. I obviously gave a wrong impression with my question. The only reason I asked was that I was told by an officer in the narcotic division in Greece that it actually works. He mentioned success stories with that method.
Not only do I know it's illegal , I think it's a risk for his mental health as well.
Let me give you a briefing about my son.....he was born in the US and at age 11 we all moved to Greece, ironically to get away from drugs.
He was an honor student, very mature for his age.
At about 15 we found out that he smoked weed. we were so naive that we let it go after a small lecture saying to ourselves it's the age....he is too smart to go deeper.
That was our first mistake as parents cause we continued giving him anything he wanted.....money, cars etc
As we all know in this forum they are great manipulating liars and his downfall into heavier drugs was not noticable till 2 yrs ago.
He finished a culinary school while using cocaine, pills and god knows what else. ( I just found this out) it surprises me that he actually graduated.
About 2 yrs ago we moved back to the states since there are no job opportunities in Greece. He decided to work with his father in construction rather than searching for work in his field. You see money is better in that field.....that was another mistake we made
Of course he lives with us and we never suspected anything till about a year ago that he was a heroin addict.
Trying to understand him and the reasons that made him go there....we were very supportive, talking to him and encouraging him to start being honest with us so we can help him. That is how he opened up and told us the truth about drugs he used and number of yrs.
Of course he was just saying what we wanted to hear. He was spending all his money for his drugs and stealing from us too. He was lying all the time about everything, that his money was spend on Suboxene and that he was doing his best to clean up.
Then about 2 months ago when my husband found him comatose in the bathroom.....he started saying I can't take my life any more I want to die, please help me.
The reason he decided to go aboard for rehab was that he wanted to be close to his sister. Yes I have a daughter too who is studying aboard and has been next to him for all these yrs, she was the one that finally convinced him to get help.
Then all hell broke loose........he found better heroin in Greece (his words) and he decided to stay there.....of course rehab was out of the picture now.
I was so frustrated that I told him to move out of my house......he went to a friends house and over money he stabbed him.
He was arrested, gotten out of jail in 3 days, I took him home and his mind was so messed up that he kept saying it was self defense.
No question about coming back to the states......he kept telling me that heroin is so bad in NY that he will soon die and he wanted to stay and fix his life in GR.
Now let me explain to you that I knew he had no intension of ever stop using....he kept giving me examples of people he knew married with kids and users for yrs.
So with lies.....( I am ashamed to say) I convinced him to come back to NY with me so I can help him. I have been doing research since I got back and I can't believe what I read.....this is a demon we are fighting, it's an uphill swim and a lifelong battle. At least now I know........
He doesn't know I lied to him.......economically we are not doing well , so he thinks that is the main reason I can't fulfill my promises to him.
We are trying to make him see that he has to go to rehab.......out of all the stories I read....trust me I have understood that much....."THEY HAVE TO BE READY"
So to make him see reason........my husband refuses to take him to work, we took the company truck away and I told him there is only 20$ allowance a day. he went crazy the first day.......he kept telling me that I am making him go out there and become a thief........he took a watch to sell....I got it back though.......he has pawed his jewlery twice..... and yesterday he tried selling an old car stereo.......
I will not throw him out in the street yet......he is afraid of the cops....that is how I got the watch back.....I threaten him that I would call 911
He has admitted to me that he uses 10 envelopes in a syringe......2-3 times a day......(well that was when he had money)
I will wait a while for him to realize that he has hit bottom........nothing else I can do.......thank you for listening and for the advice
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Wow, that's quite a story!  I'm glad you realize that he lies and is manipulative, that's good that you're not falling for his BS.

It sounds like you guys have finally started getting a little tougher, but IMO,. you need to take drastic measures, and yes, that includes kicking him out and NO allowance (what does a grown man need to get an allowance for?  That sounds more like guilt so you're not cutting him off completely).  Of course I'm sure you know he will use every penny of that on drugs.  His usage is at a critical level, 10 bags at each time, several times a day?  That is a SERIOUSLY big habit.

He's guilt tripping you too, saying he will die with the heroin in NY, well THAT is not on you, all of that is on him.  If he would die from anything, it would be his HUGE habit.

He's stealing from you, he's already in legal trouble (when does he have to answer for the stabbing?  I imagine he's facing some big time?), plus he's proven to be violent.  THAT is toxic to have in your home.

My advice to you (and I understand it isn't easy, believe me) is let GO, kick him out, NO more help of ANY sort, no food, no money, no rides, no access to your home, NOTHING.  He HAS to be placed into a situation where it's critical that he's uncomfortable, and maybe even unsafe.

You've done all you can and then some.  Get help for you, tell him you're DONE, and that you will always be there, ready to support him when you SEE real attempts at recovery.

I really think that's the best option, for all involved.  I will pray for your son, it's a dire situation for sure.  Take care and please update us and please know that none of this is on you.  HE is making the choice to not take recovery seriously.  He needs help and he just doesn't sound anywhere near ready to stop.  I'm so sorry!
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That is exactly what I think too. He is not ready......but knowing him...he will never be. So I will take your advice and let go. It's the same advice my daughter has been giving me for the past months.
That might actually work since he has no where to go here......and that was the reason he wanted to stay in GR........lots of "friends" and a crooked legal system. You see there was a time he was dealing there too ( I just found out) he is too afraid to do that here.
His court date for the stabbing has not been appointed, it will be serious of course and he also broke parole. I actually had to smuggle him out.......I had too......there was no other way. Too many relatives there to give him money , shelter etc.  and his lack of fear in Gr would have made him a bigger criminal than he already is.
Thank you so much again.......It means so much
I will keep posting updates and keep praying too not only for my son but for all the kids out there.
God bless
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How is he out of jail?  Was he bailed/bonded out?  I sure hope you're not on the hook for him if he doesn't show.

I'm so glad to see you realize what you have to do, as hard as it is.  He's too comfy, he has no consequences, and soon, everyone else will be suffering his consequences.

Prayers for you.
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The wound was pretty minor and since he had no previous record , they let him out on parole. He was beaten and he claimed self defense , the fact that the other victim buried himself with Facebook threats and gory details of my son's beating ( he is also in and out of jail) helped.
I don't know the consequences of his leaving the country.......l would let him figure it out.
As you very well pointed out.....he has to face the consequences of his actions.
Be well
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I wish you the very best for you and your son, I think you MUST start taking care of yourself. The allowance is unbelievable for a grown adult... he is taking you guys for a ride to feed his addiction. You have done all you can... it is time that your son faces the consequences of HIS actions with choosing drugs over family.Kick him out of the house and make some hard rules now. Change the locks. You must start to detach yourself from your son. Your son is addicted to drugs and you are addicted to your son.
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Thank you for your advice....I haven't given him any money since I spoke to nursegirl6572 .......and I told him he had a week before he was to sleep on the sidewalk.......now that has been already a big turn around. He has been searching for an affordable rehab and been on Suboxene......hasn't left the house either.......so I know he hasn't used.
Don't get me wrong!!! I know this is temporary!!!!!! He probably thinks that all will go back to the way they were.........I hope he sees he is mistaken. I have done my homework....if this will get him clean.....then so be it.....
TOUGH LOVE!!!!!!
Thanks again
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You never know, keep the faith!  Maybe you finally getting tough and taking his options away WILL make a difference.  Just be sure to hold your ground and always follow through..if he does something and you told him there would be a certain consequence, then stick with that.

It's SO true that often they have to REALLY feel the negative effects of their addiction before they decide it's time to get help.

Prayers still coming your way!
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Stay strong... my prayers are with you to hold you line. He knows what to do/say to trigger your emotions. He must be ready to quit. Too many times we force our loves ones to quit which only makes them do more drugs (fighting the system... you). Like the church girl that leaves the house for the first time and becomes the party girl. You love your son but you do not love what drugs have turned your son into. STAY HAPPY and take time for YOU! Never ever blame yourself UNLESS you failed to "parent" (ie, child with no house rules... the problem in the inter cities). Cheers.
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Apparently my post is very long, Im going to post it in sections, hopefully it works :)

This thread goes back many years...I just read all your posts with a very sick feeling. So Sad...each and everyone of you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Is there hope ??  I've asked myself that same question for nearly 8 years now.  I see bits of my life in each one of your stories. Right from the beginning to where life now stands.  I can relate to every one of you.  My son now 24 an IV heroin addict, let me clarify that an addict to anything that could be shot up...heroin his doc.
I first became aware of his iv addiction about 4 years ago,I was VERY ignorant.  I some how knew I could fix his life...I'm his mom, but didn't have a clue where life was going to take us.  I still take a deep breath just remembering where we have been. The Pain...a pain you don't know exists until your in our shoes.  Our children...alive, but gone. I tried nearly a year on my own to get my son back on his feet, but didn't know the demon I was facing.  I fought and I fought hard, until it beat me down, I myself was giving up on life. I let him...his addiction control my every breath. Down to my last effort, my final online search for help, I found med help, by total accident. 3 years ago, I poured my heart out here and as I look back, this is where MY life began again.  To all that are just facing this battle and the new people to come...Support is our biggest asset. Just to know your not alone and there are others to offer their experiences so freely. Its been several years since I've been here and not really sure why I find myself here tonight, as life is actually the calmest its been in a long time. After reading your stories, freakedoutmom's story nearly identical to ours. Is there hope ?  YES...there is Always hope !
The responses to my initial post...compassion, caring, helpful, I wasn't alone any more...But what stands out in a Big way to me now, where the words I read from nearly everyone of them "Only They Can Do It" wiser words never said, but it took my stubborn Me to figure that out. Enable...what it enable ?  Food and shelter ?  If I didn't provide that for my dog I would go to jail...how can you not provide that for your sick child.  That was the hardest thing for me to be able to get past, but that is exactly where it needed to go. As said above, to give life, sometimes we need to love our addicts, from a distance.
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My sons story, began with a 4 wheeler accident when he was 16.. he was prescribed  hydros.  He graduated to oxys, then on to became a dealer to support his growing addiction. The endless cycle only beginning. Jail, rehab, relapse, od, jail, rehab, relapse, od. All the while, I stood by his side, knowing it was only until the next time, if by Gods will he had a next time. Our family went from a fairly stable financial situation, to nearly nothing in a matter of a few years.  Money was nothing, if we could only get our son back.  Money...didn't bring our son back, he only continued his path to self destruction. After trying everything a parent could do, the only thing I hadn't tried was, tough love.  I didn't have the heart, but it was very clear to me now, that was all that was left.  By this time he was at his worst, and still living with me. It was Thanksgiving dinner 2010," my" first break through.  I sat across from him at the dinner table, and kicked him through out dinner to keep him from falling face first in his plate, he was higher, than I had ever seen.  It hurt deep that day.  As his oldest brother was leaving I ask him to please take him with him I couldn't look at him any more.  The next day, he called to come home.
I refused, everything escalated from that point on.
He ended up in drug house after drug house.  The final house was raided...he ran, but no where to run.  I hadn't heard from him in months,  I kept in contact with people that would hear about him, as you can imagine the news never good, but I knew he was still alive.  My next question was,
where was rock bottom, was I suppose to also hit it as his mom ?  Every thing  was gone all the dangerous situations that I never expected to find any of my children in, that I had protected him from his entire life, he alone put himself there, the first time in his life...I couldn't stop him.
I guess this is where my horror, became my calm.  I had met several moms here all facing a very similar situation, my realization came after hearing their stories.  Each one of us giving our lives for our children, not one of us tried tough love.  That was all we had left, one mom and I did it together, we seemed to give each other that strength that no one in our lives could.  Each of us had many, but you can only talk to someone that doesn't live that life for so long, before they just didn't want to deal with it.  What we need as parents is 24/7 support, just what I found here.  I found no one could "tell" me what to do, it became what I call a Process, that eventually led me to the path I was told in the beginning to take. I remember thinking...if I had listened would we have moved along faster, to where we are today ?
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Rock bottom seemed to elude him, I was beginning to understand what enable meant.  What enable in our situation meant was my simple presents in his life, not what I gave him, not what I did for him...it was he knowing no matter where he took his life, he could and would always run back to the mom, that couldn't let him go.
I found guidance here...on day one, 3 years later that guidance turned into the most deep trusting relationship Ive ever had in my life. A stranger, changed 2 lives.  While he never "told" me what to do, his compassion, his endless hours of me, just listening, being there for me gave me, everything I needed, something I couldn't find alone.
I didn't know the strength he slowly built in me, until I was faced with a final decision. I was given a Gift, in Many Ways, only he knows what he has become to me.

