My bf/bd and I have been going through some issues lately. He has been avoiding me for 2 weeks which is really odd. Today I decided to just show up at his house to see what the deal was. I instantly could tell that he was high on meth... His pupils were the size of the moon, he looked pale, bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in days, his skin was hot when I touched him, plus he wasn't acting like himself. My heart sank immediately. I almost cried. He didn't even look like the man I fell in love with, he didn't look healthy at all. When I confronted him (calmly), he lied straight to my fave and promised me that he hasn't been doing anything. But I'm not stupid. For those of you that know my story with my mother, she is a meth addict as well. So I'm all to familiar with it. He actually almost had me convinced for a minute.. but then I stepped back and really looked at him, and realized it was only because it was what I wanted to believe. I am 15 weeks pregnant, 18 years old and am terrified of being a single mother... And I can't seem to let him go. But he won't even admit that he's doing the ****, so getting him help isn't an option right now. I just don't know what to do... We're already not living together, so no worries there. But how am I supposed to have this child and tell them later on that daddy isn't with us because drugs are more important to him, just like my mom made me go through the same thing as a child. And even though I wasn't told in those words, it hurt so bad as a kid knowing that my mom would always choose drugs over me and my siblings...and 18 years later she still does. I'm so in love with him, and not the high him... The sweet, caring affectionate one with the beautiful green eyes. I don't know whether to give up or try to get help from a psychologist or something. I just dont know how far I should go.
Hi Rosey, im sorry about your situation and pray all will be better soon. I would have a sit down talk with him and get some straight answers as to what his plans are and make a decision from there. Sometimes men need some proding from the women as the little boy is always just under the surface. You are now pregnant and maybe he is trying to escape the reality of his up coming responsibilities.
Get some straight answers from him and put your love for him in the forefront of your conversation. Look at him in the eyes and tell him that his child will need his wisdom and his love and guidance.
Hon....your posts always break my heart. I've read a lot of your posts, in different forums, and you just have so much on your plate. You want to organize and plan an intervention for your Mom, who is a meth addict...your BF is a meth addict who has smoked around you while pregnant...other people in your life smoke pot..also around you. Your BF is lying to you because he's sick....same with your Mom.
I KNOW you love these people and want to help, God love you, but you HAVE to put yourself and that baby FIRST before worrying about everyone else. With your history of depression and cutting (with that recent relapse, also while pregnant), you are VERY vulnerable. You must try hard to surround yourself with positive people who are not abusing drugs.
Unfortunately, for your BF and your Mom...they are not going to get clean until they are ready themselves...no matter what you do. The best thing you could do is take care of you. You're young and you're scared...who could balme you...becoming a Mom is a scary thing the first time...you need to start busting your hind end to find a safe and healthy, drug FREE environment for your and baby....and start addressing your own issues.
Your child will thank you. Look at how much you wish your Mom had made better decisions. That's the best thing you could do...is fight like he** to be the best Mom you can, and give this baby a chance for a normal, healthy, SAFE and happy home. If you start looking now, and making plans...you can look forward to raising your child without all that unnecessary stress.
Baby comes first, then YOU....THEN all of the other people in your life, hon. Praying hard for you....mostly for the strength to do the right thing...and walk away from the sick and unhealthy people in your life...not forever...but for right now, until you get settles somewhere safe with the baby.
Please consider seeking some professional help for some extra support with all of these stressful situations. Also, have you looked into any local government programs set up to help young Moms? If you need help knowing where to look, I'll be happy to help you out and see what I can find...just shoot me a PM. The more help and support you can get, the better!!
Well, certainly does sound a bit of a mess. I think this situation sounds a bit toxic to be honest. Toxic to you and certainly toxic to an innocent baby. I would say that you need to prepare for this baby and to be alone when you have him or her. That is the reality. You wouldn't be the first or the last to be in such a situation and when it comes time for the child to have a heart to heart why dad isn't in his/her life, you just be honest. You need to make it a teachable moment and mention that you'd taken precautions in getting pregnant so that this didn't happen but that is more of a teenager type of talk.
I'm just not sure what to tell you but you can't make him want to be a dad. You can't make him get off drugs. And that you attached to someone that was doing that makes me worried about you in terms of choice making.
Is adoption something you'd consider? Not for everyone but often a really beautiful choice. For a young woman that is not in the position to care for a child on her own yet and for a couple not able to have biological children, it is a win win situation. I know it is hard to think of this after carrying a child to term, but you can think of it as a gift to a couple as well as a child that needs a nonchaotic begining to life.
If you choose to keep the baby, I'm sure you'll do fine but need to come up with plans. Work, job training, childcare are a few things to consider. Many women indeed raise children alone. And who knows, maybe your boyfriend will eventually get clean and possibly rise to the occasion. I sure hope so as that sounds like what you want. good luck
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