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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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My boyfriend is a heroin addict. We've been together 4 years on and off. He knows how much I hate heroin. I hate it more than anything else in the world. He knows that I know he's using again. He was clean for awhile. About 6 months straight. He recently fell off again a it 3-4 months ago. Although he knows I know he's lying to me every single day about smoking it. He STILL CANNOT ADMIT TO ME HES DOING IT!! WHY WHY WHY!!? I've caught him up in so many f****n lies it's not even funny. I've caught him with foils in his pockets when I've done his laundry. I even caught him literally red handed... He said he only does it when he's sick and can't get any suboxone. He maintains the lie to me that he's doing. Subs everyday and that he only does black when he's really sick. I know he's a horrible addict. He hangs out with only heroin addicts. He steals left and right because he's homeless and has no other means of getting the necessities for life. i.e. Toiletries, clothes, shoes, etc. He swears he gets subs from his buddy who really does have subs on hand all the time but this guy also is a heroin dealer too. He lies to me every day and I know it. He knows it. And he even tried telling me that when I left him at my house, while I was gone for about 30 minutes he took a shower but was gone by the time I got home. When I returned home, he wasn't here, but he left a f****n foil on the back of my toilet in the bathroom!!!  But you know what his excuse was? Oh so in so stopped by and smoked out in the garage but have me his foil to throw away because he didn't know what to do with it when he was done and I said I would take care of getting rid of it. I'm sorry babe. It's not my foil though! I'm on subs! I only do it when I'm hella sick!! I don't lie to you! You haven't caught me several times! I said yeah you're not someone who can just do black on some days and some days you don't. You're a horrible addict and you've been addicted to opiates for several years! Just to fill you all in he did Oxy's for years. Then he moved onto methadone and was maintaining 30 mgrms per day. Well then his guy lost his script and didn't sell them to him anymore. So then he moved onto Opanas and those were so so bad! He was so flippin bad on those damn things, he ended up losing his job. He did the unthinkable and robbed my parents house! WHO IN THE F**K ROBS THEIR OWN GIRLFRIENDS PARENTS HOUSE!  C'mon!  Needless to say, my parents absolutely despise of him now. So every time I see him it's all secretive and they don't know I've been letting him sleep in my car at night. He's homeless and I don't want him to have to walk around on the streets all night. I feel like I'm being used so bad by him... To do his laundry, to make him food, to take him everywhere. Our arguing is getting so bad. I was literally in hysterics over his lies yesterday. I lost it! I was on anxiety and panic overload. I can't have the arguing in front of my 5 year old son! He can't be around that kind of relationship. It's so unfair to him. My boyfriend is not his father and we aren't married obviously. It still I spent 4 year with him through ups and downs... I know in his mind he thinks he loves me. He tells me every day how much my son and I mean to him... He says he would be lost without me. I'm his whole world.., but it's gotten to the point where I don't even want to hear the words "I love you" from him because I think talk is so cheap. Actions are what proves he loves me. I don't know why he's maintains the lie that he doesn't do black every day. WHY CANT HE JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH! WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LOOK MY IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HEY I DO BLACK EVERY DAY!  HE LOOKS ME IN THE EYE AND SAYS IM REALLY NOT DOING IT EVERY DAY I BARELY EVER DO IT BECAUSE I HAVE SUBS ALL THE TIME!! funny thing is, I've never in my life seen him take a suboxone. Never once. I demanded he empty his pockets out in front of me yesterday and he said fone I got nothing to hide. I said really? Let me empty them then! And I reached for his pockets and he batted my hand away! I said exactly! If you didn't have **** to hide then you wouldn't mind me reaching in your pockets then! You think I'm f****n stupid! You insult my intelligence every single day of my life! You have me obsessing over this ****! It's ruining my life! You are ruining my life! I can't eat or sleep I'm a mess! And it's so unfair to my son! It's taking time away from him because I'm always in a bad mood and upset or crying over his dumb ***! I don't know what to do! I love him so much but why is he lying to me! Why can't he just tell me the TRUTH! Why can't he just tell me what we both know I already know!  Like I KNOW where he is right now. He's getting high at his dealer/buddies an he says he's ony goi over there to get the money that he is owed by someone he stole something for! I know he's over there getting loaded though and there's nothing I can do about it. There really isn't. What should I do? I've told him so many times I'm gonna leave him over this ****. I threatened him and he says but I love you so much and I know you love me. And truth is I need him because I'm a stay at home mom. I love with my parents (that hate him beyond words) and honestly, he gets me the stuff I cannot afford. He helps me out with things I would otherwise not be able to afford. I know that's stupid. But I'm pretty dependent on him, sadly. Please help me! I cannot go on living like this. It's making me lose my sanity and my dignity every single day. I know in his mind, he thinks I won't leave him because he thinks I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. But does anyone think if I actually do leave him and stop having anything to do with him, that it may help him get right in his head? He's on the run from the law too. So