Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
Update. Not a good one.
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Update. Not a good one.

My daughter walked out of rehab this afternoon.  After all she has been through, she packed a suitcase and left with another girl.

Let go and let God.  That's all I can say.  
59 Comments Post a Comment
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I'm very sorry to read this Jane.. I will send a prayer for your Daughter.. hugs lesa
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I'm so sorry.  Take care of you.
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I am sorry to read this.  What is important now is that you continue on with your therapy.  She is a grown woman and will have to answer to her actions.  Time to wash your hands of this.

Hugs my friend~sara
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Oh Jane, my heart breaks for you! Did the rehab tell you this or have you spoken to your daughter? Do you know anything about this girl she left with? Was there any reason given as to why she left? I gues none of that really matters....

I will continue to keep you both in my prayers! Please stay strong and continue to take care of yourself! Let us know how you are doing! We care so much about you! Much love to you!
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Thanks, friends.  I had spoken to her in the afternoon, she was getting ready to get into the van with the group and go to Walmart for the weekly snack/ toiletry run.  She was trying to get me to authorize her to spend more than the $50 she is allowed each week by saying cigarettes are taking up her whole allowance.  I spoke to the chaperone and told her as long as the chaperone paid for the items and she didn't get any cash herself, it was ok for her to spend a little more.  A carton of cigarettes and a few snacks.  She probably went to Walmart and returned whatever she got.  I'm sure that money is gone already.  It couldn't last long.

A few hours after the Walmart trip I got the call from the rehab saying she and another girl packed a suitcase each, went to the end of the driveway and someone picked them up and sped away.  The other girl had been trying to work her parents over for more money the same way earlier that day.  The rehab tried to follow the car but couldn't catch them.  

If she doesn't go back to the rehab VERY soon, we are revoking her bond and a bounty hunter will be finding her and putting her back in jail.  I have already spoken to the bondsman.  We will never bond her out again, no matter what.  We are seriously thinking of not even accepting calls from the jail.
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She wont be going back to rehab Jane.  Call the bondsman NOW and revoke that bond.  She broke the rules, now stay true to your commitment here.  No more money, no more calling cards, no nothing.  If you take calls it will be the same thing as before.  She got herself into this mess and now it is time to let her answer to the authorities.
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i agree, i don't think she will be going back to the rehab.  Not taking the calls from jail is a good idea.   i am sorry you are going through this again.  
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i was sorta waiting to see if she would go back.. I remember being young and in rehabs they would allow you back as long as you were not gone too long In that time I would get high then go back so I would not get into legal trouble.. i do not know the time limit this rehab is giving her but I was praying she would return. she is facing jail time for sure. although in her mind she has a lawyer and things are working out. She is not thinking of her future she is just thinking of right in the moment. your daughter needs a partner to do things she is a lamb.. Hopefully she is not running.. I will continue to pray for her Jane. If she does not return know You really have reached out You really have showed your Love and Devotion.. Now you wait to find if it pays off.. lesa
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We are so damn predictable arent we?  You almost know the next chapter before it even happens.....

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I don't think she will go back to the rehab either.  I'm calling the bondsman again.  He is the one who suggested we wait a day.  We will not give her anything, including phone calls.  I'm cancelling her cell phone service now too.
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I know this is tough Jane but enough is enough now.  Keep talking to us~
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I know.  My life and hers are both unmanageable.  I can't save her.  Only she can do that.  I can only save myself.  It has finally sunk into my thick head.  I didn't cause it, can't control it or cure it either.

I haven't texted or called her since she tried to scam me for money yesterday at 12:00.  I'm not going to either.
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Lesa,  

All the love I've given her isn't going to do a damn thing.  She just doesn't care.  I'm starting to think she never did.



