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HELP!

Does anyone else on here have a spouse who is addicted to tramadol (ultram) I am seeking advice please if there is anyone out there or someone who is now clean off of tramadol I need advice. When will things ever get better? I am trying to be the perfect wife but nothing I do is ever good enough. We were the perfect couple and had a beautiful life with so much potential and now we are falling to pieces. I wonder sometimes if things will ever get better or if I can take the abuse anymore. The feeling of being the enemy and not understanding. Please if anyone is out there please respond.
Tags: tramadol abuseol, ultram, tramadol spouse, tramadol addiction, help
43 Comments Post a Comment
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495284_tn?1333897642
Hi and welcome to the forum~

We have quite a few members who have successfully come off tramadol.  I take it he is still using?  Take some deep breaths, we are here to help you~
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Avatar_f_tn
yes unfortunately he is still using and I am losing my mind. This has been going on and off for a  little over a year now. He'll stop then I'll catch him sneaking them and so on. He's told me so many times he was going to quit and he keeps reassuring me this time is the last time he will ever take it but I can't handle all the mood swings, the bi polar ness the not caring for anything in regards to me or my feelings. I feel so alone and helpless he tells me on a daily basis that I am a horrible wife and that he wants a divorce but once he takes them he loves me sooo much.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Oh honey you are not a horrible wife or person.  This is a classic symptom of addiction.  We try and blame the other person to hide our own pain and shortcomings.  You are getting the brunt of your husbands addiction.  There is nothing you can do to get him to stop, he has to be the one to make that decision but there are things you can do to make your life easier.  This is not hopeless by any means.
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Avatar_f_tn
So what can I do to make my life easier than? I am a full time college student while he works at home. Then while I am at school I have to worry about what he is doing at home and if he is getting into the meds. Then when I am home all we do is fight. All he does is talk about how he is a loser and how we need money then I have to worry about money. Look its almost 3 am and I can['t sleep because we just had a fight! I rarely see my family anymore because of this and they have NO IDEA! They think ever since I have become married I have become an ultimate b**** in reality I just don't know what to do anymore!!!
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495284_tn?1333897642
First educate yourself on addiction.  I would also look into Alanon.  Those people have been thru what you are going thru now.  Addiction makes us all sick.  It wears on our self esteem and self worth.  I know it feels hopeless right now but it isnt.   You are reaching out and that is the first step.
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2107676_tn?1388977459
I am so sorry for what you are going through.  It isn't fun to live with an addict and never knowing what you are coming home to.
Sara is right.  You can't make him quit.  He has to want to quit and even if he sincerely does want to quit, it is so easy to relapse without support.
I would suggest you checking out Al-anon.  It helped my mother so much.
Just make a phone call and chat with someone who has experience in what you are going through.  You can then attend meetings if you like and it will help you understand about addiction and if you really want to spend your life dealing with it.  
There is also a forum here called Addiction, Living with an addict.
Read some of the stories on there and maybe it will help.
I wish you all the best.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks so much to the both of you! I just am at a loss I am currently fighting with him at the moment and he is telling me he no longer wants to be with me I am sooooooooo stressed right now!
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495284_tn?1333897642
This is a very common statement from an addict.  We dont like when someone knows about our dirty secret.  Your husband loves you but right now he doesnt love himself.  He knows his pill use is out of control and he is trying to focus the blame on you.  I know all of this as i am a recovering addict summer.  I cleaned up in April of 2008 so i am telling you there is hope,  
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4149717_tn?1389507161
Hi Summerloven. I just wanted to add to the great things Sara and Pat both said. I was addicted to tramadol as well as my DOC and tramadols are not a fun drug. I am usually a very fun loving, sweet person but I was just plain mean sometimes. ESPECIALLY when I stopped taking them! These things also have an antidepressent component to them which really messes with our btains, especially if we are abusing them (which I was severely) The other thing about this drug is it can cause seizures when taken in excess and if stopped c/t, so he should not try coming off of them without his Dr.'s help!

I know you love your husband and from what it sounds like he was a good husband (pre-drugs) So just know that his anger isnt coming from a normal place. Please dont be so hard on yourself. Addiction is a horrible disease that we have no control over when were in the depths of it. Like the others said, try to educate yourself on addiction AND tramadols as much as you can. And try to call his Dr. I know with HIPPA laws most places wont talk to the spouse unless he has signed something but try anyways! Your not a bad wife. On the contrary, you coming here shows how much you love him and want to help!

