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Live-in BF Addicted to Oxy- Advice Needed Please
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Live-in BF Addicted to Oxy- Advice Needed Please

My intelligent, loving, wonderful boyfriend of over a year is an opiate addict. When we first starting dating, I knew he was in recovery and had spend some time in rehab in college. At the time, recovery was something I really respected and admired about him. I thought that it was something he had dealt with and didn't realize this would be an issue in our relationship.

About 3 months ago, I was promoted and my company relocated me to an awesome city across the country, all expenses paid, for a 1-year commitment. My BF was between jobs at the time and decided to move in with me in SF. I was excited to have someone to explore the city with, travel, etc and thought that us moving in together would be a fun experience. Little did I know what I was in for.

I don't know if it was the stress of job-searching in a new city, not knowing anyone, a lot of time together, or what, but I started to find out he was using again. I would find squares of foil with black stains around the apartment and knew he was using oxy. He would disappear for a couple of hours with little explanation. He started to received calls from random numbers within our near area code. He would nod off while we were in the middle of a conversation.

I've confronted him about him several times. I'm in contact with his parents on a weekly basis. (By the way, they are willing to be supportive in whatever way they need to be- both emotionally and financially). I made an appointment for suboxyone treatment for him and it seemed to go well (he had been on it before and thought it helped). He doesn't take the medication as the doctor advised. Keep in mind that that we live together, and share expenses (even though the rent is paid for, we "split" cable, utilities, groceries, etc), which is stressful for me. I can't help but think about things we could be doing if he wasn't wasting money on drugs.
My intelligent, loving, wonderful boyfriend of over a year is an opiate addict. When we first starting dating, I knew he was in recovery and had spend some time in rehab in college. At the time, recovery was something I really respected and admired about him. I thought that it was something he had dealt with and didn't realize this would be an issue in our relationship.

About 3 months ago, I was promoted and my company relocated me to an awesome city across the country, all expenses paid, for a 1-year commitment. My BF was between jobs at the time and decided to move in with me in SF. I was excited to have someone to explore the city with, travel, etc and thought that us moving in together would be a fun experience. Little did I know what I was in for.

I don't know if it was the stress of job-searching in a new city, not knowing anyone, a lot of time together, or what, but I started to find out he was using again. I would find squares of foil with black stains around the apartment and knew he was using oxy. He would disappear for a couple of hours with little explanation. He started to received calls from random numbers within our near area code. He would nod off while we were in the middle of a conversation. I even caught him getting high in our apartment bathroom several times.

I've confronted him about him several times. I'm in contact with his parents on a weekly basis. (By the way, they are willing to be supportive in whatever way they need to be- both emotionally and financially). I made an appointment for suboxyone treatment for him and it seemed to go well (he had been on it before and thought it helped). He doesn't take the medication as the doctor advised. Keep in mind that that we live together, and share expenses (even though the rent is paid for, we "split" cable, utilities, groceries, etc), which is stressful for me. I can't help but think about things we could be doing if he wasn't wasting money on drugs.

I feel like I'm keeping secrets from our family and friends when I tell them things are going well here. Since I'm new to this city, it's been difficult to find support. I've been attending Al Anon meetings and have found great strength in these. It's easy for me to listen to the sayings, etc but a different story to make the difficult decisions. I know that he's still using (probably every day) and feel like the crazy girlfriend always checking in on him. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to spend my life upset and worrying about someone else.

I don't know what the answer is, but I know that what I'm doing now isn't working. All of the hassling, crying, drama, etc gets old for both of us. Sometimes he says that he wants to change, he knows it's not working, but fails to actually do anything about it on his own. When I've brought up in-patient treatment, he refuses and says that he thinks they're all money-traps.

I feel like I'm enabling him by letting him live in this apartment (which my company pays for). I've thought about kicking him out (and have threatened it several times), but know that challenges will come up since he's also on the lease.

I want to be able to enjoy this opportunity that I earned, without the stress of living with an addict. I'm at the age (25) where I want to make decisions that are best for ME. If we continue to be together, I can see it leading to marriage, children, etc and don't want addiction to be a part of my life forever.

Does anyone with some experience have any advice?  I feel stuck and I could really use it. Really appreciate it.
2 Comments Post a Comment
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2046312_tn?1360383200
i was addicted to opiates for about 7 years,but was an addict for 15, addicted to heroin for the last 6months before i finally got clean which will be 2 years in may.  u need to first sit him down and tell him he needs rehab. give him an ultimatim, he either goes to rehab or give him til the end of the week to be out of the house. i know its hard, but opiate addiction is awful and people will do anything no matter who it hurts to get their fix. my family was sick and tired of it they put up with me and enabled me my whole life. it was when they finally stopped helping me, and i was homeless, living on the beach for 2 weeks before i finally went and got help. i dont think i would be clean today if that never would of happened.
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2046312_tn?1360383200
i just turned 27 so were close in age and if you really love your boyfriend you need to let him know that you will stop helping him, that he has to go to rehab or you will leave or kick him out. call the cops on him if u have too. ive had 4 friends overdose and die in the last 7 months and god forbid something liek that happens to  your boyfriend. you need to put yourself first because in order to help him you have to be 100 percsnt and if he loves you then he will quit his **** an get help if he really belives that you will leave him. message me if you wanna talk some more i have been thru alot like your going thru with my boyfriends in the past also.  
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