Several months passed, with no word from my son, I had no idea where he was at this point...needless to say each minute still a minute of torture in my heart.
The only comfort I had, was I didn't receive a call to identify his body.
I knew at this point, he was homeless, sleeping many nights under a bridge in snow, when did he last eat, was he warm enough, all the thoughts that raced through my mind...it was a whirlwind.  This time, I couldn't find him.
Mid Jan.  I received a text from my son, it was very brief and right to the point.
He told me he held in his hand enough heroin to put him to sleep...he no longer wanted the life of a junkie. He asked me to please forgive him, he couldn't leave knowing my love for him was gone. I love you mom, Im sorry.
I read and reread that message 100 x while the meaning was clear, I came to the final realization...he was already dead.  "I" gambled with his life that night, after hours of soul searching it was only I that made my decision.  I responded to his message, in a way that 3 years earlier I wouldn't have even considered. All he needed to know, was I loved him, but I didn't give him that this time.  I told him, my life was no longer life, watching him had  left only a shell of me. He was no longer welcome in my life as an addict.(At this point, the only thing I wanted for both of us was peace, in what ever form it had to come ) I refused to tell him I loved him, but did tell him to find the peace he so desperately searched for.  I knew in my heart he knew it was eternal love, I was the only one to remain, I walked the path with him, right until the end.
When I pushed send...I felt the most soothing
sense of peace wash over me.  What had I done, was not even a question, as many of you know they become nothing that resembles "our" children. This time...I myself, put him in Gods hands.
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The first 24 hours, I don't remember, but as the days went on with no call, while I didn't know what to expect, I suspected he was still alive.  A mothers nightmare...Oh, there are no words.
Nearly a month later, a knock on my door, on the other side of the door stood, my clean son.  Something was VERY different about him this time. The first time since his dance with addiction, he did it the hard way and for only one reason...HIM.
I wish I could tell you that is the happy ending to a very sad story, but I cant.  
While his life returned to "normal" for over a year, it was a daily struggle for him. My guard never went down, but I took full advantage of the son I thought I had lost.  We spent many many hours laughing, just precious time. We both looked at each other in a different way, a way that only he and I seemed to understand, something that could only be felt, not described. 2 things came to mind as I
watched him go about his normal happy life from a distance. 2 symbols that will forever be his life story to me.  He from a very young age, loved rollercoasters and motorcycles.  I terrified of both.  It was only my son that was able to get me on the one and only true rollercoaster ride in my life.  I of course went unwillingly...he threw me over his shoulder, carrying me all the way to the top, and Held me through out my fear, right until the end of the ride. His words to me were " mom...Im proud of you, I knew you could do it " :)  That was only months before the rollercoaster ride of my life, little did I know then where that first gut wrenching drop was taking our lives.  Back to a normal life, he was able to buy himself a motorcycle.  Of course only he would be the one to get me on the back with him.  While it was a ride from hell for me...it represented freedom to me for him.  
In my heart... I felt life, in my mind I suspected it to be only temporary.
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15 months clean, he met her.  She an active addict.  While I wanted and tried to put the blame on her.  I knew the blame lay only on him.  Within 24 hours, I saw my son once again only in body.
He returned to the only life he seemed to understand.
Back to jail 3 xs in about 5 months, each time the judge releasing him to rehab, which only returned him to jail.
Long story short, lead him to a suicide attempt in the end. Od with a slit wrist. I also took a MAJOR step back...I once again walked out of his life.  I was contacted by a crisis councilor that held him.  I talked to him for a very long time holding nothing back.  He asked me if I was there for him...I told him No.  I could no longer live his life, I have a disabled daughter that needed me.  The councilor...he heard me, he understood me.  For the first time, my son was found "Real" help.  Mental health help.  He was treated very aggressively and diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety.  Several months went by with no contact between he and I again, but this time I was at peace in a different way.  While I couldn't come face to face with my son, I kept in very close contact with his councilor.  Many months of adjusting meds..finally seemed to be another break through.  He was also put on suboxone.  I know...lots of controversy over suboxone....one drug replacing another.  In his situation, I look at suboxone as a lifesaver.  It and he very closely monitored, in his case it is used as maintenance to help prevent the relapse, that I guess we all suspect to happen. If suboxone is to be in his life for the rest of it, in my way of thinking, it seems to be the one drug that IS keeping him alive.
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Today, nearly a year has gone by, my son...still clean.  He has returned to a normal life, with a bit of a twist.  His suboxone has been weaned down to a very low dose.  Still very close to the councilor that held his hand.  He is going to out patient rehab and self help meetings several times a week.  This time...he works on himself.  He has not returned to work...his job is him right not.  The time will come, he will get a job again, and for the very first time I see NO slacking :)
By the way...Ive been told so many times a relationship with an addict or a recovering addict is domed right from the beginning.  I have seem first hand why those words are spoken.  But I have also seen the flip side.  
He has meet another her...
She clean, and never involved in the "drug world".  she cherishes him as he is, as he does her. A very deep loving bond has been formed between them, with the kind of trust he didn't know existed.  Has he found his reason ?? I certainly hope so, and find myself praying every day now for a different reason.  I pray, she never leaves his life.
For now...I once again steal precious time.
I know my story, a long one, but if it givesjust one hope it was all completely worth it.
I know I couldn't have come to this day, without the help of so many.  While silence for many years from me, to all that still remain here, your words Never Left Me.
I also need to say, when I first came here, there were several stories posted that inspired me, that in the end saved me. "My Ride"  To You, you changed my life.
Is there HOPE ? I believe there is :)
Prayers, Love and Peace to all just beginning the journey, and to all that have taken me through mine.
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Dear Deb179
Thank you for giving us hope and much needed advice. I will read your story to my husband tonight as I have read many others to him hoping that he will understand what touch love means.
Since my last posts, I have done all but kick him out and it's my husband who is against it. He keeps arguing with me that I will make him a thief. Ironic that he is already one since he has been stealing from us for the past 2 years.
Just yesterday, after he sold everything of value that belonged to him, he forged my husbands signature at took money out of our personal checking.
So I am hoping that his actions will make my husband understand that he has to throw him out.
It's even harder for a mom when the father is not against her but not with her all the way either.
It feels like fighting 2 different kind of wars.......very frustrating.......to also have all the hatred from my son coming my way.
It's ok.....thanks to all of you....I will hold my ground and continue praying
Thank you again and God Bless
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All you can do is take care of you...
Nothing about this will be easy...and probably more pain than you thought possible will come before he is ready. Be ready to hold you together for you.  As i said...to me it became a process. Not only for my son...but for all that love him. Each one of us had to come to terms with the situation at our own pace. There was myself, my oldest son and my daughter...trying to give our all for him. We all knew in the end we would all have to back away...but it seemed one of us would break and give in.  We promised each other we needed to be strong together to make him fall.  When it came to his life or in our mind his death ....one of us pulled him in.  It only lasted until he did something completely unexceptable....
I guess what made us wake up, was the day he stole my single daughters entire pay check. She raises 2 little boys on her own. The boys just love my son...almost a god to them and when he is clean...oh my...they are his life !  So the simple fact that he would steal the food from their table...brought a hugh reality into focus for each of us.  It wasnt he in his body.  It was i that did have to make the final choice to let him go...i know...how ???
The time may come that there is nothing more to do and you...your husband and who ever else is in this with you, will KNOW when that time is.  There will be no second guessing your choice.
Holding you tight in prayer...dont give up on him,  (the words above )  love him from a distance...give him life
Here if you need to talk...i will get my phone number to u.
Hugs ...your not alone
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A lot of wisdom in your posts!  They are sure to help someone.  You've been through so much!

Prayers for you and your family!
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I admire your strength, compassion and wise words. Thank you for just being HERE!!!
Since my last post.......he found my hidden wallet....took all the money I had
When I confronted him, he got really mad....yelling at me that I am not a mom the way I have been treating him, not giving him any money, that is why he steals.
One thing led to another and I told him to get out of my house he doesn't belong in this family any more.......we will be his parents again when he cleans up.
He was so furious with me.......with in the hour he packed up and left.
Problem is he went to my sister-in-law who took him in.....against our wishes.
Has been in touch with my husband several times since and of course he plays with his guilt......to a point that my husband was crying...kept telling me that he will hurt him self.......my way is not helping at all.
So....I made my husband call an interventionist help line and hallelujah!!!! Spoke to a guy who of course was in the same hell world as our kids and has been sober for 8 yrs now. So wise!!! made him understand that my way is the only way to get him back........helping him fall as you said......to hit rock bottom...........so he will make the choice to get up.
So now.... we have to convince my husbands sister to throw him out......and it will not be easy.
Thank you again........I will keep posting........and praying
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Thank You nursegirl...can never get enough support !!! :)
Im 54 and have been through many many painful life experiences, but I dont believe any as painful as the experience with my son. For many reasons...that all who live the life feel. Most things come to an end, as does the pain associated with them. I have been slapped in the face with a very harsh reality this time...I know this pain WILL follow me through life. While life is ok at this moment I know I will need continued support. Even if he finds his life in recovery for the rest of his life...he has left behind a mom, that will never be the same. We ALL need hope...we all need to believe just maybe our child will be the one to prove this disease wrong .  As I said in my first post...i wasnt really sure why I found myself here again...life is ok.  One thing ive noticed as i read..the stories only go so far.  Do we give up ?  Does it become so much a part of life that its just excepted ?  We as patents , are also in recovery for a life time right beside our children.  I would love to also see the "old" stories come back to life:) I am going to "special" request my life long soul friend ( the mom that did it with me ) come back to tell her story. We did it together then and in the same spot today...her daughter ..clean :) I cant think of her without good tears...the love just flows.  She gave me so much more than strength...she became more than a best friend or even a sister for that matter...my soul friend :) my goal...is to meet her face to face one day.
So to ALL of us...BELIEVE ... <3
We can do this together !!
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Oh marka...hugs sent to you sweetheart !!
I cry as i write this...i know where your life is right at this very moment.
As hard as it is right now your strength will give him life.  Hold on to that thought ok ??
You ARE heading in the only direction
Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Be strong for them...they will soon follow in your footsteps
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My son is a heroin addict and I truly understand what you mean when you say your daughter learned to fool everyone.  I put my son in rehab last year and after 33 days the counselor felt he had things under control and sent him home.  Less than 2 weeks being home he relapsed and began shooting heroin again.  In the meantime he had moved from my residence to live with his father in FL so I did not know the extent of things.  Last November he moved to New Orleans, LA and he started calling me asking for money and at first I thought he was telling the truth when he said he is just trying to make ends meet until he starts his job.  Fast forward to today -- he got in trouble in LA and is now back in rehab -- this time state run facility.  I am unable to go to group meetings since I reside in MD but his counselor called me today to do a "family meeting" via phone.  I believe my son is beginning to understand just what his addiction has been doing to him and that this addiction is not only a physical addiction, but a mental one as well.  He is leaving the rehab in about 2 weeks and will be placed in Oxford House which is a facility that has structure and gives the residents enough rope to either help themselves or hang themselves.  He can remain at that facility as long as he wants and when we talked today he stated he is "scared to face the real world".  This is something new for him to say as his last time leaving rehab he stated "I have this thing beat" and nothing will make me do drugs again.  This time I believe he realizes his addiction is a lifelong struggle that he will have to deal with one day at a time and every minute of every day.  I truly hope your daughter comes to the realization that this is a mind altering disease and she will have to have the courage to face reality every minute of every day.  

I do not have any support from my husband as this is not his child and he believes my son using is a choice and not a disease.  I still live in fear every day of my life that I will receive that call telling me my son is dead from an overdose and a drug deal gone bad.  My son's counselor suggested I go to Al-Anon but there are no meetings close to me so I was looking online for places and came across your post.  I truly hope you daughter is one of the lucky ones and recovers from this disease.  Please do not give up on your daughter as she will need all the help and support she can get to fight this disease.  Find out all you can about how heroin affects the mind and realize that your little girl is in there and wants to get better.  I will keep your family in my prayers as I too try to get through each day.  Hopefully one day soon I will be able to make the trip to New Orleans to hug my son and let him know I am there for him.  Users believe everything they are telling you even though it is a lie.  Nothing is more important to them than their next fix.  I am not sure how bad things are for your daughter, but my son was shooting upwards of 8 times a day and he would and did do whatever it took to get his next fix.

