Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
Would you trust an addicted person with your child.
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Would you trust an addicted person with your child.

My mother-in-law has been addicted to prescription painkillers for over ten years. She has been to rehab once but ended up back on the drugs and hasn't been clean since. She has tried several times to get clean herself but becomes emotionally irrational and slightly psychotic, having severe mood swings. My issue here is that my husband and his whole family accepts this and he sees her addiction as manageable. I got him to admit that he sees her nod off, eyes rolling behind her head often, but for some reason this is "normal" to him. That's actually not the issue, the issue is he suggests his mother watch our 3 year old daughter and I am adamant that she is only around our daughter supervised. He believes that it would be ok for her to watch our daughter while on vacation at a hotel while he and I go out for the night and get some us time. Am I wrong, or is this kind of addiction as serious as I believe it to be? Thank You, I need some advice here, we've been arguing about this for too long.
Tags: family
10 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry but I would not leave her with a 3 year old..
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480448_tn?1403547723
Am I wrong, or is this kind of addiction as serious as I believe it to be?

No, you're not wrong, and from what you described...from her outbursts and behavioral/emotional issues, to the addiction, I wouldn't leave my child alone with her while I went to the bathroom, let alone overnight.

I'm sure it's hard for your husband, but he sounds as though he is in some kind of denial.  It's one thing to minimize her addiction because she's "mom"...but to want to leave your young child alone with her?  That's kind of disturbing and worrisome.

I would SERIOUSLY hold your ground and not budge an inch on the issue.  No way.  Bad things can happen quickly...from her nodding off while the child is in the tub...to a fire, to her driving and wrecking while impaired.  The simply truth of the matter is...she is not competent while stoned to make the right decisions, have good judgement, or react appropriately in certain situations.  NO way, no how....your child would absolutely NOT be safe under her care.

Hope you can make him see that, or in the least...concede to what you're saying and not bring it up again.
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1827057_tn?1397523877
If She is nodding off it is a definite no way
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480448_tn?1403547723
I want to add....

He believes that it would be ok for her to watch our daughter while on vacation at a hotel while he and I go out for the night and get some us time.

Even in a short period of time, things can go horribly wrong.  Children drown in bathtubs in mere minutes.  Even a dinner out for an hour or so would be enough time for something terrible to happen.

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Avatar_f_tn
Thank You, I would never change my mind, there's no way I would give-in and leave my child with her alone. I wanted to show my husband the replies, to help him see that I'm not being difficult or overly protective, I'm simply, just being protective as that's my job.
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4610518_tn?1361079348
I wouldnt either, and if you dont feel right about it then you need to go with your gut feeling. The mothers intuition is usually right :)
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480448_tn?1403547723
You can tell him it's nothing personal....you would make the same decision even if it was your own mother.  Bottom line is...the drugs cause her to be impaired...that doesn't mix with supervising a young child.  

If he's still not convinced...he needs to think of the legal ramifications.  God forbid, if something happened to your child while your daughter was in her care, and the authorities were somehow involved...once they found out you both had prior knowledge of her addiction...the child would most definitely be taken away and you would have one hell of a CYS battle.

Sure hope he understands all that.  It's not an overreaction on your part.
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Avatar_m_tn
Addiction is never "manageable". That is foolish. The addiction manages you.  Don't leave your child with her. And you may want to let your husband know that the family is helping her slowly kill herself by their enabling behavior. She will always put the drugs before anything else, including your child.
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1508698_tn?1360219310
Definatly not.  My step mother is also addicted and she nods off sometimes too.  If your mother in law is like my step mom she will take more pills just to keep up with your kids and that makes things even worse.  Sadly your husband probably has grown up with it and is just used to it and has just chose to be in denial which sadly happens a lot when another family member is a addict.  It sounds like you are going to be strong and stand your ground.  Good for you!
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3060903_tn?1398568723
This is a good post. I'm a recovering addict and I can say that having your daughter in your mother's care will escalate her usage on that particular day, without her knowledge. It's the nature of the beast. Please think about what would happen to your 3 year old, should your mother OD?  Imagine your daughter alone and crying at 3 years old. And, of course you would be liable for child endangerment if something happened while you had knowledge of your mother's condition. Please don't ever let your mom babysit, for any reason. It's just not responsible parenting, and I'm thinking that your both good and loving parents. Your daughter is too young to consent to co dependency. God Bless you both.
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