Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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Hi all! I'm new here and new to living with an addict. My fiancee and I have been together for seven months and been living together for three. I knew right away when we started dating that he was a recovering heroin addict, and he's been doing well for the past five months, give or take. When we moved into our new place, we lived alone together for two weeks before his friend (who was also a user, and used primarily with my fiancee) was kicked out of his house for suspicion of relapsing and consequently moved in with us until he could find a place. He's now been with us for almost three months, and I have found proof of use in the form of needles in his belongings. I was hoping that my fiancee wasn't taking part in this drug use, but now I fear, or know actually, that he is. This past month at least every weekend he seems just high as a kite. I know immediately when I hear his voice because it's slowed down, slurred and hard to understand. He also will want to chat with me when normally he doesn't. Last weekend he admitted to being on some kind of RX "cocktail". He said it was a mixture of painkillers and Xanax. I don't think he's shooting again, but I could be mistaken. His behavior is more and more off the rails and totally unpredictable. When I confronted him last weekend, he flew off the handle and started packing all of his stuff and told me he was leaving, and going to stay at his mom's house. He even got on the phone and talked to her and said he was going there. Or so I thought. We share a phone account, and turns out, by looking at his phone records, that he DID NOT call his mother, and was just pretending to be on the phone with her for some reason. I don't know if it was to scare me into thinking he was leaving me or what. He didn't end up leaving, and we talked and even went to the movies where I preteneded that he wasn't high the entire time. He didn't sleep at all that night and kept me awake with him. The next day he seemed almost normal when I arrived home from work, but not even an hour later, he went to the bathroom, was in there for quite some time, and when he emerged, he was obviously high again. By Monday he was finally back to his normal self, but sick. High fever, sstomach pains, etc. By Tuesday he was totally fine, and the rest of the week continued as such, until yesterday. I know from looking at his phone records that whenever I see a certain number called more than once, that he'll be high later that day. And sure enough, when I got home last night, he was acting funny again. Then he had a seizure (which also happened a couple weeks ago, also while I suspected he was high), and after he recovered from that, we went to bed, I woke up to go to work this morning, thought everything was fine, then he shows up at my job to borrow my car. The second I see him, I know he's high. His pupils are non-existent, his eyes sunken in, and if he even stops talking for a second, starts to nod off. He then proceeds to tell me that he's borrowing the car, going home, packing all his stuff and moving back to his mom's for a couple weeks. We talk for a good hour with me just crying, and him saying how he can't take my "bad attitude and accussations" anymore. That he feels like he's living in a prison and can't stand that I think he's always on drugs. I'm just so confused and at a loss of what to do. Two weeks ago he professed his undying love and proposed to me with tears in his eyes. He still told me today how much he loves me and just needs some "time". Again, he has not talked to his mom like he said he did. Do I need to speak with his family if he really is planning on going there? Do I try to make him stay? Drop him off at a rehab? Please help! Thanks and sorry this is so long!
Tags: help, pills, drugs
5 Comments Post a Comment
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3185671_tn?1344782780
Hi there and welcome.
I'm new myself, joined only about one week ago. Your boyfriend sounds alot like my daughter who is abusing painkillers. she also has a perscription for klonopin which is kind of like Xanax as well as Adderal and tramadol.

I've caught her in so many lies I can't even count and she is soooo good at them. It's almost like she can lie on demand! She has also told me that she is sad that I think she's on drugs. How I wish it were true that she was not.

Stick around here..there are some great people here that can really support you.

Take good care and sending you big hugs.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks so much for your support! I just am at a real loss as what to do. He's also taking klonopin, I think. For sure he's abusing his clonidine RX.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
hi hun and welcome. i am so sorry that you are in this situation. the manipulation,flying off the handle, defensive attitude,lies,deceit,slurred speech,disappearing into the bathroom,nodding off,getting sick,suspicous phone calls.,promises, needs more time........... how many signs are needed?
he is definitely using and abusing his scripts.
you have a choice to make, living with him and his addict buddy or moving on. until he is ready, he wont change. proposing and crying all an attempt to continue to manipulate.
if he wont leave, you should. if he is getting scripts from a doctor he isnt in recovery. recovery is working a program everyday, counseling,meetings,being accountable,exercise,honesty,proper diet,church,many things,constitute a recovery program. whatever it is it needs to be followed. if none of these things are in place, he isnt in recovery. dont pretend you dont know he isnt using, that is enabling him.
there is always hope for change he has to take the initiative to change....
do you have somewhere to go stay for a while?
sending hope,prayers,
debbie
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Avatar_f_tn
I know he's using. It's just so hard to face. I'm numb right now. But I did take the step and call his aunt (who lives with his mother and took him in when he had nowhere to go when he moved down here) and she's as upset as me, if not more. She agreed we should wait until he's sober to confront him and go from there. Trying to talk to him while he's high will be impossible and counter productive. I spent a good hour on the phone with her, and when we hung up, he had called to tell me he just got back to our place after dropping all of his stuff off at his mom's and aunts. Which is a total lie. I was on the phone with her, while she was at her house, during the time he supposedly dropped his stuff off. I don't know what to expect when I get home. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, as far I know. I don't know if he's going to pretend he changed his mind and tell me he went and got his stuff back, or if he's got stashed somewhere, or if he does have somewhere to go that I don't know about it. I'm just so numb right now. I keep hoping it's a nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi I never been on this website, I just came across it as I was looking for some advice. You see I have a husband who is a heroin addict, we've been together for ten years and out of those ten years he's been off and on for about five. I never thought it would happen to me and I keep questioning myself how did I allow myself to stay around for so long? I just found out earlier today that he was using again after 2 1/2 months in jail and being clean for 2months after getting out. Honestly I'm so heart broken right now because I really thought this time he really was going to stay clean. We just moved into a house of our own, our children were excited because we haven't had a place of our own for about 1 1/2. I know now that I have to leave him for the sake of my kids. It's just going to be so hard because my husband is the one making more money than me and paying the rent so I can't kick him out because I can't afford the bills alone right now, plus its going to be hard on my eight year old she is so close to her dad not only that but for the first time in a while she was so happy especially to get her own room. I'm probably going to have to find a relative who can take me and my children in yet again. Im working but hardly making enough to get by. I have a long rocky road to get through to leave and try to get to happiness but I have faith in God that I can get there. I've been through it still going through it now don't put yourself through the pain for as long as I did you should leave him now especially if no kids are involved because it gets harder when kids are in the equation, TRUST ME. I pray things get better for you.
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