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I agree with everyone above, Jane! She will have to do this herself! It's the only way! Enough is enough, and done is done! You have been the most amazing mother! Stay strong and resolved! Please take care of yourself and keep posting!
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495284_tn?1333897642
Jane, we have talked about this before.  She does love you but right now she isnt capable of comprehending this as she doesnt love herself.  We have to love us before we can truely show others how much we love them.
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Oh I'm resolved.  Don't worry about that.  I'm super angry too.  I love her, I always will, but I'm done handing her money and things.  Its a total waste.  Twelve felonies she's up against and she's disappearing and not even calling her damn lawyer?  WTF.
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It's okay for you to be angry and i am actually glad to see this emotion.  It is very sad to think about what she is facing but these are her choices, not yours.
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Hopefully she will realize that by running she is only making her legal problems worse, much worse! I understand your anger! My roommate has been going through a very similar situation with her son! Only he is married with 2 small children! He was arrested and charged with several felonies! Selling crystal meth and possessing an illegal loaded weapon among them! She bailed him out and supported him time after time! Only when she completely washed her hands of it and let him go, did he finally decide to face the music! He is starting to do well and my roommate is praying that he will finally turn his life around! Praying is all she is doing! No money, no lawyer, no phone calls, no letters, nothing! I pray your daughter will see the light and soon! Big hugs Jane!
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I can imagine how angry you are Jane. You feel manipulated lied to and used.. These emotions are very real and need to be dealt with. I do hope you continue your meetings and the lecture you are attending. Educating yourself on addiction is going to be in your best interest.. as sara said we can almost see what will happen next for we have walked this same path. maybe not exactly but they are close enough. Now you understand my fear of putting your house up.. Your daughter loves you jane but right now she is not capable of showing her love like your other children Her brain is not working that way.  that night she got high I had lost any hope really as her Actions spoke volumes.. You will calm down and you will speak to her again but Jane I hope you have learned from this Do not let her manipulate you she is not as frail as you may think She can get high she can rob and steal she can handle what comes.. she will be ok in jail.. I'm so sorry Jane Just when you had your hopes up just when you thought this may be it. we are very sly when it comes to getting what we want we will play Your emotions against you.. Just know this next time you speak ok...
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I honestly don't think we we will speak again.  She is cut off and she knows it.  Her phone is gone, there has been no activity on it since night before last.  She definitely pawned it for drug money.  I'm kinda glad about that, the money from the phone is probably gone by now and she's running out of easy options to get more.  That's all she had of value.  The groceries we allowed her to get at Walmart and the phone.  I know we spent a lot of money on her with the bond and rehab and I guess we shouldn't have, but we were not handing her other (pawnable or tradeable) things left and right.  Only what was supervised by the rehab and she knew if she left there that was it.  At family weekend I also told her I was not going to fly out there and try to rescue her anymore either.

Reality might start to hit her today, for all the good it will do.  I am going to continue Alanon and the lecture series.  It will help me get more solid in my decisions.



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You have done all you can.  You need to take care of yourself and somehow I hope you find peace in that.  You have made friends here and your story is one we all need to remember. My thoughts go with you as always.
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There is no peace here because I'm grieving.  Its like a death.  I'm letting her go.  I may never see her alive again and there's nothing I can do about it.  I know its not within my control, none of it is, but its really hitting me how addicted she is.

My little girl is most probably either going to die on the streets as a homeless heroin addict or be in prison for years.  Definitely no peace here.
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hi my friend,
i know exactly how you feel, so many emotions, sadness,anger,remorse,
grief, loss of control,fear,anxiety,worry,absolutely no peace,heartbroken.
it is our daughters who are addicted. it is much easier for someone who isnt in this same situation to give us advice and say to let go. it is much,much,much easier said than done. we hold on to the hope that this is their time, it is their bottom,they are sick and tired of being sick and tired. i too am realzing how addicted my daughter is. they forsake all others and only care about getting high. it is so horrible. their minds are being controlled by the drugs. if our love could keep them clean.................

our daughters have a monster,devil (addiction) living inside of them. it controls everything they think and do. today is my young sons birthday.
my daughter isnt going to see or talk to him today. i know his heart is also broken. my other son is 14, they are having a very,very difficult time with all this, they cant understand why she cant just stop. my heart breaks for them.
tears are constantly flowing,i am not giving up. please jane dont give up. there is hope hun. what else do we have to cling to? pray for her safety and protection.
they do love us, but just arent able to show it now or act upon it.
i am still praying for the chains and bondage of addiction to be broken in the name of the LORD.
i will not lose my faith.
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2030769_tn?1343651274
...or she will really realize how bad her problem is and she will seek help again...  I know our minds only ever want to imagine the worst, but there are other outcomes to this....  only God know where this will go.  Just keep doing what you are doing, and continue to let go & pray for her to come to her senses.  xo  
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Please don't give up hope Jane! She hasn't died, and I continue to pray for you both. You just can't enable her anymore! There is always hope, and miracles do happen every day! I'm hoping for a miracle! Be well, and take care of yourself!
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Thanks everyone.  I just spoke to the mother of the girl she ran away with.  Another sad story but we agreed to keep each other informed.
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She called last night.  She was scared and crying and said she doesn't know how she's going to make it to court for the driver's license issue this morning but she will try and get there.  She said she was frustrated because nobody would take her seriously so she stormed out.  I told her that's no way to handle her problems.  Going to the streets the way she did will kill her.  No ifs ands or buts.  She will be dead soon if she doesn't wise up.  She agreed to go back to rehab this morning.  If and when she shows up there I can be sure she meant it.
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I have a feeling she was frustrated as she was hearing things she didnt like to hear.  I hope she is serious about going back to rehab.
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Her answer to uncomfortable things is to run.  If she has money she escapes to heroin, if she doesn't, she physically runs.  

