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Any parents of heroin addicts here?
Hello,
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
Lilybitd...I'm so sorry your post was missed, I hope you check back .
Leah lane...you might want to start a new thread, where it says post a question, at the top right ( i think) of the page....that way we can keep track of you. This thread is long and often missed.
first of all I'd like to say hi....2nd know there is hope.
I know how distraught you are right now.
I too am a mom of an iv heroin addict.
My son was in a very very bad spot, like the flip of a switch he changed his life, but it didn't come without tremendous pain first.
He will be 4 years clean this year. ..words I NEVER expected to say, it does happen for many, so please keep faith.
there is no right or wrong when dealing with addiction. We as parents seem to need to go through a process to bring ourselves to the place that we can help them instead of hurt them.
The first thing that needs to end is any kind of enabling. We enable in ways were not aware of.
I use to ask myself if I do this for my son is it helping him or leading him in deeper, I soon realized the fact that I would question myself meant it was something I shouldn't do for him.
it's a very long painful road, no one can make him stop. ..that can only come from him. But we can help lead them to their fall.
your life as you know it needs to change temporarily....we parents make their addiction our own...we try to fix them.
youll need to start looking at his addiction for what it is....his addiction, let him take full responsibility for his actions, and it isn't easy. We almost need to go against our natural instinct to protect.
I did it all...gave it all and lost it all trying to save my son, all I did for him was to allow his addiction to intensify.
when I could handle no more, when I was numb...I backed out of his life.
made sure he knew I loved him, made sure he knew when he wanted real help I was there for him, but also told him until that time came he was no longer welcome in my life as an addict.
as painful as it was, I stood my ground.
they will make us very sick, when I could change my life and he knew he was alone (I was the last to let go) he soon changed his.
I know your on an emotional rollercoaster, lost, scared, no where to turn.
only he can fix his life only you can change yours.
Start with you. ..MANY times they will follow us.
Like I mentioned above...start a new thread...I'll be watching for you, this way others can jump in to give you support too.
Leah lane...you might want to start a new thread, where it says post a question, at the top right ( i think) of the page....that way we can keep track of you. This thread is long and often missed.
first of all I'd like to say hi....2nd know there is hope.
I know how distraught you are right now.
I too am a mom of an iv heroin addict.
My son was in a very very bad spot, like the flip of a switch he changed his life, but it didn't come without tremendous pain first.
He will be 4 years clean this year. ..words I NEVER expected to say, it does happen for many, so please keep faith.
there is no right or wrong when dealing with addiction. We as parents seem to need to go through a process to bring ourselves to the place that we can help them instead of hurt them.
The first thing that needs to end is any kind of enabling. We enable in ways were not aware of.
I use to ask myself if I do this for my son is it helping him or leading him in deeper, I soon realized the fact that I would question myself meant it was something I shouldn't do for him.
it's a very long painful road, no one can make him stop. ..that can only come from him. But we can help lead them to their fall.
your life as you know it needs to change temporarily....we parents make their addiction our own...we try to fix them.
youll need to start looking at his addiction for what it is....his addiction, let him take full responsibility for his actions, and it isn't easy. We almost need to go against our natural instinct to protect.
I did it all...gave it all and lost it all trying to save my son, all I did for him was to allow his addiction to intensify.
when I could handle no more, when I was numb...I backed out of his life.
made sure he knew I loved him, made sure he knew when he wanted real help I was there for him, but also told him until that time came he was no longer welcome in my life as an addict.
as painful as it was, I stood my ground.
they will make us very sick, when I could change my life and he knew he was alone (I was the last to let go) he soon changed his.
I know your on an emotional rollercoaster, lost, scared, no where to turn.
only he can fix his life only you can change yours.
Start with you. ..MANY times they will follow us.
Like I mentioned above...start a new thread...I'll be watching for you, this way others can jump in to give you support too.
