Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
DEPERATELY NEED HELP WITH DAUGHTER
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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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DEPERATELY NEED HELP WITH DAUGHTER

I have a daughter 29. She has been on drugs since 13. For the past 8 years she Has injected. Started with heroin but for past 5 years has been Opiates injection. I have been through "ALL" the ups & downs!! From enabeling - tough love! My mother passed away a year ago from colon cancer (71 years old). I took care of her day in & day out!!! She was diagnosed & 11 months later passed. She was my rock & at the same time helped support me with my daughters addiction. Never enabled but she kept me strong!!! My daughter was so close to her. Since her passing her addiction is OUT OF CONTROL!!! She would inject in arms & hands! For the past 12 months she has been injecting in foot. 4 days ago she was admitted to hospital because her foot & lower leg got so infected to where the doctor's thought they were going to have to amputate her lower leg & foot. I have removed myself from her life because I just can't watch her slowly kill herself with drugs!! But needed to be there when she got admitted to hospital.she weighs 86 pounds! So far at hospital they have been able to save her leg, but at the same time she also has pneumonia, staff infection, blood clots in lung, enlarged lymph nodes in chest, just found out today there is a film over her heart. Was told there is more to come! I am dealing with this by myself! I have zero support!!! My mother was the only person there to help!! I have 7 siblings & a father who divorced my mother 43 years ago. I have pleaded with them to PLEASE help me through this!!! They know she's an addict & from day one want no part of it. My daughter has never done anything to them but just the fact she's an faddict. I can't even bring up her name. I went from dealing with my Mothers passing to now in fear of my daughter! NO BREAK!! The first couple days of her being in hospital she was loosing it from all the medical conditions to withdrawals!! She keeps wanting to leave hospital to use again! Unless she verbally says she wants to kill herself the hospital said they can't keep heTr!! She is sooo weak!!!
I Have feared all along she's going to die but now more then ever I fear she will! She expresses how she doesn't care.
I feel they should be there for me! They have NEVER HELPED ME OR HELPED me with her. She's still a person!
Am I wrong for expecting my family to be??
I don't know what to do???
Like I said I have pleaded to my family to help me get through this! Nothing has happened to the family that she caused but I have reached out to them & all they say is they want no part. I can't believe they are not there for me! I personall!!!  need support & left with my!
10 Comments Post a Comment
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495284_tn?1333897642
I am so sorry you are going thru this alone but that will change as we will be here for you.  I lost my mother in November,  She and i werent close but she was still my mom and i miss her something terrible.  Look for the strength your mom gave to you,  I know that is hard when grieving is still going on.  As for your family....there is nothing you can do to change their minds.  It is to bad they dont understand addiction.  Usually when that is the case they do shy away, sad but true.  Have you gone to any Alanon meetings?  We are a great support system over the internet but being with people who are in the same situation as yours can be very helpful.  Friendships are formed also.  I hope and pray your daughter will be okay and finally take her life back but we both know that wont happen until she is ready.  Please keep talking with us.  It is usually quiet this time of night so keep checking back,  Mornings are usually busy here,
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1198664_tn?1368651412
I sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. The only thing I can say is obviously she needs to stay in the hospital to get those serious medical conditions cleared up. There is a medicine called suboxone, maybe you can personally take her to a suboxone doctor and get her started. I normally would not recommend it to everyone but she sounds like a perfect candidate for it. It will stop her withdrawls and cravings and drug seeking behavior. She would probably have to be on it for a long time but that ok in her case. Like I said it was made for people in her situation.
Also if she does agree to do it I would get her into some serious therapy because if she was using at 13 I am almost guaranteeing you that she is dealing with some SERIOUS childhood trauma issues that may be buried very very deep. In my opinion with health conditions this bad that she is probably past the "tuff love" stuff, I fear if you do step away you will lose her for sure. She needs toughness but it a different way right now I think. Those are some serious conditions she has and she needs to be constantly monitored. I would really take a look at suboxone, even if she has tried it before. Good luck in all of this.
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm so sorry u are going through this , many parents go through hell with kids and there addiction , I put my parents through hell for years with addition ! Losing a loved one is very hard and they only thing that keeps me going is knowing that there still watching over u !with the very few loved one I lost , there way always this feeling the first while I could tell they were still there! remember that your mother will always be watching and holding u dear to her soul!! being an addict I never really understood the horror I put my parents through, they stuck with me through everything ! Now since I was clean for over a year on methadone and now off methadone for 18 days , I have been through almost a revaluation , my bother although against all my drug use was in a bad ski accident , got put on oxycodone for few years for pain, after being cut off by his doctor, he was hooked , slowly he lost his job now his house is almost gone , friends and family are ready to give up somewhat aswell!! Seeing him save his methadone up to take extra to get a free high , just sickens me, I too have a hard time letting him stay with me cause he just sleeps all day , wont look for work,on way too much methadone and won't let me help him, I now see the torcher my parents suffered watching me destoy myself over and over!! I prey your daughter will take this scare for her foot leg and life as a wake up call to start fixing the problem , as hard as it is if she does look to clean up , u will be her best chance to win this battle! Remember even someone who never has used like my brother , put on these drugs was just taking over ! it's hard to understand if u have never been addicted to opiates ! sometimes we need to realize this is like being sick and your daughter is the only one to can start to heal herself ! if she try's and fails try to stay with it! As hard as it is ! My parents played a huge roll in my recovery!!! God bless !!! Be strong for your mom ! On those hard times the people hear are amazing and are here to talk everyday!!  
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Kimbie,