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Man, after reading all the pain and hurt you guys have been through I feel so bad.  I'm an addict, originally from Maryland.  I would do the daily run to the city to get my heroin, come back and sell it double in the burbs to keep my habit going.  I know I have drove my family insane.  God bless how strong they can be.  See, when were using we don't realize how bad we are hurting other people.  We think, we'll your not living in my hell so your fine, not knowing are hell is eating up everyone around us.  Man, it's such a serious situation.  Once that heroin enters your body it's like a magical change takes place that you can never fully get away from.  Once you see you can't un-see it.  When were in the grip of the addiction all bets are off.  We are under Hydes control.  Jekyll has no room left in our lives.  I am a totally different person when I am using.  In high school I was popular, voted most friendly, I had the girl, got along with everyone.  The whole 9.  I hurt my back after school and was introduced to pain pills which I got addicted to. After being on them for months I was cut off and was getting sick.  I knew a friend that did heroin so I gave him a call and asked if he could get some pills.  He said know but he had something that would get me well.  Of course I wanted to get well so I did heroin.  I remember how great I felt.  The next day I was driving to North Baltimore to get dope.  I remember my friend saying he was sorry for giving it to me.  At the time I didn't know what he meant.  Two months later when i was shooting up and taking daily trip down the road, I knew what he was talking about.  He later died of an OD as well as another friend of mine.  Iv'e seen people OD in front of me, friends sell their selves, My buddy getting stabbed, saw a man get shot in the head after trying to steel from a dealer, I was poisoned once(hot shot) barely survived it.  Iv'e wrecked probably 10 cars.  Iv'e had 5 dui's all heroin and xanax.  3 or 4 possesion.  I robbed a pharmacy, got caught, did 18 months.  Four years later got caught with guns and did 2.5 years only to get out and use again.

I think the heroin changes you somehow.  No matter how much time I get I can never seem to get back to that comfortable stage I was in prior to opiate use and I think that is what keeps me using.  I always have this sick compulsion to use.  

I am now 52 days clean off of methadone.  My life was nothing to speak of.  I lost my job, girlfriend and apartment in a three month period and got real self destructive.  I couldn't get clean again and I couldn't move forward so I decided suicide was the only way out.  After getting my months supply of methadone I took the whole bottle along with a bunch of xanax and clonazepam.  I was found about 10-or 12 hours later still alive somehow.  I was rushed to the hospital and put on a narcan drip for 5days.  Flash forward to now.  52 days clean and pretty posative.

