I know this may not lead anywhere but it's a start.She still insists that she has not used percocet or snorted in over a month(we know thats not true) so she feels its useless to go see our therapist but she agreed to go for me! I have so many feelings going on right now...will this help, will we get through this? Will she finally be able to start building her life and finally be happy?
Husband and I are planning on going to an Alanon meeting on Thursday.
Hi~~I am sara, a recovering addict/alcoholic. I am so glad you found this forum. I read your other thread so will respond here.
Your daughters behavior clearly shows she is still using. Nodding off was the kicker there. While her going to the therapist is a good thing she still has to get real honest with herself. She has to be the one to make the decision to stop this dangerous activity. WIth her snorting these i wonder if she hasnt used in the past. Most of us dont start out snorting right away. She is legally an adult now and living with you. You are going to have to set some ground rules and stick to them. First off i would in no way allow any drugs to be brought in to your house. You said she is always broke..do you give her money?
Yes, I 100% believe she is still using. No, I dont believe she started off snorting...she was actually put on percocet for pain management and I think thats how it all started. A friend turned her on to snorting them and I have no idea how long she's been doing that. (she says she was only swallowing them not snorting, which I dont believe any more than I do when she says its been over a month since she quit) I'm seeeing more and more of manipulative behavior, well thought out lies, etc.
While I am happy she is going to see a therapist today, I know that this could be a begining or just a show to appease us.
We dont allow d
it in our house but on the other hand...how would we know if she has it? We dont even know what they look like except we've been told by her friends that they are 30 mg tabs.
No, we don't hand out money anymore and we dont give her a break on her bills(She has to pay us for her car insurance and phone as they are all under the same account)
She tries to lead with us at times to give her a break from paying one week because of this or that, but, we stand firm that she still has to pay because life just doesnt work that way. Things come up all the time and we still need to pay our bills, right?
I guess I got stupid excited about her coming today but I know I need to keep it real. I want so bad for her to be well and happy again but I also know, that we cant do it for her.
It's horrible to be a parent and not be able to kiss the boo boo's like we did when they were younger.
Thanks so much for your reply, really, it means so much.
You sound like you are definitely not in denial about any of this! Your eyes and mind are wide open! I have a friend who is in a similar situation, and let me tell you, she definitely looks the other way in so much of this! She does not have to deal with what she doesn't see!
I'm glad your daughter has agreed to see the therapist! I truly hope that she will be honest with the therapist and will reach out for the help she needs!
Please keep posting and update us on her/your progress! Stay strong and focussed! I wish you the very best! Take care of you! Good luck!
It's a constant struggle to NOT be in denial, LOL! Seriously, I go thru thinking maybe shes telling the truth to please let her be telling the truth to finally knowing she's not telling the truth and also knowing that the trust has broken down to where she has to earn my trust again. This hurts like hell as I was always close with her.
She did see the therapist yesterday and admitted she needed therapy so hopefully will be starting soon!
I was laying in bed last night and she came up and curled up with me..we were watching TV. Before I fell asleep, she kissed my cheek and thanked me for bringing her to the therapist. I just looked at her and told her I loved her so much! Even half asleep I wanted to burst out crying.
Hi, it sounds like she has taken One of the first steps! She still needs to admit that she has a problem, and that she has no control over it! Continue to encourage her to reach out for help! Also, make sure that you and hubby get to that Alanon meeting! You will be amazed at the support you will find there! Keep your eyes and mind open! Addicts are very good at manipulation and hiding! I know, I did it! I did it with my family, Friends, and my doctor and even myself!
Please keep posting here as well! I'm praying for you and your daughter! When she gets to the point where she is ready to admit her addiction and reach out for help, you may want to encourage her to come here and read and join the substance abuse forum! She will find many others who are in her same situation, and she will get tons of support there as well! Take care!
there is always hope.....keep the faith.....
i am so happy for her and you that she agreed to and went to the therapist. agreeing is one thing, going is another. even if she goes reluctantly good can still come out of it. i hope she will be receptive.
we as the loved ones also need recovery. alanon is a good step towards your recovery. you will gain much insight and knowledge to how we can play a part in their recovery without enabling. there is a fine line between enabling and helping. we have to admit that we are powerless over the addiction, we didnt cause it, we cant fix it, we cant stop it. there will be many who are in the same boat as you.
we do want to believe them, our relationships are supposed to be founded on trust, once it gets broken it takes alot of time for it to be restored. they have to earn it back. it takes patience. our children choose their own path, we can guide them and lead them. they are the ones who have to decide which way to go.
i know how heartbreaking it is to watch our children struggle with addiction.
my daughter also snorts them. she has asthma. many times when she is having sinus,nasal,lung issues i believe much of it is from her use.
i hope and pray you can find some peace during this time. it can be so exhausting emotionally,physically,mentally and spiritually. it is hard not to be consumed by it. i have lived with and in it for many years. i have been taking better care of myself and i am feeling better.
do you have a pastor you could also speak with? i have alot of support from my church.
sending hugs and prayers
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