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2030769 tn?1343651274
can't shake these feelings of guilt...
So, on Friday after dropping my alcoholic roommate at the ER for alcohol overdose, I decided that I have had enough of taking care of him & all the stress that come with it.  The next day I put all his stuff (which wasn't very much) in a public storage unit and paid for 2 months.  I sent him a message and told him he will need to find somewhere else to live and to let me know once that happens and I will meet him to get his stuff out of storage.  I have been trying to get him out for months, but he refuses to leave.  I felt like this was my one and only chance.  He has called and text me a few times already, accusing me of 'killing' him and trying to get me to pick him up.  I just ignored it.  I was just told by a neighbor that he was seen peeing outside a dumpster yesterday afternoon.  Apparently he already left the hospital and somehow got a ride back to our neighborhood.  I haven't heard from him since early yesterday.  I purposely took him to a hospital that was over an hour away, closer to where I know he has more friends.  I even picked a storage unit in the same area.  I did this so he wouldn't have any reason to come back this way.  Now I have no idea where he is.  I know it is not my responsiblity, but I feel sooooooo guilty.  Has anyone ever been through this?  I keep questioning myself, but I honestly have tried as much as I can and it is ruining my life at this point.
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1235186 tn?1339127464
hun i put my son out of the house after i gave him every opportunity to get it together. after i had enabled him for long enough. of course we feel guilty that is our nature as co-dependents. 0but you know what my son got it together AFTER i kicked him out. i dont regret my decision at all. you shouldnt either. you gave him 10 + years of help and then at some point it became enabling. he has to be responsiible for himself. pull up his big boy panties and do what he needs to do. that took courage to follow through, getting him out of the house, moving his things and ignoring him texts and calls. you did good. remember keep up the wall and boundarys. no more enabling. if he starts to harass you again, you could always file a restraining order. he will be mad but thats ok. you dont need him to ruin your life anymore.
sending support
debbie
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1235186 tn?1339127464
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2030769 tn?1343651274
THANK YOU:) I have never followed through with ever putting my foot down with him before, but I realized that I need to do the opposite of what i always do.  I dont want to be an enabler to anyone anymore.  It is exhausting.
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2030769 tn?1343651274
well, i really have been tormented with fears & guilt over kicking this person out, but this morning I had confirmation that I did the right thing.  My ex left a message that he is going to go back to his family, which are all in a different country.  He hasn't seen any of his family in like over 20 years.  I guess his ability to stay in this country depended alot on me always being here trying to protect him from the conquences of his lifestyle.  
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Avatar universal
Girl you so did the right thing, sometimes we have to love and care about people enough to let them hate us.  Stopping the cycle of enabling is a gift you gave him whether he knows it or not for you and for him.  If you give people a warm safe place to continue their addictive behavior they may do it much longer than if they were forced to face harsh facts.  You DID do the right thing!  Stay strong.
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Avatar universal
Giod luck
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82861 tn?1333457511
Outstanding!  You absolutely did the right thing and I applaud your courage in following through and sticking to your guns.  Isn't it funny how they manage to figure something out when we've had enough and take our own lives back?  You have to reason to feel guilty and maybe, just maybe, your actions will be the catalyst for him to take a good hard look at his life.  Even if he doesn't, you finally get some peace and can look forward to a much better life.  Good for you!
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2030769 tn?1343651274
u know, last i heard from him he had checked himself into an inpatient detox hospital.  He called to apoligize for everything that went down before i kicked him out.  I realized he was enabling me just as much as i was enabling him.  By always focused on his issues, i was hiding from my own life.  Best decision I have ever made!!! :)
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495284 tn?1333897642
Good girl!  I hope he does well and gets things figured out but in the mean time, you take care of you.  We always seem to try and help someone else figure out their life when we cant get our own life figured out!
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495284 tn?1333897642
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2030769 tn?1343651274
lol, i know sarah.  If it wasn't so tragic, it would be kinda funny. Thank you for your continued support. :)
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