Need advise!!!!

My boyfriend of three yrs woke up Wed. morning and told me he was gonna go to the mental health co op for his depression and try to get put on meds. I was excited and thought finally we are getting some where. Well hear I sit on Saturday morning and he never came back. Its been three days and he has not come back for clothes, his stuff, anything. He texted me and said he knew I thought he was keeping me down and that he is a loser and been using crack, opiates and whatever else...who knows. I feel totally confused. I have been thru hell with him. I have been clean one year, and thought he was using but I never thought he would just disappear and not come home. I think he is with another girl, but he says he is not...that nobody would want a loser like him. He has been in his same clothes for 3 days, no toothbrush, no money, so where thre heck is he???? I think he may be at some drug house, but dont want to believe it. I just need someone to tell me to GET OVER HIM and move on. I love him yet he keeps hurting me over and over again with his drug problems. I tried to help him but he does not want it. What the hell is wrong with me?? I have a great job, a beautiful daughter and he has comsumed all of my happiness. Is he so down at the bottom that he can not see the good in life? He tells me Im the only person whos ever been there for him, I bought him a truck, paid to get his drivers license back, and supportted him however I could. So why is he doing this???? I feel like a complete idiot!  Should I just put his clothes in a bag and give to Goodwill and be done with him????

[BlondeChick10]

I hate to say this and it is easy for me to say but pack his sh?!  You are clean, have a professional career and daughter to manage.. You don't need the baggage!  But at the same time we are human and have feelings but sometimes people want to fix those who are broken... We can only fix those who won't to be fixed
Stay strong..

[BlondeChick10]

Who want to be fixed... You have gone through extremes to help as an adult he needs to get a job pay for his own truck and buy you one!! You can do better

[Deana1970]

Thanks for your thoughts...in my heart I keep telling myself the same thing. But I feel lke .....I know this is retarded...but if he would just listen to me he could be such a great person....be happy. But I know yopu are right....I guess since he has been my best friend for the last three yrs and I have know one else it is more pride and loneliness than I wish to believe. Im incredibly lonely and dont have any friends. I have excepted alot of BS because I did not want to be alone.

[BlondeChick10]

You don't have to be alone, you are a professional surround yourself with professionals!  Occupy yourself by taking a class where you could interact with professional people.  You have been through a lot from what I have read and you have a whole new sector of life to live for you and your daughter and if someone enters your life that is worth your time, energy and resources great;  if not someone will.  Give your self credit for getting you to together. Take the financial resources you have diverted to him and go on a vacation with your daughter!

[Deana1970]

Just reading what you wrote makes me cry..you are so strong. I feel like a pathetic woman who I have always said I would never become. You are right..I should be proud of me and what Ive accomplished. He has taken everything from me...my dignity, respect, and faith that there is a decent man out there they may want me.

[BlondeChick10]

I am going to send you a PM

[atthebeach]

Hi deana,
My daughter was in the same situation as you. She met a nice guy 3 years ago, at that point no drugs were involved. He started to use opiates. My daughter thought she could get him to stop. I told her he would drag her down with him. No mom he loves me, that won't happen. My daughter already had some self esteem issues and some emotional baggage. My husband was a recovering addict when I met him and into our marriage he relapsed. So my daughter lived with that. I told her many times to leave the bf. well she started to use opiated to. The next 2 years were he'll on all of us. My daughter always worked, she had an insurance settlement case and get $15,000 a year. All that money was blown on their drugs. When that was gone they sold her car. Then got arrested for grand larcency at target. She thought she could save him. Not. She was living on and off with him. Sometimes with us. Well we finally kicked her out. She thought she couldn't live without him. She was clinging to hope they would get clean together. They got are arrested again for possession and distribution. Now she has 3 felony charges to deal with.
I am so pleased, blessed and happy to report that 10 days after the arrest for drugs she picked herself up, left him and went to a Christian Reba . She has been there for 5 months and is doing awesome.
We went to a court date last week. Out of the back from jail came her x we were shocked. He was arrested again, looks the same and still living the drug addict life. My daughter was so happy and thanking GOD that he took her out of that relationship and that lifestyle. She knows it was the best decision of her life.
Move on Hun. A very big congratulations to you and your clean time. Please seek out some counseling. You probably have some self- esteem issues also. You are with so much more than him. Find a new hobby, get invved in your daughters school, find a single support group, church, there are so many ways to meet someone who deserves you.
Pack up his things and don't tke him back.
Sending encouragement  and support,
Keep the faith.....
Prayers for peace,
Debbie

[Deana1970]

Ya I never had a opiate problem until we met...he did them and I started to be closer to him...3 yrs later Im clean now but went thru hell, hospitailized and broken. How can a man have such power over me...I ask myself this all the time. I have never been alone. At 42 this is the first time in my life I am completely alone..without a man..Its very weird for me. But you are right..I need to be alone to get myself back emotionally. He has turned me into a shell of a person. Between the domestic violence( he has been arrested 3 times for beating me up) and the verbal abuse..I have no idea why I still love him....I do need counseling..there has to be something wrong with me.