I know that with me nothing can stop me from wanting to use except me.  My best friend can die right in front of me and it wouldn't stop me.  The thing is Heroin numbs us.  It numbs everything.  It numbs pain and happiness.  You don't get happy on heroin and you don't get sad.  Your just there floating through day by day.  nothing effects you.  so your kids that were once full of personality are not the same kids.  They now have a new personality and that personality cares about one thing, Heroin.  They have been invaded by a body snatcher.  So just realize that your addicted kid is a whole other person.
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I totally understand how you are feeling. Our 24-year-old son is in a rehab right now. He went in on Aug 17th. We finally admitted to ourselves that he had a serious problem in late July and he was living in another state, but hitting us up for around $200 a week, for all sorts of miscellaneous reasons. Late July, he lost his job and apartment and my husband went to get him and bring him home. When he came home he said he needed to get a Suboxone doctor and everything would be fine. Because Suboxone was "a miracle drug", according to him. I found him a doctor, but it wasn't for 2 more weeks. He said "What am I supposed to do for 2 weeks?" I thought to myself, well you will just have to wait, little did I know that wasn't an option. He tols us if we would buy him some Klonipin (klonopin), they would take the edge off and he could detox himself. We were out of our element, we knew literally nothing about street drugs. After several days of nothing but Klonipin (klonopin) and lying around on the couch and sleeping for days on end, he jumped up one day and said "I have got to get someting, I am sick." He asked me for $80 and wanted me to drop him off at a friends house. I did and this was the beginning of the worst two weeks of my life. He called the next day and told me that he and his friend had got someone to front them $300 worth of drugs and if he didn't have $150 soon, they were going to kill him. I immediately transferred $150 to his account and he said he would come home that afternoon and let me take him to get help. He hit me and my husband up for $700 total that week, all for drugs and finally we told him if he didn't get some help, he couldn't come home. He had us drop him and a girl off at Walmart to get somethings to take to detox with them. The next thing we knew they had both been arrested for stealing property, taking back for a refund. We left him in jail overnight, but I couldn't stomach him being there any longer. We went to court the next morning, hired a lawyer for $2500 to keep him from getting a felony and got him out of jail. We took him to detox, where he stayed for 5 days and came home looking and feeling great. He immediately started back shooting up heroin, we contacted a long-term rehab and he agreed to go in 2 days. They were going to fly him to Florida, pick him up and take him to their center. Well he thought he had to get high one more time. He tolds us to give him $80 for Suboxone to help with the withdrawals, but really he called someone to bring him some heroin, who was right out front of our house within 15 minutes and he went in to his room to pack his clothes. I called out to him after about 15 minutes and he didn't answer. We knocked on his door, nothing. We pryed the door open and found him lifeless lying in the floor, with his legs folded under him, not breathing, eyes rolled up in his head, non-responsive, and convulsing. My husband called 911, while I dragged him by his legs into the living room and we put him on the couch. I began to talk to him and tell him, breath, breath, do not close your eyes, and I rubbed him and slapped his face. The man on the other end of the phone told me, "What ever you do, do not allow him to go to sleep. I yelled and slapped him and told him breath, breath. He did come around and then the ambulance came. He jumped up when he saw the cops and said that we had turned him in and that he could go to jail. I said, "You just overdosed in my house and once again, you are still the victim." He did go on that night to the airport to fly out to Florida for rehab, but not until he stopped in the bathroom of the airport, to snort up the last klonipin (klonopin) that he had, because in his words, he didn't want to get caught with them in security. He has been clean for 48 days now and we have been to see him once. He looked and acted great, but his therapist says that he suffers from a lot of shame and guilt. I am ready for him to come home, I miss him like crazy, but at the same time, I am so scared!
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Yep, sounds like a heroin addicts story to me and you sound like my Mom when I was early in my use.  She bailed me out of jail and I even did the "I need money or this dealer is gonna kill me" thing.  Actually, I think I said they know where she lives.  It worked but she was skeptical.  Your kid will do what he has to do to get that dope.  The easier it is to get the less likely it will be for him to stop.  I know he's clean now and all, just saying.  The shame.  Oh my God, the shame.  When I got clean the shame really hit me hard.  I pawned a lot of my step dads jewelry and a lot of it was his dead ex-wifes.  I didn't know at the time.  I still haven't talked to him because I'm such a damn wimp, I can't confront him on it.  The shame is so bad.  I always prided myself on not stealing from people but this time around I did and I took a lot.  Hopefully he's had enough.  You should be scared.  The most serious time for a heroin addict is when he gets out of rehab or jail after being clean and goes back to the drug.  That is when most heroin addicts die.  So hopefully he's done but be ready for anything.  Don't be surprised if he gets out and gets high right away.  If he does cut all ties right away.  No money, no bail, no rent, nothing.  I know it's hard for you but you just might help save his life that way.  It all comes back to how hard it is for the addiction to maintain it's self.  I can come up with a million stories to get help for my use and make my family want to run to help me.  Once I didn't have that I found it extremely hard to maintain a habit.  Hopefully he's hit the bottom.  Hopefully for your sanity he's done.
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I hear you loud and clear!  
We didn't think our son had a problem.  Until...5 years ago I went to borrow a pair of long johns from him and found the empty bottle do vicadin.  I had surgery the month prior and didn't like the way the pills made me feel.  Stupidly, I just left the remaining 28 pills in the medicine chest. He wasn't working at the time and said he was selling them Apparently his dad and I had no idea this was the beginning of the end.  Fast forward 5 years....In the last year my son has stolen, lied, cheated and alienated everyone in his life.  We have taken him back into our home even after we heard all the awful things he was "supposedly" doing.  Time and time again we made excuses and said oh no, that can't be possible. He had lost his job (said he got laid off), his long time girlfriend threw him out, and we took him back into our home.  My husband and I went away for a long weekend. Needless to say, when we got home, we discovered a large amount of cash missing, a pair of diamond earrings, my husbands wedding ring and some other pieces of jewelry.  His grandfather is on medication for chronic pain and his 60 day supply was gone in 20!  We decided that it was time for tough love. No more enabling, no more supporting him.  We told him he was not welcome in our home.  That was one of the worst days of my life.  For at least the last six months my child has been a liar, a thief, and god knows what else.  He was living out of his truck because no one else would have him. We threw him out and his aunt and uncle took him in because they didn't want him sleeping in his truck.  Well he stuck that right where the sun doesn't shine because he stole from them.  He forged checks, he stole money, until ultimately they threw him out too!  All I could think was how does this happen to a middle class kid from a middle class town?  It only happens in the big city or in the movies. He has lost 60 pounds in that time.  He looked awful.  He just had his 25th birthday, and we had him over for dinner.  My husband and I told him if he wanted to come home, he had to go to rehab.  He got all pissed off said he didn't have a drug problem and left before he ate.  Again I will fast forward 4 weeks.... He finally agreed to rehab if he could come home.  We let him into our home on September 29th.  He used and used and stole from us again!  We found a detox center that would take him, not giving him any specific date or time, we just got in the car and drove.  He begged us to let him go see some girl to say goodbye.  Told us she had no idea, she thought he was going on vacation... Again, liar!  She freaking gave him heroin AND the needle for the trip!  We had to stop to use the rest room on the way and he took care of business.  The sore muscles and the upset stomach and all of the other aches and pains involved with detox were another lie. We got him to rehab, and they had to wait for him to "cook". We might be fools, but they aren't!  He was checked in on October 2nd.  He doesn't seem as angry with us now, and hasn't checked himself out.  He complains about the forced counseling, but he hasn't checked himself out.  I pray every night that my son is coming around, that he is really ready for this.  He definitely needs all of the help and coupling he can get.  But me?  How do I get past this anger and depression?  Where did I go wrong?
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OMG! After reading all the stories, I feel I am NOT alone. My 33 yr. old son OD'd on heroin on Sept 11. He was discovered by his friend at 10:00 and couldn't wake him. He left him sleep. bad mistake. At 7:30 a.m. the next day he was still sleeping. The dr at the ER told me he's not going to make it. All his organs shut down.  They life flighted him to Pgh to a bigger hospital. Flash forward to today, Oct 12, he's still with us in body but not in mind. He lost his leg due to no oxygen in the blood flow to the leg. His kidneys were shot, but they have since regenerated and are starting to work. He has brain damage. We don't know how much. My son who was my joy also stole from us. His fathers wedding ring, his nieces and nephews birthday money/ gift cards. Jewelry from friends. I can't understand exactly how this starts. He had a full scholarship to a university and lost it. All state football player! What happened? What was missing in his life that caused him to start this? We were naive to what was going on with the heroin. Knew he smoked pot & he told us he liked how he felt with it. When did he go to heroin? I have no idea. I'm cried out. Emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausted. What do I do now?
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I understand all you say, I too am a mother of 2 sons addicted to heroin. YOU need to understand that all the horrors that has taken place was because of the drug not your son. Your son has been suffering more!!! the drug is a Horrific Demon that robs them of all reasonable thinking....I pray for you!!! I pray for your son!!! May God help us all. Through God all things are possible
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I understand all you say, I too am a mother of 2 sons addicted to heroin. YOU need to understand that all the horrors that has taken place was because of the drug not your son. Your son has been suffering more!!! the drug is a Horrific Demon that robs them of all reasonable thinking....I pray for you!!! I pray for your son!!! May God help us all. Through God all things are possible
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Hi Shimmymom,  please know you have all of my prayers and sympathy.  Exactly what you describe is what I have feared for a very long time.  Our son has been detoxed and spent 10 days in rehab.  We picked him up, not by choice, this past Friday. He is going to an inpatient rehab tomorrow.  We would have preferred door to door, but it just didn't work in our favor.  This weekend has been very long.  We have hidden phones, iPads, wallets and purses and all of the car keys. After all of the lies and deceptions, we do not have one iota of trust for my beloved first born.  We told him if we take him home this weekend one of us would be attached to his hip at all times.  We even moved his truck somewhere so he had no available transportation.  His dad and I have done everything to fill his weekend and try to make him see what his addiction has robbed from him.  So far, we have our funny, smart, loving boy back.  Is this temporary?  Will inpatient rehab followed but outpatient help? His is counselor seems to think so.  He told us he is a smart bright strong kid that needs a little attitude adjustment now and again.  He also told us he is carrying a heavy burden of shames do is depressed.  As he should be!  He very nearly single handedly destroyed his family.  Only by the grace of god are we not walking in your shoes.  I have read so many rehab-relapse stories here.  I pray every single day that I will not have one of them.  We have borrowed from our retirement fund to get him into a small (12 bed) rehab facility. My son keeps telling us he doesn't need it.  He doesn't want us spending all of that money on rehab, now that he is detoxed, he can do it himself.  After all, he has already done it three times!  Then why was he still using?  He needs help to learn how to handle sobriety.  Is this a sign that he is not ready? Or is this the thoughtful boy we raised coming to the surface?  I hope it is the latter of the two.  I honestly don't think we could stand another round of the chaos his addiction causes.  I sat down by myself the other night and wrote to him.  I wrote about the anger and dispair and the hurt line after line after line.  Of course he will never see the letter I wrote, but it did help ME to get those thoughts and feelings out.  This road to sobriety is going to be a long hard one for us.  I pray for you and your family that all will be well with your son.  I will keep you posted and let you know how our journey goes.  Please do the same.  God bless.....Theboysmom973
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He tells you he doesn't need rehab. DONT waste your money. He won't ever get better till he wants to and I know. My daughter had that attitude. I tried many times to help her, she has spent months in jail at a time, going through the drug rehab program inside, just to get out stay clean around a month or so then use again. BACK to jail, this time five months, drug program again, comes out clean but with no "need" for further help "she's got control" and again 9 weeks later back to shooting up. AGAIN back to jail, this time for an entire year, comes out clean, still with the "I got this under control now-really I do" attitude and lo and behold----YES YOU GOT IT- using again four weeks later and back in jail again. I pray every time that she will hit rock bottom and see that she cannot beat this addiction alone that she needs help. When and if that times comes, and I pray it is before she actually kills herself, I will support her %100, until then I have learned to not throw away money. It is hard, but you shouldn't have to find this out the hard way. FYI my daughter is 23 and like all kids pre-addiction she was absolutely wonderful.
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Totally agree with you, it's a waste of money.......as someone in this forum said to me it's a HE thing not ours.
I have posted several times , since my last post a lot has happened.
Through all this ordeal , all I did as a mother was educated my self as much as possible about Heroin addicts.
I did web research for hours every day, read quite a few books including "A million Little pieces"by James Frey ( I know a lot of controversy over it...but) what helped a lot was "NO more letting go" By Debra Jay.........it really made me understand.
Now as for my addict......he went to a hospital for a 10 day detox...walked out on the 2nd day.....said he couldn't do it
Checked himself in a rehab...again on the 2nd day he discharged himself and even though I had told him to not come home unless he stayed for at least 2 months......he was sitting on my front steps.
So......he knew he couldn't stay, his aunt would not take him back and he had no one else at this point to help him.
He asked to do the home detox "Thomas recipe detox".....we had talked about it a month before he moved out.......a friend of mine (god bless her) has a house pretty isolated so that's where we decided to go.
That was Sept 27th.........I will not go over what home detox is.....it wasn't that bad for us( I did read over 100 testimonials of addicts that did it and some were pretty scary) my son's withdrawal symptoms were mild.....maybe because he had to money to use as much as he did, plus the Suboxone that was given to him in both the hospital and rehab had brought his tolerance down......I don't know......thing is that he went through it like a man.
On the 3rd week being clean....a totally different person......we are now thinking of having an injection done in Russia by Dr.Zobin who claims that he erases cravings from the brain therefore giving a big window of opportunity for a full recovery.
Debra Jay wrote in her book " No addict wants to get well, they learn to want to get well while they are getting well" that has been proven right on my case.
He still takes L-Tyrosine, B6 vit and a multi vitamin as well.....trust me they help.
Now he has to start his NA meetings......it's the only thing that works preventing a relapse.
My prayers to all of you out there....stay strong  
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Is this the same shot that is now offered in NY state? I can't remember what it is called. But a relative there going through her own kid's addiction to heroin told me about this shot. It is good for around a month and doesn't so much remove the craving as just eliminates any effect taking heroin gives you-no "high" can be achieved. Unfortunately when I approached the clinic in Indiana where I live about this shot I was told yes they have heard of it, but without insurance covering the cost it would be $1100 per shot. Times that by what -maybe infinity?- and it is just financially impossible to pay for. And that still doesn't change the fact that if your addict craves that high-they will probably still use and end up overdosing when they can't achieve the high they need. If you had an extemely willing addict wanting to change and just needed a little boost I can see this shot being helpful in the recovery process. I am sorry I cannot remember the brand name of it, but it is a buprenorphine.
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It's called Vivitrol and it can be taken orally on a daily basis or injected on a monthly one. It does have side effects and I never knew the cost, also it supposed to be a yearly treatment.
Main ingredient is Naltrexon and the only difference with Suboxone is that the addict doesn't get addicted to it.
That is not what we will try..........if interested you can read about it on www.zobin.ru
His website explains the procedure. If you have time also look into ibogaine.
All these are my finds from my daily research. As all the parents here I am willing to try anything to get my son back.
Both are illegal in the USA ( I wonder why since the Russian Doc has helped thousands including the son of a friend who has been clean 5 yrs now)
The Ibogaine treatment doesn't have good reviews and they do ask for a EKG among other examinations so we crossed that one out.
Of course it comes down to what you said......the willingness of the addict, as both treatments are just windows.
God bless you......keep in touch
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Thank you I will look more into these any new ideas and treatment options are welcome. My guess the reason this isnt legal here in the US is that someone paid off someone in government to only allow the methadone or suboxone treatment since it is a cash cow. I mean I have been down that path already and where I am you MUST pay CASH  everyday ($12 a day) to go in and drink up your methadone and doses were only given out between 6-8 a.m.). The cost and inconvenience of this was unreal-BUT I did it to try to help and this is what the counselors told us she needed. After many months the doctor will finally see you and set you up on Suboxone (which most addicts sell off to other addicts and take the money and buy some "good" heroin) but the reality is they are just keeping these kids addicted. When my daughter was in "methadone treatment" they were supposedly lowering her dose a bit at a time-weaning her off eventually. When we found out that the "little bit" was so tiny she would be taking it for atleast 3 more years she just gave up on it completely. Right now the only way she gets and stays clean is by being in jail. Next up for her a 9 month rehab program that she begged the judge to put her in. Gotta just keep on hoping that something sticks before it is too late.
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Your wise guess is actually a sad fact. I had the same thoughts as you thinking how many people benefit from our kids......it's the system we are fighting among with the demon.
I was reading a story of a brave girl who was on Suboxone for 2 1/2 yrs while begging her doctor to let her get off it. His answer was.......you"ll be back to heroin in record time if you stop. Well this success story is so inspiring .....she decided to do it alone and she explained in gory detail her Suboxone withdrawals which lasted over a month. I had tears in my eyes reading such bravery and determination.
I am praying and hoping as much as you that our kids will finally see the light.
Keep the hope
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Marka,...you've been in my thoughts, so happy to see your post. YOU are doing all the right things. Your educating yourself, its very important for you, and your inner peace... You've been in my prayers
justbe1... you play a very big part here and thank you for your insight,  I believe the best education for us as parents comes from our addicts who are willing to speak with us with honesty. It helps us as parents to better understand the "Grip". I put little faith in the professional field, they may have the degree, but the real experts are the people with life experience.
Shimmymom...My deepest sympathy to you.  Each one of us here could very well be in your spot, your right, your not alone. A pain, a fear, only we can understand.
Prayers...Prayers to us all.
I'm going off subject a bit, but want to share some connections i've made.
My disabled daughter that I spoke of in an earlier post, was born normal.  We've all heard of what baby shots can do to our babies.  She was one of them.  She had a life changing reaction, to the shot our doctors our government make our children have in order to go to school.  She went into a seizure that couldn't be broken. ALL the "top doctors" in that field gave up on her.  I was told nothing more could be done...take her home, to die, she was 2. It became VERY clear to me...her life meant nothing to them. That's when I stopped listening to the "experts"...it was "they" who put her where she was. I was left alone to clean up the mess they made of our lives. I once again found myself in that very spot with my sons addiction.
By educating myself, I was able to help Jenna...I found a treatment with a 1% rate of success. She fit into that 1%...funny thing is, it was all done with a certain combination of food, not one drug or money to them was involved.  Jenna will be 18 in April.
In my sons case, I was able to help me. The damage has been done...they say everything in life happens for a reason.  What is that reason? I may never know, or am I beginning to understand.
To kind of put things into perspective. I have begun to see life in a different way.  
Each one of us has an addiction, if its negative or positive.
My biggest addiction is emotional...Love, I don't know how to let go, I cant.
The love for our children...were parents, we would give our lives, its a learned behavior.  Is this what our drug addicted children feel...I think in a way, it could be.  We KNOW how hard it is to let go, do they feel the same about their drug ? Are we trying to "cure" them in the wrong way ?
Jenna taught me to give it my all...to know in my heart, no stone left unturned, even though I wasn't sure it could save her life.  
Ive carried that lesson learned through to my son lee.  I have given my all.  Where his life takes him...I KNOW the part I have played.
I know I can not buy him or can I fix him.  There is nothing left for me to do, its his turn now.
I believe I hit my own rock bottom, both times.  While my love never changed, only deepened... my thought process did.
I believe I am starting to understand.  
Nothing any one could have said or done would have change where I had to take myself on my own
I now understand Lees though process will need to do the same with his addiction.  
We are no different, just different addictions.
I no longer blame myself and when I truly felt that, it seemed to pass to lee, he no longer blames any one, but knows only he can change his life. Not sure he has actually hit bottom yet, he's very close, his thoughts are different
Were on the same page in a way. We both know "our" addiction will be life long, but we are now doing it together with hope that we will see that light at the end of our journey.
It can Only come from them
Love, Peace, Hope and Prayers to you all
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I have hope.  My son did an in-house detox.  Dropping him off so sick was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.  I guess it doesn't matter how old your children are, or what mistakes they have made, you still want to comfort them and take away the pain no matter how much they have caused.  He took the methadone they offered him on the first and second days he was there.  He began refusing it on the third.  He actually told his counselor it would only mask his addiction.  He spent 10 days in the same rehab that he was detoxed.  Because our insurance would not pay for anymore treatment (what we got was a battle), we borrowed from our retirement fund and put him in a private in patient rehab.  We are into week 3 and he has gained 25 pounds, his beautiful smile and wonderful personality is back.  By no means are we close to the end of this war, but I feel like my boy has turned a corner.  His first few days in rehab he called everyday saying he wanted us to come get him or he was going to buy a bus ticket.  Now, he is working hard to get better.  When his counselors and house mates tell you he is a great kid and we are blessed to have him, I have hope.  We cannot communicate with him during the week, but we can visit him on Saturday, after attending a class on addiction.  Big sign on the door,  "If you can't stay for the class, you can't stay".  They are not allowed to read anything unless it is addiction related, they have no cable.  They all have daily chores from feeding chickens to doing dishes.  They are all learning how to be useful and like themselves again.  I still have lots of anger and hurt to deal with.  I am seeing a counselor that specializes in drug addiction.  I am trying to lose the guilt and the wonder of where I went wrong as a parent.  I am also frightened to death about bringing him home when he's ready.  He may have gone away for a while, but the dealers and the heroin and his so called friends have not!  It's not perfect, but it's better.  At least now I don't lay in bed wondering when the phone is going to ring or the cops are going to knock on my door.  Will that change when he comes home?  I don't know.  I pray with all my heart that won't be the case.  I read about the rehabs and relapses and I am so frightened.  I can only pray that his dad and I have given him enough love and support to stay strong.  We write to him every day telling him how proud we are of him.  But still, as things stand, I have hope, and hope is a powerful thing.  God bless and have hope!
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I simply can not begin to express the feelings I'm experiencing after reading through most of the posts in this thread. I am a recovering Opiate addict and I will always live with the pain, hurt, frustration and disappointments I caused those close to me. While the start and course of my addiction is in some ways different than what many your loved ones are or have experienced, in many ways it's very much akin. My addiction didn't start till I was 49 yrs old I had already completed 25 yrs of honorable service in the military, retired, working a well paying job with the DOD, brand new house, new cars, Son attending an expensive private college majoring in Physics. I mean what else could I possibly ask for with a high school education. never in my wildest nightmares did i ever think simply wanting my life back would be the one thing I needed most.
During a routine family Dr visit, I had been complaining of some back pain that would not go away. Having spent the time in the military with a security clearance, I hadn't seen a narcotic much less taken any since initial dental work upon entering. The Dr. referred me to a pain management clinic for my back pain. I was simply not aware of what that truly meant living in FL. After an MRI this Dr. told me I had several bulging discs and that my pain would continue to get worse. I would learn almost two years later than I had no bulging discs nor did i ever have them. Without saying anything else, he prescribed me 120 30mg Oxycodone pills. After returning home, I took one of the pills and within 20 minutes all pain ceased but along with it a euphoric feeling that was unimaginable. I was able to do things I hadn't done in years, most all of it very constructive. Within 3 months of that first visit, I ran short of pills prior to my refill. I knew nothing about withdrawals until I researched and found out the hell I was about to go through. Now at this point you would think the common sense thing for a 49 yr old to do was realize 1) that i was addicted to these pills and 2) the best thing for me to do at this point was deal with this sickness and be done with this evil Med. But one would have to assume I was even capable of common sense thinking and most if not all of us know, Opiates do not allow common sense to interfere with addiction. So when I arrived at the Dr's in obvious withdrawals, telling him I had run out the day before, instead of putting the hammer down on me like a responsible Dr would do(dont read blame here although it may seem that way) he not only refilled what was now 180 30mg pills of oxycodone he added 60 40mg pills of Oxymorphone (Opana ER). For those who do not know what this is, its not uncommon to here it referred to as a kind of synthetic Heroin because its strength when crushed and snorted, rivals heroin, without the extreme rush you get from injecting with a needle. Anyway, off I went with my new meds, happy as a pig in poop, and over the next 6 months just loving the new me, who btw was dropping weight at an alarming rate. Of course one of the main demons with Opiate use is the ugly ******* called Tolerance. While I certainly felt I was immune to pretty much anything when riding the Opiate Train, being immune to tolerance was not on that list and it reared its ugly head and bit me square on the ***. At this point it had been almost a year since that first visit to the pain Dr. who of course was my best friend at this point. He even went to the point of offering me free/additional meds if I would spy on his patients in the parking lot to see who was selling their scripts because pee test were too expensive for him to administer. I declined thank god because at this point, my meds that i was prescribed from him cost me exactly a total of $6. With a street value in the 4-5000 dollar range each month.
Not too long after that it was an early morning in Sep, about 18 months after taking my first pill, I had already lost my job, was in foreclosure on my house, had filed for bankruptcy. I had just gotten out of bed and wandered into the bathroom for no reason since I always headed downstairs to pour my first cup of coffee and take my morning dose of happiness. Instead I went to the bath room in only my underwear and there staring at me in the mirror was the single most horrifying Image I could have ever imagined. I looked at this creepy disgusting person and counted every rib in his body. Jawbones well defined, hip bones showing.....etc. my addiction took me from 276lbs to just a hair over 200 in nine months, I know this by looking at my medical records from the family Dr. I had long since stopped seeing. It was precisely at that moment in my life that I knew if I didn't stop I was going to die. I had reached what we addicts commonly refer to as our BOTTOM. The good part of my story is unfortunately the bad part of most everyone's story here. Most if not all recovering addicts will tell you that in most successful recovering addicts stories, it takes reaching their bottom to make the real decision to stop. Every addict has their bottom, it may come from an intervention, or from family members begging for them to stop and can be anywhere between those less destructive situations all the way down to death, where the addict doesn't live to experience the life saving epiphany. Fortunately for me, I reached mine before I lost the battle. (cont)
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Just like the drugs we abuse, Our Bottom finds us in our own time and is different most all Opiate addicts. I absolutely believe my age and life experiences saved me from reaching points discussed in so many of these unfortunate stories here, allowing my Bottom to reveal itself before my addiction took the ultimate toll. I will confess that the life I was living while abusing drugs, was full of lies, letdowns and promises never fulfilled much like the descriptions most of you have experienced. I would never try and make my story into anything close to the hells so many of you have experienced because I can not imagine starting my journey at such a young age where peer pressure, popularity and simply going with the flow are so enticing that most kids can't ignore it.  Please, whatever happens, do not give up hope. The person you raised and love unconditionally is still in there. The support from my wife and son is the only reason I sit here today having been clean for 22 months. My path took me straight from the Image in the mirror directly within 20 minutes to a Suboxone certified family Dr. with me on the phone to my brother, begging him for the money to enter that program. Suboxone saved my life only because I did not want the alternative, realizing that it meant losing the only thing I had left worth living for and that death would most likely be a by-product. The opportunity for addicts to make the real decision our Bottoms provides us, is a very narrow window of opportunity, if your loved one reaches their bottom and makes the decision to stop, to change their lives, they will absolutely need the love and support that comes from family. Knowing you have reached your true bottom can only be revealed by the addict himself.
It is so humbling yet a guilty feeling still rises up when I read these stories. I know what I did and i live each day with the determination to make today better than yesterday, especially for those I hurt so bad. To read each and every one of these stories of sincere helplessness and concern. Please know you parents and family members are amazing human beings. Please know, your loved ones addictions are not your fault regardless of how you felt you enabled them at any point in their addiction. The most likely outcome would have been that they would have found a way to feed the addiction and more likely to commit crimes to do it. The phrase love from afar after all the efforts you have put into finding solutions will at least provide you the opportunity that when they reach their bottom you are there to lean down, offer your hand and help them with the first step! God bless every one of you who deal with this ever increasing destructive beast called addiction!
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The insane journey of my sons drug addiction. He started with pot at 12 and recently at 21 was arrested with heroin involvement. He has known 2 people who have OD, one in his arms. 10 years of the legal system with multiple drug related charges. He just finished a 28 day program and went to a transitional program of which he walked out on because he said it sucked.  I told him I could not work his recovery for him and directed him to services in the county. I told him I would only support recovery and will not be there for him if he isn't working a program. I got to experience time with my son completely substance free and I will treasure it forever. I pray he will not relapse and OD. God, this is the most painful experience.
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Hello everyone, i am new to this site, i have just moved to the state of CA. I have been dealing with the hell of my daughters addiction for many years now and i can relate to so many of these stories, i hate that others are going through the same thing but at the same time i am glad that i am not alone in my suffering, that their are people out there who unfortunately and fortunately i can relate to. My daughter is 31 and lives in another state, a couple of months ago she graduated from a christian rehab, she was there for 6 months, i even went to her graduation to show her that i supported her and was so proud of her. From the program my daughter went into a christian half-way house, she was doing great and had a job at the rehab being a mentor to the other girls, she was getting to visit with her two little girls once a week and every other weekend, life could not be better. One night she took off with one of the girls from the program and some others and went to a bar, began drinking, smoked some put and took some meth and also called some old pervert old man she use to know, who by the way caused one of her overdoses to ask him for drugs. To make a long story short, she is on probation and almost went to jail but realized how bad her relapse was before it was too late and got herself in another program. She is there now and she sounds like she has realized the damage, almost permanent damage that this backslide could have caused. Dealing with an addict is like being on a roller coaster, a roller coaster that hardly ever stops but when it dos, you can finally  get some sleep for a while. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up on them, it took me a long time to learn tough love and to learn how to not enable her. I have been through so many horrific things with my daughter, all i can do now is pray for her and hope that this time things will work out. Good luck to everyone out there and i am hear to listen any time.
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My baby too is a heroin addict I don't know where she is if she's even alive. She's only 24 . I fear that she'll die soon. I can't function anymore I'm consumed with grief.
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My heart hurts for you, for i too have a 23 yr old daughter that is a herion addict she is on the streets now. she got out of jail 17 days ago her third time in. I let her come home, the forth day I walked in to my bedroom where she was nodding and a needle layed there beside her. She has been out of the house for about five days now. I use to worry but now im scared she is going to die. This has consumed me. I keep waiting for the police to show up at my door telling me shes gone.... I dont know what to do anymore. Ive been dealing with this for six years now....
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My heart hurts for you, for i too have a 23 yr old daughter that is a herion addict she is on the streets now. she got out of jail 17 days ago her third time in. I let her come home, the forth day I walked in to my bedroom where she was nodding and a needle layed there beside her. She has been out of the house for about five days now. I use to worry but now im scared she is going to die. This has consumed me. I keep waiting for the police to show up at my door telling me shes gone.... I dont know what to do anymore. Ive been dealing with this for six years now....
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Im an addict and I have a wonderfull child that I love so much but my actions dont fckn show it, my mother hasmy child with her full custody .. I dont have anywords how to discribe how much pain I feel to know how much im hurting them. I also have painted beautiful castles in the sky promising I would change and time again n again I failed to stay sober my mother and my child with all hope and believing what I was saying would get so happy and I
dont know whats wrong with me I ment it everytime I said I would change that it be the last time, I believe ur daughter is hurting as well to know her using is kiling you and her way of life.. I pray to God that u never turn ur back on her never give up ur hope this life is miserable i think ive lost my mind im scared of my addiction its killed so much happiness and some how i always go back to it
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I feel it was me that wrote your post. My son is 38 and has a long history of prescription drug abuse and as of the last year heroine. He did two stints in rehab. The first a not so good one but the second one was excellent. He is presently taking suboxone but I feel he's on more than just that. I know he's been drinking as well. I sit here and cry because I feel it's just so hopeless. The only job he could find is a trash collecting job where he's out freezing in this cold weather and it breaks my heart. He was an learning disabled student his entire life and has very low self esteem. He's always felt comfortable around the wrong people as I feel he didn't feel inferior in front of them. He's very handsome and was always the funniest guy to be around. All that is gone now. He is still a good looking guy but he looks drawn, thin and not healthy. I am so scared that he is going to die. He has a 9 year old son, was never married and his son was his life. I noticed in the last year that he doesn't show the same interests when it comes to his boy. He spends most of his time in his bedroom or the bathroom. I just don't know where to turn, as I said all I do his cry. He has no car and no way to get to work so that's what keeps me from throwing him out. I wish I could  be of more help to you on this miserable journey that we are on but I feel so trapped in my own situation where I too have no idea what to do.
God bless you and help you and your child.
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Please don't give up, i tried sending you a post earlier but i have not seen it on here so i don't know if you got it. My daughter has gone through this for a long time, in and out of re-hab but i have never given up on her, she is back in a combination rehab/halfway house and is doing well. Please try and find yourself a good sponsor, someone that really cares, there out there , you just have to call and find one, i believe you can beat this, god is stronger than any drug, i will pray for you, please don't give up, god bless,:)
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I can sympathize with you so much, at times i did not even want to live because i could not handle it anymore but something came over me one night, i dont know if it was just God making me realize that i had to do something other than cry and feel sorry for myself and my daughter, because honestly thats all i was doing towards the end, i was exhausted. My daughter was 12 hours away from me, i got in my car and drove all night, i got together with the other grandmother and we did our own intervention and got her into a detox, she looked like a skeleton, if i had not shown up when i did, i believe she would not be alive today. I know it's hard to decide what to do sometimes, you have people telling you different things from all directions, some tell you to let them hit rock bottom, others try to tell you different, unfortunately, the only way you start learning what to do is through experience. How to not enable them, yet help them in the right way. This is just my opinion but i will tell you what i would do if my child was missing and i could not find him or her. I would call the cops and have them put out an APB out on her, tell them she has been missing for 48 hours, in the mean time call a rehab center, or a detox center, i know a lot of them say they will charge for services but that is not totally true, sometimes a good sponsor will know how to bypass that and get you some free services, i know this because i have already been through all the frustrations, it is a shame that the system is so screwed up sometimes but never ever give up, you will find your child, put on your battle gear and get tough, you do what ever it takes to find them and you put them in a detox, some hospitals have a program, some programs have detox. Dont get me wrong, this is not easy, god willing you can get your child on the right track and then yes, it will be up to them, i myself , after getting my daughter to be where she needed to be, i moved to a state that was even farther,for many reasons, she knows now that mom is not always going to rescue and make everything right and that she needed to grow up and do this herself, it's like that song says, you got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them and that is so hard to know when to do it but not impossible, nothing is impossible, i hope i have been of a little help to you, i by know means am an expert but this is what i believe from my own experiences and i know that every case is a little different but one thing everyone on here has in common is that we love our children and that there is not anything in the world we would not do to have them back the way they once were, god bless everyone on here and let us always pray for each other and support each other in anyway that we can, God Bless
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Well, today marks 2 months since my son has been clean.  He too was living on the streets, sleeping in his truck. You would think being homeless, jobless and penniless would have been his rock bottom.  It was getting cold, so he asked if he could come home.  His father and I had already told him he knew what he needed to do if he wanted to come home.  For the few days he was home, neither of us slept, we lay awake at night knowing he had snuck out to get high.  He stole tools, jewelry and money in just the two days we let him stay in our home.  Put me on house arrest he said, I'll get clean myself he said.  In the meantime, behind the scenes, my husband and I made phone calls to find a detox/rehab center that would take him.  He went from 220 pounds to 160 in a matter of months.  The track marks on his arms were hideous,  I could never describe the shock and horror I felt when I saw him.  I went into his bedroom while he was sleeping and that sight brought me to my knees.  I cried and I prayed.  The next day, we brought him to a detox center where he stayed for 10 days.  The first few days were rough, he said it was like a prison.  Knowing that he could have checked himself at anytime, and he stayed gave us hope.  From there he went into a 30 day In House program.  Although it was 3 hours from home, we made the 6 hour round trip once a week to see him.  Gradually we saw our sweet handsome son coming back to us.  His counselors and house mates loved him.  Told us he was a great kid. He truly is a great kid, with a soft gooey center.  My son is fortunate, in that he had and still has a core group of friends that never stopped believing in him.  Although in his darkest hours, they couldn't reach him, they reached out for us.  Now that he is home, they are right there beside him again.  Those friends understand that right now, it is all about my son.  It's about him getting well and spending the rest of his life recovering.  I know it has been just a short time, but we have hope,  in your darkest hours, in your weakest moments, do not give up hope.  Wrap your arms around those who support both you and your child and pray to God.  I will
Continue to hope and pray that my son Stays on the path he is on, continue to go to NA meetings and stay strong.  Never stop loving and supporting them in any way that does not enable them. I am sharing this with you so you know that there is help and support and hope against this epidemic!  God willing, I can continue to post something positive.  Something to grasp, even if it is only a small spark of hope.  God bless you don't give up.  
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, I JUST CANT DO IT ANY MORE, MY 23 YR OLD DAUGHTER I KICKED HER OUT BUT SHE KEEPS SHOWING UP AT THE DOOR.. WANTING TO EAT WANTING TO SHOWER...SIX YEARS OF THIS NIGHTMARE THERES NOT ENOUGH PAPER TO WRITE WHAT I AND MY FAMILY HAVE DONE FOR HER TO GET HER OFF HEROIN . ON TOP OF 13 REHABS!! SHES DONE JAIL 3 TIMES NOTHING WORKS ALL I HAVE LEFT ARE THE STREETS.TO TRY AND HELP HER..ITS SO HARD TO DO THIS BUT I HAVE TO! NOT JUST FOR HER BUT MY OTHER CHILDREN AND MYSELF WE TOLD HER, ONLY WHEN SHE CALLS FROM REHAB WILL WE HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER.. SHE SAYS IM NOT GOING TO F REHAB, ILL GO TO DETOX BUT THAT'S IT. REALLY??? IM TIRED OF ALL OF IT. AND IM FINALLY ANGRY!!!! NOT  SAD, SHES DIE IF SHE DOESN'T STOP THIS MADNESS. ANY ADVICE I CANT SLEEP AT NIGHT AND WHEN I HAVE TO CLOSE THE DOOR ON HER SHE SITS OUTSIDE IT FOR A WHILE ITS AWFUL MY HEART OH GOD MY HEART.. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ????
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I had my son in exactly the same situation and I can really feel your pain.Every one of our kids are different but the damage and consequences are all the same. I received a lot of advice from a few parents in this site and having reached your point.........besides praying......I educated my self.
There is not a cure out there that I haven't researched.
What made me take the action I did was that I kept reading how controling and unforgiving drug heroin is.
They can't do it!!! It's that simple.........I don't know how long your daughter stayed in those rehabs but the few that have succeeeded have stayed over 6 months and once out attached to Suboxone,attend meetings and of course nothing to remind them of the "high" ( alcohol, pot etc)
My son knowing all of the above and believing that he was doomed for life kept using.
So when I found the treatment we did , he was more than willing to try.
He has been clean since Sept 27th and everyday since his treatment , it's like things long forgotten......... awake and are bringing back his great personality.
There are 2 difficult parts in this treatment, one is that the patient has to be clean for at least 3 weeks and that if they relapse they can die.
My thinking was that he was going to OD soon anyway.
This Dr does a special treatment with transmodulation blockage of the opiate receptors of the brain. It's a half hour procedure and he explained to my son the danger of relapse before.....so as you see they have to be willing.
He also explained in a diagram just how the brain of our kids works and verified what I have been reading all along.........it's impossible for them to do it.......heroin it's their imaginary friend.
Do your self the favor look up www.zobin.ru.....to save your child.
We live in NY and it was costly to get the visas to Russia, tickets etc but money was not more important than my child. Besides.......the whole thing cost about 1/3 of what some rehabs wanted for 30 days.
Another thing you should know is that god forbid they need a major surgery within 4 yrs after treatment they can't receive any narcotic analgesic.
I'll be praying for you.......stay strong

