Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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In adition to my last post...i am pretty pessimistic that we will hear from my daughter's Doctor! I am
feeling very disgusted, angry, and fed up that my daughter has thrown away all the opportunities she
has had to get a (good) life back!
I told my husband that if we don't get information the Doctor that she has been clean then our support
and only support will to be to help her get help in a clinic or whatever! No money...no place to live...and to tell her if she choses a life of drugs then she might as well find out what that kind of life is really like. I'm not sure that he wants to go there and to tell the truth i wonder if i will have the strength! But i am soo fed up and hurt!!!
Her best friend also said she hadn't given her any money towards her keep in a couple of months.( not a good sign either)
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495284_tn?1333897642
I was thinking about this more and i am almost positive your daughter is telling the truth.  What made me decide this is she moved back in.  Anytime someone is on to us when we are using we avoid that person at all costs.  She was glad to be back and the needles and meds are now out in the open.  Since the spoon hasnt been brought up by the roommate or seen by anyone else i have a feeling this may have been fabricated.  You may never fully trust your daughter and that is okay.  Her actions will speak louder than words.

We need to get you feeling better now.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Does her doctor do UA's at every visit?  Are they allowed in the bathroom alone?  Has she come around to see you lately?  I dont understand your last sentence.......why is that a bad sign if her bf hasnt given her any money?
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Avatar_f_tn
Does UA mean a urine sample???....if so yes i guess. My daughter told me she is tested for drugs in her system every time she goes. I don't know about the bathroom...i assumed they are allowed to go in there.Neither of my kids drop in to visit us as we are a distance (2 plus hours away) but my daughter didd come and join us at our Car Club BBQ in Sept and up here to our place at the end of Sept for my Dad's 95th birthday...She looked well
at those times. She had been phoning me very frequently just to chat and sharing updates with the new boyfriend and her interviews for the job she finally got. I must admit that i was feeling so close to her with her sharing
normal stuff in her life like we used to.She also was stopping in to see my
husband as he is close to where her Doc is. All seemed sooo well!
I think for the last while her Doc had her seeing him only once a month.
The last comment worries me because i am thinking she hadn't given
her GIRLFRIEND any money towards the rent cause she's buying drugs....although
she ddidd go on two short trips with the new boyfriend...i assumed he was
paying...but maybe not all of it and so she could be short.
See what i mean??? I just can't unravel the web. I wouldd love to find out that
i am being overly suspicious...but who ddo you believe??? Just ddon't have enough confidence in her explainations yet and have no other sources....
need to hear from that Doc
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495284_tn?1333897642
Oh your daughter hasnt been paying her way where she lives...somedays i am rather slow!  No you are right, that isnt a good sign.  My mind still goes back to the needles and the spoon.  It is my understanding also that sub blocks any other opiates so the high isnt there but i may be wrong.  Is she doing any type of counseling?
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Avatar_f_tn
No counselling.....not that i didn't try....last summer she voluntered that she was going to go (her girlfriend who she is staying with is doing her Masters and had a guy renting a room in her house as well...he was going thru as a counsellor and he said he could get her in to see someone) BUT it never happened and he has since moved out
My other gut feeling is that her progress in weaning subxone has been for the most part easy for her. At one time she told me she didn't even think about wanting to take any drugs anymore...that she diddn't miss them at all.
Too easy??? I don't know! She said her Doc didn't think she would have much trouble when she stops the Suboxone beacause she hadn't had many symptoms when weaning down. Has she been making ALL this up...
just telling me what she wished was true??? On one hand i can hardly believe it...on the other hand there is stuff right now that just doesn't add up!!!! I have made a note about keeping the serium for the dog's allergies
in the fridge....not to ask at this point as she could just say she has used it all.....other than taking a lie detector there is just no telling what are lies!!!
Guess it still comes down to being able to hear from that Doctor or i am not
going to be comfortable with anything she says!!!!

