I am writing to you all in sincere hopes that speaking to someone with experience , can and will help me. Please! I am so lost.
Here's the scenario: I met my hsband at 19. We dated for 6 months before I found out he was a heroin addict. At that point, even though he was absolutly the love of my life, we broke up. I moved on. 2 years later I ran into his sister; she went back and told him she saw me. He then in turn called around to friends or friends of friends until he got my cell phone number and called me. Asked to see me. Again, he was the love of my life so I agreed, "for closure"- yeah right!!!! When I met up with him after those years, I instantly adored him. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him and be with him again, but I stayed my distance. He told me that he was still using but finally wanted to get clean. Oh and be with me, of course. Whether the latter was completely true or not, it did'nt matter because I wanted to help him. I set him up at a friends house, I stayed with him. We wound hooking up, dating, going out, blah blah blah! we stayed at my freinds for about 2 months. In that time, every day was a battle. He did detox, meth, cold turkey, heroin maintanance...this was a joke. I was so enamored by him all over again, i could not possible walk away...EVER!!
Last resort, I called my sister a state away and she agreed to let he and I come live with her until we got on out feet. Mind you, she had no idea he was an addict. I know this was wrong of me but I loved him so much!!! Wahtever, moving on, The day we took that ride to the next state over was the last time he would use any drug for 9 years! Well, there was one week of methodone use after that so that he woulodnt be horribly sick. He tapered off that. I think it's inportant to know that for the first year he had no car, worked with my brother, no friends but me and mandatory out-patient. After that first year... We were great! A real, normal life! Marriage, 3 kids, house, cars, vacas, the whole nine!
9 years later I started noticing differences in him. Subtle! I knew it though. I asked him; he denied! This went on for about a year, until we lost our house and everything else went down hill. All those details are unimportant. He finally came clean to me. Because he was addcited to roxies for that year and had now led him back to heroin use. I have been fighting this battle with him now for a total of 3 years and Im at my wits end!Ive tried everything to fix him again but nothings working! He gets clean for a few weeks, maybe a months or 2, sometimes only a few days before hes off and running. Weve moved, lost everything. Ive truly lost hope that he will get and stay clean this time. I need new ideas, Please.I dont want to walk away. I have thrown him out a few times though. That didnt work.
Here's the real kicker... Somehow, even though I dont have aclue how its possible, Im pregnant. We use protection and everything. It was a true accident. I know, I shouldnt even have considered keeping the baby but I am not someone that can discard a life. So, I am 4 months pregnant now and so unhappy and lost. I dont even leave my house. I cry and cry and yell and scream and threaten and nothing works. Few days clean, few days not, tell a habbit, then detoxing, then clean a few days...you get the scenario.
I am begging someone to help me. What can I honestly do to get him to stop? I'll do anything at this point!Please help me. I want that normal life back...with him...and my now 4 kids
Wow...I'm touched by your story. It reminds me so much of mine...except I was on the other side of it...I was the addict. Married 9 years, kids, vacos, good job, all that. I had been clean from heroin years just like your husband....took vics...back to heroin. I feel like I'm hearing my ex-wife's pain through your story...The only difference is your "kicker"...the pregnancy...wow..
....so, your not going to want to hear this...but I will tell you how I got clean again and have been clean for 3 years now....My wife divorced me...she divorced me and took everything..the kids...house..everything...That broke me completely...that was my bottom...
I wouldn't listen...Id put a couple days together clean here and there...hide it from her...lie to her...never imagined shed leave....she did. Had she stayed...I wouldn't have gotten clean. I wouldn't have experienced the bottom I needed in order to say that was enough. I was the love of her life as she was mine...that's why she had to leave...
I know your pregnant...that has to make it that much harder...I cant imagine...but you cant allow him to be a part of your life while hes in his addiction...Im sorry if Im not telling you what you want to hear..its gottta hurt..Im hurting for you as it brings back a lot of painful memories...Im not saying to divorce him but you cant throw him out and let him come back after a few days...and YOU CANT FIX HIM...he has to fix himself...you can love him but not fix him...you can be a part of his recovery or you can be a part of his addiction....Its a tough spot your in...maybe file for a legal separation with the stipulation he has to go to a program before he comes back home...something to wake him up...I dont know...my prayers are with you.
I agree that your husband needs to enter an outpatient or inpatient program, he needs to relearn what he once knew, and he needs to be brought to his knees. I'm sure that he will do WHAT"S EXPECTED OF HIM, but only if it is required, for whatever reasons, we just don't have the strength until we risk losing everything, and by everything i mean living with our family. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds like he got complacent, and needs to commit to aftercare again. Good Luck .
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