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Help Please

Let me start with his backround. In his younger years he sold crack to the young community. He then found the lord and served as a pastor for 7 years. He lost his was and has been now doing crack for 5-6 years. It is not an all the time thing. He will go for months without it and then disappear for a few days.

He has been in of treatment centers and jail. Fast forward to us. Last year in November him and I met through a mutal friend. We were together for 4 months, fell out, and he met another woman. He was with her for a month and turned to the crack disappearing for 4 months until ending up in jail. He came out and was clean. A month after being out him and I decided to try again. He had been doing very well. He is a barber so all monies were going to me to save for him. A couple weeks ago he asked to use my car. This is something I had allowed him to do as a "test" which he pasted. Needless to say the last time I seen him was Thursday night at 11:30. This morning he called me cryin telling me he is sorry and how can he show his face. I told him I just need my car. He said I will bring your car to your job. He phone is on but he is not answering it. Before speaking to him this morning he had his phone turned off. Besides reporting my car stolen how can I deal with this properly to get him to come to me. I have already checked the places that he has been known to be at in the past. Of course my car is my number one priority. I just dont know how to handle this like I said the four months we were together I didnt deal with this. He can go for weeks and months without it. What sets him off? I dont know where to go from here. Was the phone call he placed this morning guilt?  Was it to feel me out to see if he has another day???? Please help.
2 Comments Post a Comment
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271792_tn?1334983257
Hi Cindy and Welcome,

A Barber and A Pastor huh? That just struck me as so odd.

Anyway, that is not the point. I don't know that there is much you can do to get your car back other then to report it stolen and inform the police of his known hang-outs.

When they find it, and I bet they will, you can press charges against him and he will go to jail. That is your choice.

I don't normally recommend this as blunt as I am right now but you seriously need to get away from this man. You don't have a lot of time invested in the relationship so there won't be much of a loss. I am sure that you care for him and want him well but HE has to want it. You can't fix him and right now he is a long way off from recovery.

Crack is one of the hardest drugs to get away from. There is no real withdrawal involved so a crack addict will go periods without it and then go on a run. The run can last a day, a week, whatever. Along with the drug most crack addicts run with another person (the opposite sex) and indulge in deviant sexual behavior. It goes hand in hand. If he is doing this and not practicing safe sex then you are at risk for contracting an STD. It is very common.

I hope you get your car back without incident and I will pray that you can get on with your life and find happiness elsewhere. Take care of yourself.

If you have any further questions, just ask. Someone is always here to help.
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3060903_tn?1398568723
Hi Cindy, sorry this is happening to you. It's too bad this morning you didn't give him an ultimatum about your car (police intervention) but you can do that when he calls next. He didn't really steal your car, you gave him the keys, he just borrowed it for too long. While a person might say that an addict is safer in jail, rehabilitation happens when you can turn down the drug that is accessible. He seems to have alot of clean time, and works, so this is very confusing. Some people relapse for the rest of their lives, and this might be the case with your bf. Depending on how he handles this relapse I think you'll be able to read the red flags, and get out now, before you waste any more of your precious life on someone who may not be serious about sobriety. I know that when I was 7 years clean from crack, etc. I would not have given up my sobriety lightly. The draw for the lifestyle was not there, because I had progressed to know that it was a loser life that I didn't deserve. It seems he's not there for some reason, and he's not getting that fully. If prison, and sobriety haven't cured him yet, I don't know what would. Don't feel bad or let this define you, it certainly has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do, he's just broken, and may not be able to be fixed. I'm so sorry that you are in such a grave amount of pain. I sure hope you get your car back soon, before you need to involved the police, but don't feel bad if that's your choice. It's of course your right. Good Luck dear. Let us know what happens.
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