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I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I am in a very similar situation. my daughter has been to treatment 7 or 8 times...she's left so many and came back that I've lost count. she has completed treatment at least 6 times and has been to jail several times...one for 51/2 months. she has also landed in the hospital for 4 weeks because she got endocarditis from using needles. She STILL continues to use. I finally told her that we cannot have a relationship until she's living a clean life. That doesn't mean that I'm not being her mother...on the contrary...I am trying to help her see the truth about her addiction. There are days when I feel like I'm holding my breath because I know she out there using and I fear the worst. There are days when I tell myself "how is today any different then the past 5 years?" and I go on. I have told her that I would help her if she decides to get help. I resist the temptation to text or call her because I do not want to be lied to and manipulated into doing something that may perpetuate this cycle of behavior. I know she knows I love her and when she says otherwise, she is just trying to manipulate me. I am waiting for her to call me, preferably from a treatment center.  I made a prayer book dedicated to her and I say these prayers every day without ceasing. I know that, when I have said these prayers, I have mothered her the ONLY way I can for that day, and God has given me peace with that. My heart is aching for you, I'm so sorry that you had an awful experience with Naranon. While Al-Anon style groups can be very helpful, there are not the only source of help and comfort. I have found much care and comfort HERE and other online help sites too, but God is ultimately my comfort and I have to trust in Him. I pray that God will bless you with peace and comfort and healing for you and your daughter.
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Wow!  I am so naive. I've read all these posts and followed all of us heartsick, heartbroken parents.  Here I was STUPIDLY having hope.  After 45 days in rehab, my son stayed clean for 7 whole days!  We called in favors and got him a job, bought him cigarettes and gas cards (no cash) even bribed him with a snow mobile if he stayed clean.  We are complete total fools!  He was. fired from his job, we read his name in the paper after being indicted for four felony counts of fraud, found the needles, the spoon, the whole 9 yards in his truck.  And STILL we deal.  We've spoken to his counselor and were advised that every word out of his mouth is a lie. That's the truth!  I've bought him Christmas presents, we let him back into our home.  We agreed to let him stay here until the day after Christmas out of the goodness of our hearts, and love for our son.  But god forgive me, I cannot wait until December 26th.  I need sanity.  If he doesn't go  he's out.  I sort of give up.  
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Thank you for the kind words, Today is a hard day shes running out of places to stay, she called me today begging to let her come home, I told her if you go to rehab, she refused and said she can do it on her own. I told her no! she told me she giving up she doesn't care anymore. I said don't put that on me you wont quit doing the drugs. she said fine its getting bad out here your just making it worst. I told her I love you but i am not an professional and you need help i cant give you. when your ready to go to rehab i will be there for you and so will all of your family, you just have to take the first step... she hung up on me...ive been told she looks really bad. I don't know what to do I  want to shake her let her come home but i cant:( shes still fighting me ever inch of the way....
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My heart hurts for you. I dont know how long your son has been on Heroin but it sounds like the reality is just hitting. This Drug takes everything from your child and the family. Ive been trying to help my daughter for six years. I now pray for jail, shes been in there three times. And its the only sanity I get. I know one thing and that is. This drug changes there way of thinking it destroys the brain..I feel your pain, I wait every nite for the police to knock on my door telling me shes gone. I dont sleep at nite. shes been out of jail now for two months and on the streets for about a month,shes calls daily asking to come home. I tell her if you go to rehab you may come home, she as done 13 rehab finished only one. My only advice is to Pray!!! this drug is the Devil I have no doubt  about that. I send my prayers to your child and family My God Help you find peace within your self.....
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Your story really touched me and I know where your coming from. I also have 2 adult kids on heroin.
Thank you for writing this post .
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Don't feel stupid for HOPE!  That's what all of us parents have is hope.  Hope that one day they will wake up and realize that they have had enough.  Enough of the "dog food", enough of the hustling for money, running from the law, destroying themselves, destroying the entire family, losing the friends that truly cared about them.  They will realize what the lies and the deception did to everyone that cared about them.  They will realize that they put the people that love them in complete terror, anger, sadness, and frustration.  They will realize that they want their life back!
Don't worry, we all go through the "feeling stupid" stage.  There are so many emotions that play into this devil drug for all parties involved and so far I have yet to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I have witnessed two arrests, her having ten days in jail, now facing a year for running for the forth time from drug court, living in complete disgusting filth that makes my stomach churn.  I've seen her steal 30k from my mother, god knows how much from the rest of the family, she has fought me, her brother and friends.  Her only savior is the drug in her eyes and her dirt ball boyfriend that introduced her to this hell.
What makes things even worse is she is brilliant.  College work in fifth grade so she knows how to cheat the system, pass a drug screen, sweet talk a judge, break into computers, bank accounts, credit cards....the brain of my sweet baby is now her best friend because it enables her to rob everyone blind of everything they have.  What I use to be so proud of now terrifies me because I know that all it's doing now is being used for things that will ultimately take her away from me.  She was my best friend, we were inseparable.  My kids were raised watching me get beat up by my ex-husband so the GUILT I carry on a daily basis for staying as long as I did, will live with me every minute the rest of my life.  I knew I hurt them emotionally by staying as long as I did but I never dreamed that I would destroy something that is so dear and important to me.  I do hold all the guilt for her addiction.  My ex along with everyone else in my family tell me constantly its my fault, I don't believe it's my fault she's an addict I believe it's my fault that her heart is broken, that her self esteem is destroyed and that I damaged her emotionally by having her see what she did growing up and knowing how her father talks to her. I am not the reason she puts that devil in her veins.
She recently got evicted, I offered her my home, she wont' shoot up in front of me but she will leave the room to get high and come back to talk to me.  I sit every second in pure panic while I watch her nod out and in and out for what seems like years while she's spilling her drink or taking a half hour to eat a piece of bacon.  It literally is killing me.  The pain of watching my sweet beautiful brilliant baby girl is too much for me to deal with anymore.
The depression and the guilt along with the sadness and worry that she's going to leave me any second has gotten me to the point where life is no longer worth it.  The only thing keeping me going is my 17 year old son.  I'll stay to fight tooth and nail to keep him away from the devil drug.
Rehab three times while faking it for everyone each time just gave her more insight on how to beat the system, rob more people and destroy herself more!
I hate the person she has become and I am disgusted by her behavior yet at the same time my love for her is so strong it's painful.  
How can I love someone that has taken every dime i have, got me fired, encouraged the love of my life to cheat on me with her best friend, convince my family that I am the thief, and the latest greatest is convincing my mother that I had someone put a gun to her head and threaten to kill her if my mother didn't bring her 500.00 (which of course my mother did because she's convinced i'm the liar and my daughter isn't an addict).
So I have LOVE and HATRED for my daughter, my best friend.  The one that has broken me to the point of having no fight left and I now go throw my days as a zombie...not caring about a thing, worrying she will any second spend a year in jail yet hope she does so she gets clean and my ultimate dread that I know is coming if she doesn't decide to fight this beast...she's going to leave me for good!  
We are survivors, we survived so many years of abuse, we should be able to survive this but I can't fight for everyone.  I'm tired.  I have no fight left and I know that she has to fight this herself or it won't work!
Now I pray, hope and need for her to fight this!
I want my baby girl back.
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So Much Pain here.
PLEASE PLEASE...Do NOT blame yourself, also PLEASE try to understand...NOTHING we can do as parents will change them.  
Only they can.  
You do hear so much about rock bottom....I believe we all hit rock bottom many times through our journey, we as parents and our addicted children.  I'm not sure rock bottom is what changes any of us.
I posted my story above, in this thread, for one reason ~~HOPE~~
Don't ever give up.
The love for your child and their love for you.. will only grow, as painful as it becomes, and some of the things you may have to do ju will cause you more pain than you thought possible, but In the end, I Promise, you will hear thank you
We go through an experience, that no one will fully understand unless they walk in our shoes.  This painful experience...bonds like cement. Our stories are the same...its the nature of the beast
There are success stories...many.  I guess once we are out of the painful spot of just trying to get out of bed in the morning and life returns some what to normal, we block where we came from...perhaps from pain.
I would love to see parents continue the journey here, as I know what it would have meant to me when I was at my lowest low,to KNOW that something could change.  All I read was doom and gloom...that's where my life was.  So many helped me here...they made me understand addiction, but I wasn't sure I felt much hope.
To Every one of you... It CAN happen, and I believe it happens more than we know.  
My son was a mess, in every spot you all describe. I describe my existence while he was at his worst...as a process, something I had to go through to survive the pain.  Eventually we become so numb,  I don't want to say we give up, but what crushed us in the beginning, numbs us in the end, we learn to survive.
My son changed his life....like a flick of a switch. He is nearing 2 years clean.  This is in no way bragging or celebrating, as I know it will be a life long fear of mine, Although...I am beginning to let my guard down a bit.
My son and I have had many many conversations as to where we all were.  My only real question to him was what was it that made him finally put an end to the madness.  He said he didn't know, but one day he woke up and KNEW he was done.  As much as he knew how he destroyed his entire family, not one thing that we did....changed him.  The times he knew I held his lifeless body after an OD, the countless jail sentences, losing it all, the heartbreak the destruction he left in the path not one bit of it made sense or did he truly care as his one and only desire was to chase the high.
Today I look at him and the nightmare almost seems like it didn't exist.  He found the love of his life and they are expecting their first child in July.
I write this, because I was right along side each one of you.  I had NO hope, I thought the only future was an early grave for him.
2 Years ago....I would have never expected to see this day.
The love between he and I has only grown, if that's at all possible with a child.  Its become a bond that cant be described....unspoken words, just by a glance, we both now know a different kind of love.
He did this alone and He did this for him.
As hard as it is...they will need to take their path.  We can intervene but if they aren't 100% behind it...it wont happen.
One thing I can say, each rehab, each detox, each relapse is one step closer to your child coming home.
I know many, that have been in our shoes, each one of them have a happy ending.
Learn to take care of you first...let them follow your lead in that way.
Many Prayers for peace and Hugs to you all
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Dear Deb
we can not see you or touch you but you actually "Glow" and touch our hearts in so many ways. You say your posts are for HOPE and that's exactly what you oversupply us with.
I wonder if your wisdom and your gift emerge from your life experiences...... the 2 miracles you witnessed in your life.....first with the cure you found for your daughter Jenna and now with your son.......or maybe God supplied you with such charisma.......whatever it is "We" thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
My son is clean 5 months now......just to update you.......we have a long way to go but God willing we will get there.
May God keep blessing you......good luck to yr son's girl for an anodyne delivery to a healthy baby..... new addition to your happiness

