I just had confirmation that my daughter is using heroin. She has stolen from her entire family and lied about it. She went to a clinic today and I am not sure what to expect next....can anyone help me?
This is sad and hard BUT not impossible. Obviously, she needs to get far, far away from heroin but depending on her age, your hands may be tied. Right now just do your best to offer support and help. Let us know what's happening.
Hey you are not alone first and foremost. My daughter too is a heroin addict and is now 21--she started using heroin along with other things when she was in high school---things really escalated after she had her son. Depending on your daughters age--the question of what clinic did she go to---????Methadone clinic--without any type of rehab treatment is just as dangerous as the heroin. Among numerous worries would be hepatitis and HIV status as well as pregnancy. Get yourself into a family program whether she goes to any kind of rehab or not---Nar-anon or Al-anon are awesome--Read "Don't let your kids kill you" it will be a step in saving your life--this is not how things were suppose to be----we love the child that we raised and need to separate the addict from that person---we still love them, but don't like what they have become...
Perhaps we should develop a witness protection program for all the parents/families/partners/friends of addicts so we can escape the self destructive path they create---we just have to admit that we are powerless over the addiction.
Don't give up---
I'm an X IV heroin user, that didn't buy into the methadone program. To me, that would just be prolonging the destruction. Many programs go on for years, and what's the point of that? It sounds like she needs Rehab, inpatient, and lots of aftercare, a year from the rehab, that includes blood and urine testing. In Alanon, you will receive the support you need to only support your daughter's recovery, and not her addiction. You can access on line Alanon or NarcAnon support as well. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. This is a family disease and it affects everyone, that's why there are family components to the rehab, that will help you to help her. You're in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to private message anyone that you come across on this site, for added support, including of course, myself. Please keep us up to date about what's going on and God Bless you all. Liz.
Thank you for your reply. It has been a rollercoaster of living hell for the past week. She gave some of her suboxone away to her boyfriend and now she is without. We took to a recovery center and they said she had to be dirty to get treatment! WTF is that? So here we were making the painful decision to get her heroin...I feel just as bad as an addict now. I feel dirty and like a bad mother. I cannot believe this is happening. I am sole provider and caregiver for her daughter...my granddaughter and she is the one I feel so bad for. Part of me wants to give up on my daughter because she has turned my life and my family upside down..I carry this shame and disappointment alone....and it's killing me slowly. I just want to run away from all this...I am at an all time low...
She went to a clinic that gave her suboxone. In the meantime she was still using...So I spent all that money (money I cannot afford to spend on the beginning of treatment and that is how she repays me. She stole all of my jewelry and now I have a deep seated resentment for the turmoil she has left my life in. I want to run away from all of this...I want to give up.........
I a really not the type to like to be powerless and this is killing me...nothing I do or say really matters.... I provide for her daughter....have for a year now. Both her mom and dad are addicted. I can't take this anymore and it is hard living my life with this always in the back of my mind.....well at work in the back of my mind and at home all I do is cry...i cry for her, for her daughter and for the wreck of a life I have.....I haven't worked this hard or been what I have been through to live my life like this. I have paid my dues and am now paying again,. It just isn't fair...and the resentment is building beyond belief...I hate feeling this way....thanks for listening.
Mom stop the enabling. Absolutely do not get her heroin. This is so unreasonable. Sit back and think about how crazy this is. She won't die from withdrawals she will die if she continues to use heroin or play around with her suboxone doses. Overdosing is very real.
Please support her recovery and not her addiction. You need to stop the insanity of playing this game with her. Don't pay for her suboxone, don't get her heroin. If she lives with you make her leave. You have made things to easy for her And she has no reason to change. I know how harsh this sounds. I had 2 put out two children at different times because of their addiction and the craziness that it entails. Once I did they both got help. My daughter who is 21 has been in a Christian rehab for 7 months and is doing awesome. My son who is 27 has been clean for 4 years. Let her figure it out on her own. There is always hope.... Get out of the way and let her suffer the consequences of her addiction.
Praying for you,
I agree with Debbie 100%. She will only get help when SHE wants it...you cannot make her. Yes, addicts will turn your life upside down and cause all kinds of destruction, and YES it's okay to walk away...for your own sanity, AND to help her. You cannot help her by continuing to enable her, which is exactly what you've been doing. When there is an addict in the family, the whole family becomes ill. Naranon and Alanon will help you learn all about that and give you the support you need.
My advice to you is to put her out, change the locks, do not give her ONE more dollar. Tell her you will FULLY support her in her RECOVERY only, but not one more moment will you support her in her addiction and destructive behavior.
I know it's impossibly hard, but at some point, you really DO need to think of yourself and the consequences in your own life. No matter what you do, YOU cannot make her stop. Don't ever forget that. If she never wants to, she never will. She hasn't had to really get clean, because of the enabling. She hasn't had REAL consequences.
Praying for you and your family. Hope you take a stand, something has to change.
I'm glad another mom said this. I've been looking at this post off and on for several hours. I'm not usually on this forum. If your a single mom this wont be easy. You probably won't do anything me or atthebeach say. But if you read this you might not forget it unless you want to. If she is under 18 you are going to have to keep helping her get into rehabs and so forth. Even if she's under age you need to keep her child away from her. She has not earned the right to parent. Do not fall for the crying "but I'm the mommy". If she uses the child as a pawn and takes her away warn her that you will call chid protective services. Try and follow thru with as many threats as you can. I know it's not easy. Your focus should be off of her and on the grandchild. Now there's a real possibility if there's a boyfriend involved,,, I hate this---but there is a higher chance of violence. If so don't feel bad about getting police involved. You deserve your life. You deserve security and privacy. Please remember if she's under age your going to do most of the foot work. Phone calls etc. Do not pay for it if you don't have to. If or when she turns 18 don't pay for it at all. Then it's her choice for sobriety. I don't helped you, but as atthebeach said Don't Enable. When/if you give her money, birthday gifts and what ever else would make her have a better day, you are enabling. And that makes you responsible for her addiction. I myself have been responsible for that more times than I can count. Well I do wish you all the luck/prayer all of the above!!!! Another thing, this is almost impossible, try not to yell or argue with her. Her addiction should be the last thing on your mind. Of course we all know its not. But don't feed into it. Again my heart goes out to you. (And her) Try to stay strong. :) :)
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