having difficulty acessing website
I am so sorry to hear of your story . I hope my story will help give you hope . I found out thanksgiving day that my son was shooting herion. Of course I heard him lie and tell me the needles belong to his friends. My son was 19 and attending college in flagstaff at this time when I found his stash. At June we spent our family summer vacation in California , we are Az. . At the beginning of June I decided to go thorough my sons bag and once again I find his drugs. I decided to see what was available for help in California. I told my son to get in the car and I drove him to a facility for one week for detox , then a thirty day treatment facility . Meanwhile I knew I had to do my research in ordered for the best outcome . I was introduced to a man named shean O hara. My husband and myself set up an appt. to get information and ask about options. We were told there was a two year program in Torrance California for 17 -22 with drug addictions. It was called New Life House. We had our son talk to mr O Hara and our son committed to three months. At this time the new life house said our son was one of the worse cases they've seen in 17 years. My son knew if he continued on his path that death was enviable . The house had to meet our son first to see if he would qualify as a candidate and he did. We left him there knowing he would never live with us ever again and his new life of sobriety would be in the Torrance area. The house where my son stayed with 27 other boys was the beginning of getting my son back. I'm not going to get into details about the house. However there are a total of three houses depending on ages up in your thirties. We told our son this was our gift to him. This was not a locked facility. Our son knew we would not let him come home. For the first year my husband and myself went to the weekend meetings, In which we learned a great deal. This July 14th. We will be returning to the New Life house to celebrate our sons 4th year of sobriety. He lives two miles from the house. His best friend are graduates from the houses and his roommates are graduates as well. At two years they move them out in threes to begin their life outside the house but also continue to go to meetings at the house for 6 months. My son is 23 years old and he is going to college. He just got certified to become an EMT. He is happier and loving his life in sobriety. Of course he misses living in Arizona and being closer us. His success depends on living in a sober community and giving back to the house , he knows this. Herion is incredibly hard to battle. You cannot do it alone. We were so blessed to find this house which has a 78% success rate. It did cost us to send him there but we chose the house over college tuition. They do have them working at 7months and contributing to their stay. They also are under a daily ritualistic order of living . They all do chores , cook , meditate , go to AA meetings 4 days a week and they also go to movies and dances to learn what it's like to have fun in sobriety. I feel truly blessed . I hope my story will inspire other parents that your hopes and prayers can be answered. Never give up. My son knew he could choose life or the streets. That's when we as parents have to use tough love. My prayers go out to all parents suffering from this disease that our children face. Blessings to you all!
I need help. My son is 20 years old and he is on heroine and ice? I believe that the ice is method but I'm not sure on that. It's tearing our family apart. He has lost everything. His kids, his parents and siblings, his job. He's been through rehab twice. I've been trying the past 2 days to go to detox for a few days and now he won't even answer my calls. I just fear that phone call that he has od'd.
Yes I have on he is 31,been on herion 10 years a new girl friend.I've known for 4 maybe 5.he told me he was ready for help got him into a methadone clinic after almost 4 year's that weind him off.well thought all good.are you ready for this.found out my husband 64 years married 33 years is now a herion addic I had had him in rehab twice I thought vicodin (we are blind) well third time he missed his vein and infection was on way to heart .so now I have son both on herion.both hep c.besides he is in very poor health and he doest take his Mexican.we have lost everything selling our property.and in his head its not cause of dope he is clueless.my sons daughter was born with hep c waiting on test for two youngest they have to have every 6 months his second is a herion baby I rocked walked a baby going Thur withdraws is so bad the youngest mom was in jail or rehab the whole pregnancy and was back in jail the week after baby born she is 2 1/2 found great I have had her her dad has lived with us to I could tell yavso much it is awful drug I hate it and the kids are who suffer. I have a grandaughters who is now 11 when she was 7 she lost her mom really shocked everyone that she was doing herion the damn **** everywhere they blame being on pain medican I think that's bull its a easy way out I know 99% that had never Used herion I'm sorry I'm rambling I have never had anyone was looking found page and found you there is so much more imvmoveing I have saved all the funerals we have gone to kids I countedover 20 and that's probably in 3 or 4 years kids under23 years I live in a small town but major city about 25 miles I m feeling defeated I said I will beat this monster that had invited my home.I feel like I don't know I'm ready to leave area leaving home I can't watch my husband and son leave they are already dead their sprit is gone I don't know who these people are
I'm SO SORRY I didn't get back to you sooner.
Sweetie you've been fighting so hard for so long, you've given all you can, the rest is up to him.
we become addicted to our addicts, for our own emotional well being, we need to learn how to seperate ourselves from their addiction, and yes that's what your doing by detaching with love.
Your not letting your son go....your letting his addiction go.
We need to learn ways to back away, it doesn't come natural, you have to work hard at it, baby steps, it's our recovery....one day at a time.
Sometimes minute by minute.
I had great support. ..you need that too.
Where ever your comfortable, if it's here, meetings someone you completely trust, or a combination of all.
Always get it out even if its only tears and no words.
When you go home to life let it be as close to normal as possible.
it helps separate your life from your son's addiction.
My first thoughts when I was in your spot were, I have others in my life that need me. When were totally consumed by something we cant change, we give up so much that others in our life deserve to have from us.