it's a matter of time before he has to go do his year sentence in jail. I don't want him to be on the streets at night walking around. But I feel like I'm maybe make things to easy for him. I feel like right now he's getting his cake and eating it too. I refuse to be played for a damn fool anymore though. It's ruining me! I told him if he loved me he wouldn't put me through hell like this. He said I hate seeing you miserable! I hate seeing you cry and knowing run the reason why. I love you more than words. And I will do anything you can come with me if you want everywhere I go. I said you only say that because you KNOW that's not possible being I have a 5 year old that I would never take to a junkie house! So of course you're going to tell me that ****! I told him last night don't even tell me you love me anymore! Hearing those words from your mouth is like nails on a chalkboard to me. It really is. You sound like a robot for crying out loud. You don't understand... Your words don't mean anything to me anymore. Prove you love me. Tell me the truth! I wish he would go to jail because only then will he get clean and then he will admit to me the truth. That's what it took last time. So I know that's what it will take this time too. Why are heroin addicts so bad at admitting the truth! They will do whatever they can to not tell you what you already know!! WHY DOES HE FREAKIN DO THIS TO ME! I told him whatever you think is love... You may think you love me so much, but this is not what loving someone is. It's just not. I don't believe he's ever been in love with anyone. I believe he just thinks he is. He's very sweet to me but he's so sneaky and manipulative and I just know he's lying. Please any advice would he amazing. Thank you.
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Hi there, I'm so sorry with what you're going through but can't you get him to go to rehab OR u WILL leave him? You have a son! That should be enough of a reason. I know it's easier said than done but 'tough love' is what addicts need the most. When he hits rock bottom and has lost everything including you he will THEN most probably WANT to come clean. Trust me the easier life is managed for him to keep up this life Eventho it's ruining you, he will carry on and the cycle will never end and at the very end of the day, fast forward a few years, you will end up leaving him anyway bcz it will be your only natural reaction especially when your son gets older and realises his mum is STILL messing being with an addict (worse than oxys really) your son will have an opinion and this will reflect on you. You need to first and foremost think of your child because he depends on you to be the most caring and protecting mother u can be - he only has you as a mother, no one else do you must do your best to keep him safe and put this addict in second place. Why do you say you are also dependent on him? If you were to leave, what would realistically happen? There are plenty of single mothers out there who do an amazing job and in time they find a partner WHO CAN DO THE SAME with caring for the child. Your partner has chosen the drugs quite clearly and he's not your responsibility - you've tried you've been patient and such a lovely person to stay with this man but enough is enough and Hun, IF he does mean what he says and LOVES you, he will change, detox (inpatient or somehow he WILL find a way if he wants you that bad). Sorry to sound harsh but I'm trying my best to put as much in perspective as I can for you because you seem to be suffering extremely from this situation which you DONT need. Looking after a child in itself is a hard enough job without looking after another who's addicted and lying. Yes addicts are lyres but when they come clean they are changed people. He's done it before, if he lives you like he says, he'll do it again and maybe find some groups like NA to help also. Please think hard about this, you don't want to ruin an innocent child from this mess. He needs a healthy strong mother there, not a sick and tired one. I wish you make the right decision Hun bcz U DESERVE it xxxx
Hello and welcome Hun. He doesn't know how to love you now.
He doesn't know how to tell you the truth now. The drugs are his main thought. That is all he thinks about. Despite the fact that he is homeless,
He can't admit the truth to himself or you. He is in denial.
Until he is honest things won't change. Only he can decide when he is
Ready to stop.

Hun it would be in your best interest to let him go at this point. He is a detrimental to you. Allowing him to sleep in your car is a bad idea.
There could be terrible consequences for you if something happened to him while he was in your car. If he smokes in your car he could start a fire, if he overdoses in your car. Hun you are enabling him.

The constant arguing, fighting, begging, crying, hiding from your parents
it Is not good for you or your son. It isn't helping your bf or you.

You have told him you were going to leave him you need to follow up on that threat (promise). If he keeps going at this rate he is going to die.
You are  co-dependent. He is addicted to drugs and you are addicted to him and the relationship even though it is very dysfunctional.

Please look into al-anon or nar-anon meetings for yourself.
Please stand up for yourself and your son.
You are worth it.
Praying for you,
I too completely agree with all that's been said above.
You NEED to put your son first.  He is at a very impressionable age, this situation can drastically alter his life, if its not removed.
Im going through it with my youngest daughter right now, 2 years later...she was innocent, she suffers the most.  
She had a total melt down over her brother ( her hero ) heroin addiction. Her life may never be the same....she suffers from mental health issues due to what she saw and what she lived. Trauma...
Get your baby away from this...he doesn't deserve it...neither do you, the after effects can be very devastating.
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