I wish you the best and my heart is with you!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am 19 and have been struggling with tramadol for over two years now. I am currently trying to withdrawal and it is no doubt the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My heart races constantly and im very anxious, I sweat profusely but I'm freezing cold and have goosebumps, and i'm nauseous. I was taking up to 25 pills a day but now I want my life back. Withdrawals are hard but in the end he will return to himself and be happy again, it just takes time. Be patient with him and continue with the help and support. No one knows about my addiction so I have no one to turn to and its hard. I wish you the best of luck! My prayers go out to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
That is sooo awesome that you are clean! Go you and thanks so much for the continued support!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you so much! I did this as a last resort last night when he was basically bashing me telling me he regretted ever meeting me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I literally have no ONE to discuss this with. Him no way it only upsets him even more how dare I be selfish and ask him to consider my feelings and no one else knows .... how did you finally quit if you don't mind me asking? Go you! I think that is amazing! If you can do it, it gives me hope that he can too!
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Avatar_f_tn
My prayers to you also my dear friend. I commend you for trying to get your life back together. As the others mentioned cutting down from 25 pills a day to nothing is very dangerous so please taper down. I have had a year to get experience with Tramadol and what I call it the devil pill. In my opinion I feel that after tapering down you just have to deal with withdrawal... nothing helps no herbs, no st johns warts, nothing. Just hard work. Best of luck to you doll you can do it. I believe in you!
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4149717_tn?1389507161
I quit c/t from about 15-20 a day! It was foolish of me to do it that way knowing now what I know then I never would have! This drug should be tapered. The w/d symptoms I had from these were worse than anything else I have had. Ultimately I relapsed because of the way I came off of them I believe. The symptoms even 7 days later were too much for me.

I know this is hard for. addiction is hard for everyone. Us addicts tend to abuse and neglect the people and things we love the most, which includes ourselves! We dont think with the same mind while we are using as someone who doesnt use. I really think Al-Anon or a place like it will be SO helpful for you through all of this.

Im really wishing the best for you and your husband. We are all here for support!
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4226972_tn?1352034203
Summer..that was me to a T..i used to blame my wife for everything ..i used to sneak around and take pills the mood swings being nasty to her..she finally told me she was gonna leave because she didnt want the kids to find me dead or searching the house for more pills..i didnt quit cold turkey..i could handle the depression and mental anguish of it ..i am currently tapering off..i went from taking 15 mg oxy about 150-160 mg a day to 30 to 40 mg a day today is monday and i started friday..iys getting easier for me..i still dont sleep good at all but now i can go all day till about 2 or 3 without taking one..maybe he should try that instead of cold turkey..its seems to be easier on the body and mind to get used to..i will soon get to the point where i hope i can just stop and be done with it..and never touch them ...ever..its not you believe me you are doing everything you can ..keep your head up.
He needs to want to quit..i didnt want to loose my family..that is my drive to get better!!
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495284_tn?1333897642
I hope you are feeling better today Summer.  Just knowing you are not alone can be comforting.  Keep us posted on how things are going~
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks so much can I ask what you did for the mood swings and brain zaps after officially quitting?
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Avatar_f_tn
I think it is very brave of you to come to terms with your addiction! I really appreciate your reassurance that it is not me. He is not quitting cold turkey, he would never have the will power to do so and I wouldn't want anything to happen to him. I am just worried about the depression he is having and the mood swings he will face afterwards. I am just feeling like I am helpless!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey girly,

Well we are still fighting unfortunately and I think I am getting sick now :( Lucky for me I have off of class tomorrow so I can relax and try to patch things up with him!
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4204073_tn?1361835076
Hi Summer,

Like the others have said, your husband has to admit he has a problem and want to get off the tramadol.  Until he does, the more you push him, the more he will bite back (so to speak).   I know because my path to addiction started with my now ex husband being prescribed high doses of methadone and percocet.  He turned into a totally different person.  Very argumentative, defensive, threatening to leave me, hiding pills, trading pills with others when he ran low, etc.  I would find his stash and count them.  Yes, I actually tracked how many he was taking.  One day there would be 50, the next day 10, then 2, then 40!!   When I confronted him, it just made things worse.  He got better about hiding it, but I could always tell when he was taking more or running out by his behavior.  Each time I tried to bring it up, non confrontational as possible, he would get angry.   I didn't even know this man anymore.   He became disinterested in life and me.  We never did anything together.  All he wanted to do was sleep and watch tv when he wasn't at work.  He would sleep all morning, get up, go back to sleep, spend a couple hours maybe doing some chores, then sit around the rest of the day on his days off, and of course nap some more.  He would sleep 12 hours a night and complain how tired he was because he didn't sleep well.  

