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Update, confusion
As usual my friends I'm confused.  My daughter has requested her clothing/shoes that we are holding for her.  Her ex was going to throw her things away but was afraid to tell her that because she knows where he works and has access to his vehicle so he told her we had her things.  When she left her apartment and boyfriend to relapse she just walked away and left everything.  Since then her ex has moved and we have her clothes.  Nothing valuable, all that has been pawned for heroin money already.  I replied to her request that I would come and bring her things to her but want to meet her too.  This is not a trick of any kind, I just want to see her because she could die at any point and I just need to see her.  I know I'm not going to drag her to rehab or anything like that, if she gets help it has to be because SHE wants it.  

Ok, now for recent developments.  She emailed me 3 days ago and told me she's in withdrawal, living with the guy she has been doing drugs and committing crimes with to buy drugs, and they are both "getting clean together".  She said she had a withdrawal seizure the night before, fell down the steps and was taken by ambulance to the hospital because she was unconscious.  They prescribed her depakote for seizures and released her.  I responded and told her she should go to detox if she's serious and asked when I should come to bring her things and that was the last I've heard from her.  Its been 3 days.  I don't want to make my arrangements to go there if she's going to hide from me (like last time) so I haven't bought my ticket yet.  I need confirmation from her that she wants to see me and will meet.  This trip is not going to drag out to 2 weeks because I'm sitting in a hotel waiting for her to decide to see me.  

I will NOT give her any money or anything valuable, or bail her out of anything while I'm there, if I actually go.  At this point I'm not even sure I'm going at all.  I don't want to enable her but her ex boyfriend told her I had her clothes so now I feel like it would be cruel not to give them to her.  She has 2 tee shirts, a pair of pants and a pair of flip flops.  That's it.   I mailed her the 3 remaining contact lenses of hers that I have here the other day and she hasn't even told me she received them.  Either she's too sick right now to communicate or she's given in and done something awful to buy more heroin because she has no money and no legal way of making money.

So that's where things stand at this point.  Just waiting to hear something.  I've checked all the jail rosters and she isn't on them as of this morning.  What do you all think?  Am I crazy for even thinking of going there?  I don't even know anymore.  I'm not obsessing over this, just living my life and hoping she wants to get better at some point.  If she asks me for rehab I will be on the next plane out but if I'm just going to take her clothes she left behind I'm waiting 10 days from when I hear from her to get a cheap ticket.

Jane
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406584 tn?1399591666
Hi Jane. It has been 3 days my guess is they are using again. heroin wd is hard and when 2 are doing it together it is even more difficult.. when I was using with my partner I thought I loved him and him I. I think in this kind of relationship you have done so many bad things to supply your habit this you share and except this of each other No body can understand but them..  It builds a dependency on that person. that person becomes your world and as a girl a natural nurturer We think we can build a life with them We are the Only ones that see the good in them.. It is all a lie of course as they are cruel when not high and tend to take it out on their partner, It is such a struggle that goes even deeper then the addiction when using it with a partner.. I call them a partner for in reality that is what they are a drug buddy.. she needs more then anything to get away from this guy.. I'm confident she will eventually as she contacts you when she is sick for the sympathy.. She go's to you.. as far as the cloths I would send them they are her's, I would not want any animosity.. I doubt she will meet with you Honestly but I pray she does.. shame is good so do not take that wrong ok.. She has heard reahab so many times it is now a broken record so try to speak when she contacts you about How you are doing the Good things Help her to miss living a normal life.. Back of the intensity..  I know it is hard but it can backfire.. I truly would love to see your daughter make the choice to get clean and get on with her life.. what she is doing right now is hard.. Everyday Single day is hard.. When we get out of that life is it amazing how great we feel to not worry about where we sleep where our next fix is being clean having cloths/stuff Even as simple as breakfast.. she will get there She is struggling.. she is having to fight to survive all the while she has another life just waiting for her.. let her know what she is missing.. sending you a hug.. save your money on a ticket mom Hopefully she will be home soon.. lesa
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Lesa,

Thanks so much for the post.  You helped tremendously.  You explained exactly what is going on in her head, you totally understand!  I am not being intense anymore.  As unemotional as possible and I wrote her 3 days ago and told her I am not coming unless she tells me to.  I mean it too, I'm not writing again until she writes me back.  I'm tired of banging  my head on a brick wall.  Thanks again, you're amazing :-)

Jane
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