You hit the nail on the head your girls and husband, they need YOU.
Addiction is selfish don't let it take the rest of your family away.
When you can change your approach / attitude towards his addiction and he sees you moving on with your life. ...many times, they don't want to be left behind, and follow your lead.
Starting today. ..when your son comes to mind force your thoughts to one of your girls. ..your husband. Over time you train your mind.
spend that money youve been spending on your son, trying to help him. ..on you.
When is the last time you had a "date" with your husband ?
A family night focused on your girls ?
Try it with NO talk of what's going on with your son.
when your feeling overwhelmed, get out of your house.
Go somewhere anywhere that once brought you a smile.
I needed people most times. ..a crowd, other times I'd sit at the lake and just take in what we so often overlook....natural beauty.
Some days, My release was driving with no destination ..music loud so I couldn't think.
I have a disabled daughter and 4 grandbabies...I threw myself into them.
I missed so many years with them, how amazing it was to reconnect.
before I knew it I realized I was letting his addiction go.
Soon I could look at his addiction for what it was. ...his.
if I let my mind go to him, yes that gut heartwrecking pain resurfaced, I learned to "trick" My mind
I couldn't change him, but I changed myself.
by doing that I found a different strength. I knew we were not good together, I knew I needed to heal separate from him, as together we were going down hard.
Once I moved on, so did he.
I had to let him go several times over the years...3 to be exact, but each time we separated, he gave recovery another chance.
each recovery longer in duration than the time before, with a shorter relapse between.
the first 6 months, 2nd just over a year, his 3rd over 3 years and counting.
I've come to terms with myself, my son will always be an addict, I pray in recovery, but also prepared things could change overnight, only he owns it.
You have to do this for you now...ok.
A great help to me was being taught addiction from the addicts side. While my son was active everything was down played by him ...LIES... so he could stay active.
he too was shot at, also held the gun in his hand, many ods. Watched friends die. Died on the bathroom floor, from shooting a fentanyl patch, brought back to life, only to shoot another the next day.
how does that not make them see ??
The drug more powerful than all of us.
my begging, my tears...he seeing me give up on life, it couldn't change him. ..I was living his addiction with him.
when I backed away he was living it alone, that was his rock bottom...being alone.
when I struggled the most. ..when I needed answers, it was a struggling addict that trusted me enough to be fully open and honest with me, when I understood addiction from that side. ..it all began to fit.
There is an amazing woman here "nighthawk" she has many years of recovery under her belt, from a very bad situation...I'm going to ask her to touch base with you. When you can understand both sides, you will begin to find some release of your pain, some peace.
Please know if your more comfortable talking through messages we can do that. If you want to stay on this tread...we can do that.
if you'd like to start your own thread ( top of the page. ..post a question ) with a brief story, new people will see when ever you post and add to your support.
Ive been with you along time. ..I watch for you, but in this long thread, posts often get overlooked.
the more support you have now the better and we're going to do it in the most comfortable way for you.
Deb
Sweetie you've been fighting so hard for so long, you've given all you can, the rest is up to him.
we become addicted to our addicts, for our own emotional well being, we need to learn how to seperate ourselves from their addiction, and yes that's what your doing by detaching with love.
Your not letting your son go....your letting his addiction go.
We need to learn ways to back away, it doesn't come natural, you have to work hard at it, baby steps, it's our recovery....one day at a time.
Sometimes minute by minute.
I had great support. ..you need that too.
Where ever your comfortable, if it's here, meetings someone you completely trust, or a combination of all.
Always get it out even if its only tears and no words.
When you go home to life let it be as close to normal as possible.
it helps separate your life from your son's addiction.
My first thoughts when I was in your spot were, I have others in my life that need me. When were totally consumed by something we cant change, we give up so much that others in our life deserve to have from us.
You hit the nail on the head your girls and husband, they need YOU.
Addiction is selfish don't let it take the rest of your family away.
When you can change your approach / attitude towards his addiction and he sees you moving on with your life. ...many times, they don't want to be left behind, and follow your lead.
Starting today. ..when your son comes to mind force your thoughts to one of your girls. ..your husband. Over time you train your mind.
spend that money youve been spending on your son, trying to help him. ..on you.
When is the last time you had a "date" with your husband ?
A family night focused on your girls ?
Try it with NO talk of what's going on with your son.
when your feeling overwhelmed, get out of your house.
Go somewhere anywhere that once brought you a smile.
I needed people most times. ..a crowd, other times I'd sit at the lake and just take in what we so often overlook....natural beauty.
