Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
Mother of 22 yr old heroin addict
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Mother of 22 yr old heroin addict

My daughter is in a wonderful facility detoxing for the first time. She was able to call me today from her counselors office. She has been told it would be in her best interest to continue inpatient rehab after detoxing but she says she is depressed and wants to come home. She has work, a car note, insurance. I told her I would pay those things this month if she stays even though it would be a hardship I can do it. We are blessed to have wonderful insurance, the best maybe, and I will try to convince her to stay and not worry about her 2 day a week job that she has to think about her life her future.  She started drugs with an ex-boyfriend, not knowing he was an addict when she first met him. It was "blues" smoking blues they a few months ago they graduated to heroin. He comes from a wealthy family who is totally co-dependant and gives him money no matter what, knowing he is ****ed up and has been for years. Thank God he has moved away, one less worry, but she has continued to use when she can. I'm almost willing to get a script for Suboxene if it will keep her away from needles. From everything I have read heroin is the dragon in the closet, the hardest to get off of, and I am really worried. I have to give her an ultamatum if she chooses to leave and it is her choice to leave treatment. I'm thinking of telling her I won't pay her car note or insurance if she leaves or I may tell her she has to commit to 90 meetings in 90 days. Any suggestions?  Thank you so much!
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I am sorry you are going through this with your daughter, but at least she is in a good place now and you can have peace on mother's day knowing she is okay. I do like your idea of not helping her with her payments unless she stays for inpatient re-hab. We can only enable recovery. And definitely make sure she goes to meetings after. If she hasn't been using for very long then she definitely needs to be in treatment so she can learn what this monster of a drug can do to someone's life. My 20 yr. old daughter is in a treatment center for the 6th time. I hope that won't be the case for you. Learn about heroin, learn about enabling, definately go to nar-anon or al-anon meetings. Continue to reach out!
God bless you and your daughter
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5460645_tn?1368326835
Thank you. God bless you and your daughter as well. I'm going to visit her today. She's the type that can be scared straight but from what I am reading the power of heroin is scary as well. I found out who her dealer was and told him to stay away but I'm almost just as afraid of her being in rehab with other addicts. Rehab outweighs that fear though. Happy Mothers Day.
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I know what your mean...meeting other addicts in treatment but if there's one thing I've learned is that I can't control my daughter's world...I realized that it doesn't matter where she is or who she's with...if she wants to use, she will. Over and over I've tried to control her surroundings only to drive myself crazy thinking I was protecting her when in reality I am and was powerless. This is why it's so hard for mothers...it is our natural instinct to protect our children but we cannot protect them from their own choices.  Just keep praying! and supporting recovery...not addiction.
God Bless
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5460645_tn?1368326835
I'm learning that the hard way. I had all of her banking info, passwords, paid her bills monthly. I gave it all up recently and I'm learning that I can't save her she has to do it on her own. I am so grateful to have such wonderful (and unlimited after deductable) insurance. Seriously! But yes she gets out of detox tomorrow and moves into residential.  My fingers are crossed that she decides to stay!  Thank you so much.
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I will pray that she decides to stay. Make sure she knows what a rare opportunity it is to have access to good treatment in these times and to take full advantage of it!. I hope she decides to see it as an opportunity to rest and heal.

God bless
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1235186_tn?1339127464
hello and welcome. depression is part of the detox. coming home after a few days shouldn't be an option for her. I would not let her come home. I would tell her if she leaves treatment she cant come to your house.
I know this sounds harsh but it is in her best interest. the ball will be in her court.
I had to stop enabling my husband, son and daughter so I know the heartache and all the things you are dealing with. I also kicked each one of them out at different times so the insanity would stop. I could control what was allowed in the house and the constant lying, stealing, yelling, fighting, dysfunction was no longer something I could handle. I also have two younger children who also lived through all this.
my daughter has been in a Christian rehab for 8 months. when she first went she said she would stay a few months. I agreed to pay her car insurance, some fines, and her cell phone if she went and stayed.
after 3 months she then decided to stay the full year. she is doing great.
one year ago she was a mess.
there is always hope.... she also started with a bf. thank GOD she left him and went to the rehab. they are facing felony charges for grand larceny. it
is a mess. I hope and pray the judge sees she is really trying and has turned her life around. she hasn't spoken to old bf since she went to the rehab on sept. 10th,2012.
did your daughter go to detox voluntarily?
have you attended any alanon meetings or counseling? have a pastor you can speak with? we get just as sick as they are. we also need healing and restoration.
she needs to suffer the consequences of her wrong choices.
sending hope, peace, prayers and support,
Debbie
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5460645_tn?1368326835
Thanks Deb!  I will catch up and respond shortly. I have been away from MedHelp.

Great advice!  Thank you all!  She is still in rehab, yes it's voluntary, but she is lost as far as what to do with her life. Surrendering is a problem. She is very confused but willing to do whatever it takes to stay well. She is suffering from cabin fever right now at the rehab facility. 11 days sober for her.  Will be back later!

Chris
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