We were waiting to a reasonable hour this morning to call the bondsman and revoke her bond.  In the meantime she called again and said she wants to go to rehab but has no ride or money.  We called the bondsman to tell him we are holding off for a few hours on the revocation to allow her some time to come around since we are in contact with her and he offered to go pick her up and take her to court.  He dropped her off there and went back to work.  This man really cares.  He can be a real tough guy but in this circumstance he wants to help.  He spoke to her and told her we are revoking her bond if she doesn't go back to rehab today.  Coming from him, she will believe it and I'm glad because its true.

She asked me what she is going to do after court and I told her, either call the rehab and they will give her a ride to a detox/10-14 day program to get some distance from the drugs before going back to the 90 day or she's on her own.  She asked me if I would pay for a hotel for one more night "so I don't have to lug all my stuff around" and I said no.  I reminded her everything we've tried to give her and do for her has gone toward drugs and said we aren't doing that anymore.  

She can possibly do a 2 week program designed for people who relapse or are close to relapsing at the rehab she just spent the 30 days at if she agrees.  Its up to her.
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You are doing good Jane.. I have also been waiting for her. she really is backed into a corner and has no where to run too.. I will be waiting with you sending strength and support.. Stand your ground and let her do this last part by herself she needs to take control for herself. Prayers going up...
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I hope you continue to stay strong! It sounds like she is trying to manipulate you again! One more night at a hotel, no ride, etc.. I saw this happen with my roommate and her son so many times, for so many years! It was always, just this one time, just for this reason, I'm going to meetings, everything is fine... And then the collect calls from jail would come and it was never his fault! He didn't know the loaded gun was in the car, it wasn't his gun, he wasn't going to sell the drugs, etc! It was horrible to watch my roommate! She wanted to believe her son, she didn't want to give up on him, she wanted to help, etc

Only when she completely stopped everything, and I mean everything, did her some finally face the music and get the help he needed! He still has a long way to go but he at least is on the right path!

I know everyone is different and all story's are not the same! I hope your daughter will finally get the help she needs!

Take care!
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This is ridiculous.  She wants to go to treatment but not where she was before.  We are having trouble finding a place that will take her.  She has no way of making the calls herself, no phone, no money.  She's sitting in a parking lot with her belongings and has been sitting there for 2 hours.  She asked for $5 for something to eat and we said no.  We are not providing bus fare to go wherever.  We HAVE to be this way...
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you are right Jane, you do have to be this way.  Just remind yourself that she did have a bed, food, and support at that rehab center but she made the decision to walk away.  I know it doesn't make it any easier, but this is the natural course of the consequences of her choices.  If she doesn't like where she is at, she will have to make some new choices.  I am sure it goes against all your mother instincts to hear that your child needs to eat and not give in, but if she makes new choices, she won't be in this situation.  Hang in there, sending prayers your way.
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What is wrong with where she was before?  If they will take her she needs to crawl back there if need be. How many options does she have? None. Don't let her call the shots. Her choice to leave and now she has to figure it out. Tell her to start walking. You are doing great hun. Keep the faith. Be strong. Don't let her make you jump through too many hoops.
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She still isnt getting it Jane.  You gotta stay strong here and stand your ground.
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Stay strong! If you give in to this and find somewhere else for her, she will find something wrong there as well! I think Sara said that she I probably hearing things that she doesn't want to here! She is continuing to try to manipulate you into finding other places for her to go, money for food, etc! She will find her way, if you let her! I'm praying for your strength! I know how hard this is!! I've seen it first hand! Trust in yourself!!
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So here's where we stand.  She is getting discharged from detox in an hour then transferred to a 10 day program, then back to extended care.  She will be getting an evaluation and recommendation from the 10 day program (including psych evaluation from one of the 3 psychiatrists on staff)  and they will figure out where she goes next, whether its back to the original extended care or somewhere else according to her needs.  Original rehab won't take her back without going to detox and then at least a 10 day program to put space between her and using first.

Lecture tonight, Alanon tomorrow night.
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2030769_tn?1343651274
thats wonderful news!  I am glad she went right back into detox!
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I'm also glad she is back in detox. These next ten days are going to be difficult for her. I keep her in my Prayers Jane. I'm Proud for you also for keeping up with your education.. hugs
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This is great news! I'm glad to see she is back into the program!

