Ok so I have been doing some research and my mom is definitely smoking meth here in the basement at my aunts house. I have tried to catch her but haven't been successful. Although after reading up on this, I do not need to to be sure.
Tonight I woke up to that chemical smell again, (like batteries or ammonia sort of). Shortly after, my mom came into the room (she thought I was still asleep). She sat down on her bed and was picking at her legs, down by her shins. She kept lifting her pants up about an inch, looking and picking, then putting them back down, and lifting them up again. This went on for about 10 minutes. She looked at me a few times quickly to make sure I was "sleeping." She has finally fallen asleep after about 24 hours of being awake.
I am going to report this information to my aunt and soon as she wakes up. Then I am gathering my stuff and leaving. I cannot stay here anymore. After she got done smoking, I got an instant headache that won't go away and I threw up. I will be staying at my dad's until I get to move my stuff into the new apartment (he lives an hour away). She will not be allowed at my new apartment for any reason, and she will NEVER be babysitting her first grandchild without my supervision, and my child will not be in this house until she is gone. I am considering giving her an ultimatum; get help, or get out of my life. Harsh? Yes. But she has been letting this drug control her for over 30 years, I guess even half a decade in prison wasn't enough to set her straight. Me and my 3 other siblings were all taken away from her at a young age, and she has been in and out of our lives since day one. I was looking at our family pictures the other day of when we were all together. And there was a picture of her holding me and her face is all picked apart. She looks exactly the same, but more aged. I refuse to let this continue any longer. If she wants to ruin her life, fine. But she will not be putting my unborn child in danger. Can't even sleep, I am so ready to leave. I will be out first thing in the morning.
I am glad that you made that decision. I am proud that you are taking the steps to take care of yourself and your baby. It is hard to turn your back on those who you are close to. I have had to do it since I restarted my recovery this time. It may have left me a little lonely but I would rather be lonely than to let somebody effect my recovery. I am protecting my self, and you are too.
If my friends recover, and I hope they do, I may let them come around but not until they get some significant clean time. It is not hard for me to tell if they are clean or not because I know them well and I know what behaviors they displays when they are still using.
Anyway, come back and let us know how you are doing.
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