Some days, My release was driving with no destination ..music loud so I couldn't think.
I have a disabled daughter and 4 grandbabies...I threw myself into them.
I missed so many years with them, how amazing it was to reconnect.
before I knew it I realized I was letting his addiction go.
Soon I could look at his addiction for what it was. ...his.
if I let my mind go to him, yes that gut heartwrecking pain resurfaced, I learned to "trick" My mind
I couldn't change him, but I changed myself.
by doing that I found a different strength. I knew we were not good together, I knew I needed to heal separate from him, as together we were going down hard.
Once I moved on, so did he.
I had to let him go several times over the years...3 to be exact, but each time we separated, he gave recovery another chance.
each recovery longer in duration than the time before, with a shorter relapse between.
the first 6 months, 2nd just over a year, his 3rd over 3 years and counting.
I've come to terms with myself, my son will always be an addict, I pray in recovery, but also prepared things could change overnight, only he owns it.
You have to do this for you now...ok.
A great help to me was being taught addiction from the addicts side. While my son was active everything was down played by him ...LIES... so he could stay active.
he too was shot at, also held the gun in his hand, many ods. Watched friends die. Died on the bathroom floor, from shooting a fentanyl patch, brought back to life, only to shoot another the next day.
how does that not make them see ??
The drug more powerful than all of us.
my begging, my tears...he seeing me give up on life, it couldn't change him. ..I was living his addiction with him.
when I backed away he was living it alone, that was his rock bottom...being alone.
when I struggled the most. ..when I needed answers, it was a struggling addict that trusted me enough to be fully open and honest with me, when I understood addiction from that side. ..it all began to fit.
There is an amazing woman here "nighthawk" she has many years of recovery under her belt, from a very bad situation...I'm going to ask her to touch base with you. When you can understand both sides, you will begin to find some release of your pain, some peace.
Please know if your more comfortable talking through messages we can do that. If you want to stay on this tread...we can do that.
if you'd like to start your own thread ( top of the page. ..post a question ) with a brief story, new people will see when ever you post and add to your support.
Ive been with you along time. ..I watch for you, but in this long thread, posts often get overlooked.
the more support you have now the better and we're going to do it in the most comfortable way for you.
Deb
Hi Deb,
Im at work and trying to keep my self calm. I hate this life I wish I was strong enough and let everything go. My Son is under a Dr. Supervision but I know he is doing cocaine. His attitude up and down I know what I need to do I'm just mot strong enough. I want to enjoy my girls and especially my husband t he is the love of my life. Truly blessed to have him. The anxiety that I have from the morning that I wake up,till the night that I go to bed. Is killing me. I always wonder if I detached from son things will get better. I jus can't keep,on going this way. He has put him self in dangerous situations, like been assaulted at gun point by the same people that had sold the dope. Crazy! And not even with that gets scare. I just pray that God gives me the strenght to keep,on going.
Im at work and trying to keep my self calm. I hate this life I wish I was strong enough and let everything go. My Son is under a Dr. Supervision but I know he is doing cocaine. His attitude up and down I know what I need to do I'm just mot strong enough. I want to enjoy my girls and especially my husband t he is the love of my life. Truly blessed to have him. The anxiety that I have from the morning that I wake up,till the night that I go to bed. Is killing me. I always wonder if I detached from son things will get better. I jus can't keep,on going this way. He has put him self in dangerous situations, like been assaulted at gun point by the same people that had sold the dope. Crazy! And not even with that gets scare. I just pray that God gives me the strenght to keep,on going.
Hi Deb,
Im at work and trying to keep my self calm. I hate this life I wish I was strong enough and let everything go. My Son is under a Dr. Supervision but I know he is doing cocaine. His attitude up and down I know what I need to do I'm just mot strong enough. I want to enjoy my girls and especially my husband t he is the love of my life. Truly blessed to have him. The anxiety that I have from the morning that I wake up,till the night that I go to bed. Is killing me. I always wonder if I detached from son things will get better. I jus can't keep,on going this way. He has put him self in dangerous situations, like been assaulted at gun point by the same people that had sold the dope. Crazy! And not even with that gets scare. I just pray that God gives me the strenght to keep,on going.
