Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
Detachment as a recovery tool
About This Community:

WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Detachment as a recovery tool

What is detachment where addiction and alcoholism are concerned?  I had a terrible time understanding that detachment doesn't mean abandonment and it doesn't mean that we're making a negative judgment about our addicted loved ones.  I also had to learn the difference between healthy detachment and unhealthy isolating.  Ouch!  Here's some info about it from Al-Anon.  Hope it helps someone...
**************************************************

Alcoholism (addiction) is a family disease.  Living with someone who has this disease is too devastating for most people to bear without help.

Detachment, a recovery tool for the family in Al-Anon, helps members to help themselves.

In Al-Anon we learn individuals are not responsible for another person's disease or recovery from it.  

We let go of obsession with one another's behavior and begin to live happier and more manageable lives lives with dignity and rights; lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.

In Al-Anon we learn:

1.  NOT to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people.
2.  NOT to do for others what they should do for themselves.
3.  NOT to allow ourselves to be used or abused in the interest of another's recovery.
4.  NOT to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, etc.
5.  NOT to cover up for another's mistakes or misdeeds.
6.  NOT to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind.  It does not imply evaluation of the person or situation from which we are detaching.  It is simply a means for us to recover from the adverse effects of our own lives of living with someone afflicted with the disease of alcoholism/ drug addiction.  Detachment helps families look at their situations realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions profitable.  (I wonder if "profitable" is a typo?  "Possible" seems like a better word choice here!)
Related Discussions
4 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
continued....

Detachment: Giving up Control and Caring for Oneself
From Al-Anon

Examples of "attachment" (non-detachment)

Preoccupation - With the alcoholic/addict (Is he/she going to drink/ use?)

Blaming - You are making me feel the way I do.

Walking on eggshells - Maybe something I say or do can make the difference.

Controlling - trying to take charge of the alcoholic's recovery (Maybe I should call his/ her sponsor?)

Some suggestions:

1.  Think about yourself - do something nice for you.

2.  Take responsibility for your own mood.

3.  Do not try to change reality - let life happen.

4.  Go to Al-Anon.  Address enabling behaviors.

5. Get an Al-Anon sponsor.  Work the steps for yourself.

When to Detach:

1.  When you cannot stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something.

2.  When emotions are churning and boiling.

3.  When you feel like you have to do something because you cannot stand it another minute.

4.  When you are faced with abusive language or behavior.
Blank
495284_tn?1333897642
Great post Jaybay!!  You are getting stronger by the day girl!!
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?!  Had I taken everyone's advice and gone to Al-Anon years ago my life would never have spiraled out of control.  Oh well, at least I finally got the message.  LOL!
Blank
495284_tn?1333897642
You went when it was time.  All we can do is give advice as it is up to each individual to decide when enough is enough.  Had i taken all the advice thru out the years things would of been different for me too!!!
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Addiction: Living with an Addict Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Addiction Answerers
3197167_tn?1348972206
Blank
clean_in_ks
KS
5347058_tn?1381192026
Blank
ariley13
Boston, MA
4113881_tn?1401895587
Blank
ActingBrandNew
Torrance, CA
1235186_tn?1339127464
Blank
atthebeach
on the beach, NJ
495284_tn?1333897642
Blank
dominosarah
City of Dominatrix, MN
271792_tn?1334983257
Blank
IBKleen
Cumberland Plateau, TN