I got caught up in resentment of being trapped in this life and started using more and more myself.   At first I was prescribed tramadol, then Norco, then morphine and he started taking mine from me.  Then he would give me some of his when I would run out.  Of course there never seemed to be enough, so next thing you know I was getting them from connections too.  Looking back, I was angry and resentful with him for losing my scrip for him putting me in the situation of sharing, but the reality is, I enabled him.   When I looked at him, I saw myself.   For me, getting out was the only escape I had left.   Being in that environment kept triggering me.   I've been fighting to get off this crap for the past 6 months and clean up the financial and emotional nightmare it created.  

I hope you can find an Al Anon group to help support you.  Perhaps they can give you suggestions on how to deal with yourself while he is struggling.   If you focus on what you can do for you, perhaps he will see that and come around.   My getting in his face just made it harder.   I know he loved me, but his addiction was stronger.   For an addict, their sobriety absolutely has to be their number 1 priority in life.   The rest falls into place from there.  

Please keep posting and letting us know how YOU are doing.   ~ D
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495284_tn?1333897642
If you are getting sick then you need to take care of you.  Let what he is saying go in one ear and out the other(i know easier said than done).  Is he wanting to get off the meds?  If he is dont let him have control of the pills.  Getting the doctor involved would be a good idea as he can monitor him during his tapering.
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow thanks so much for your insight and I wish you the best of luck in your life and I hope to hear your progress! I know everything that you are saying is 100% true! Thanks so much for all your words and I will pray for you!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am doing that now I am not letting him get to me. I actually read some stuff to him on here and he deff agrees. He doesn't have a general doctor since he was ordering his rx online through drs who are money hungry and will give anyone a prescription!
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2107676_tn?1388977459
I am thinking of you. Will your hubby agree to a taper and you holding the pills and giving them to him.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks so much for the kind words and support. I appreciate that more than you know, and the best of luck to you and your husband as well. (:
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Avatar_f_tn
Thats what we are currently doing. I am completely in charge of the pills and I give them to him. Today is official one week of him tapering down. We started at 6 pills now were at 5, this is how were doing it. 6 pills for 5 days, 5 pills for 5 days, 4 pills for 5 days and so on. We are not tapering too quickly but not too slowly either. How is it going for you?
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Avatar_f_tn
No problem dear. Please keep me updated on your progress. I am here for you. Feel free to message me anytime!
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Great, a slow taper works the best when someone else is in charge of the pills.  I am feeling pretty rough right now but I am on Day 3 and hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Thanks for asking
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495284_tn?1333897642
You are doing good by tapering him down slowly and being in charge of the pills.  Would your hubby be willing to come and talk with us here?  How are you feeling now?  You mentioned getting sick.

His moods are going to be all over the place right now too with him coming off this med.
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2107676_tn?1388977459
You are a wonderful wife and person to be doing all of this research and helping him through this.  He is probably feeling too miserable to realize and tell you this now but he will someday soon.
Just try and treat him like he is very sick and not take anything he says personally.  We addicts can be very mean when we are not getting enough of our drugs. You are doing great.
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4204073_tn?1361835076
A quick thought...I tried to help my ex taper down and control his usage, but he figured out where I hid them and started sneaking them.  I tried the pill reminder box and he robbed from the other days.   Please make sure he can't get access to them as you go through this.   I quit trying to help him when he wasn't following the program we agreed on.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Glad to hear you are sticking to it! I know you can do it!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am not sure if he is willing to come on here and talk, I mean he knows I am on here but I'm not too sure if he is willing to come on here. I might ask him though. I just get kind of nervous because when he joined other forums people on there only gave him ideas bad ones and I know its not like that on here but I don't want him taking any medications after he gets off of tramadol and I don't want him thinking he needs other meds either. I want him to live a pill free life even if it means no tylenol or anything in the house!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks I am trying to take care of him as much as I can. The other day he told me I wasn't his child and to stop acting like his mom. My response was a bit witty but I had too! I said I have to be your mother right now for you to get better! Then you can be the husband and I can be the wife. He didn't appreciate it but sometimes I have to get my feelings out as well. I'm not inconsiderate just sometimes I just need to vent too! Because if I don't say how I feel then I am fake. But thanks for the compliments! I pray one day to have our lives back to normal or even relatively normal I'll take that too!
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Avatar_f_tn
Here is the thing in the past I have hid the pills and I feel like it enticed him even more. I honestly do feel like he is going to quit this time and I think he is scared to take any extra because he knows then ITS DONE! I leave them in different places each day and count them every night. On days where I feel like he wakes up in a bad mood I most definitely hide them! As mentioned before I am a student and he stays at home- business from home so its hard for me to really feel comfortable at times because we live in an apartment and there are only so many places to hide them! Also, I can't take them with me risking getting pulled over and then having to explain myself! So I understand completely and I agree in the past I have hid them but I think he has gotten to the point where he is completely fed up with the pill but I take it day by day.
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Avatar_m_tn
Too short on time to read the whole thread,