My back and head are aching...i am going to take your advice...i am heading for a very HOT bath!
Thanks for the suggestion and for being out there!!!!
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495284_tn?1333897642
How are you doing today?
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Avatar_f_tn
Our daughter called last night. I asked her about the urine testing....she is allowed to go into the washroom alone BUT there is a camera in there. She says they test for illicit drugs AND as well the level of suboxone in her system to verify that she is taking it. Sounds pretty secure doesn't it???
She went to the Doc today and explained the situation but she says that he doesn't talk to parents and that he doesn't get involved with all that...BUT he would write a note, which he did on his perscription pad. We haven't seen it yet....she is dropping it off at my husbands shop and he will get it tomorrow..we.also told her to make a copy. It is breif and simply says something like.... the patient is doing very well...continuing down.....is taking a low dosage.....urine tests have been negative for illicit drugs!!!
My daughter did say....see i told you Mom.WHEN WE SEE THE NOTE SHOULD WE BE SATISFIED????
Presently she is returning to the city where she lived to work. She has no place to go (The friend where she has stayed a couple of nights does not allow dogs). Her boyfriend knows nothing about any of this...but she is going to ask if she can stay at his house tonight....So she can work

Next Step? we are thinking of phoning the girl who kicked her out and arrange a visit so that we can pleadd our daughter's case with the Doctor's
note to back us up. Even if she is still convinced that our daughter has somehow  been using...then we have to convince her that she just can't just throw her out on the street. .....and hopefully allow her to stay so
she can find somewhere to rent and start her Vet Tech job in Dec.

Still none of this makes sense....they have been friends since high school...
i have asked our daughter if there could be any other issues but she doesn't seem to think so.

I still wish i could talk to the Doctor....but my daughter is 30 and i guess he
just doesn't have the time to get tied up with adult's parents.

So i am feeling somewhat less tense....but still want to see his note.

i would value your thoughts!
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495284_tn?1333897642
Hi tunney...Did you get a chance to talk with the roommate yet?  I am still curious about the needles and spoon.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi dominosarah!!!
The spoon and needles still haunt me. Don't know if there will ever be an explaination. I do know my daughter is a small scale hoarder and keeps all
kinds of trivial junk tucked away here and there....not sure if she just can't bring herself to throwing it out or is just too lazy. Her only explaination is that she was "purging " her room. She says she doesn't remember any spoon. The needles are to give her dog allergy shots and she would show her roomate the serium also in her room. She keeps them in her room cause she keeps all her stuff there as she is just really renting a room in the house and doesn't feel her stuff can be all over. She said she will show her roomate and ask where she could keep it other than her room (ie. kitchen cupboardd or bathroom) and thus have it in the open so it can't be conceived as hiding it in her room.
We now have the Doctor's note. It appears authentic...on his p.pad, dated and signed. She had an unscheduled urine test as he wouldn't write the note for her without it. I just don't know how we can dispute his note.The testing he does seems very rigid. After seeing the note i phoned to talk to ther roomate. I was somewhat surprised how quickly she said that my daughter could return. We were prepared to drive out with the note but she said it was unecessary etc etc. She was to text my daughter telling her she could return. I was somwhat taken back at how easy it was, but very happy.
So my daughter is returning....BUT...she is on her high horse....hurt...(so
i dicussed the "truth issue" thing concerning her past using.etc etc. But she
thinks her roomate doesn't really want her to live there and my daughter says she doesn't want to live where she's not wanted. YIKES!!! I have told her that it may be uncomfortable for a while....but that she needs to stay there to start her Vet Tech job.....get on her feet....save money for first and last rent ...then when she can afford it look for her own place. So she has returned. Im still feeling shaky! I just can't help but wonder why all this drama happens to my daughter all the time And when it will all stop. She sure seems to talk with a lot of common sense but maybe doesn't live it.
i don't know!!! But all this hard luck, according to her is never her fault. I will take a breather and then push for the counselling once again. It will be
interesting to know how the new job works out. It could be the big break she needs to rebuild her career or another drama!!!!!
My husband and i are all nerves....everytime the phones rings we JUMP!!!
Guess we need to try and take some deep breathes and try to relax for now!
Once again.....thanks for responding and letting me vent!!!!
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495284_tn?1333897642
Sorry i havent responded for a couple days.  My mother is in hospice so my mind has been elsewhere.  Just wondering how you are doing and what is going on.
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she is not too far away so you can see her often.I can only imagine what you are going thru. Take care of yourself!
My daughter has returned and initially her roomate acted like nothing had happened. But my daughter pursued it. Her roomate said that she had had a terrible week, then when she thought my daughter was using she was so
angry thinking she had money for drugs when she was giving her a place to
live and not expecting any rent. Anyway the crisis seems to be over. My daughter says she is so happy to be back in her own bed. She has put her dog's medicine and needles in a wee basket and in the fridge so there will be no further suspicions.
I have been a wreck for over a week....stomache problems  ...headaches.. and a depressed feeling. I think i need to learn how to handle stress, obviously i don't handle it well.
There has been no more mention of the "spoon"....maybe that mystery will
never be explained. i am so quick to suspect the worst from my daughter...
that well maybe just this once the roomate fabricated the spoon after she
saw the needles. I don't know if i will ever have 100% confidence to believe
my daughter....and that is sad! The note from her doctor has at least confirmed her progress and for now at least i am satisfied!!!!
When i go thru these episodes....i just don't know where to turn!! Bless you! Thank you for hearing me!!!
I will be thinking about you and your Mom and send love and best wishes!


