I hv been with this guy for about a year. I did not mean to fall in love with him, but I did. He has no car, license, no job, lives in his father's home that will be sold soon. He is 38 years old. He got some money from a car accident, but nothing to show for it. He never stole anything from me that I know of. I have caught him in a few lies, the latest being that he was trying to get me to give him money. He says things are mysteriously stolen (think he is selling things) from his home. He has sold jewelery. He had bought a car at one point, but now it happens to be "gone" at a friends garage? I don't believe it. Anyway, he has patterns of an opiate addict, he will be great for a day or so, very caring, helpful, productive, cleaning, then he will claim he is sick for several days, which I believe he is but not sure if he's dope sick or what. Also when he's good (by good, I think he is high) as soon as he sits he will nod out, and can sleep for what seems like 2 days. I hv refused to see him, and just yesterday he nodded out while talking to me on the phone!! He seemed good all day yesterday after being "sick" for 3 days. Did I mention his only "friend" left is a heroin addict. There are many other things that make no sense in normal lifestyle as well, but I have not time to list all. I haven't found anything that resembles smoking heroin or snorting, which would be the case, no shooting up, no track marks. He did tell me a couple weeks ago he is going to go to rehab, but just cause he thougt he was drinking too much and depressed? I still feel horrible for accusing just on that small chance I am wrong. What a jerk I am huh? I still love the guy.
Hun im sorry to hear all if that my husband used to be a heroin addict and those are all the same things he used to do. nodding out is huge and the mood swings are a biggie!. Follow your gut and it will lead u right. Heroin is usually smoked, snorted or injected. So depending on the method of administration, you could find remnants of the drugs or the paraphernalia of drug use left behind. Heroin itself may be a powdery or crumbly substance, ranging all the way from off-white to dark brown. Black tar heroin is nearly black and is sticky instead of powdery. You might find syringes or small glass or metal pipes. A person dissolving the drug and injecting it might also leave dirty spoons and lighters around. A person injecting also needs some device to cause the veins to enlarge, so there may be belts or rubber tubing found in the area where he or she is using the heroin. Heroin is a fast-acting opiate. When it's injected, there is a surge of euphoria that arrives within seconds. Those using the drug other ways may not feel this surge as sharply. The user will get a dry mouth and his or her skin will flush. The user's pupils will be constricted. He will feel heavy and dopy and may fade in and out of wakefulness. Heroin users may nod off suddenly. Breathing will be slowed, which is how an overdose kills. When awake, the person's thinking will be unclear. They will tend to lose some of their memory. Their decision-making and self-control are likely to deteriorate. Some of the less "pleasant" signs of heroin use are the itching, nausea and vomiting that may accompany heroin use. Another sign of heroin use is the constipation often suffered by opiate abusers. The regular user of this drug may look for laxatives. They may experience skin or other kinds of infections and a lowered immunity to illness. The user's pain will be suppressed, which is not surprising because opiates are used for pain relief. On the tragic side, however, is the fact that the signs of heroin use can include spontaneous abortion. Addiction to Heroin is a Trap that May Require Help to Escape
One of the many sad things about heroin addiction is that the addict himself or herself is seldom aware of the damage being done to his or her life. They will often begin to neglect their own needs, the acquisition of the day's dose of heroin being far more important. They may not eat properly and may look haggard if heroin abuse is prolonged or heavy. Some heroin addicts may ask for help but the majority fear the pain and sickness of withdrawal. It is very often up to the family members to rescue the heroin-addicted person and get him or her into withdrawal. It may only be by knowing the signs of heroin use that you can detect the addiction and begin to make arrangements for rehabilitation. An addict may try to conceal symptoms of heroin use, by wearing long-sleeved clothing to
Thanks so much for the insight. Its funny my own brother was an I've heroin user, but when you love a partner somehow its different and you r a bit blinded by love for a while. He will not admit it to me, and gets upset when I confront him. All I can do is keep offering to take him to detox and support recovery, until then I cannot see him, just talk n text. I have two healthy happy kids I have to take care of(not his). I also know I have been exhausted out of my mind b4 with life and babies etc., n I have never nodded out. I HV seen him do it one too many times.
