Do you move on or stay

Hello I have been with my husband for 23 years and have been through alot he has bipolar disorder and is a recovering alcholic his drug of choice not is pain killer and xanacs.He was precribed them two years ago for knee problems the problem is he smokes the pain killers and does not funtion without them I have told him many times to stop or I am leaving he stops for alittle while them goes back.It angers me he needs this to be a normal person and without it he is miserable and does nothing or has no part of family am at wits end do not know how much more can or will take anyone out there in similiar boat need input from others.

[Bubulous]

I have not been in the same predicament before but I was the on the othe aspect.  Recovery takes time and I don't know that I would not say just to leave him but you mat try a trial separation.  I hope he does recover but in order to keep your sanity and peace of mind you may have to consider letting him go so he can work on himself for a while.  A lot of us addicts nee them to cope.  How long a go did you notice his disconnection from the family and when did you fist see the time that he stopped caring.  
Most of us will quit for a while but you have to understand how hard it is to recover especially if he has a mental illness or has a traumatic past.  Don't know if this makes and sense but keep coming back and let us know how it goes.  You will find support here.

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi, Sorry to hear how your life is going right now. Been in the same boat with my daughter and it was real tough. It's impossible to control someone else's addictions. We're powerless. What I did in desperation was to go to al-anon to get my own life back in order. And what I did with my daughter during that period was to stop all discussions about her addiction and what she was doing to herself. By remaining silent I stopped picking up my end of the rope in the continuing tug of war we were having. That silence can become deafening. It wasn't too long after that she got help, on her own. That's the only way it would work out for her. SHE had to do it, and I had to concentrate on getting my life back. That task alone kept me pretty busy.

Look into the local al-anon or nar-anon program in your area and give it a try. In the meantime, one day at a time, I'd hold off making any major decisions.

Please keep posting and venting, letting us know how things are working out. I wish you well. -Robert

[rosey3216]

I used to abuse xanax, I used to smoke it sometimes as well and I have to say that is really bad for you. Personally, from what I have seen in my family full of addicts and alcoholics, I have learned that 1) you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. And 2), an addict can quit for so long on their own but will always relapse, unless they get PROFESSIONAL help, then they learn new ways to cope with things in a healthier manner rather than self-medicating. I would suggest making it clear that he needs professional treatment, otherwise you're leaving, if he refuses the help I would try a trial separation. Time will tell. Again I am not an expert, just going off of what I have seen in my own family. I hope it all works out for you.

[Nighthawk61]

Your husband needs more help than you are capable of giving. You need to get your own sanity back, and the best help out there is Alanon or Narcanon, same as the kids is they're teenagers and their lives are being affected. Taking this secret out of the closet and bringing it out in the light for your husband, is so important. Looking into rehabs, outpatient or inpatient depending on whether he's working is critical to his sobriety. Finding out whether he's capable of aftercare is crucial. If he doesn't have the desire to quit, you might try a separation. But, "First Things First" as they say in the program, get you and your kids if they're old enough support for yourselves, and start the ball rolling. Leave the big book on your coffee table. See what other books you can get from Narcotics Anonymous and leave them out too. Let him know about Medhelp and all the support there is for addicts. Don't bury the problem any longer. I'm here if you need to ever talk. My husband and myself have just about 14 years clean and sober now. Good luck. Liz