Since I was 16 and started drinking, I am mean, bitter, violent and harmful toward myself, I inflict pain upon myself and do things I would never do normally if I was not intoxicated. I have ruined relationships, my whole family has abandoned in me because at a Christmas party I told everyone how much I hated them all and how awful they are as people, especially at my father. My best friend worries about me every night, she had to cut me out of her life, my boyfriend kicked me out of his house, and I'm just wondering how do I figure out why I am so angry when I drink.
When I am sober I am caring, and would do anything for anyone else in heart beat.
Anything would be great if you have any insight or experience
The anger and resentment toward myself is literally crippling me.
The anger that comes out when you're drunk is a part of you whether you're drinking or not. It's just that when you're sober you can hide from those uncomfortable feelings. When you're drunk, you have no inhibitions and it all comes vomiting out. At some point, alcoholics and addicts drink and use to medicate emotional pain. That's why detoxing and getting sober is only the first step to life-long sobriety. The real work takes place in the mind.
It's not uncommon for all of us, sober or not, to feel very uncomfortable with feelings of anger. We think it's "bad" and that we're bad people if we feel angry, particularly when that anger is directed at people we're supposed to love. It can be a hard lesson to accept that our anger may be legitimate and also that other's anger toward us is also legitimate and appropriate. It can be so hard to learn how to accept that anger can be a healthy response without overreacting to it. We don't have to get physical, or yell and scream and throw things and do something we'll regret later. It's a whole lot more difficult to calm down, do some self-analysis and deal with the root of the anger in a productive way.
Are you ready to quit drinking and do some work on yourself?
This is a problem most alcoholics face. The drinking isnt the issue, I feel like its the repression of my emotions finally unleashed when the alcohol takes my inhibitions. You have to stay sober or you will mess up the routine you want to establish. You want to find what makes you angry and come to terms with it. Accept it and dont fight it. When you do this youll stop fighting everyone else. But dont drink! Itll stop you from having a handle on the uncontrollablness of the anger.
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