Please continue to follow your gut, and don't feel guilty about trying to assess what he's up against, it's far better you try to figure out these signs, than to ignore them, or God forbid, enable him. Also, i respect you so much for putting your children first. It's heart breaking to hear of so many l, women especially, putting their adult partners first, at the risk of the children's emotional and sometimes physical health. The stress in our family stunted my brother's and my growth physically and emotionally, for years, . You're doing the right thing making your kid's your first priority always. Yours is an important message to women on this site~ Keep the faith and stay strong. Maybe tell him about Medhelp and how we help addict here? It's an incredible site for addicts even remotely considering coming clean. Maybe plant the seed with him, and he can find some heavy support here?
If you ever need to talk I'm here. I've been clean and sober from cocaine , heroin and alcohol etc. since July 99, as well as my husband. I blood and urine tested myself every second day for two years, to keep me honest. An addict who wants to quit will go to any lengths to do so. Liz
I will continue to stay away. Today is difficult because he has been so normal for a couple days. However , he has pain meds because he went to the er a couple days ago claiming he fell down the stairs. I am so glad I did not go out in the middle of the night to get him. I am sure he fell down no stairs what so ever. I just miss him, something is not right and it definitely could be drugs.
Normal for him would be to start the withdrawal process, and it's not pretty. I'm glad you didn't enable him also. Good work. By not enabling him, you are doing the right thing, so keep it up~
Focus on your own life, and doing what's right. Start a new hobby. Show, by example, how to live your best life. That is the best support that a person could give. Have you thought about going to Alanon or NarcAnon?
Yes definately have been considering that for next week. I think last week was such a hard week because he seemed liked he was trying to kick it on his own or just had not money to score anything (he was so sick), that ER was the last resort for meds. Not uncommon for an addict. Maybe someday soon he will admit it to me and let me take him to a detox in our area, maybe not, but soon, I think I am going to have to cut him out of my life completely even though it kills me.
I'm glad you're considering Alanon/Narcanon for your self.
I wish that you could show him the Addictions : Substance Abuse site here, i think it might really be a game changer for him.
You don't need to feel awkward about being honest and asking for help. It's a requirement of any rehab program to be open for help, and the only way to do that is by being brutally honest. You don't need to feel weird with him about opening up here, it's anonymous. Don't let that stop you from showing him the Addictons:Substance Abuse forum, please?
I sure hope that he finds the strength to get honest with himself, before he loses you. If you do get him on here, I'd love to try and talk to him. Both my husband and myself got clean back in July 1999, and we've never been happier with ourselves. I hope he and you find the same peace. God Speed. Liz
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but please, take care of yourself here first. He's 38, has no job, no car, no license and he lives at home with his Dad? These are HUGE red flags and if you stay with him you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment and heartache.
Please move on - and seek therapy if you think it will help you. Therapy can teach you how to cope with things and can help you gain better self-confidence so that one day you will believe you deserve better than this. I believe you do. Please, let him go NOW.
He has to be the one to make the decision to get honest with himself and realize he has a problem. Until then, insanity will be first and foremost in his life and yours, if you choose to participate. Follow your gut~
Yes, nothing can be done. He swears up and down that is not on any type of drug. I have never actually seen him, but I cannot wait around for this. He needs a job and he needs to be able to drive. Any man would scrimp and save to do these things if they want to be with someone they love. The only explanation I can come up with is the drugs. Gotta let him go...
I hope you mean that. For your sake. Life is too short, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm sensing you think you can change him? You can't. Only he can do that for himself. And I promise you, if you stay with him, you will spend your life banging your head against the wall wondering WHY couldn't I help him? You can't. Move on.
So sad, even though I have only been with him for a year, we recently reconnected through fb, we went to elementary school together. He was my first love, and I still love him. I guess that is why I stuck around, even though he had the classic looser red flags, his dad had just passed away, then after we were together a couple months, his mother passed away! So I was using excuse after excuse to stick around. I am glad my kids did not get to know him. Would have been too sad, and confusing. Thank god they have a great dad! Thanks everyone so much, this has been so awesome and theraputic!
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