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marka67 couldn't have said it better. THANK YOU! Thank you for sharing your story of HOPE! Thank you for giving your time to read our stories and share yours. You are truly a blessing to me.
When we as parents are in the depths of despair because of our children's addiction, stories like yours can be just what we need to persevere  in our process and continue to grow ourselves.
I am so happy that God is blessing you with abundance. His blessings to you are like gifts to us!
May God continue to bless you!
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MY SON HAS BEEN A HERION ADDICT FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS,IN AND OUT OF JAIL,COUNTLESS REHABS.HE WAS RELEASED FROM JAIL SEPT 2013 AND IS BACK IN DEEP AGAIN,NOTHING HAS WORKED,THE STEALING,LYING,BURNT SPOONS,LEMON JUICE SQUEEZERS,NEEDLES,DEADBOLTS ON MY BEDROOM AND NOW A SAFE,HE STILL GETS IN,I DISCOVERED 2 CHECKS MISSING FROM MY BUSINESS CHECK BOOK LAST WEEK AND HE MADE THEM OUT TO HIMSELF AND CASH THEM,I REPORTED THE THEFT WITH THE LOCAL POLICE MONDAY AND EXPECT HIM TO BE ARRESTED,ITS A NECCESARY ACTION TO SAVE HIS LIFE,BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SOME SERIOUS CHARGES AND IM JUST SO SAD AND SICK OVER HAVING TO DO THIS,ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY,ITS ABOUT HIM OVERDOSING AND DYING.ITS TO HELP HIM AND I KNOW THIS BUT I FEEL SO BAD INSIDE,IVE READ MANY OF THE POSTS ON HERE AND ITS THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER.I HAVE GIVEN UP MY FAITH AND I BELEVE NO ONE LISTENING.THATS SAD BUT AS YOU ALL KNOW THE DRUG DESTROYS SO MUCH,I DONT KNOW WHY IM SHARING THIS BUT EVERYTHING IS FOR A REASON,I GUESS NEED THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS DEALING WITH THE SAME THING.,I FEEL SHAMEFULL AROUND OTHERS THAT MY SON IS LIKE THIS AND KEEP IT ALL TO MYSELF,SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE NOT BEING AROUND ANYMORE TO WATCH IT OR I WISH HE WOULD JUST GET IT OVER WITH,IM TORE UP INSIDE BUT I KNOW AFTER HIS ARREST IT WILL GET BETTER,IM JUST VENTING.
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We have all been where you are.......desperation will get you no where. Do not loose your faith.....it's the only thing that will keep you sane........besides if you write "everything is done for a reason" then deep down you know someone is listening. .........this site is for venting as you say.....so you will know "you are not alone"
Do not feel shame!!!!! It's not your fault....you are not to blame.......this is not your doing.....it's also a disease.....if you see it that way you will talk freely about it. Is he still living with you??
As you have read in most of the stories.......the only thing that helps them see that they have reached the end is by being alone......cut all ties....walk away ....as hard as it is....throw him out
keep posting ......we are here for you
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I feel your pain.  Honest to God I do. What do you do when you read your sons name in the local court log knowing that he has been indicted for stealing checks from a neighbors mailbox, what do you do when he's been to rehab 3 (count 'em) three times! He has come home each time and managed to be clean for about 4 days.  He's lost jobs that his dad and and I have pulled all of our strings to get him.  The promises and the lies are more than we can take.  We are part of the "Sandwich Generation", my elderly in laws live here with us.  She does the laundry to help out.  I pulled his load out of the washer and found a freaking needle!  Not the first time obviously, but what if my. Other in law got stuck by it?  Christ only knows where it's been!  At this point, I've got nothing.  I cry, I don't sleep.  Here it is the dead of winter, and we've given him a choice.  Get clean or get out!  My son is very fortunate in that his counselor at rehab sees the good in him.  And believe me, there is good.  He got booted from the 90 day program he was in, but his counselor is willing to take him in and try to help him.  We've played let's make a deal, we've tried ultimatums. The rotten kid has called our bluff every time.   How can you throw your child out into the cold? He knows he has to get out tomorrow.  I left work early to help him get his stuff together.  When I was upstairs getting the rest of his laundry together, I stupidly left my purse on the counter.  I am out $40 which was all I had and he took off. Right now, I don't have much to offer.  I just know that my boy will be some place safe tomorrow, if he comes home tonight, and maybe, just maybe, his dad and I will get so e sleep. I've had hope, I've had it crushed, but ya know what?  I still have faith.  I love my child, my first born son, but I am fed up.  My dr has put me on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and sleeping meds.  I talk with a counselor daily.  I am praying that this will be the light at the end of our tunnel. My boy changed his FB picture to one of our family.  Again, that gives me hope.  Maybe he sees what he is missing. Maybe my hope isn't so crushed.  Maybe that tiny change means something.  I will keep praying, I will keep my faith, and I hope that you will too.  I will keep you abreast of anything positive.  It's the least I can do.  There really is some positive out there.  We just have to get through the pain to find it.  I'm working on it, I know this is not my fault.  I will try not to carry this guilt.  I did not choose this for my child, he chose the first time he used.  I don't choose this pain, but I will, and do all I can to help my son overcome this.  I might have lots of anger, but love.....outweighs it all.
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Hi...just checking in :)