Im at work and trying to keep my self calm. I hate this life I wish I was strong enough and let everything go. My Son is under a Dr. Supervision but I know he is doing cocaine. His attitude up and down I know what I need to do I'm just mot strong enough. I want to enjoy my girls and especially my husband t he is the love of my life. Truly blessed to have him. The anxiety that I have from the morning that I wake up,till the night that I go to bed. Is killing me. I always wonder if I detached from son things will get better. I jus can't keep,on going this way. He has put him self in dangerous situations, like been assaulted at gun point by the same people that had sold the dope. Crazy! And not even with that gets scare. I just pray that God gives me the strenght to keep,on going.
Awe sweetie...I'm here whenever you need me.
message me..tell me where things stand. .let's talk ok.
we're going to work on you
message me..tell me where things stand. .let's talk ok.
we're going to work on you
Hi Deb,
My place when I need the support. It has been 3 years of my son using and I just can't take it any longer.
My place when I need the support. It has been 3 years of my son using and I just can't take it any longer.
Lenny,
Stories like yours are so hard to read....heartbreaking.
Everyone of us here, know that fear.
The Evils of Heroin....are life long
There are no words, but please know. ..one parent to another my sincere condolences are sent to you and your family.
I pray you find comfort and peace. ..I'm so sorry
were here if you need us....
Debbie
Stories like yours are so hard to read....heartbreaking.
Everyone of us here, know that fear.
The Evils of Heroin....are life long
There are no words, but please know. ..one parent to another my sincere condolences are sent to you and your family.
I pray you find comfort and peace. ..I'm so sorry
were here if you need us....
Debbie
My 33 year old son just died of an apparent heroin overdose (pending toxicology). He was in rehab three times, 17 days, 21 days and 31 days. After the last stint I really thought he was on the right track. He had made significant shifts in his thinking, had a plan and was acting on it. He was in a "sober" halfway house with plans to stay there until he felt he could transition to independent living. He was receiving outpatient therapy. He declined methadone and ambien offered by rehab. From what I have learned from those in the house, another client provided him with a bag of heroin. He became unresponsive, and instead of calling 911, they dragged him back to his room and left him there. He leaves behind four children age 2 to 9.
Your post just broke my heart. Kim hasn't been here for awhile and may not respond.
I'm sending you a friend request and a private message, If you'd like to talk
It's a horrible road. .you need support
deb
I'm sending you a friend request and a private message, If you'd like to talk
It's a horrible road. .you need support
deb
I understand what you are feeling. My daughter, my beautiful, intelligent, funny, loving, talented daughter started using heroin at 19. I dont know why. She went through all of the education, the DARE program, me telling her not to take that path, yet, she did. She had broken up with her long time boyfriend, he had slept with someone else. She was heartbroken, she tried heroin. She has told me over and over it isnt my fault. Still. I feel it is somehow. I failed her somehow. This is not the life God intended for her, her sisters and brother, her father, or me. I blame myself because we divorced when she was young. I am trying to accept that it isnt my fault. Everything inside of me wants to take this from her, to overcome it myself for her, to kill this wicked thing that stole my child. It hurts so bad. I have tried everything, rehabs, money, support, patience, no contact, no help, ... she is 31 now. Three years ago she became pregnant and her baby girl, my only grandchild, was taken away from her. I live out of state so I legally couldnt even take my grandchild to raise. I feel so ashamed. This wasnt how life was suppose to work out. This is all wrong. Now my daughter is so depressed over losing her child. There is nothing I can do except to tell her to get her life together so that one day she will be the woman her daughter deserves to find out is her mother. She doesnt live anywhere. She accepts homelessness and begging for money in parking lots as the life she deserves. I feel ashamed that my daughter is out there, homeless. She lies to me about her sobriety. I can always tell bc she sniffs while shes talking on the phone. I pay for her to have a cell phone-its my only lifeline to her-even though she rarely picks up the phone when I call. I think about shutting it off, but then I would have no way of knowing...if she is alive. Allowing myself to say all of this, to write it, is excruciatingly painful. I have to keep a wall up emotionally, otherwise, I couldnt function, I couldnt work, or be there for my other 3 grown children. They are angry at her. So angry, fed up. I know she is sick and needs help. But what help can I give is she is unwilling. I literally drove out of state 4 years ago, went to the town I knew she was in- I hadnt heard from her in a month. I was so afraid she was dead or suffering and needed help. I posted reward signs all over with her picture on them. I stayed in a hotel for a week driving