I'm curious, Do you have an idea how many he averages per day?  what size they are?

Putting myself in Summer's shoes and placing myself way back at her young age....... I think she should bail.  Putting myself as her father with my worldly experience, I have many reasons why she should.  Didn't see where kids are involved though.  It's great and super fantastic to help someone through a problem as my wife did,  Thinking selfishly with her age as such an advantage, she doesn't have kids involved.  Screw it, find someone else and start a new chapter.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Reason i asked how much he used is, trying to figure how much effort to salvage things, then read self employeed at home as I am and "alarms went off" as kyle would say.  They went off big time.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am gonna call you pops from now on! I think we discussed this in my journal lol I think I need to give it a little more time since I am IN CONTROL now we'll see how long that lasts. The idea of going back to my family's home isn't really where I want to go and they would never let me live on my phone. I guess marriage is through the good and the bad and with all of you guys support and help I am thinking this through differently. He is taking 6 a day of 50mg so thats 300mg/day sounds crazy when you add it all up! yeesh
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2107676_tn?1388977459
AHA, this is where your post went.
Just checking in to see how you are doing.
I have been thinking about you.
Don't hesistate to start a new thread if you have more questions or need support.  Even if you start it in the other forum and they move it later, you may get more support.

Hang in there.
Pat
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks I really do appreciate it more than you know
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Avatar_m_tn
Im at a loss here. I myself take tramadol. I always thought it was non-narcotic and non-addictive? Now Im wondering if it may be some of my problems....it works great for my if I take in conjunction with ibuprofen, and I thought I was safe?? I dont take it daily like perscribed, but there are stretches where I take it a few days in a row,2-3 sometimes 4 a day. But I have horrible stomach issues, and thought it was FROM the tramadol, not from quitting in between bouts of pain? Someone clue me in!!
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3197167_tn?1348972206
Since you don't take tramadol daily and take it as prescribed, I'd say you don't have a risky issue with it.  But it IS one of the most misunderstood pain meds out there and MANY dr's will swear it isn't addictive  Let them take it regularly for pain and try to quit taking it cold turkey!!!.  It is a synthetic opiate and also has an anti-depressant in it.  You cannot go cold turkey off of it if you are using it daily at certain levels without the risk of seizures.  Some do, and don't have a seizure, but it is good to know about the risks if you cease taking it.
I'll post an ongoing journal where tramadol users talk back and forth if you want to go there and read a little.  (I'll post the link below here in a new post for you ok?)
You said you don't take it daily so I wouldn't stress about it, but if you'd like to educate yourself more the "tram warriors" as they call themselves would answer any specific questions you may have from their personal experience with it.  I have three people in my life that take tramadol.  One is addicted, daily use, and won't even "look" at it, another found out it was a synthetic opiate (from reading the med guide that comes with your RX) and she quit taking it.  The other guy, simply thinks he's better off since he isn't taking Lortabs anymore for his pain.  NOT!
Your stomach issues may very well be from starting and stopping it and the physical effects it would have on your digestive system, but read a bit and decide for yourself what you think.  Good for you in asking......it's always good to be informed so you can decide for yourself what you want to put into your body.
Blessings to you~
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3197167_tn?1348972206
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/571061/-Tramadol--Ultram-Recovery-Room-Part-55?personal_page_id=142

Here ya go nevadahandful.....feel free to PM me or anybody else on that tram journal.  They are a helpful bunch for sure!  I never became addicted to Trams but tried them and read a lot about them.  My legit pain issues got me started on Lortabs.......and I became addicted to them.  Didn't like or get much relief from Trams.
151 days clean today, though.  And I love lots of alcoholics and addicts, too.
So have a lot of experience in Al-Anon, learning about codependency, etc.
Unfortunately, we are all affected, which ever side of the addiction "fence" we're on.  But life can be happy and healthy.....my family and extended family are living proof!!
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