Marka and gayle...Thank you for the kind words,
I deeply feel this is ALL about being here for each other, we don't need to do this alone.
Marka...6 months clean ? :)  That makes MY heart smile...I also have to say
YOU...yourself have made incredible progress, that's what its all about on the parent end !!!
Im so VERY proud of you...because I know the pain you needed to endure, to bring you to the spot you are now in.  Success is coming hon..when we can look at our children's situation as you now do, and there is no one ( the main one ) for our children to fall back on...in my opinion, is where change begins.
As hard as it is...no truer words were ever said, than " love your addict from a far"
I NEVER understood enable, until the very end...it was my simple existence in my sons life.  He knew as long as I was near...his life didn't need to change...mommy ALWAYS picked up the pieces.  When I ended that...the hardest and last thing I let go, he changed for the first time.

Gayle, theboysmom...hang in there, stick with us...marka, a very good teacher :)

Dad....We ALL feel your pain, You ARE at the right place.  We all understand you, we are all here for you.  Support "our" biggest asset, you are not alone.  Venting heals...that's what you need and a friend that understands...that's why were here :)
Ive been here nearly 4 years and will probably never leave. Still very much a comfort to me.

Ive mentioned in earlier posts, I know of many success stories.  I need to tell you how each one of them got there.  Marka...you are on your way.
What changed these addicts, was when the pain became to unbearable to the parent, each one of us...turned our backs and walked away.  Not at all something you would EVER expect you could do with a child that struggles as they do.  
We parents, did it all, lost it all and went back into the fight only to be knocked down again in yet another devastating way, as you all have.  
The day I put my sons life in Gods hands, when I was able to see and feel no more pain, when I was able to turn my back and feel it to my soul, was the day true intervention began.
It may seem heart less...it truly isn't, we love to much to help, does that make sense ?
This is not something you can make yourself do, turn and walk away...its part of the "Process".
The day may come that's all that's left...you'll be able to do it, with out a second guess...that's when you'll know in your heart, you gave it all, including the real chance of your child finding you again.
Never give up...but let them, find you
Hugs...Prayers...Peace to you all
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I just reread your post.
Dad...no blame...no shame... ok ??
This is not your fault, I know it is one of the hardest things to understand.  we all feel, where did we go wrong, it isn't us.
What you did...was the best and the only thing you could have done.  Each time he is clean either on his own or forced, is a step in the right direction.  
Right now, your feeling like you betrayed your son huh?  Dad, you gave him another chance. We too as parents have to relearn our thinking process.
Also DO NOT let yourself believe for one minute you have compromised the love between you.
When he is Whole and your son again...He will Thank YOU, the love bond stronger, you will know a different love !!
Take Care of You first has to be your new motto.  
They can pull us near deaths door too, only you can not open it.  
You are in the same spot I was...just before I knew what I had to do...."put him in Gods hands".  
Trust in faith and always believe, we seem to be forced to the place that all we pray for is peace...in what ever way it needs to come.  
I did the same.  
My sons final text to me was mom I hold in my hands enough heroin to put myself to sleep.  He told me he loved me and needed to know I still loved him.  My last response to him was...I need you to find peace in what ever way it needs to come to you...I refused to tell him I loved him, that's all he needed to hear, it was something I couldn't give him that night. Not at all because I didn't, quite the opposite  I loved him to much, I wanted his pain to end.
To this day I believe if I had told him what he wanted to hear, he would have oded just to end it all.  
He couldn't leave...not knowing my love could be gone.  
He choose to stay.  
That was nearly 2 years ago...he's been clean since.  He did this for one reason only...Himself.  All My begging...all my pleading, was overpowered by the heroin.
That night...did I have hope ???  Not a bit, but I had peace and that peace gave me back the son I longed to feel and see again after nearly 10 years
Never give up...but learn to put you first
Godspeed to you !!
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If I may ask how did you find someone to call and talk to your husband? Where did you call? I am having the same problem with my husband he thinks he can cure him by example following him around the house, he ,has me checking phone records to see if he is calling and  texting his contacts, thinking if he knows what he is doing every minute and baby sitting him can keep him from getting it and using. He would  been clean 1 month today but last night he volunteered to take the trash out and down our long driveway and wanted me to follow him down but I am so tired of having to follow him every where he goes when he is out of eye sight has me crazy and stressed to the point of a break down, but he did have trade subs for H and had him put it in the mail box.I only found it out because he left his phone in the house and saw a text that said did you get it out of the mailbox? I didn't tell him till today and true to form got see I told you, you  should have  followed him. I am at the end of my rope he went to different 3 councilors and they all told him he can't do it for him and it is coming between my husband and older son and myself .Any one else have that problem and how did you deal with it. Thanks for listening.
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I had been in touch with an interventionist who happen to be an extremely nice guy. Of course he was a user himself, clean for 8yrs and he was to come and convince my son to commit. Meantime I had thrown my son out and that caused big fights between me and my husband. He believed my way was wrong...so I made him call Mike the interventionist and he was the one that finally convinced my husband that my way was the ONLY way.
I had the same advice given to me from several people here and all I did was go online read testimonials of parents, ex-users anything I came upon to make me see.
So I'll give you the same advice.......you can not do it for him and the only way for him to see that is to cut him loose. I know how hard it is ....trust me....I have been there.... It will be the hardest decision to make but it might save his life.
Stay strong....make your husband read some stories here......I actually read them to my husband while he was watching TV
My prayers for you.....keep in touch
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Thanks for replying I am going to have him read some posts tonight, I know we need to be on the same page with our sons addiction but we seem to agree about the same things at different times.My son has a house in the Mts about 2 hours from home and when it gets too much he always wants to go there to clean up we have done this twice the last time he was clean for 1 month and I stayed with him almost the whole time. we came home last week and was good for 5 days before he called his contact.He used that night and slept all day yesterday and now asked for his sub and seems better. This is the problem I know he will slip but if he get right back on track I don't have the strength to put him out.My husband wants to take him back to the Mts again but I think he needs to agree to help around home because he will not always be able to not be around home. I keep telling my husband that we need someone away from the family to sit with us and try to get him to agree to get help but he is a workaholic and keeps saying I don't have time today but tomarrow might be too late one day. I will be honest I am so worn out from this I can't sleep and don't even want to get out of bed and face another day of this roller coaster. My husband is a good man but thinks he can fix anything as long as he does it his way.I was thinking if nothing else there are places I believe when it is an in patient program for family of an addict to go and get help and gain understanding and strength on dealing with this. He is 29 and needs to get it together. I hope this don't sound elfish but I want my life back,I looked forward to retirement and traveling and now we are stuck in hell and don't know how much longer we will stay together, we will be married 40 yrs in June plus my older son and my grandkids are being neglected from having time to spend with them/Sorry for going on and on but this is the first time I had people to talk to that truly understand, Thanks again for understanding.
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Please don"t apologize for venting....that's why we are all here.You are right about being on the same page with yr husband to get through this and he sounds exactly like mine ( workaholic, good man).....there are Al-Anon family meetings for us in every state....you will get a lot of help and strength when you attend......go alone and then try to take your husband with you.
I have to admit though that your son sounds like he is ready to get rid of this demon, since he has tried twice voluntarily to clean up. You just have to understand that once back in the same environment, his cravings are too strong.It takes at least 6 months , sometimes 9 for the cravings to stop.
I don't know how many of my posts you have read to see the path we chose for our son but it worked.
As you said he is too old to drag his family through so much pain and you don't sound selfish at all......as Deb has said on this blog.....you have to take care of YOU first.
There are other alternatives to suboxine too........maybe you should try talking to him about them .....there is a monthly injection called Vivitrol....it's a yearly treatment and it is not addictive as suboxine.
NA meetings would help too......he can even do them online
Stay strong and keep posting
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To everyone here, I have never done any drugs, knew next to nothing about them until I met a wonderful man (who is also a lawyer in a major city) who told me he had been a heroin addict for over ten years, tried to get off many times, went to several private programs which were useless, went to a methodone clinic many times (he says they just shove more at you and some people there take it home and sell it) and finally was able to get off with the help of something called suboxone.  He started out with 8 mg and in four years he is down to 2 mg.  He works as a lawyer, is tested regular for drugs, has no desire for drugs and sees a therapist and psychiatrist on a regular basis.  He says he had to be tired of the drug life, work to rebuild a brand new life he liked, away from drugs and deal with the issues that drove him to drugs and to deal with the issues the drugs created and many people have no family or profession to fall back on like he did.  He says that only suboxone enabled him to function normally and deal with everything and methdone is not effective and suboxone saved his life. The way he cut down on suboxone was bit by bit under doctor supervision.  Even today he and the doctor are not sure just when he will stop with suboxone but the fact that he is functioning, working, drug free, works out, enjoys life is a miracle.