around every day, talking to people, other addicts. I brought subutex with me, so that she could detox in the hotel if I found her. I prayed and prayed. Finally a guy called me, he was a heroin addict too. He wanted the reward money. He told me where she would be walking and when to be there. Sure enough, there she was. She came around the corner and looked at me and said "Mom"? she started to cry but she was surprised and happy too...and high. I said I am here to take you out of here honey. Just get in the car. I have everything we need. I am taking you back home, after you detox you are going into a rehab. She got in the car, she detoxed over the next few days in the hotel, she did go to rehab, within days of getting out she relapsed again. She went back to that town. The guy I paid the reward to, maybe he was barely 21 years old- he ended up dying from an overdose. She knew him. His death didnt make her stop. Shes seen so much of that, but it doesnt stop the addiction from ruling her. So many times I have thought about kidnapping her, taking her to the mountains, to a little cabin so deep and so far from the city she couldnt escape, I would nurture her there, heal her, Mind, body and soul. I would stay there with her for as long as it took to get her back again, my precious angel with such a brilliant mind, the happy loving soul I gave birth to. She is lost in a maze of darkness, I cant reach her to help her. I am a prisoner of this heroin too yes I am. It has taken my child, and built a wall between us, it is a clear wall, I can see her suffering but am unable to break through, I have exhausted myself trying, all I can do is wait for her to wake up from the spell she is under, to realize the wall can only be broken through from her side. All of my love, all of my pain, it doesnt matter. She must feel love, for herself, forgiveness for herself, love for life enough to say enough. What is the purpose of this drug, this addiction, this life spent in it? It is dark and evil, little by little taking our children, our friends, life as we knew it, The destroyer. I asked what it felt like, they say it is a blissful, painless feeling. I think of meditation and can describe the same feelings. But the drug, it destroys all esteem, all sense of purpose, all honesty, all liberty, all of the self...too many burnt bridges, too far to come back to this reality I suppose. I still pray and I still have faith. I go back to my numbness about it in order to live, feeling guilty for living or any joy felt because she is out there somewhere begging for a buck to feed the monster inside of her.
Hi Helen...Glad you found Dan & hes safe
The thoughts that can run through our minds. ..our worst enemy huh ?
yes it's amazing how fear will turn to anger then back to fear. ..big part of the emotional Rollercoaster ride they take us on
A social worker feeling stupid, not at all. ...your just too emotionally attached.
When it comes to our own kids, the advice we give others, often needs to be given back to us :)
I hope Dan finds a solution, as he is putting himself in unsafe places.
My son is a 3 year recovering heroin addict. The stories he's since told me about situations he was in during his active years drains my color I'm sure. I still wonder how he survived. If his addiction didn't take him... the positions he put himself in for his addiction should have.
Towards the end of my son's active years I believed ZERO of what he said. The members here gave me a great education quick, they told me step by step what his next move would be...they were right.
As I said before...heroin addiction doesn't just go away.
He was high and admitted to smoking weed, that to me is a red flag.
I don't know how to say this in a gentle way. ..addictive behavior, getting high in any way will keep him active, if he's not doing heroin now...more likely than not he will go back to it.
does he show any interest in getting clean with professional help...rehabs, meetings ?
Eyes wide open. ..ok
here for you
deb
The thoughts that can run through our minds. ..our worst enemy huh ?
yes it's amazing how fear will turn to anger then back to fear. ..big part of the emotional Rollercoaster ride they take us on
A social worker feeling stupid, not at all. ...your just too emotionally attached.
When it comes to our own kids, the advice we give others, often needs to be given back to us :)
I hope Dan finds a solution, as he is putting himself in unsafe places.
My son is a 3 year recovering heroin addict. The stories he's since told me about situations he was in during his active years drains my color I'm sure. I still wonder how he survived. If his addiction didn't take him... the positions he put himself in for his addiction should have.
Towards the end of my son's active years I believed ZERO of what he said. The members here gave me a great education quick, they told me step by step what his next move would be...they were right.
As I said before...heroin addiction doesn't just go away.
He was high and admitted to smoking weed, that to me is a red flag.
I don't know how to say this in a gentle way. ..addictive behavior, getting high in any way will keep him active, if he's not doing heroin now...more likely than not he will go back to it.
does he show any interest in getting clean with professional help...rehabs, meetings ?
Eyes wide open. ..ok
here for you
deb
Thanks for your words.