This road is rocky to be sure, but as long as this road leads to a clean, sober and healthy daughter, it's worth all the rocks!

Happy to see you continuing with the lectures and Alanon! You are simply amazing!
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi Jane,
First I want to say, i'm so sorry, second I have a similar situation, revoke that bond immediately!! I will pray for her but you have to let her face the consequence of her actions and you shouldn't lose whatever you put up for bond.

Alexandria
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Found out something tonight...the girl she ran away with O.D.'d the night my daughter called us for help.  The other girl is ok and hopefully going back to Texas where she's from.  I don't know the whole story but the other girl's mom said it was actually good for them, her daughter lived and they both saw firsthand what they were headed for.  
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You daughter had a Powerful experience and I'm Grateful the other girl is going to be ok but sometimes not even this stops us as it can never happen to us. We rationalize it in our addicted mind. if we are not sincere in our recovery and even when we are we will romanticize our drug after some time has passed. I know I have with heroin and it has been many years I have used it.. One is never safe really from this disease this is why it is so difficult. It must make no sense to you Jane, as I sit here and type this it make no sense to me.. I hope she does well.. I really do for there are many success story's I'm one of them Just for today...
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Oh I'm so sorry about the other girl! I'm glad she will be OK! I truly hope this is a huge wake up call for your daughter! We realize we are vulnerable to this horrid disease! I'm praying for her!
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I hope they got a good glimpse into the future.  I know this isn't necessarily a bottom but I'm hoping so.  The night she called home I had no idea about the other girl's overdose and I told her living on the streets is going to kill her, sooner than later and she said "I know".  She sounded like she meant it.  We will see.  I'm so glad the other girl's Mom called and told me about her daughter's overdose last night.  It made me feel a little better that the call for help I got had more behind it than just running out of money.
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Oh my.  The ringleader is out of jail.
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495284_tn?1333897642
For now he is........bet it doesnt last.
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Hope he gets thrown back in there before my daughter gets out of treatment.  For once I'm glad she doesn't have a phone!  It definitely will not last, he probably went straight to his dealer when he got out.  I stopped checking the inmate list because I was trying to not obsess so much so I don't know when he got out.  Wonder if he is the one she left treatment to "see".  I guess it doesn't matter anyway.  SHE left treatment, no matter where he was.
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Even If she did see him Jane You have made your daughter to Hot to handle for him. Other wise she would not have had any where to go.. She has the heat on her. You protected her from him without even realizing it :) hugs
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Avatar_f_tn
:-)  Good way to look at it.
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Can anyone please tell me how to remove a tracker from my profile?  I click on delete and nothing happens, it stays anyway.  I've been trying to remove it for a week now since the relapse and its starting to make me angry looking at it.  Thanks.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Contact the mods Jane.  I looked around on mine and didnt see anything where we could delete it either.  Scroll to the bottom of this page and click on Contact Us........Let me know if you need anymore help.
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hi,
if you go under My MedHelp, click on trackers,  click on 'actions', you should have a delete tracker option.
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Avatar_f_tn
UGH.  I tried deleting it like that.  I just keep getting the little circle that basically says its working on something, then it never deletes it.  I wrote the moderators.  We'll see what they say.  Thanks!
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Mine didnt work either so that is why i said to get ahold of the mods.  Let me know~
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Here's the latest...the drug buddy who got out of jail took a plea -- 2 years probation and guilty to a Class 4 felony.  I don't think he will last a week out of jail before he fails a drug test.  I am going to keep checking the jail roster because he will be back there soon!

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Sara,

The moderators had to delete the tracker.  I don't know why there's an option on the drop down menu to delete it and then it doesn't work but they helped me out.

I'm flying on Monday to take my daughter from rehab to court on Tuesday.  As of last night when the rehab called I had no plans to go because rehab was supposed to do it.  Since the guy got out of jail and is dangerous they said its too big a liability to send a staff member with her.  They said we could call a taxi and she could go by herself!  Its wayyy too early in treatment, that is not going to happen.  First thing I'm going to do when my plane lands is get pepper spray and if we see him or any of his family members I'm screaming bloody murder on the courthouse steps.  That would violate his probation and send him to jail for the full term.  He can't have any contact with her.
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I think the pepper spray is a really good idea!! To bad you can't take an armed guard with you!  Are you going by yourself? Please travel safe and be very careful! As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers!! Take care!
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Yes I am going by myself unfortunately.  I was thinking of getting a knife but the only place we might see him is at the courthouse and I don't think I will need it there, plus they will take it from me at the door, lol.

Thanks for the positive thoughts :-)
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