Its official my bf is an alcoholic

So my BF is an alcoholic. He doesnt drink everyday, but when he does OMG he totally binge drinks. And hes not like a fun drunk, hes an angry and depressed drunk. We cant even go out and have fun. This last weekend he was so drunk that he doesnt even remember being jumped by 4 huge dudes.  He only has a fat lip and black eye to prove it. I love him but he isnt the type to seek help from ANYONE.  Now that Christmas is coming up Im really scared because we are going to his sisters house (who btw drinks alot too) and I dont want him to drink at all. He cant even have one drink because one turns to two which turns to blacking out. His excuse will be (the one he gave me on Thanksgiving) is that at least he's with family drinking and not running the streets.  Ugh Im dreading Christmas!! I cant even have a drink and relax because Im too worried about him.  I already have a 2 year old son to look after but now a 31 yr old man as well! His sister and mom arent much help because they encourage it. How can I get out of Christmas??? Im mainly just complaining here and dont expect much solid advice. Thanks for listening.

[rizboy]

hi have you tried talking to him and telling him how much you hurt? maybe he cant see what hes doing to you.Not sure how you can get out of christmas.Ive got a friend who drinks to much and is a total **** to his girlfriend but hes not changing any time soon so if you get through to him please let me know.Take care.chris

[Jaybay]

The "if you loved me you'd quit drinking" approach fails every time it's tried so don't waste your breath.  Your boyfriend is deep into his disease and obviously not ready to admit he has a big problem.  You have perfectly described an alcoholic.  See, they don't have an off switch when they drink like the rest of us do.  We can see that one drink leads to another and another and another until there's no more alcohol to be had, but they honestly don't see it that way.

You have also perfectly described what it's like to be in a relationship with an alcoholic.  We turn into parents rather than equal, adult partners in life.  It's up to you whether you want to live that way, but I warn you it will only get worse for both of you.  I was so disgusted with my husband's drinking that I isolated myself.  I refused to go anywhere in public with him because I knew he'd be an embarrassing jerk.  That ban also included family gatherings and I missed out on so many things I wanted to be a part of.  It's a horrible, dark and lonely place to be and I don't wish it on anyone.

If you don't want to share Christmas with a bunch of drunks, just tell the truth: you don't want to share Christmas with a bunch of drunks.  Don't think the result will be some kind of epiphany that he's an alcoholic and don't believe him if he tells you he won't drink.  He's not ready to quit yet.  The decision has to be about you, your life and what you're willing to tolerate.  You can't change or control his behavior; you can only be responsible for yours.

[boyfriendneedshelp]

I completely agree with jaybay.  I used to have an ex who was the same way.  He drank so much he would get into fights, harass people, drive, and cause a bunch of other problems.  I ended up leaving him.  He is still the same and not getting better from what I hear from mutual friends.  I would say, avoid your own christmas emotional hangover and don't spend it with his family if the drinking is encouraged. It's tough because drinking is way more socially acceptable then pills or even weed but when it's your partner, I totally get the anger it causes.  More importantly though, nevermind it just being christmas (happens once a year), think about what is best for you and your child.  

[justme1119]

I have experience with angry drunks and binge drinkers. "Well I don't drink every day." is what they say.  Anyway...they only get angrier the longer you know them.  Children don't need anger and strife!  It is bad for them.  They need peace and comfort and security.  I stayed with my husband and he was exactly like what you described.  My husband found God and quit drinking and our lives changed after about 7 years.  But guess what, my son, who witnessed all of that ugliness for the first five years of his life, is now an angry, mean, alcoholic in denial.  I also work with kids that come from these kinds of homes.  It's really sad.  If it's at all possible for you to move on, my advice is do it.

[bortiz]

My husband is like what you have described and very verbally abusive to me and destroys anything out of his rage. He is a very mean drunk but only to me..he takes it out on me everytime. I am about 4 months pregnant and he doesn't even seem to care. We went to a christmas eve party sat and he drank and got out of control and embarrassed me in front of all our friends. He has just gotten worse through the five years we have been together. I have finally reached the courage to leave him..I now realize I can't change him I can only change me and change my living situation. I will no longer feel I need to be here for him I can only pray for him.