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can he just stop??
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can he just stop??

my husband is a heavy crack smoker we have been on again off again for over a year!!  have been married for almost 7 years!!  he is sneaky lies brings no money in and Ive thrown him out!!  he is paranoid while on crack had lost alot of weight and is now in bed with  PILL POPPING DRUNK!!  my question is  is it me??  he has me believing its me and he dont smoke crack anymore??  he has stole stuff to sell and even stripped our house for things for sale!!  so can he just quit??  to wine and dine another woman??  he says since he met her a burden has been lifted off his shoulders!!  there again he makes it me!!  I dont o drugs and have caught him in the act!! I guess I need to know he is and will continue no matter where he lays his head!!  been through alot with him  but why? do I find it hard to just let go??  please help
10 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi sissy, and sorry what your going through. This dosent sound like someone you should be married to any longer. He can blame it on you but its all about him. I would dump him like a hot rock.
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480448_tn?1403547723
Sweetie, have more respect for yourself.  Your husband is treating you horribly, cheating on you, telling you about it, stealing, using, etc.

YOU cannot make him want to stop smoking crack.  That has to be his decision, and right now, it doesn't sound like he has ANY interest in making any changes.  He treats you like dirt because you allow it.  Don't allow it anymore.  If there are kids in the situation, you need to get away from him, and fast..the children HAVE to be the first priority.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but remember, YOU are in charge of how you allow people to treat you.  You shouldn't put up with this for ONE minute more.  You will heal and move on, it will just take some time.  Break this cycle of abuse and get out.

Very best to you!
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3060903_tn?1398568723
It is possible for a crack head to "just quit", of course, many have, but to do so long term while being involved with a "pill popping drunk" would be very difficult to maintain. Without a "program" (CA) would also greatly reduce the chances. You are not responsible for his using, he's in denial. There may be an unhealthy component to your relationship however, that makes it difficult for you both to work together. If he is unwilling to get into marriage counseling or addictions therapy, therein lies the problem. It's not your fault. The best thing you can do is to concentrate on your own mental health, at this point. I think it's essential for you to get involved with AlAnon, or NarcAnon, a group for loved ones of addicts so that you can better understand addiction.  I also think you could use some support through an inevitable break up, since it seems he's lost to the wind. You have to make sure that you understand enabling, and work on your own expectations and boundaries before getting into your next relationship, and YES, there will be a next relationship for you.  Please, take the focus off of your husband, and put it on yourself getting to the sweet spot in your own life. I had to leave my first husband, at the time, I didn't think I could do it, but since then, I've remarried and have a wonderful caring supportive husband. Had I not been brave enough to move on, I would never have experienced true love and great companionship. You best life awaits you honey, go get it.........remember, your loving partner is out there waiting for you. Let one of the "good guys" into your life, you'll never regret it~ If you ever need to talk, please message me. Liz
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been so hurt for the past 3 weeks!!  all my so called husband and his woman do is call me all night long laughing and calling me a wrinkled old *****!! he then laughes and asks me if Ive filed for a divorce yet for they want to marry??  I dont answer this is left on my voicemail!!   OMG!!  such a rotten thing they are finding so funny to do to me!!  I Thank you all for your comments!!  I am so afraid right now not leaving my home or eating and cant sleep!!!  Im told this will pass... but Y? what is it he is getting out of all this harassment towards me??  It wont be long befor she becomes his target and it will happen!!
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480448_tn?1403547723
Oh my...how ridiculous.  Save EVERY message and voicemail and go to the police to file harassment charges, and then file for divorce.  What more do you need to get him out of your life forever?  What a total loser.  Honey, who CARES what he does to her.  Sounds like the two of them deserve each other.

RUN!  Run for the hills...and PLEASE get yourself some therapy.  Do NOT believe the things they're saying.  They're high, drunk, and completely childish.

SO sorry this is happening, you don't deserve a second of it....make SURE you do not reply or feed into the behavior in ANY way...ignore them completely.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks everyone this site does help me!!  I have reached out to the advocacy group in Tompkins County!!  Y? do I feel so scared? not wanting to leave my home??  I know he is a horrible horrible man!!  and I do not deserve what I have endoured!!  I just want to be me again! and live my life in a simple way
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480448_tn?1403547723
GREAT JOB!!!  Good for you, hon...reaching out for help.  That's awesome!  It's normal to feel scared, but remember, you've pretty much been alone for a while now anyway, and when you finally get him out of your life for good, you'll have some closure and be able to move on.
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2030769_tn?1343651274
I love to see you posting that you know you don't deserve this.  You are 100% right.  It is scary, beginning a new life & taking care of yourself first...but once the dust settles, you are going to feel so much better.  It is impossible to have a functioning relationship with someone that is smoking crack.  Hang in there, and keep moving in the direction that you are going.
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Avatar_f_tn
good morning!!  I enjoy reading all the comments of support!!  I wake everyday still feeling so scared and afraid!!  Even though I know I have to do me!!  Im have such deep dark hidden abuse that wont go away!!  Im want to be able to function and live for me!!  This feeling sick scared and afraid does over power me  I have the faith and someday this will all be gone and in my past!!  But it does leave me with no trust and low selfesteem!!   talk to you all soon!!  Thank You for the support
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3060903_tn?1398568723
HI Sissy, glad to hear you've reached out for support. Did they take copies of the messages then? You're afraid to go out, because if your own husband can be so rotten, then what of the rest of the world, right? There's only a small percentage of people doing crack, unless you're in a bad neighborhood. Do you need to move to another neighborhood? Is that possible? Do you own, or can you pick up and move? It' would do you good, I would think. To get out of the place that you two shared. I would, anyways. It's hard to get by the abuse that he has undoubtedly caused you when you can replay events over and over in the place you live. Maybe get rid of your bed too, and all his things, if he has any left. Start new, get a fresh new place, with a fresh new paint job, and get out there and meet some of the really nice people in this world. Do you work? Do you have any support? I left my useless first marriage after 7 years too. I know it ***** to have put so much time in, but the fact is, had we acted on the first red flag and not the last, we'd have been free and clear years ago. Let us know how you are, please?
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