Until I met this man, I never dreamed what it was like or how widespread heroin use is.  I was shocked, especially when he told me about other professionals that use regularly.

I know this sounds like a commercial but it seems so promising and wanted to get this info out there. There is hope and my heart goes out to each and every person who comes to this forum.  
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This is very painful for me as my son is 19 he is my life and my love and he is addicted to Heroin and it is killing me because we have to let him go to jail to get better, we have tried everything else, this is the most painful thing I have ever had to do.  I just need someone to talk to who feels my pain.  I am looking for a support group, please help...
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Hi there and welcome to the forum ~
I am so sorry you're going through this with your son... I do so understand.  My son is also a heroin addict. He's been an addict for about ten years - started using "lesser" type street drugs... then meth... now heroin for the past several years.

I want to encourage you to post your own "question" thread... and you will gain more attention and support. Especially since this is an older thread.  

My son was just recently in jail too... for about a month... was his last stay - he's been in jail a few times now for drug related misdemeanors... it has been a heartwrenching journey.  I feel your pain honey... this is truly the most difficult path I have ever traveled. And I have to admit I have made many many mistakes along the way... I didn't realize, but I did enable my son... and now I am learning more and more to let go and let God.  I have learned a lot of that right here... and through reading and through meetings.

I encourage you to seek out al-anon or nar-anon and get some support from people in the flesh who have walked this path as well... who have and are making healthy choices with their addict children - healthy boundaries... it has helped me tremendously.  I am still learning for sure!!  Loving an addict  - especially our child can make us as sick as they are... we so desperately want to "help" them - to "rescue" them... it's in us naturally to want to SAVE them from pain... but we just cannot do it for them.  I have learned this the hard.  Trying to save my boy did make me sick in the most terrible ways... but by the grace of God and a lot of hard work and support of others, I am beginning to make healthier choices. I have HOPE today!

I've learned to LET God do HIS work and get OUT of the way! LOL... :).  Two days ago my son was released from jail and mandated to go to rehab and then into a sober living environment :)... he and I were both so grateful!! Praising God for doing this for him. Today my son is alive and I have HOPE he will recover from all of this.  Your son is alive and today there is HOPE!

So happy you found this forum... it has been a life saver to me. I've learned so much and have found so much support.  I encourage you to keep coming back.
Praying for you and your son.
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Thank you so much for your response and advice.  
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I keep hearing about Suboxone and people saying that this helps but I question this, my son has been on it for a long time and I think he still does heroin, I am pretty sure of it. I really think that it just masks the court ordered drug tests he does 3 or 4 times a week.  We know he is still on drugs, then how is he passing these tests?  Could it be because Suboxone is an opiate and so is heroin and they know he is on Suboxone?
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To be honest, I am conflicted about suboxone.  I do know it has helped many opiate addicts in their recovery, but I don't know too much about it.  You might want to post these questions in the Addiction: Substance Abuse forum.  There are some really great people there who would be more than helpful and know a lot more than I do about suboxone.... I encourage you to ask there.

My son tried it too... it was not helpful for him. My thought... it's better to work a program ONE day at a time.
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Suboxone is used for many different reasons. At the end of the day it is substituting one drug for another if it is used as maintenance and not for detox.
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That is great!  How do you get someone in rehab before you have to plan their funeral.  That is the question I asked my almost 21 year old daughter how  wanted her funeral,  I know we will be burying her before she turns 21 (in three weeks) if she does not get help.  She refuses!  Any suggestions in getting her the help she needs?
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My heart goes out to you. I too have a daughter who is a heroin addict and who did manage to make it to her 21st birthday last October. I too thought on many occasions that "this was it" and I couldn't see how she could possibly survive for much longer... But she has...she's been using now for about 5 years and continues to this day, regardless of all the tragedies and near-misses she has endured.

My point in sharing this with you is that we really never know what the future holds and that we can only deal with what's in front of us today....a lesson that has taken me years to learn. I stopped "planning" her funeral in my mind (I used to be so sure it was going to be soon). Why grieve over something that has not happened. I still grieve, but not for the loss of her...i grieve for the pain caused from this addiction. I pray a lot. She is still here, and there is still hope for her.

Please remember to take care of yourself in this process. You will need your strength, both mental and physical. Trust me, I know. I've been where you are and still am there in many ways. We need God and we need each other.

I'll pray for you to find guidance on this scary journey. It's not going to be easy and no parent should go through this alone. If there is a support group (nar-anon or al-anon or parents group) you should go. It's good to be around people who can relate and understand.

Holding you and your daughter up in prayer.
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I can't tell you how much I needed to hear about how you setup "love boundaries" and stop enabling your son.  Our story is simulare and we did everything you can imagine.  Our story is more complex though.  Our daughter lived with her biological mom & step-dad most of the time, and half time with us. We were the more disciplined parents.  We talked to our daughter and setup short-term goals, and prepared her for college, and payed for half her college (SF StateUniversity), paid all medical, eye, dental costs, and gave her a car.  After one year at college she met a guy, and later found out she was shooting heroine for about a 1.5 years.  Prior to knowing, I noticed a major change in  her and tried talking to her birth moth to teller she was partying too much and did not deserve return to college, and to pay for her rent living in an apt with two men.  Her mother told me "she can do what she wants, she is 18, and doesn't need to tell you nothing."  I told her interesting.  She was only 16 about 2 years ago so your saying she gained all this wisdom to think for herself.  ********.  Our daughter stopped talking to us for about 4 months and not her mother, or stepdad would even tell us if she was okay.  Its like she went and hid.  I had a nervous breakdown knowing something was wrong. I loved our daughter as if she was my own child because I helped raise her, and because i was the one who took her to see the doctor; not her mother or stepdad.  Making a long story short, I was the stronger mom in her life.  Not her birth mother.  Her step father and mother in my eyes were living in a house where she lived like a wild animal with no rules, or direction. When she came to our home there was a family structure.  In near future, our daughter's mother had a long-term affair with the friend of her husband and eventually left her husband for this man, and later married him.  They wife swapped.  Ive been married for 23 years to my husband, and it was at our home that we learned our daughter was on heroine through my nephue figuring it out when he saw her drinking about 12 pills of methadone.  He screamed that she was trying to commit suicide.  She told us it was the only way she could visit is by taking methadone.  From here we sought treatment, family counseling, financially helped her and cried, begged, EVERYTHING!!!   The lies poored in, and out, and spread about to the point that our family was losing our structure, peace, and became fragile.  It got to a point that her Step-dad kept enabling our daughter with buying her a car to pull her to his home to anger her birth-mother who left him for his friend, money and jobs to maintain their sugar sweet diet, and we could not compete with this.  Then their was us, working with both of them with getting counseling, medical treatment, dental, eye, and family counseling.  Our daughter left again and stop talking to us.  I was devastated, and our son of 13 years began to get depressed not knowing what was happening in our home. It was then that I woke up to reality. Our daughter has a mother, and step-dad.  no one is worried about my child; son, with my husband.  I began to concentrate on my son, and through family counseling learned that I MUST STOP ENABLING OUR DAUGHTER AND CUT HER OFF WITH LOVE BOUNDARIES.  Its been almost a year that we have not heard from her. We did a lot for her. We even bought her a house.  Its a rental until she was to finish college and get married.  At this point we wanted her to decide if she wanted to sell, or live in it.  Well, this is no longer the plan.   We stopped.  Today, our daughter continues to hide, keep away, and its for the best.  My priority is our son, and our lives.   She had 4 parents and could not get it right.  When I asked her why she did this, she told me this "I wanted it, I even begged someone to teach me to shoot it, I just wanted it for no reason, nothing happened to me to want it, I just did."    You can't imagine how mentally displaced this made me. This kid had a great life, best schools, friends, hockey, Celo, grew up in Davis, California with UCD influence.  This girl attended the best most exciting schools.  What happened???  I believe she was influenced early on in life that she could do what she wanted, lived in a house with a lot of secrets, seeing a lot of inner-marriage or sexual relationships that confused her about the importance of making choices, not random decisions, and saw her mother unhappy with a man who devalued her because he made her sign a prenuptial knowing she really didn't love him; he took advantage of her and this child.  Our daughter's mother and step-father behavior was often grouse.  For example, at her birthday party when people were giving speeches of how great our daughter is (a party we gave her) her mother and step-father were tung twisting kissing like animals in front of a lot of people.  My own family members who are rough on the edges were blown-away by their behavior/discusted.   These are UCD/Berkley graduated alumni?   It was crazy.   I believe our daughter saw a lot of this gross behavior at an early age and it bothered her.  She was taught to do what she wanted that it was her life. This is not true!   Its not their lives to live only.  Their choices affect their loved ones. Its never just their life because they like us need these connections.   We are not looking for our daughter, if she wants to be apart of our family, she will have to make some changes.  I can't have her in our home with our child knotting out with her boyfriend, and looking like she hadn't bathed in 3-weeks.   We stopped enabling, and now our son knows the truth through counseling, and he's doing better.  We are no LONGER hostages to our daughter's drug addiction to heroine.  We are free!!!!    I pray everyday that she will break free of this drug, and she will hit rock bottom and leave this guy and find herself once and for all, for her to be well, and happy.   I miss our daughter and cry sometimes, but know we did the right thing.  I love her forever, we love her forever, but guess what?   We love us more, a lot more to take care of ourselves first before we go down with her.  NO WAY!!!!
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