A friend came to take me to lunch today and as she brought me home there was my car, parked in front of the house of Dan's friend from childhood. I was so relieved to know he wasn't dead or laying hurt somewhere. He'd been hiding out from some guys who wanted to make them pay for giving a ride to a dealer who stole some meth. Going a different place every day. He worked that out with the head guy of the bad dudes and four of them are going to pay those guys $30 each. Sheesh - he sure knows how to get himself into stuff with the wrong people. Anyway, he was stoned from weed, but said he hadn't used otherwise. I think I'll believe about a third for now. He's home sleeping because he was scared trying to hide out from those guys. Sounds like a movie plot. My car has a broken passenger window where one of the bad dudes swung a big bottle of liquor at Daniel's head from the outside and broke the window. sigh. tomorrow I'll probably have some new feelings rising now that I know he's safe. I'm glad to have found you even if it is quiet. I'm a social worker so I know the drill but am really stupid about my own self and kid right now. :-)
Helen
A friend came to take me to lunch today and as she brought me home there was my car, parked in front of the house of Dan's friend from childhood. I was so relieved to know he wasn't dead or laying hurt somewhere. He'd been hiding out from some guys who wanted to make them pay for giving a ride to a dealer who stole some meth. Going a different place every day. He worked that out with the head guy of the bad dudes and four of them are going to pay those guys $30 each. Sheesh - he sure knows how to get himself into stuff with the wrong people. Anyway, he was stoned from weed, but said he hadn't used otherwise. I think I'll believe about a third for now. He's home sleeping because he was scared trying to hide out from those guys. Sounds like a movie plot. My car has a broken passenger window where one of the bad dudes swung a big bottle of liquor at Daniel's head from the outside and broke the window. sigh. tomorrow I'll probably have some new feelings rising now that I know he's safe. I'm glad to have found you even if it is quiet. I'm a social worker so I know the drill but am really stupid about my own self and kid right now. :-)
Helen
Hi Helen. ..so glad your here.
this is an extremely hard long painful road. ..not doing it alone is a bit of comfort. We will be here for you in any way we can.
it often gets quiet here, please don't be discouraged, I try to check daily, I'm sure others will be around too.
first of all please don't give up hope. ..it IS doable.
you do know we can't fix them, it can only come from him.
Enabling I believe is the hardest thing for us mom's to get a grip on...it goes completely against our natural instincts to protect our child at all cost.
In the case of addiction, it could be deadly.
I finally got to the point and you will hear these words often here...it's reinforced with good reason " Support ONLY their recovery ...not their addiction ".
I began to live by those words. ..I questioned my every move when it came to giving or doing for my son. Was I helping him...or hurting him more ???
Soon it came to me how badly I was enabling. We do it in ways we don't even understand, until we stop for a moment and give it thought.
Manipulation of your emotions is a big part of addiction, which I'm sure your living Nasty words, Anger, threats, violent behavior. .right down to the tears and begging...ripping our heart strings. It's a way for them to stay active.
your son is in there. ..it's the addiction that needs to be fought.
it's a process that you can't make happen, the heart stands in the way, eventually numb happens...I guess that becomes our protection.
we can and will get just as sick if not more sick than them.
We as parents need to try to find a balance of looking out for us, while learning how to detach with love FOR them.
Heroin is a tough drug to kick...educate yourself the best you can on this type of addiction...know the signs. Ask us questions...no question is unimportant.
Most need long term care therapy, counseling, meetings, rehab that they are fully willing to participate in. They need to relearn life without drugs and new coping skills.
Withdrawing from heroin is only the beginning.
he has your car, I don't want to assume, but I highly suspect he has it to use.
I know getting the police involved is not what you want to do, but at this point it might be in his best interest.
we need to learn to make them responsible for their own actions...the trouble they find, the fines they need to repay. While it will feel overwhelming, when they realize they are only digging deeper with no one to help get them out of their mess...many will ask for help.
Let us help hold your worries. ...don't ever feel you can't talk with us here. Each one of us have or have had addiction in our lives
this is an extremely hard long painful road. ..not doing it alone is a bit of comfort. We will be here for you in any way we can.
it often gets quiet here, please don't be discouraged, I try to check daily, I'm sure others will be around too.
first of all please don't give up hope. ..it IS doable.
you do know we can't fix them, it can only come from him.
Enabling I believe is the hardest thing for us mom's to get a grip on...it goes completely against our natural instincts to protect our child at all cost.
In the case of addiction, it could be deadly.
I finally got to the point and you will hear these words often here...it's reinforced with good reason " Support ONLY their recovery ...not their addiction ".
I began to live by those words. ..I questioned my every move when it came to giving or doing for my son. Was I helping him...or hurting him more ???
Soon it came to me how badly I was enabling. We do it in ways we don't even understand, until we stop for a moment and give it thought.
Manipulation of your emotions is a big part of addiction, which I'm sure your living Nasty words, Anger, threats, violent behavior. .right down to the tears and begging...ripping our heart strings. It's a way for them to stay active.
your son is in there. ..it's the addiction that needs to be fought.
it's a process that you can't make happen, the heart stands in the way, eventually numb happens...I guess that becomes our protection.
we can and will get just as sick if not more sick than them.