Very sorry to hear about your daughter. It hurt to read your story. It brought back memories. I've walked in your shoes, exactly. My wife, my ex wife and I were all planning our daughter's funeral, but in our own private thoughts. Our daughter was hopelessly addicted to Crack. She was robbing who knows who, stealing her mom's checks and forging them just to get to a Crack house in a horrendously dangerous neighborhood. She would stay there until her money ran out. Every morning I'd wake up and my daughter's life flashed before my eyes; not my life. I no longer had a life. I think you know exactly what I meant by that? We all felt helpless and hopeless; just like you. I just wanted to share my story with you:

I was sober in AA. My AA sponsor only heard me talking about my plight with my daughter at meetings. Not talking about how I was doing with my sobriety, just about my daughter. He suggested I try Al-anon, where his wife went. Time to start back to work on MY recovery he said. So I went. I can't begin to tell you how it put my mind to rest. Just to be able to share with others who have the same situation helped me to at least, rest the constant anxiety of a dire situation that has no solution in my control! In Al-anon I met parents who's children were addicts just like her. I learned that I had no choice in the matter when it came to her getting clean. It was her decision to make, if and when she wanted to make it. I needed to allow her the dignity to be who she is, putting the focus on getting my life back together. That was all I could control.

My ex and I had also got her into treatment before and during the time I started Al-anon. Nothing took.  We all finally had to just leave her alone, which is one of the hardest things on earth to do when it's your child. But finally, at our DAUGHTER,S request over a year later, she entered yet a 3rd center and somehow she got a spark of hope. She finally was sick and tired of being sick and tired at age 29, and after 15 years of hard drugs of all kinds. Now she's been clean in NA for 9 years. Al-anon didn't do that, we didn't do that, not mom, dad or a phycologist, SHE did it. When they do it, they appreciate that THEY did it. The addict has to want it for themselves and themselves alone, and not for us.

I'm so glad you're posting here. There IS hope, and it's all we really have. Keep posting, we're here to support you. -Robert
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5417109_tn?1367641699
Hi, You just described EXACTLY what I put my Mother, Father and Daughter through for years. I ended up in the hospital where they were gonna have to amputate my arm from shooting up trash, but they were able to save it, only for me to run straight to heroin dealer after discharge. I've been clean for 12 yrs now but I lost my daughter a long time ago. she wont even speak to me. I got arrested 4-13-2001 for prostitution and had 2 warrants out for my arrest in 2 other counties so I ended up in 3 jails for about 8 months. when I went to court the judge was gonna let me go, but my parents showed up stood up and talked to the judge in front of everybody! they even brought my then 12 yr old daughter! well the judge sentenced me to TWO rehabs. the 1st one was the kind u cant leave but the 2nd one was really nice, an apartment in a very nice part of town. I lived w/2 other women who were in recovery. I think it was that place that changed me because there I got used to living a normal life again I had a job. I had been living on the streets for so long that I needed to get used to having my own place and working again. this did not happen fast. but after a while I couldn't imagine living on streets again! That's when I made a decision to join a methadone clinic. nobody forced me to go, I went on my own b/c I wanted a better life for myself and for my family. I've been off methadone for 4 yrs but I really think that's what saved me. They have suboxone now so its a better choice if u go that route IMO & IME! Reading your post made me break down crying knowing this is what I did to my mom who I love so much. they never gave up hope on me. Now when I look back, I think I started using drugs as a way to self medicate myself for anxiety and social anxiety. I'm lucky to be alive especially since I overdosed twice. My daughter is now 23 yrs old and still wont have anything to do w/me, even though I've been off drugs for over 12 yrs.
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5417109_tn?1367641699
I think Back2me
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5417109_tn?1367641699
sorry! I was gonna say that Back 2me's post sounds good. Suboxone therapy is prescribed at a Doctor's office (not a clinic) and u should talk w/her doc's at the hospital about it. It has really helped me and if she takes that she wont get high on heroin if she relapses b/c of the blocker in it. Good luck w/everything, and remember she's an adult now u cannot force her to quit she has to make that decision herself in order to be successful. I will pray for you and your daughter and if you need to talk contact me at ***@**** and I will give you my phone number. PLEASE contact me as I need someone to talk to as well. thank you

Stephanie
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480448_tn?1403547723
4182steph....you're so sweet to offer your phone number and contact info, please be very careful doing that on the internet, okay?  Never really a good idea.   Also, you're not permitted to post your contact info on the forums, that's why it was edited out.  I know you're knew here, so I wanted to give you a heads' up.  :0)  Welcome by the way!

kimbie, I too am so sorry to hear about your daughter and what you're going through.  I'm sure your heart is just broken.  You've received great advice so far.

You cannot make her get clean, she has to do that.  If only we could "love" our loved ones sober huh?  She has to do it for herself.  You have done the right thing by taking a step back.  You have to also take care of YOU.  Please think about going to either an alanon, or naranon meeting, to get some support from others in similar situations.  We'll be here to support you as well.

I'll pray for your daughter.  I hope she finds the strength and desire to get well and get clean.  You're in my thoughts.
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5417109_tn?1367641699
thanks! I just joined and didn't know that. I just feel like helping her I guess I just want to help b/c I did the same to my mom all those yrs.i see its blocked out now! didn't look b4.
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480448_tn?1403547723
You can most certainly help!  You just cannot post your contact info on the forums.  It always helps to thoroughly read the site's terms and conditions.  You can do that here:

http://www.medhelp.org/termsofuse.htm

You can always reach out to people via PM as also.  If you look under your "My MedHelp" Tab on the top right on each page, you'll see "inbox"..that's your PM's.  To send a PM to a person, click on their username, which will take you to their profile page.  You will see a "send message" option.  

Glad you found MH!  Welcome again.  :0)
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