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My son is a herion addict
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My son is a herion addict

I had to have him involuntarily committed last night.  He is 19 has been in treatment 2 times and was almost 80 days sober.  We had him in a half way house, he got a job and was doing good.  He started on suboxone and decided he didn't need it.  All of a sudden one night he told us he moved out(no notice so we lost our deposit and that weeks rent) to move in with a friend he met in treatment and his friends girlfriend from treatment.  Renting from a man he met in treatment.  Not a good combination I know.  That last 2 weeks before they were kicked out.  We let him back in our house after 3 days we found heroin in his room, he swore it was old from before he didn't know it was there.  Like I should believe a drug addict doesn't know where he had drugs.  4 days later he was back to stealing money from us.  We had him leave the house T that point.  He called me at work yesterday to tell me he was walking to work and he doesn't want to live anymore he just wants to walk in front of one of the cars.  So of course I brought him to to E/R for eval.  I know I did the right thing I do not have the tools to help him but why do I feel so awful.  He hated me when I left him and I felt like the worst mother in the world.  I have been attending Nar anon and also seeing a therapist.  I am doing my best not to enable but it hurts so much.  Has anyone else been thru this?
9 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
You sound on track to me. Go with your instincts, tough love is often harder for the tough love-er than the addict.
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5429734_tn?1379745013
Hi there I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry that you are hurting. You are doing the right thing for your son! My sister has been clean from heroin for over eight years and my parents tried everything we went to n.a. together and they tried everything. I remember my mom crying all of the time saying she was losing her baby. My sister finally hit rock bottom she ended up in jail and my parents did not get her out. When she did get out she asked to move back in and said she was ready to change her life. She saw what her life could be and she changed it! :) I am very proud of my sister for what she has been through and who she has become. It is difficult and I really feel for you but he really needs to want to do it for him and I think you did the right thing.
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480448_tn?1403547723
So sorry you're going through this, but you're right, enabling is not going to help him get clean and well.  It sounds like you've done a lot to make sure you're not doing that, which is good.  Your son has to do this himself...he has to want it and do the work.

You and your family need to take care of yourselves in the meantime.  I would strongly recommend going to alanon or naranon meetings.  You need to get support from others who understand and who have been there.  You need to learn as much as you can about enabling and codependency.  You will need to make it very clear to your son that you will ONLY support your son in his recovery, not in his addiction.  When he's using, you need to set boundaries and adhere to them..no budging.  

The "302" psych admission, or involuntary committment will probably be short lived.  They will only be able to hold him against his will for 72 hours, at which time there will be a hearing to determine what should happen next.  The vast majority of people are taken off the involuntary admission status at that point.  

Many are encouraged to then sign themselves in, for a voluntary addmission (a "201"), but still many more are d/c'ed home with instructions to seek help on an outpatient basis.  I just wanted you to be prepared for what is to come.  A lot of people think they can be held for long periods of time.  That's very rare..there has to be clear cut and ongoing evidence of risk of harm to self/others for that to happen.  You probably will be asked to attend the hearing...and if you're the one who initiated the call, you will actually be required to go.

Very best to your son, prayers for you all.  Please update us when you can, okay?
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1696489_tn?1370825574
Yes, and it's a long, rough road.  If your son is not ready to stop doing heroin, he will not.  I cannot say that clearly enough.  Herion is one of the most addictive substances on the planet.  I'm sorry about your son, and that it is hurting you.  He will not seek help until he can honestly tell someone that he needs and wants help to stop.  He may become homeless, jobless, carless, and go stealing to support his habit.  The habit will be his God, and that will not change until he hurts SO MUCH from it that he cannot take one more minute of it.  I know that's awful.  But that is the way addiction often goes, especially with herion.  It's great that you are in treatment as well, since this affects all who care about him.  Continue to refuse to do anything that supports his habit.  Continue, as well to educate him about his habit.  Someday it will sink in.  I will pray for you and for your son.  God bless you both - Blu
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4810126_tn?1404362199
I got a lump in my throat when I read your post. You are doing all the right things and I'm glad you're finding some measure of support at Al-Anon and in therapy. Perhaps, you will find other parents/siblings to bond with at the meetings.

I was a teenage heroin addict and ran with it for many, many years. The hard truth of the matter is that until your son experiences an all-important 'shift of clarity' within, he will continue to use. At it's best, addiction is a learning curve.

If he's not 'there' yet and the Suboxone isn't working for him a low dose of Methadone might be indicated as a harm reduction measure. I know it saved my life and the lives of many others. The thing is you're son is very young and doesn't have the emotional/experiential wisdom to really do the work right now. (My worst 'running' time with Heroin was between the ages of 19 - 23.) I rarely recommend Methadone but in this case it might be a good thing for him. I've found that often, Suboxone doesn't do the trick for Heroin addicts who aren't committed to their own healing yet whereas, Methadone, which is a full 'agonist'(painkiller) is more effective in these cases.

I send my heartfelt and fervent wishes that you're son turns the corner and is restored to you. I wish you Peace & Comfort. We're here.
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5460645_tn?1368326835
It's so very encouraging to me to hear your sister changed her life. Heroin is the hardest drug to quit and I am hopeful now that my daughter can quit! She has been using for a few months but was using Roxies, Blues for about a year prior to the heroin. She got involved with the wrong boy :(
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5466974_tn?1368441289
I agree with you on this.I have been in MMT for many years and it has saved my life.I work a full time job.have custody of my kid,own a car a house,and been in a long term relationship all because I chose to go on methadone.Please consider this it really can save his life.Just google Methadone Treatment Centers in your area and call one.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you everyone for all of you comments they are very much appreciated.  My son gets discharged today and I am not looking forward to it.  We have decided he can not come home and also know he has no money because he spent his last pay check on herion.  I do have the name of shelters for him.  He has detoxesd so he is clean now and he did ask for the name of the suboxone doctor he used before.  I am terrified of what may happen but I know I can no longer enable him.  We will help in his recovery if that's what he chooses but we will not help in his addiction.  I hope I have the strength to do this.  I have been reading my Nar anon material non stop and attending the weekly meetings.  
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Avatar_m_tn
when your child hurts no matter the age we parents suffer with them. my son just turned 26 . He has an amazing heart that when broke led him into a spiral of destruction. Met a girl and had a child-Rydar. girl was homeless we took her in. She used my son for his tribal percap and his son same thing now. he was a great dad-he taught him to fish they were unseperable. but this girl the Troll queen kidnapped his son and has done this 3 times now. We wud help out every weekend with baby. The second time she lived in 12 places-one with a sex offender. now again day before fathers day-the troll did it again. My son was clean got a job was on suboxin program. she kidnapped him again and my son fell apart- lost job-now homeless -he cries and cries and misses Rydar so much and is running out of hope. what can we do? He told her that he was finally moving on.She sent nasy pics wanting him back.vindictive Troll Queen then filed a false restraing order. The Troll Queen is the most hurtful mean women and mother I have ever met.Oh and another sadness my husband of 26 years his dad is hateful twords him-says horribl things- I believe him to be bypolor. So my son has that sadness and no emotional support from his own father. Way to much for anyone . I cant even have him come by the house when his dad is there.. What can I do he is so lost without his little boy and Im so afraid for him-so alone and he  is losing his will to care about anything.. I am so worried and sad for him. He has my heart and he needs help but I just dont know how. Scared for him. Cannot let the TROLL QUEEN WIN!!!!
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