We as parents need to try to find a balance of looking out for us, while learning how to detach with love FOR them.
Heroin is a tough drug to kick...educate yourself the best you can on this type of addiction...know the signs. Ask us questions...no question is unimportant.
Most need long term care therapy, counseling, meetings, rehab that they are fully willing to participate in. They need to relearn life without drugs and new coping skills.
Withdrawing from heroin is only the beginning.
he has your car, I don't want to assume, but I highly suspect he has it to use.
I know getting the police involved is not what you want to do, but at this point it might be in his best interest.
we need to learn to make them responsible for their own actions...the trouble they find, the fines they need to repay. While it will feel overwhelming, when they realize they are only digging deeper with no one to help get them out of their mess...many will ask for help.
Let us help hold your worries. ...don't ever feel you can't talk with us here. Each one of us have or have had addiction in our lives
I found this group in a google search and started reading. I'd like to join. My 20 year old son withdrew from heroin last week - 6 days. I was so proud of him. The next day he borrowed my car because his had broken down and I haven't seen or heard from him since - going on the 4th night now. I have such mixed feelings and anxiety. The only option to get my car back (so I can go on about my life) is to call it in as stolen. I talked to a police officer last night and didn't want to do that because I gave him permission. He has done this once before, just before he decided to get clean. I am somewhat amazed at my enabling. If I hadn't watched him withdraw I would think differently. And I would not have lent him my car again. This is such a hard road.
Helen
Helen
Hi sc...
you absolutely can share any of my words, if you feel they can help another.
I no longer keep quite. ..shame and stigma have to end. We ALL need to fight together
you absolutely can share any of my words, if you feel they can help another.
I no longer keep quite. ..shame and stigma have to end. We ALL need to fight together
Your post is so well written and so true. May I share this with others in hopes of raising their awareness?
Thinking of you. ..
*Many mom's pray for jail *
Your not walking away, you never will. .. your her mom.
Im not sure its even though love, it's learning how to love her in a different way for now, for HER and her recovery.
Have you heard the expression
"we can love them to death " in the case of addiction, protecting them only hurts them more, leading them deeper.
It's our natural instinct, and so hard to let it go.
I was told a long time ago....support only their recovery not their addiction.
I soon found myself questioning everything I did for my son. Was I helping him by doing certain things. ...I finally figured out enabling, as most everything I did enabled him.
I wish there were real answers.
It seems to be what i call a process....We all give our all until there's nothing more to give, it's not until we reach that numb state that we can start to back away. In doing that we let their addiction become their own, when theyre totally responsible for their actions, their problems, they many times begin to take a look at their life.
It's a hard thing to do. ..but remember why your doing it.
you want your baby girl back
Try to Look at it as giving her space so she can find her way.
Don't ever think the love between you 2 will suffer over this, it'll only get stronger and yes it IS possible.
She's in jail, use this time to your advantage, many mom's pay for jail ..she's safe, let her think, and you take time to rest your mind
Im not sure its even though love, it's learning how to love her in a different way for now, for HER and her recovery.
Have you heard the expression
"we can love them to death " in the case of addiction, protecting them only hurts them more, leading them deeper.
It's our natural instinct, and so hard to let it go.
I was told a long time ago....support only their recovery not their addiction.
I soon found myself questioning everything I did for my son. Was I helping him by doing certain things. ...I finally figured out enabling, as most everything I did enabled him.
I wish there were real answers.
It seems to be what i call a process....We all give our all until there's nothing more to give, it's not until we reach that numb state that we can start to back away. In doing that we let their addiction become their own, when theyre totally responsible for their actions, their problems, they many times begin to take a look at their life.
It's a hard thing to do. ..but remember why your doing it.
you want your baby girl back
Try to Look at it as giving her space so she can find her way.
Don't ever think the love between you 2 will suffer over this, it'll only get stronger and yes it IS possible.
She's in jail, use this time to your advantage, many mom's pay for jail ..she's safe, let her think, and you take time to rest your mind
Im so very happy your son got clean. I have just finished day 3 of the tough love cut off. Your words will help me thru this. My daughter released at rehab and ran when she knew she would drop dirty. In jail again. I have never hurt so bad having to stop all contact. She is my baby girl and I know I have been the biggest enabler in her life. I always rescued her. It hurts to walk away but knowing losing me may save her life. Nothing else has worked
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