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495284_tn?1333897642
I was thinking about this more and i am almost positive your daughter is telling the truth.  What made me decide this is she moved back in.  Anytime someone is on to us when we are using we avoid that person at all costs.  She was glad to be back and the needles and meds are now out in the open.  Since the spoon hasnt been brought up by the roommate or seen by anyone else i have a feeling this may have been fabricated.  You may never fully trust your daughter and that is okay.  Her actions will speak louder than words.

We need to get you feeling better now.
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Avatar_f_tn
I appreciate your thoughts....ESPECIALLY when they are what i like to hear
Ha! ha!
Thanx for sharing them with me!!! I don't think i WILL ever fully trust my aughter and i know what you mean by saying that's O.K but it is still a sad
state for us both. I have explained to her why and she understands. I am proud that we sent this message to her loud and clear, as we did nothing to help or support her until after we saw the Doctor's note. Presently i am basking in the knowledge that maybe once i know she told us the truth and
that for now all is well and i can swallow my food AND get a good nights rest!!!! I still feel VERY uneasy about her future, but i am trying hard not to let myself go down that road.
Thank you so much for the giving of your time to share your thoughts.Once again i send love and my best wishes to you and your Mom
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495284_tn?1333897642
Thank you for the kind words tunney~

Any updates on how things are going with your daughter?

How are YOU doing?
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi there! I have talked to my daughter a couple of times as she had some car problems and also to relay a message to her re her car insurance.She finished car payments in Sept and our agent said she was still carrying collision.I can't belive that she had forgotten about that as she was eager to
free up a bit more money!!! I don't think it's any big deal, but maybe typical.
She had her car looked at by her roomate's boyfriend, so i imagine all is O.K with her roomate or she wouldn't have asked her boyfriend for the favour. Unfortunately both calls were rushed as i was just leaving the house and she was off to work. Presently i just want to avoid hearing any bad news so i haven't been phoning just to chat. I still shudder somewhat when the phone rings. But so far so good. She seems to be fine and "no news" is "good news" !!! As each day goes by without any drama, i  am
getting my appetite back and begining to take some action to be good to ME! I really do need to handle stress better.Each of these dramas leaves me a wreck and exhausted!

Kind words are not nearly enough! The time you have given me is more precious than GOLD!!!

I imagine you are going thru a rough time now, and yet you still have time
to think how others are! You are surely a gift!

My thoughts are with you and your Mom!
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