Worried about my wife

I am here posting since I am not sure what to do anymore. I have read quite a few post tonight.
My wife has a congenital problem with some of her vertebrae in her lower back. We have been together for 13 years She had a minor surgery back in 2006 and a 3 level fusion about 3 years ago. She has been on pain medicine since she was roughly 20 years of age, now she is 34. She seems more mobile and getting some feeling back in her leg after surgery, but she now takes roughly 8-12 7.5mg Hydrocodone and roughly 10 Soma from what I can guesstimate since she runs out of her prescription a week or two early. Sometimes she gets very wobbly on her feet holding herself against the wall, eyes closing while eating, bad driving episodes, etc.... After one event I stayed home for a week from work to do what ever I could think of to talk to her, try to control her intake, and give her support, but she was very ready for me not to be at home anymore and assures me she will start to reduce them.
Tonight it was happening again. She always blames her sleepiness on going to bed too late, but I know what it looks like. Not sure if I am going too far by trying to get close enough to her while she's asleep to make sure she is still breathing.
She is very lovey, smiley, chatty, and passive when she is on them and very irritable, depressed, self loathing, and thinks I think very horrible things about her when she runs out which is far from the truth. Honestly, most mornings driving to work I can't help feeling like I can offer her nothing in life to make her better or happy.
I love her very much and I am at a loss on how to help her to get better, give her a good life, and be a good husband. Please help me!

[VICourageous]

Hang in people will post soon to help you. Just keep coming back. They roll in and out.......
vvic

[dominosarah]

Hi and welcome!  Does your wife want to get off these meds?  She has to be the one to make that decision or you will be just banging your head against the wall.  Is her doctor aware of how many soma she is taking?  That is alot.  The ideal situation would be to have the doctor involved and set up a tapering plan where you hold the pills and under no circumstances fold.  Her pain will increase for awhile once she does stop as rebound pain is very common.  It is our brains way of calling for those pills.  Her moods are normal when she is off the pills and when she is on them.  If she doesnt stop this behavior her tolerance will go up.  I would have a heart to heart with her about this.  We are always here so please keep posting.

[love_my_wife]

Thank you very much for the replies. The feeling I get is she does not want to get off them and they make here feel better emotionally and physically. My head is in fact banging the wall. I have called the doctor to ask him about physical therapy, but I did want to say the wrong thing that would hurt my wife because its her body, I really don't know how much pain she is in other than what she tells me. How may "heart to heart" talks does it take for her to realize?  

[OpenMind24hours]

I'm glad you're not judging her, addiction to pain pills happens to the best of us.  The CVS drug sheet that always came with my Vicodin even tells me I could become "physically dependent" on them, which was an understatement. I used it for pain, and I became totally addicted. But It ran it's course with me because the amount my doctor was writing stopped working for me in both pain relief and mood enhancement. My doctor never increased my amount, and I found myself asking him for more a few times. He would say "I better not, you're already taking a lot of vicodin". The man knew what he was doing, thank God.

Dominosarah has some good info for you. Especially "under no circumstances fold". My wife folded with me many times. She loves me and hated to see her Hub in pain. But the pain had become tolerable, I was using for the mood altering effect by then. I was, and still am, addicted. But I'm now recovering from that addiction from a decision I made for myself, and myself alone.

Addiction is powerful. My daughter is also in recovery, 9 years clean from drug addiction. It's a helpless feeling for us not to be able to help them. We just want to make everything all better again. But like Sarah said, it's all up to them. It will be your wife's decision to stop, and then accept help in finding alternate methods for pain management.

Best of luck to you.  

[Life360]

Hi and sorry what your going through. Doctors prescribe these pain meds to relieve cronic (chronic) pain but the meds are not to take all the pain away but to reach a tolerable level. The problem is that the pain does go when taken as directed and is usually every  4 to 6 hours as needed, according to the directions, but there is a temptation to take more for the emphoric high that also takes place and patients often take more for the high feeling rather than the pain.
If she is taking more than prescribed then she is not taking it for the right purpose and needs to get back to the prescription directions or the doctor needs to adjust her medication as the body also builds up a tolerance over time.
I would suggest that you visit the doctor with her next time to discuss this issue as it will not go away on its own.

[love_my_wife]

Thank you. I really don't have the intent to be judgmental, I just want the Family to be safe and in a healthy state. With all the stages my mind has been through I have reached the point of feeling useless, unimportant, and helpless with helping her.
Not as bad as last night but she is in that state today where eyes lids are a little slow, speech is a little slower, strange alternate shakes in her hands (though she seems to always have shaky hands), and a little shaky in her legs which is blamed on her shoes. We talked an hour ago kindly telling her to make sure she keeps control of the medicine and she always brings up that I have no Faith or Trust in her.    

[Life360]

it not being judgemental as you are concerned. She says to trust her but thats what most that abuse would say as will go to all lengths to avoid the issue. Abuse is simply taking more than directed
If you want to find out if shes on the up an up, simply look at the date on her last script was filled and count how many are left and look at the recommended dosage and look at todays date and count them and do the math.
She might be having an issue with the tolerance built up and the doctor can reevaluate and maybe make and adjustment. If she needs the medication then she needs it until an alternative pain management can be established or other surgery.
She might be afraid to tell the doctor that the dosage is not working and she might fear the doctor will stop them altogether. I would advise that you tell her to talk to the doctor as im sure the doctor is aware that she needs something for relief.
What does she do when she runs out early as i assume these are the more difficult times your talking about in your post.

[love_my_wife]

When she runs out she is just really hard on herself and anyone else. Very snappy. She can't sleep at all! She takes Unisom (don't know how much). I also see some Slimquick pills in the cupboard. Right now I have noticed her fresh script is hidden away somewhere. When we had a certain episode I took them to regulate, but I gave in and gave them back the next night with the promise she would get back in control of her prescription. I really want her to check out some of these posts from here. I am kind of afraid how bad she will think of me if she sees this one. She is very touchy when I talk about it to someone else, but I have to.

[vicki595]

You have a lot to be concerned about AND you have every right to demand she take some responsibility and ownership here!  It IS her body,of course, BUT I have learned that we all have a responsibility to the people who love us!  We need to care for ourselves so we can stick around!

Can you take the pills back to control them? It's what needs to be done and I'll tell you why:  That Soma is going to be her undoing...the combination with the pain med is bad bad bad. She could OD easily, so you're right to watch her breathing when she's asleep but passed out is more like it!  She could fall very easily...break a leg or head...I'm serious and a bit scared for you because that's a lot of Soma...

Do you have any support? Any friends or family you can call to help you have a little talk with her...soon?  You need to take some control now because your poor wife has no control. I think taking over is the right thing to do...

Good luck and let us know how you are...

[ImDONENoMore]

Taking over is definitely the right thing to do.  But you have to sit down with her and talk about this.  You aren't being judgmental, you love her and you want to help her.  That's what marriage is all about.  Helping each other.

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you - please keep us posted on how things are going.

[ImDONENoMore]

And she'll probably yell at you the first time, and/or become upset.  And that's okay.  You just try again.  And again.  And again.

[Nighthawk61]

I absolutely agree that you should take control of her meds at this point, so that she doesn't go through withdrawal every couple of weeks, for a start. As for the Soma, you're going to have to find the right dosage, and not go over that amount, or it could end in an OD. Please let us know how you're doing, and God Bless you for looking after things, and reaching out here to help ou do that.

[love_my_wife]

I really want to thank all of you for all the advice and compassion with this. It is nice to find a place to talk to about it and get such great responses especially from people who still have issues of their own on the subject.

[ImDONENoMore]

How are things going?